In Memoriam
Notes: Usual disclaimers apply.
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They are on their way to Bulgaria when Lavi hears about the tragedy in Barcelona - the losses in India and elsewhere - through a literal grapevine of golems. Connected as they were through the European Branch headquarters. After hearing the horrifying news and getting updates on their present mission, he cuts off each connection systematically in turn, eventually leaving one line open. Krory somehow senses something amiss and leaves with the excuse of getting some tea.
"Lavi," from the strained voice and just by the mere use of his name. Lavi knows that on the other side of the line, is a world of hurt that does not know how to be expressed. It is not like he can help, because he does not know the words to say, because how do you deal with grief when you're not supposed to feel. Instead he just listens.
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"I'm here," is all he says simply.
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The swirling silence is familiar and comforting and what Kanda needs. "Da… Daisya's …" and he stalls. He put a brave face in front of Marie, the finders and Tiedoll who could not suppress the tears, earlier. Thus, the silence is something he can deal with and not have to react to. It's a darkened room, where he can be himself, but there in the dark is someone else's hand.
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"I know," is the reply, and Kanda is relieved that he does not hear "it's going to be alright", because it is not. Kanda is relieved that he does not hear, "you'll get over it" because he does not think he will. He might eventually just not think about it. However his sum experience with loss so far simply leaves him hollow. A shell tinged with yearning, he covers by being aloof and unapproachable.
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Perhaps who it is on the other side is perfect in a sense because he's not supposed to have a heart and will have no understanding of that hollowness. Thus through some twisted thinking - that Lavi considers Kanda-logic - Kanda is comfortable with the redhead's inability to sympathise that he's fine with the swirling silences that they share, because of this perceived inability to feel.
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"Yeah, well," … and Kanda feels a little as if some weight has shifted and he can go on.
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"We'll be seeing you soon yeah Yu-u." The voice is even and careful. Lavi can modulate his voice, but he is uncertain as to how to, or what to think. So for the moment leaves thinking be.
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"Yeah," and Kanda stalls again because he does not do good-byes.
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Later Marie and himself stand behind Tiedoll as they watch him burn the picture of Daisya's home in memoriam. Kanda's eyes follow every flicker, flame and the last fall of ash as it dissipates into the air. As if to do so was to remember the boy who loved football, to remember the boy with mischief in his eyes, the boy who was afraid of living a life of staidness and boredom. The boy who was his friend and brother-in-arms.
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Fin
Notes: This is for posting date 28 of August 2016 - In Memoriam, Auntie Anne you are so very missed
Part 27 of the 49 Days series