Beca Mitchell has a lot to thank alcohol for.
Some pretty memorable nights out on the town with her Bellas? Check. The guts to finally (officially) break things off with Jesse after Worlds? Check. The courage to ask Chloe out in a bout of wine induced word vomit two months ago as they snuggled on the couch half watching some baking show Beca's not-so-secretly obsessed with? Check, check, check. The white, plastic stick currently clutched in her trembling hands displaying two pink lines telling her she's pregnant? Yeah… that too. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
She doesn't even know how this happened. Well… she knows how. A mediocre one-night stand product of too much alcohol and a three month dry spell. She's pretty sure they used a condom… not that it did her any good apparently.
The sound of the front door opening and closing snaps Beca's mind back to the present, to the positive pregnancy test in her hands and the other two sitting on the vanity displaying the same results. To Chloe and the mess she's just plunged her life and their relationship in. She's been waiting almost seven years to be able to say she's dating Chloe Beale. To hold Chloe's hand as they walk down the street just because she wants to. To kiss her just because she can. To fall asleep in the same bed with Chloe's arms around her waist, surrounded by Chloe's warmth and the smell of her minty body wash and not have to dread daylight. To not have to second guess her every move around her best friend.
And now she has to go out there and say words she never thought she'd say. Not to this woman, least of all in this context. Not two months into their relationship. Their new, exciting, uncomplicated relationship that's not so simple anymore because now there's a baby neither one planned for that will surely spell the end of their relationship and possibly their friendship. Beca's not sure she can survive this next part.
She can hear Chloe dumping her purse and shoes by the door and the no doubt massive stack of papers and exams to be graded over the weekend drop onto the dining table with a dull thump. Beca hurriedly drops the boxes and tests back into the plastic bag from the drug store and shoves everything into the back of the cabinet under the bathroom sink; behind all the cleaning supplies where she knows Chloe won't be looking.
"Becs?"
Beca's hands start shaking harder as Chloe's steps get closer to the master bedroom. She looks in the mirror, surprised to see there are no tears in sight. "Sack up, dude" she whispers under her breath, mentally preparing for what Beca's sure will be the most painful conversation she'll ever have.
She steps back into the bedroom just as Chloe flops down, face first onto their bed with a groan, tugging Beca's pillow closer to bury her face in. "I had the worst day at work." Chloe mumbles, face still pressed into the pillow as she looks at Beca through one eye. "Come snuggle"
It's a sight Beca's very familiar with. Since their Barden days Chloe had made it a habit to make herself at home in Beca's bed, burrowing under the duvet under the pretense of movie nights, being scared of thunderstorms or simply just needing someone to cuddle with. Beca had seen right through it though. She'd lost count of the times she had come home to find Chloe already in her bed studying, listening to music or just browsing her social media. A habit she'd carried on with after moving in together after graduation. Chloe had sheepishly confessed, only a few days before, she enjoyed being enveloped by Beca's scent. –"You're my favorite person Becs, it feels like home, you know?"– Now Beca can't help but wonder if this is the last time she'll get to see Chloe like this. If this is the last night they'll spend as a couple. Well, that's just depressing.
"Babe?"
With a start Beca realizes she's been standing in the bathroom doorway for what seems to be at least a minute nervously playing with her rings. Chloe's sitting up on the bed now, brows pulled together in concern.
Shaking her head to dislodge the morose thoughts Beca climbs into bed and curls into Chloe's side. "I had a crappy day too."
"Wanna talk about it?" Chloe asks.
"Just hold me."
Chloe lets an arm fall around Beca's shoulders and lets them fall amidst the way-too-many-pillows she insists on having on the bed. Fingers make their way into Beca's hair combing through it softly and pulling a shiver out of her. She tries to concentrate on the comforting feeling being in Chloe's arms always brings but her thoughts keep drifting. Was it even worth it to tell Chloe anything when she wasn't even sure if she'd be keeping this baby? No, lying about it would only make things worse. Besides, she would probably lose her mind trying to keep something this big from Chloe. Their last year at Barden had taught her that much. On the other hand, they'd only stared dating a few weeks ago and Beca would love to say their relationship could withstand something like this. That Chloe wouldn't bail and they would figure it out. But would they? Was she even ready to be a parent? Was Chloe? There were too many unknowns and–
"Beca?"
Beca looks up from where she's been using Chloe's chest as a pillow to find concerned blue eyes staring down at her.
"Where's your head at today?" Chloe whispers, combing back eternally tussled brown locks from Beca's forehead.
Beca's eyes unwillingly close against the soft touch and when she looks back at Chloe, she can see the glint of amusement behind the redhead's eyes. She'd discovered, much to Beca's chagrin, early on in their friendship that softly running her hand through Beca's hair and gentle fingertips tracing patterns across her forehead would render her a sleepy, useless mess. Knowledge Chloe had exploited to her advantage many times through the years.
Beca heaves a heavy sigh as she once again wrangles her thoughts back into place. "Sorry… just thinking about… stuff."
Chloe snorts a little laugh and rolls her eyes at her. "Always the wordsmith."
Now or never Mitchell.
"I have to tell you something, you're probably not gonna like it."
"Okay… what's up?"
Beca's heart starts hammering in her chest so hard she's sure Chloe can feel it. Her palms get sweaty and usually steady hands start shaking again.
"Um, okay so like, before you freak out, this happened before this," Beca says gesturing between them for a moment, "happened. So like…"
"Okay, Beca whatever it is just, say it. It's okay." Chloe's arm tightens around her shoulders and Beca knows it's meant to be a comforting gesture but it's suddenly too much and she feels like she can't breathe. She feels a momentary pang of guilt as she shrugs Chloe's arm off and sits up on the bed scooting back until her back is resting against the headboard.
"No, Chlo it's no okay." Beca huffs dropping her head between her hands, "I fucked up. Big time."
She feels the bed shift and dip as Chloe settles next to her but this time makes no move to touch her. Beca is simultaneously relieved and saddened. She aches to be back in the safety and warmth of her girlfriend's arms but it might actually send her into a crying fit.
"How bad is it? Are we talking, fleeing the country type of screw up or…?" Chloe asks hesitantly.
"Ha, no. It's just… really stupid timing." Beca weakly replies without looking up. She takes a breath, swallowing past the lump in her throat. Chloe doesn't say anything but Beca can feel eyes intently focused on her. "Okay, here it goes." Beca chances a glance at Chloe who stares calmly back. Never let it be said Chloe Beale doesn't have a good poker face.
"I'm going to just say it and that's it and it'll be over," Beca mumbles mostly to herself. She rolls her eyes up to the ceiling trying to keep tears at bay. There's no way she can get the words out looking at Chloe.
"I'm pregnant."
Silence is all that follows for the next few minutes. Chloe has gone terribly still beside her and Beca finally gives in and looks in Chloe's direction when the silence becomes too much. She'd hoped to get a read on Chloe's emotions but she's giving nothing away.
"Please say something," Beca whispers. It seems to snap Chloe out of her trance as she gives her head a little shake and takes a deep, steady breath.
"H-How long have you known? Have you been keeping this from me the whole time we've been dating?"
"What? Chloe, no!" she feels blindly around the bed for Chloe's hand, relieved when instead of pulling away Chloe tangles their fingers together, squeezing. "I've had my suspicions for a few days but I didn't take a test until today… A few actually."
"Who was it?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yeah Bec, it kinda does," Chloe says quietly.
Beca sighs, running her free hand through her hair in frustration. "Some guy I met scouting a DJ a few months ago in New York. It was a one night stand."
It had been an ill-advised move and had it not been for Damien, her assistant producer, and his insistence that Beca needed to "let loose" and "forget about that ginger of yours" for the duration of their trip she likely would've headed back to the hotel after they talked to the artist they'd been sent after. But alcohol and loneliness breeds stupidity and epically bad decisions.
"Are you- Do you want to keep it?" Chloe asks, eyes downcast. "I'll support you no matter what, it's totally your choice. I just… I need to know."
"I don't know, Red. I don't know if I can do this whole parenting thing on my own."
Chloe's head snaps in her direction so quickly Beca fears she might have given herself whiplash. There's fire in her eyes, though it's muted by confusion.
"What do you mean? Do you want to break up?"
"No… do you?" Beca asks. Her eyes close, as if bracing herself for impact. And in a way she is, this is it, this is the moment she's been dreading for days. It's come too soon and not soon enough.
"Of course not Bec."
Wait, what?
Chloe's looking at her like she's grown a second head now. Like it's such an absurd idea, the thought of them breaking up over this. And it apparently is, at least in Chloe's head it seems. And suddenly Beca feels so damn stupid. Chloe is her best friend above all else, she knows this. It's a conversation they've had a few times in the last two months since the night Beca had laid all her fears out on the table as they laid in bed. How she'd been afraid for so many years of taking their relationship any further out of fear losing her best friend. How she could maybe handle never being anything more than friends, but not having Chloe in her life was just something she wouldn't, couldn't do. But Chloe had done nothing but reassure her repeatedly since then that no matter what happened, they would always be part of each other's lives. No matter where life took them Beca would always be her best friend above anything else.
A wave of relief washes over her as soon as Chloe's words register; the tension leaves her body and Beca lets herself fall into Chloe's side. The tears she's been holding back finally fall freely down her cheeks hot and heavy. Chloe's hands come up to frame her face wiping Beca's tears away and forcing her to make eye contact.
"If you want me here, I'm not going anywhere."
Beca can only manage to nod in response, throat tight from the tears and the emotions overwhelming her. She's sure she looks like a freak show, what with the mascara rivers running down her damp cheeks but Chloe's giving her that look that until a few weeks ago Beca had never been able to interpret correctly. The one she knows now means I love you and I'm never letting you go and you might be the best thing that ever happened to me.
"I'm gonna kiss you now."
Chloe's lips come down on hers for a series of gentle kisses until they're just sitting there, foreheads pressed together in silence.
For the next few days they're both walking on eggshells. Deep down, Beca still feels like this might be too much for Chloe. She wouldn't hold it against her, but it would break Beca's heart into million pieces. It's an unfounded fear, Chloe is nothing if not loyal and always true to her word she knows, but it's always present somewhere in the deeper corners of her mind. And Chloe, her sweet, sweet Chloe can sense Beca's flighty mood and has been mostly staying out her way. Any other time Beca would tell her to just cut the bullshit but she's afraid if she does it might break their little bubble of not-so-blissful ignorance and avoidance.
Today Chloe's off at the gym after spending the better part of the last two days holed up in her "office". It's more like the spare room where they usually store all the useless crap like decorations and the portable cooler they never got around to using and the stupid IKEA desk Beca spent a whole day putting together a few months into moving in together. Neither one of them actually use it. But apparently Chloe's need to hide from Beca had been greater than her general dislike for the room. Needless to say, her odd behavior had done nothing to calm Beca's anxieties.
Beca ventures into said office now to hopefully get rid of some of the clutter when she notices the large stack of unfamiliar books on the desk. Chloe obviously made a recent trip to Barnes & Nobles.
Suddenly the last two days start making a little more sense. Chloe has a habit of shutting the world around her out when she gets really into a book; it's only mildly irritating now after so many years. It's when she takes the books to find them a space in the bookcase in the living room that Beca finally notices the tittles.
What to Expect When You're Expecting reads the first tittle. There's a second, larger book under it in the same color. What to Expect: The First Year. Baby books. This is what Chloe has spent the last two days reading, baby books?
"What the hell?"
Abandoning her attempt at productivity and some kind of spring cleaning Beca settles on the couch to thumb through the first one. Little neon colored tabs stick out of the sides–of course Chloe color coded the book, the nerd– and a bookmark's sticking out of the top toward the end of it. She flips the book to look at the last page– 656 pages.
It's where Chloe finds her an hour later when she gets home, tucked into a corner of the couch, nose buried in a book.
"Hey, you. What's all this doing out here?" Chloe says as she drops down next to Beca.
"You bought baby books."
"I did. You sound surprised."
"You- you already read them." Beca says, but it sounds more like a question.
"Just this one. I want us to be prepared."
The question must be clear in her eyes because Chloe's giving her that damn look again.
"Becs, I already said I'm not going anywhere and I meant it. I'm all in. And you my dear," she reaches out to tap Beca's nose with one finger, "seem to be operating under the impression that if you ignore your anxieties long enough they'll go away."
"You caught that huh?" Beca says looking back down at the book in her lap. "You didn't have to do any of this you know?"
She feels more than hears Chloe's chuckle as she leans over to press a kiss to Beca's temple. "I know."
Chloe pulls the book from Beca's lap and sets it on the coffee table in front of them. "Where's the other one?"
"There's another one?"
"Yeah it's probably still in the bag. Hang on I'll be right back."
Chloe's up and heading toward their would-be office before Beca can offer an answer. She comes back a minute later with a yellow book she hands over with a slight smirk.
Pregnancy for Dummies: The Third Edition.
"Oh, seriously Chloe!?"
AN: Un-beta'd, all mistakes are mine.
