Many people depicted Near as utterly emotionless and cold. The few people who ever actually knew him would describe him like paper. Fragile, white, and blank. While he was working he stared at the many screens illuminating him in their glow with a blank stare. Empty. Dark. Lifeless. He gave the same stare to his toys. He gave the same stare to people.. most of the time.
Mello knew a different gaze of course. He knew that Near was not emtionless deep down. But he had been raised to be apathetic. In a detective's line of work you had to be. You couldn't break down everytime you saw a mangled girls body, dead, raped, and gutted. You coudln't cringe everytime you saw deep ugly red bullet wounds. You couldn't lock yourself in the bathroom and vomit and cry everytime you saw a charred body of a baby lying lifeless in it's burnt crib.
You had to lock yourself away fro the world. Hide away your very soul and offer up the only purity you had. Your emotions.
Mello and Near lived together now that the Kira case was over. So there was not one part of Near Mello hadn't seen. They were lovers. So Mello knew Near was capable of emotions. He just kept them hidden away. When they kissed or made love or cuddled close beneath the sheets locked away from the cruel world that haunted them carefully shrouded by thick walls and locked doors, Those were the times that Near felt all the good feelings, He felt love and happiness. He felt contentment and stability. But mostly he just felt good in general as he was held close in Mello's arms basking in all the emotions he could never indulge in outside of their cozy home.
But Near also felt the bad emotions. He felt the fear of the knowledge that there were bad people in the world he would harm him. There was the sadness that came with so many images of death and pain. The sadness that every orphan felt of a lost family. He was haunted by vicious thoughts plaguing his mind and the weight of the entire world upon his shoulders. And there was the absolute fear that he would lose Mello.
Expressing love was his outlet for the good emotions.. crying was for the bad.
The first time Near had done it Mello had sworn the devil had possessed him or something. Never before had he seen the white haired boy cry. And Mello had no idea what to do. But over time he began to learn. He learned what soothed the tears and erased the pain. He understood that pent-up emotions eventually poured out. And that it was healthy for Near to cry the way he did. But he couldn't stop his heart from twisting in his chest when he heard the pitiful sobs.
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It was late at night when it started. They had finally finished work for the day. Yes. They. Mello had given in after much persuasion. They had not become L as everyone had wanted. L was dead. And the world knew it. But now there was M and N. They had had to prove themselves to the world. No one believed they would be as good as the original L. And they weren't. They were better. But I digress...
They had just gotten home and had enjoyed a nice dinner of rice and chicken. Then some chocolate cake especially for a certain blond addict. They had gone into the living room and curled up on the couch together to watch tv. They never watched the news together. It was only a reminder of work.
Mostly it was channel surfing. They would flip through cartoons and reality shows. Cooking shows or soap operas. It never really mattered to them as long as it was something to get their minds away from the stress of saving countless lives.
They were curled up on the couch together. Mello's arm wound tightly around Near's small waist other hand busy with holding a chocolate bar to his mouth as he contently chewed on the sweet treat. Near was snuggled into Mello one hand on his the other holding the remote. They sat in silence together for a few minutes. Then Mello felt it.
It was a soft shaking. He could feel it beneath his hand as it rested on Near's hip. The little trembles that rocked his body. He looked over to view Near's face easy illuminated by the bright room's light.
There were large hot crocodile tears spilling from his slate gray eyes. They rolled down soft pale cheeks that were slowly turning pink. The small baby nose twitched slightly as he tried not to sniffle.
This was stage one of Near's crying. It was silent. It was just a light shaking and heavy tears. Mello frowned deeply and went to kiss his lovers head. He knew better than to ask why Near was crying. The small teen would simply shake his head and divert his gaze.
Near stood up after a moment speaking in a soft shaky voice as he tried to control it. "I-i'm..... going to take a … shower." Mello only nodded and mumbled an "alright then". He looked after Near as the albino shuffled down the hallway to the bedroom. Then stood up and got to work..He knew by the time Near got into the shower he would go into stage two of crying. Heavy sobs that racked his small fragile body. He would get a fever from heavy crying and a migraine. Then his body would calm down for a few seconds and go into stage three. But we'll get to that later. Right now we'll discuss what Mello was doing.
Mello went into the bedroom and pulled back the covers from the bed. He stripped the bed of all the sheets and after a few minutes of grunting and struggling got the mattress off the bed. From there he dragged the heavy thing into the living room and leaned it against a wall. He walked back into the bedroom and picked up all the blankets, an old fan, and a stuffed bear with tattered brown fur and one eye missing. He took a single blanket that had been laying on Near's side of the bed and put it in the dryer. He set it to ten minutes then went back into the living room putting the other stuff on the couch.
He moved the coffee table against a wall so that there was a large space between the tv and the couch.
Then he carefully laid the mattress on the floor and remade the bed. Eggcrate first. Then silk black sheets. Four carefully fluffed pillows. Two on top of the other on his side and one on Near's side. The fourth pillow lay next to the bed on Near's side. Then went their large black comforter. He made sure to carefully fold it over so that it didn't cover Near's side. From there he put the teddy bear on extra pillow from earlier. He plugged in the fan and set it next to Near's side as well cutting it onto the lowest setting even though it was mid-january and it was already freezing as it wa.
He stood up hearing the dryer beep and the bathroom door open simultaneously. He looked down the hall into the bedroom to see Near standing in front of the bathroom door towel clutched tightly around himself and body racking with uncontrollable sobs. This was stage three. Uncontrollable harsh uneven sobs that left Near gasping for air. His fever had probably increased by now and he felt nauseated. Hot burning tears that rolled down his face dripped onto the end of his chin and fell forward onto the floor. Thank god Mello knew exactly what to do by now. He pulled the warmed blanket from out of the dryer and walked over to Near's naked pale form standing alone in the dark bedroom. Mello gently pulled the towel from Near's desperate gasp making a small shhhh noise as Near tried to protest. Keyword: tried. The noise really was just a strangled sob followed by a whimper then a quick gasp for air. Mello threw the towel to the side and wrapped the warm cream colored blanket around Near's pathetic naked form.
The blanket was older than Near himself. He had arrived at the orphange one night naked and wrapped up in it. It was his mothers apparently and meant a lot to him. Mello couldn't think of a single night he had slept without it.
He picked Near's desperately sobbing body up like a small child and carried it into the living room. He set Near down on the mattress and tries to stand back up only to have the small boy tighten his grip around his neck. " Near.. you've got to let go." he said gently trying to remove the thin arms snaked around his neck. "I've got to cut the light's off now you have to let go for just a minute..." Mello's voice was unusually gently. Like he was talking to a small child. Which in a way I suppose he was. Near reluctantly let go only to reach down and pull his bear close biting on the end of one of it's ears to stifle his sobs. Mello stood up and went across the room cutting off the lights. He picked up the tv remote and dimmed the volume so it was just audible then went over to the mattress and stripped down to his boxers. He then crawled under his covers and reached over to Near. Mello carefully laid Near back onto the bed tucking the warm blanket around his shaking body. He then pulled the sheets up over that and pulled the comforter only to Near's waist. Then he wrapped his arms around the small quivering boy holding him close.
Near slowly began to calm down. The warm blanket soothing his aching trembling body. The warmth from his blond lovers arm holding him close. His favorite teddy bear L had given him when he was seven clutched tightly between two small white hands. And then the soft gently air blowing onto his hot fevered forehead rustling around white curls so they blew out of his tear-stained face. He could faintly hear a laughing audience from the tv and his sobs slowly stopped but tears continued to fall. Near absolutely hated these crying binges. They made him feel so weak and helpless. He felt terrified and awful. He sniffled a few times and coughed a little aching head relaxing into his pillow as Mello held him.
Mello knew his little white love had calmed down considerably slowly working his way into Stage Four. Stage Four was where Near mostly relaxed. He felt empty and drained from crying. Bt it was the bad kind of empty. The hollow empty where the thoughts that made you cry to begin with plague your mind. He knew there was one last thing he had to do before Near would relax completely and fall asleep. It took a considerable hit to his pride to do this. But I guess you lose your pride when you fall in love. He shut his eyes still holding Near tightly to his chest and began to sing his lullaby in the best french he could:
Fais do do, Colas mon petit frere
Near smiled in the slightest and sniffled again as he shut his eyes halfway.
Fais do do, t'auras du lolo.
Mello kissed Near's cheek and slowly twirled a white curl around his pointer finger.
Maman est en haut,
Elle fait des gateaux
Near relaxed completely now. Letting his thin childlike body relax into the warmth of his blanket and his lover.
Papa est en bas,
Il fait du chocolat
Mello held Near closer his chocolate breath ghosting across Near's skin as he stroked through snow locks.
Fais do do, Colas mon petit frere
Near closed his eyes and let sleep slowly overtake him. He breathed out a soft murmur of Mello's name. Mello's real name. Because Mello was his Mihael.
Fais do do, t'auras du lolo.
Mello smirked seeing Near relax enough to drift off his tiny pale feet slipping out beneath the blankets to touch his toes against the floor. He pulled the old comforting blanket up tighter around Near and then laid back into the bed himself. He kept one arm securely around the sleeping boy and shut his eyes. "Goodnight Nate." and with that said he drifted off into a heavy sleep. Images of chocolates and cakes, and a small sleeping albino curled up with him in their safe sanctuary. Where emotions were for once allowed.
So there's my fanfiction. I do not own Death Note or it's characters I also do not own Fais Do Do.
Okay in case you were wondering.
An eggcrate: is a soft foam thing you put over your mattress. It's really comfortable lol.
Why does Mello sing Near a french lullaby?
Because in an rp I do with my boogie Near is half french. His mother is french and that's the lullaby she used to sing him as a child.
The English lyrics to Fais Do Do are:
Go to sleep, Colas, my little brother,
Go to sleep, and you'll have a treat.
Mama is upstairs making cakes,
Papa is downstairs making chocolate.
Go to sleep, Colas, my little brother,
Go to sleep, and you'll have a treat.
So yeah that's basically it. If you have a probably with how OOC Near is you have to admit. Eventually everyone breaks down. And why is Mello alive after the Kira Case? Because I fucking said so lol.