GOTHAM TALES: YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE
Batman's eyes shot open as a bright light burst on. He could see nothing, and for some reason, he could not blink. He wanted to because the light was burning, damaging his sight, but his body would not allow him to blink. And he had no idea why.
"Ha, ha, oh hee, ha ha," a voice laughed, almost as a statement.
Batman couldn't move his arms or legs. He could only move his neck. The light dimmed suddenly. He was sitting in a chair, wearing a straight jacket wrapped in chains, behind a table. On the other side of the table, another man sat, a shadow darknening his face.
"Where am I?" Batman grunted.
"Quiet!" someone with a deep, gruff voice yelled from behind him, smacking him in the back of the head with a hard, blunt object. Or maybe it was the man's fist... he couldn't tell. He'd assume a blunt object for now.
Batman looked around. He could tell where he was. He was in the interrogation room at the Gotham Police Department. But, why would he be there? He couldn't remember anything.
The person who had hit him in the back of the head leaned into his ear and whispered, "If you speak out of turn one more time, I'll kill you."
"Who are you?" Batman replied hastily.
"Tried to warn ya," the attacker said.
"Hold it!" the person at the end of the table interjected. "We're not trying to make another murder scene . . . yet."
Batman figured that the attacker must've ceased because he wasn't struck again. But, he couldn't even turn around to see who the attacker was.
The person at the other end of the table said, "Do you know why you're here, Batman?" Batman said nothing, so the concealed man said, "You may speak now."
"No, I do not know why I'm here," Batman replied.
"You are here because you are a murderer," the person said. "Do you know who you killed?"
Batman's mouth dropped open. He stuttered for a moment, "Murderer? I murdered no one!"
"I beg to differ."
"No!" Batman screamed, trying to get loose.
"Want me to hit him again?" the person behind him he kept striking him asked.
"No."
Batman finally calmed down and said, as quietly as possible, "Who did I kill?"
"Instead of telling you," the man said. "Why don't I show you?"
"Show me?" Batman shook his head, confused. "How can you show me?"
"We could re-enact the scene!" the man laughed. "I'll be you, and you be . . . Commissioner Gordon." The man's hand came out of the darkness, pointing a pistol in Batman's mouth.
"No!" Batman screamed, trying to shake loose again.
"Ha, ha, ha!" the armed man laughed, retracting his weapon. "I'm not really going to shoot you, Batman. Where's the fun in that? I'd rather you just get your sentence like every other psychopath out there, serving your time in Arkham."
"I don't belong in Arkham!" Batman growled.
"Why sure ya do!" the man said. "Crazy people go to Arkham. And, you're obviously crazy. I mean, look at your outfit!"
"I did not kill Jim Gordon!" Batman wanted to see this man's face so bad.
"Well, you can stick to your little story all you want," the man cupped his hands on the table. "You said it to me earlier. What was it again? Oh yes." He cleared his throat, mocking Batman. "I didn't kill Commissioner Gordon. It wasn't me. It was Mr. Zsasz. Oh wait, it was Two-Face. Wrong again. It was the Mad Hatter."
"What are you talking about?" Batman asked him, utterly confused.
"It's all very strange, isn't it?" the man said quickly. "You've been doing what you do for a long time now and I imagine it must get pretty hard to keep up with all the crazies you lock up, eh? It was so funny watching you squirm as you were brought in here for interrogation, blaming every villain you could think of for it. Maxie Zeus, Penguin, Killer Moth, you listed 'em all! When in all reality, it was you the whole time."
"Me? No, it wasn't!" Batman yelled.
"That's it, that's it!" the man laughed. "That's exactly what you sounded like. You have a knack for impressions," he then shrugged. "Then again, not hard to imitate yourself, I suppose."
Batman calmed down. He said nothing.
"I used to be pretty good at impressions," the man sat straight up. "I used to do a killer Tony Montana!" He began laughing hysterically, grabbing his gut. He blurted out, "Say hello to my little friend!" He continued to laugh.
Batman did not laugh.
The man cleared his throat. "Then I had to stop doing that impression when I met the Ventriloquist. It insulted his puppet, or something."
"Who are you?" Batman asked, squinting his eyes.
"Let's see if I've still got what it takes to do impressions. Back in my hay-day, I was damn good," the man cupped his hands, took a deep breath, then leaned forward into the light as he said, "How's my Joker?" It was the Joker.
Batman wanted to rip his head off. He struggled to get his arms free, but it was no use. The man behind Batman grabbed him by the head and tilted his head back. It was Bane. He was right... it was just his fist that he was hit with.
The Joker laughed, pounding his fist on the table. He wiped a tear away as Bane let Batman go. The Joker cleared his throat and said, "That's a joke, Batsy. You're supposed to laugh. Remember? I said it's easy to impersonate yourself and I said how's... my... Joker..." he saw Batman was not laughing, nor smiling. The Joker loosened his tie and said, "O... kay. Anyway..."
"What is going on, Joker?" Batman demanded to know.
"What is going on?" the Joker mocked him. "You're dumb, ya know. Quite dumb. I'm getting a hell of a lot of money for doing this too."
"Who is paying you?" Batman asked.
"Why, the tax payers, of course," the Joker shrugged with a smile. "The Gothamites. The people of this miserable city, Bats!"
"What in the world are you talking about?" Batman could remember not one thing.
"Am I going to have to freakin' spell it out for you?" the Joker threw his arms up. "Like I said before... I'd rather show you, than tell you. It'll be more fun. But, don't worry, I won't stick anything else in your mouth," he paused for a moment. "That's what she said!" He laughed hysterically once more. Bane even let out a chuckle.
"You're not funny," Batman stated.
"Well," the Joker shrugged. "I think I'm funny." He smiled. "Now, let's not get off subject, my young batling," he stood up out of his chair. He walked over to Batman and smiled. "Let me show you what happened." The Joker began laughing as he put his hand on Batman's face and everything went black.
Batman could see himself. It was like watching TV. He was watching Batman. The Joker was showing him. He couldn't speak, he couldn't move, he could only watch. So he did.
Batman stood in the center of a bank. Dead people were spread out all over the floor. Batman had arrived only moments too late. He heard something move, so he swung around, but saw nothing.
A bomb with a smiley face on it rolled out from behind a corner. Batman saw it and dove for cover, but one second too late. He was caught in the blast, damaging his leg pretty badly. He laid on the floor, his leg burned and bleeding.
"Don't move, Bats!" a young, female voice said to him. He turned to see the jester-girl Harley Quinn with a revolver to his face. And unlike Harley's usual pop-gun or toy revolvers... this was a real gun.
"Good job, Harley girl," the Joker followed her out into the open, clapping his hand slowly. They both stood over Batman. "Now, Mr. Batman, are you going to cooperate?"
"Joker," Batman grit his teeth.
"And Harley!" the Joker put his arm around Harley's shoulder, making her giggle. "Seriously, Batman," the Joker shook his head in a disappointed manner, "Why do you always just grumble my name? Harley deserves a little acknowledgement every once in a while!"
"Thanks, Mista - " Harley tried to thank him, but the Joker pushed her aside as he knelt down to Batman.
"It's ironic, you know," the Joker shrugged. "For years now, you've been trying to catch me, keep me locked up for good. But now . . . I've caught you. And I'm going to keep you locked up forever."
The police suddenly bust into the bank, windows and doors breaking. Batman grinned, knowing that would arrest Joker and Harley. But, the police all pointed their weapons at Batman. His mouth dropped open.
"Don't move, Batman!" one cop growled.
"Me?" Batman muttered.
The Joker stood back up and smiled at one of the cops, "See? Told ya it'd be easier than spit."
"You showed 'em, Mistah J!" Harley cheered.
"Now, who should I talk to in order to collect on my reward?" the Joker grinned in the cop's face.
The cop, disgusted, said, "Err, you gotta talk to the Mayor. We'll give you an escort."
"Mayor? Escort?" Batman watched in horror as the police officers helped the Joker and Harley into a police car that drove off to the Mayor's office. He was struggling to get out of the cops' grips.
Suddenly, the police officers faded away. The Joker appeared. He laughed in embarrassment, "Oops, looks like I didn't go back far enough. That's not the story of how you became a murderer!" He laughed. "My mistake, that's the story of how I became Commissioner."
Batman screamed.
Batman was now in a warehouse, watching himself again. Tied up in a chair was a young girl with a bag over her head, struggling to get free. There was a bomb sitting in her lap with oil drums spread around. Batman ran to her.
He took the bag off her head to see a young, blonde-headed girl. "Help me, please!"
"Where is Scarecrow?"
"I don't know, I don't know!" she screamed. "The bomb!"
Batman grabbed the bomb and tossed it out a window just as it exploded. He untied the girl. "Why did Scarecrow kidnap you?" he asked.
"I was a hostage," the girl began to cry. "He killed them all. Shot them dead."
"Who?"
"My mom, my brother, my dad, all of them," the girl shook her head in tears. "Kept me alive as a hostage. Then, when Commissioner Gordon tried to save me, he took him too."
"Gordon?" Batman's eyes shot open.
"Hello, Batman!" a voice called out. Batman looked up to see the Scarecrow up in an office at the top of the warehouse. "What do you fear most?"
Batman ignored his remark. He grappled up to the office but saw that Scarecrow was gone. Batman snuck up to another door and opened it to see Scarecrow looking at security camera tape, his back to the door. Batman dove on Scarecrow and slammed his head into the TV, then bashed it against the floor. He growled, "Where is Gordon?"
"Batman..." Scarecrow muttered.
Batman slammed his head into the floor again. He repeated, "Where is Gordon?!"
"Batman..." Scarecrow couldn't barely speak, every bone in his face broken.
"Where is he!?" Batman ripped off Scarecrow's mask.
His eyes shot open. Batman fell back, releasing him completely. It was Gordon. Scarecrow had dressed Gordon up in his costume. Scarecrow had left and Gordon had stayed to fool Batman. Batman had just beat up Gordon. He could hear Scarecrow laughing somewhere.
"Batman..." Gordon spit up blood, then slowly closed his eyes.
"Jim," Batman inched over to him.
Suddenly, the doors were kicked in. Police officers stampeded in. One said, "He caught Scare - Commisioner?"
They all were speechless, seeing that Batman had beat up Commissioner Gordon... and killed him.
An officer said, "Batman, you have to come with us."
"No!" Batman stood up and jumped out a window, grappling away. They officers all watched him go.
Now, Batman was back in the interrogation room, tied up in his straight jacket with chains, with the Joker sitting across from him and Bane standing behind him.
"So, then, Harley and I were hired," the Joker sat on the table, smoking a pipe. Commissioner Gordon's pipe. "Mayor Hill personally came to Arkham Asylum and had a chat with Harley and me."
"When? How long ago was this?" Batman shook his head in disbelief.
"Let's see," the Joker scratched his chin. "Well, must've been a couple months. Over those few months, the Mayor and I got to know each other pretty good. He even admitted that I'm a pretty nice guy when I'm not on a killing spree."
"You were granted freedom?" Batman asked.
"Well, at first they offered parole. And I was like, ha!" the Joker laughed. "I mean, really, you killing Commissioner Gordon was no skin off my back. I said complete freedom, or no deal."
"And the fools granted your wish," Batman grit his teeth.
"At first, I thought they were fools too," the Joker nodded, crossing his legs, still sitting on the table. "But, I honestly started to reform a little. It felt nice taking down bad guys. Even though we couldn't find you for a while, I helped them bag Black Mask and the Terrible Trio. So, I kinda became the new hero while you were away."
Batman said nothing.
"Where did you go, by the way?" the Joker asked. "Some say you must've gone back to living your normal life, but I don't think even the man behind the mask could tolerate me doing good."
"I left," Batman grumbled. He would say no more about it.
"And then you came back once you heard the Joker and Harley Quinn had massacred an entire bank!" the Joker hopped off the table and took a puff on the pipe. "Fake bodies of course, gag blood. It's kinda like a big joke on you!" He giggled. "And naturally, the perfect trap to lure you into." The Joker then shrugged and sat back in the chair. "You never even caught Scarecrow."
"How could I when you sicked the whole town on me?" Batman asked.
"I didn't do it," the Joker shook his head. "In fact, it was Barbara Gordon who came up with the idea of using me to catch you. Or, should I call her Batgirl. She admitted everything."
"Everything?"
"Everything," the Joker nodded. "Except one thing. Wouldn't say who you were. But, I don't blame her. That's a big secret. Those are the funnest ones to keep... then exploit when the time is worst." He grinned. "Which is why I've not ripped your mask off yet."
"And now you're Commissioner?"
"Yep!" the Joker said proudly. "Mayor Hill was so impressed, he offered it to me. Naturally, the entire police force was thrilled. I'm a lovable guy, Bats. I'm the new face of Gotham."
"No," Batman shook his head. "You're still a lunatic."
"Maybe so," the Joker frowned. "But, you're the one in a straight jacket." He smiled. "They even let me free a few friends. Bane, for instance. The Mad Hatter is out there somewhere, giving money to charity, I'm sure."
"What?" Batman didn't believe him.
"It's amazing how some of your advisaries are actually entised by you. With no Batman, some of them cleaned up completely."
"Oh really? Like who?"
"Mad Hatter, Penguin, Two-Face, myself," he counted on his fingers. "The list goes on."
"You're lying," Batman growled.
"Am I?" the Joker crossed his arms. "Well, it doesn't matter to me whether or not you believe me. You're the one going to Arkham now."
"No, I can't! You belong there!"
"Calm down, Bats," the Joker said. "I helped you out, even. Most of the city wanted to give you the death sentence. I'm the one who vouched for you and said you needed special treatment at Arkham Asylum."
"No. No!"
"In fact, I'm planning on running for mayor pretty soon," the Joker smiled. "I was gonna use that in my speech. Say something like... I was once a criminal and I was sent to Arkham. I am now the Commissioner of Gotham and soon to be mayor! If I can do it, so can Batman!" He stood up, getting very into his speech. He calmed down, "People love a self-less hero."
"You're not a hero," Batman glared at him.
"Well, if I'm not a hero, and you're not a hero, and I'm not a hero, and he's not a hero, and you're not a hero," Joker shrugged. "Then who is the hero? I guess we don't have one here in Gotham." He sighed, like he was sad. Then, in a more neutral tone, said, "Well, maybe the hero is new district attorney Harvey Dent!" He clapped wildly.
"Harvey?" Batman's mouth dropped.
"Or," the Joker smiled. "The new Wayne Enterprises CEO Oswald Cobblepot!"
"Penguin?" Batman's teeth nearly shattered from biting so hard, furious that the Penguin was the CEO of Wayne Enterprises.
"Yeah, it's funny," the Joker said. "Bruce Wayne disappears and the Penguin buys 52% of Wayne Enterprises with the money he gained from selling the Iceberg Lounge to Pamela Isley, who in turn made it a rare plant habitat. It's kind of like a zoo... but with plants. Pretty boring, if you ask me."
"You're lying! None of this happened!" Batman screamed.
The Joker burst out laughing, hysterically.
"No!" Batman continued to yell.
The Joker, still laughing, said, "I've never seen you act like this, Bats! You're a riot!"
"No!" Batman broke one of the chains wrapped around him.
The Joker, not noticing, and still laughing, said, "I heard that Firefly is the new Fire Department Chief!" He continued laughing.
Batman burst out of the straight jacket, the chains falling to the floor. The Joker stopped laughing and gulped. Bane, though, came up from behind and wrapped his arms around Batman. But, the Bat was fast. He hopped over Bane and slammed Bane's face into the table, knocking him out.
"Ooh, just like you did to Gordon," the Joker giggled.
Batman picked up one of the chains and swung it at the Joker, smacking him in the face with it, sending him to the floor. Batman ran over to the Joker and grabbed him by the shirt collar and got right in his face.
"Don't kill me, Batman!" the Joker laughed. "I know you have a habit for killing Commissioners!"
"Who killed Commissioner Gordon?" Batman asked.
"You, silly!" the Joker replied.
Batman, growing tired of the Joker's game, punched him in the mouth, then headed for the door. He opened but gasped to see Scarecrow standing in the doorway. He lifted his arm and sprayed Batman in the face with the fear toxin. Batman fell to the floor, fearing everything around him. Scarecrow bent down and whispered, "Is this your worst nightmare?"
"No," Batman groaned. He threw up his fist and punched Scarecrow in the face, causing him to stumble back into the hallway. "But it's yours."
Batman stood up and followed him. He punched Scarecrow again, then again, then again until he was back against the wall. He pulled his fist back, getting ready to punch him once more, then suddenly, the Scarecrow was replaced by Commissioner Gordon. He stopped himself from punching him.
"Batman, stop!" Gordon threw up his hands.
Batman let him go, then realized he was back in the warehouse. Back where he had 'killed' Gordon. He had not punched Gordon yet, thank God. Batman sighed, "I'm sorry, Jim."
"It's okay," Gordon sighed of relief. "You were under the influence of Scarecrow's toxins."
Batman turned and headed to the door, as he said, "Where did Scarecrow go?"
Gordon replied sharply, "He got away."
As Batman headed to the door, he noticed something. The walls had scratches all over them. Cockroaches began to crawl out from under the walls. Batman knew it wasn't over. He instantly turned around to see that Gordon had changed back into Scarecrow right as Scarecrow punched Batman in the mouth.
Batman fell to the ground and looked up as the Joker stood over him, Scarecrow standing over to the side.
"Don't you see, Bats?" the Joker shrugged. "The blonde girl you saved from the bomb? That was Harley! The family that Scarecrow killed? Well, I did that! But, to think that you killed Commissioner Gordon." He shook his head shamefully.
"No!" Batman kicked the Joker back through the doorway as he disappeared into the darkness with a scream. He stood up and charged for the Scarecrow. He punched him in the face, then uppercut him, putting him against the wall again.
He grabbed him by the throat and prepared to punch him as he once again turned into Commissioner Gordon. He choked, "Batman, what are you doing? It's me, Commissioner Gordon!"
Batman ignored him. He punched him in the face hard. As soon as the punch hit, Gordon changed back into Scarecrow and he fell through the wall behind him, being sucked into a large, red storm that seemed to be pulling in debris from the room. Then, all of a sudden, the broken wall rebuilt itself like a jigsaw puzzle.
Batman opened his eyes. He was in the office in the warehouse. Scarecrow was lying unconscious on the floor, and Gordon was tied up with a gag in his mouth in the corner. Batman ran over and untied him and took the gag out, then they both stood up.
"Good work," Gordon popped his neck. "It's about damn time."
"Scarecrow shot me with his toxin," Batman said. "It was almost... like a dream."
"After you were hit with the toxin, Scarecrow talked to you and messed with you for what seemed like forever," Gordon explained. "He told you he was the Joker at one point. I kept trying to yell for you, but you couldn't hear me."
"What about the girl down there?" Batman asked, referring to the blonde-girl that Scarecrow had claimed was Harley Quinn.
"It was a dummy," Gordon said, patting Batman on his back as they headed out of the warehouse as the police arrived to arrest Scarecrow and take him back to Arkham Asylum. They stopped outside of a police car. Gordon said, "Scarecrow's gas must have really done a number on you."
"Yeah," Batman rubbed his head. "Harley and the Joker were never here?"
"No," Gordon chuckled. "Go get some rest, Batman. Sounds like you're just suffering from the effects of a bad dream." He laughed.
Batman chuckled, "More like my worst nightmare."
THE END