"Jay I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, I want you to be there," Erin spoke into her phone as she carried their toddler up the flight of stairs.
"I want to be there too babe, but work is so crazy. Voight has me and the guys running around like chicken with our heads chopped off," Jay explained as he sat in his desk chair at work.
"I'll take care of Voight. Just make sure you don't forget. This is important. It's the 20th week," she smiled as she placed their toddler on the bathroom floor. "I got to go or Levi's going to destroy the bathroom. Be home early," she whispered into her phone.
"Yes dear, I will try my best," Jay said before she hung up.
"Mommy bubbles," the little boy laughed as he poured half the bubble bath into the tub.
"Way too many bubbles bub," Erin laughed as she washed some away before turning on the tub.
"But I want bubbles," Levi frowned.
"You will have bubbles. I promise buddy," she smiled as she began to undress him. "Do you have to go potty?"
"Nope," he stated as he stepped into the tub to play with the bubbles. Erin got some of the toys out for him to play with. "Mommy?" Levi looked up at his mother.
"Yes baby?" Erin sat next to the tub.
"I have to go potty," he smiled.
"Of course you do," she laughed and picked him up and placed him on the potty. "She heard the front door close and the little boy sat up straighter.
"Daddy!" He screamed as he stood up from the toilet and ran to confront his father. "You're home!"
"Hey bud," Jay laughed as he picked up the toddler. "You're wet."
"I was playin' in the bath with my toys. And then I had to go potty, so mommy got me out of the tub and onto the potty and then you came home," Levi explained excitedly.
"Wow seems eventful. Why don't you go back up to Mommy and finish in the tub. I'll be up in a second," Jay put his son down and watched his naked butt run up the stairs. He placed his keys and phone on the counter and locked his gun in the safe. He walked up the stairs and headed in the direction of the squeals and laughter. "Looks like it's a party in here," Jay laughed as he entered the kids bathroom.
"It's not a party silly daddy. It's bath time," Levi laughed.
"I'm sorry," Jay leaned in to kiss his wife.
"We just got off the phone all of twenty minutes ago," she laughed. "You could have told me you were leaving."
"What would be the fun in that?" Jay smiled.
"Cause then we could have saved bath time for daddy, so mommy could go take a bath too," Erin explained. Her back was becoming sore, her belly was getting bigger, and she was becoming more uncomfortable.
"I'll finish up Er, go relax," he kissed her softly and ushered her out of the bathroom door. "Just me and you kid. You almost ready for bed?" Jay questioned as felt the water.
"No more play," Levi stated.
"Well bud, the water is cold, which means bathtime is over," Jay reasoned as he grabbed the duck towel off of the hanger.
"Awe man," Levi stood in response. Jay picked him up out of the tub and onto the towel placed outside the tub. He wrapped the towel around the boy and hauled him up over his shoulder.
"Daddy, put me down," Levi laughed.
"Okay," Jay threw the child on the bed. "What PJ's do you want to wear tonight, Cars or Star Wars?" Jay held up his options.
"'Tar Wars," Levi pointed.
"Star Wars it is," Jay laughed. He helped put the clothes on and tucked in the little boy. "More Star Wars?" Jay asked as he held up the book.
"Yes!" Levi sat up excitedly.
"Okay," Jay sat on the edge of the bed and began to read the story. After 3 or 4 pages, Jay looked down at his son. The little boy was sound asleep next to him. He stood and leaned down to kiss his boy's forehead and dimmed the lights.
Jay walked into the master bathroom and saw his naked pregnant wife in the bathtub. "Hey," he smiled as he too, began to strip down.
"Nope," Erin shook her head. Jay looked at her confused. Normally she was all for him sitting behind her and rubbing her back. "Shower first buddy," she pointed to the shower. "I can smell the sweat on you from here," she laughed as she rested her head against the back of the tub.
"Right," Jay hopped in the shower and rinsed himself clean. He then walked over to the tub and sat himself in the gap his wife had provided. "How was your day?" He questioned as he began to knead the knots out of her back.
"Your son is a menace," she joked. "No nap today," she moaned as Jay continued to rub her back. "It's almost as if as this pregnancy continues he gets more and more energy as I'm getting less and less."
"I'm sorry," he kissed her neck. "At least tomorrow, he's going to be in preschool," he kissed the other side of her neck as he pulled her back to rest against him. "I took the day off," he wrapped his arms around her stomach.
"You took the day off?" she turned slightly to look at him. She watched him nod. "You didn't have to take the day off," she pushed.
"But I wanted to. Voight gave it to me pretty easily too. Considering he's made us work three weekends in a row," he smiled.
"That makes me kind of happy," her smile larger than before.
"Kind of happy?" Jay smiled.
"Okay, really happy," she pulled away and stood to get out of the tub. "Bedtime," she yawned as she grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself.
"Bed?" Jay questioned as he followed her and wrapped a towel around himself.
"Yes, bed. I'm tired," she put on a tshirt and a pair of underwear and made her way to the bed. Again he followed, pulling on a pair of boxers and getting in bed beside her. He pulled the covers over both of them and rested his hand against her protruding belly. "Mmmm, good night Jay," she whispered before she drifted off to sleep.
XXX
"Er," Jay whispered into his wife's ear, lightly pushing on her shoulder. They needed to get up and ready, the doctor's appointment was soon.
"Five more minutes," she moaned as she turned and snuggled closer into Jay's chest, well as close as she could without her belly getting in the way.
"No more minutes," he rubbed her back. "The appointment is this morning, and we have to get Levi to preschool before we go," he tried to remove himself from the bed.
"We're having a baby," she looked up and smiled.
"Yeah, now get up so we can go see our baby girl," he smiled as he went to get in the shower.
"Or baby boy, we'll find out today," she slowly stood up from bed. She began moving around to find some clothes to put on. She went to get Levi ready for daycare so they could hopefully be on time to this appointment. "Okay Mr. Levi, put on your pants and your shirt and we'll head down for some cereal," she dropped a pair of pants and a t-shirt on his bed.
"But why? I want to stay in my 'tar wars PJ's," Levi looked up at his mother.
"Because you are going to go to preschool for a couple of hours while mommy and daddy go to the doctor's," she reasoned as she tugged on her son's shirt to pull him closer.
"Okay, fine," the little boy sighed. He allowed his mother to put on his shirt and pants.
"Breakfast," she smiled as she lifted him and walked out of his room.
"Woah," Jay stopped her. "Let me take the little guy," Jay said reaching for his son. "You need to stop picking him up," he reprimanded.
"I'm not handicapped," she sighed.
"No, but you are pregnant," he reasoned and winked.
"Just go feed him breakfast," she softly shoved him towards the stairs.
"Okay Levi," Jay looked at his son. "Fruity Pebbles or Cheerios?" Jay asked.
"Fruity Pebbles!" Levi exclaimed as his father carried him down the stairs.
"No Fruity Pebbles!" Erin yelled down the stairs.
"Mommy ruins all the fun," Levi sighed as Jay sat him on the bar stool. Jay went to the cabinet to get him a bowl of Cheerios.
"Mommy likes to eat healthy, daddy does not. But, we do what mommy wants because mommy runs the house," Jay whispers to his son as he placed the bowl in front of him.
"She's good at that part," Levi laughs.
"She is very good at that," Jay agreed. "Shh, here she comes," Jay shushed as he heard Erin coming down the stairs.
"I'm very good at what?" Erin laughed.
"Being my mommy," Levi laughed as Jay forced another spoonful into his mouth.
"Oh, I'm not good at that," she smiled at her kid. "I'm great at that," she leaned down to kiss the top of his head. "Okay buddy, shoes on and coat on," she said as she walked to grab a banana and the jar of peanut butter. "We leave in 5," she smiled. Erin cut the banana in slices and grabbed a fork out of the drawer. She dipped the fork into the jar and forked a banana slice.
"You know every time you do that you're contaminating the peanut butter with the banana," Jay shamed.
"Like you care," she winked.
"I do care. Every time I eat a peanut butter sandwich it has the lasting taste of banana," he complained. "Can't you just spoon the peanut butter out onto a plate or something?"
"You know I can't do that," she smiled. "Then I wouldn't be able to hear you complain about your peanut butter sandwiches tasting like banana," she laughed.
"Ha ha, you're so funny," jay smiled and picked Levi off of the stool and placed him on the ground so he could get his shoes and coat on. "You look beautiful today," he smiled and kissed her head. "You ready?" he pulled her back and allowed her to finish eating.
"Yeah, do me a favor and grab my coat out of the closet?" She smiled at her husband and placed the fork into the dishwasher.
"You got it babe," Jay answered and ran to grab her coat. She finished cleaning up the kitchen before leaving meeting her son and husband at the door. All three piled into the car and Jay began to drive to drop off Levi at preschool. After dropping Levi off with his teacher, Jay got back into the car. "You ready?" He questioned as he put the car into drive and held her hand.
"Always," she smiled. The car was silent for the rest of the drive. The emotions filled with excitement and anticipation as they pulled into the parking lot.
"Alright let's get to it," Jay smiled as he opened his car door and ran around to open hers.
"Bets before we go in, boy or girl?" Erin smiled up at him.
"Girl, definitely a girl," he smiled back.
"Really? I think it's going to be another boy," she responded. Jay reached for her hand and they walked into the office together.
"Hi, Erin Lindsay," she spoke to the receptionist.
"Alright, have a seat and they will call you back in a little bit," the receptionist explained as she pointed to the waiting room. After a couple of minutes, they were called back into an exam room.
"Alright, I'm Martha. Would you mind taking off your shoes so I can get a height and weight?"
"Nope," Erin took off her shoes and stood on the scale while Jay took a seat next to the exam table.
"Okay, your weight gain is normal for this stage in pregnancy. Why don't you lay down on the exam table and listen to that heartbeat," Martha motioned towards the exam table. Erin followed instructions and reached over for Jay's hand. "This is going to be cold," Martha said as she squeezed some gel onto Erin's stomach. She placed the probe on her stomach and began moving it around.
"Where's the heartbeat?" Erin turned her head towards the nurse.
"I have the volume on low until I find it," the nurse smiled. "I'm going to go get the doctor. You two relax and I'll be right back."
"She can't find the heartbeat Jay," Erin whipped her head around as soon as the nurse left the room.
"The baby's probably in a weird position," Jay reassured. "The doctor will find it," he rubbed her hand.
"But what if they can't?" Erin's eyes began to fill with tears.
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves Er," he stood up and kissed her head as she sat there. There was a knock at the door, and the Doctor entered.
"Hello, I'm Doctor Marshall," she walked closer and stuck out her hand. "So you usually go to the midwife, is that correct?"
"Yes," Erin tried to smiled.
"Okay, well she is with another patient at this moment. So, I am going to take a look with the ultrasound machine if that's okay?" The doctor pulled up a small machine to take a better look. Erin and Jay nodded as the doctor brought the probe to her stomach.
"Is the baby okay?" Erin asked as the doctor moved the probe along.
"There seems to be a problem," the nurse answered. As the doctor replaced the probe to its holder and began to take off her gloves.
"Mr. and Mrs. Halstead, unfortunately there is no heartbeat. I am very sorry for your loss."
"Wait, are you saying what I think you're saying?" Erin felt the tears falling.
"There was nothing in the first trimester screens that would predict this, but I am saying that your baby has not survived," The doctor clarified.
"Can we still tell if it was a girl or a boy?" Erin managed to get out while she cried.
"Your little girl has passed," the doctor answered.
"Where do we go from here?" Jay asked.
"Well, first step is a Dilation and Evacuation. Also known as a D&E. This is where we take the fetus out of your uterus manually, because you are well into the second trimester," the doctor explained.
"So we do this now?" Jay asked.
"We can have a labor suite ready for you in twenty minutes," the nurse spoke.
"Yeah, um… okay," Erin nodded.
"I'm going to call Voight, see if he can pick up Levi and take him for the night," Jay pointed to his phone and left Erin sitting in the room alone.
Jay exited the room, and dialed his father-in-law. Voight answered, "Halstead, I thought I told you to take the day off."
"Um, yeah you did," he wiped a tear trying to stay strong. "Erin and I are at the doctors. They couldn't find a heartbeat," he sighed. "Is there anyway you can pick up Levi and take him for the night? They're going to do a procedure and it might take some time," Jay explained.
"Oh man, I'm sorry. Give Erin my love. I'll pick up the kid and take him to my house," Voight accepted.
"Thanks, I'll call later with some more details," Jay hung up and walked back into the room. He opened the door and witnessed his wife's soul-shattering sobs. His heart broke at the sound. He rushed over to her and held her hand, letting her cry out all of her tears. She clutched his t-shirt in her hands and continued to cry. Jay allowed a few tears to fall.
"Mrs. Halstead?" The nurse asked as she walked in and witnessed the sobs in full force. "I'm so sorry for your loss," she offered up condolences. She walked closer and handed Erin a gown. "If you can just get changed into this and we'll head over to the labor suites," she spoke softly. Almost like she was afraid Erin or Jay would break at any second. At this point Erin's sobs had subsided, and the only evidence were the tears and bloodshot eyes. She nodded as Jay took the gown from the nurse's hand, "I'll give you a few minutes."
"Er, we'll get through this," he rubbed her back as she sat up and allowed Jay to undress her and snap the gown on.
"Jay?" Erin finally spoke.
"Yeah babe?" Jay rubbed comforting circles on her back.
"We had a girl," she stared off into the distance.
"We did," he followed.
"She never had the chance to experience life," she allowed.
"Our baby girl is still loved," he gripped her chin and turned her head to face him.
"Can we name her?" Erin's eyes widened.
"After Camille?" Jay asked.
"No, she needs her own identity," Erin thought. "How about Amelia?" She offered.
"Amelia sounds fantastic," Jay smiled down at Erin's still swollen belly.
"We love you Amelia," Erin rubbed her belly and Jay followed. They heard a knock at the door and the nurse enter again. However, this time she entered with a wheel chair.
"Are you ready?" The nurse asked.
"Ready, no. But I guess it's inevitable," Erin shrugged as she stood and sat in the chair. The nurse wheeled Erin down the hallway towards the labor and delivery suites. She swiped in and got Erin settled in the bed.
"The doctor will be in shortly," the nurse gave a warm smile and wheeled the empty wheel chair out of the room.
"Everything's going to be okay," Jay leaned down and kissed Erin's forehead.
"Eventually, I hope you meant to add the word eventually. Today, today nothing is going to be okay," Erin wiped a stray tear.
"We're going to get through it Er," he sat next to her bed. There was a knock on the door and the doctor and nurse entered together.
"Mr. and Mrs. Halstead?" The nurse asked. They both nodded their head. "I'm going to start and IV and then begin to run some oxytocin. That is the hormone to stimulate your cervix to dilate," the nurse explained. Erin nodded her head and stuck out her arm, waiting for the pain of the needle stick.
XXX
"So this is really it?" Erin asked after the procedure was over. She laid back onto the bed.
"Yes, do you want to hold her?" The doctor asked as she wrapped the small baby in a small blanket.
"Yes," Erin smiled slightly as she held out her arms. The doctor placed the baby in her arms. "Amelia, meet your mommy and daddy," she spoke. "We'll give you two a moment."
"Hi Amelia," Erin cried as she held her baby girl close to her chest. "Your brother wanted to be here, but this was a little sudden. Your grandfather loves you very much," Erin began speaking to their daughter.
"She's beautiful," Jay sat on the bed and ran his hand over his daughter's head.
"She looks like you," she smiled at him.
"She's got your nose," he smiled back. "I love you Erin," Jay leaned over to kiss her.
"I love you too Jay," she smiled sadly. "I love our life, even if our girl can't be with us for the rest of it," she said as Jay leaned over to wipe a tear from her face.