A/N: Set before the season final of City Homicide. From Matt's POV. Song is Since You've been Gone by Powderfinger
Disclaimer: Don't own anything!
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There's a truth begging to be told
As the blues grab and take a hold
to continue like this only acts
As a force for no good
16 years he'd waited
Wondering, hoping, praying
Pleading with himself that she was okay, that she was alive
If not to settle his aching heart but to stop the dreams at night
The terrible scream that always ended in the dark, the unknown
A silent reflection of all he had believed up until now
Some days where better than others
At first he'd been so young that he hadn't known what to do
Who to turn to
He hadn't just lost one parent that day
His father had vanished in the depths of depression and despair
And he, at the tender age of 14 had to become a man
An adult
Just to make sure there was bread on the table each night
I just want to say that I miss you
And I've felt pitiful since you've been gone
I'm just trying to say
I need something I can lean against
So I'm gonna steady myself on a reliable friend
He missed her; god knows sometimes his heart felt so terribly still
And his mind made him sick with thoughts and images.
But there were still his memories
The good times when she would hum and he would dance
Gazing into her eyes, a deep brown that he could never match
There's a weight dragging through my days
That I spend trying to fill the space
that's been there since the day
That we parted and made our goodbyes
As he grew older he realised what the real world was about
Two things really
Heart ache and getting over it
He also realised that many people never got to the second part of the equation
And in the end that's what pushed him, what made him be a better cop than the last one
What made him care when no one else seemed to;
What gave him the passion that his friends and colleagues were beginning to discover
He wanted to be the one to get them to that next stage
No one had been there when he reached his darkest hours
And it had almost killed him
There's a truth begging to be told
As the blues grab and take a hold
And I just can't believe
When I wake up that you could be gone
Sometimes a case would come along
So terribly like his own that it tore him up inside
Sent the dreams into over drive and his passion with it
Some days he woke up expecting her to be at breakfast
Thinking she'd only be around the corner, ready to take him to soccer,
Or dance with him in the kitchen
He'd blink once, twice maybe
But the illusion would be gone
And then he'd lose himself in whatever was closest
A case, music, the city night air
Occasionally a drink if it was all too much
I just want to say that I miss you
And I've felt pitiful since you've been gone
I'm just trying to say
I need something I can lean against
so I'm gonna steady myself on a reliable friend
All he wanted was to see her safe, happy, alive
All he wanted was for the ache to go away
The dull tugging that he hid so well so that no one could of guessed that a young Matt Ryan had faced the darkest depths of life itself at 14
And survived it
But, occasionally he came across someone who saw through the cracks
Saw the raw heart and mind of a man still torn with grief
A true friend that he could lean against
And he thanked god each day for the handful of those he had left
I just want to say that I miss you
And I've felt pitiful since you've been gone
I'm just trying to say
I need something I can lean against
so I'm gonna steady myself on a reliable friend
16 years he had waited in a dream
Wondering, praying, dreading
For the day when she would be found
And now it was here
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