If the situation was reversed, and I was dying, you would do the same thing.
I wouldn't. Same circumstances, I wouldn't.
Dean is in his room. It's been almost 5 hours now since his conversation with Sam. At first he was pissed but, eventually, his anger became guilt. He screwed up, again, as always. He had gotten another friend dead, again. Why did it kept happening to him? He loses everyone he cares about, literally everyone. First was mum, then dad, Sammy, Ellen, Jo, Cas, Bobby, Kevin… The list goes on and on, and it never ends.
This past week he hasn't been able to sleep more than a few hours a night. Every time he closes his eyes he sees Kevin. The kid didn't deserve to die. He shouldn't have been through any of this. Just because of that 'destiny' crap, being a prophet and all… He was just a kid and they had gotten him into this craziness, they had gotten him killed. No, he had gotten him killed. This one's on him. He keeps seeing that angel possessing his brother and killing his friend. Oh, God! He must have thought that it was Sam.
Sam, his pain-in-the-ass little brother who doesn't need him anymore. He literally gave up everything for the kid. His one and only job: Take care of Sammy. Ever since he took him out of the fire that has been his reason for living. What is he going to do now? He's so lost! He has been drinking out his pain, the only thing keeping him going being the idea that at least he had saved Sammy, but now? Now his brother had told him that he wouldn't save him, making it clear that he doesn't care anymore, maybe he hasn't for a while. Hell, maybe that's why he didn't look for him the whole year he was in Purgatory, maybe Sam had finally out of the life he hates so much and Dean forced him to go back to it./p
He tries to sleep again, but he keeps hearing Sammy's words: Same circumstances, I wouldn't. Well, it seems like he isn't getting any sleep tonight. He sits in the bed and looks at the nightstand. There's the picture of his mother, but he can't look at it. It hurts too much. He can't stay here. Why would he? He thought this was his home, but without Kevin and with Sammy hating him, he doesn't have a home anymore. He can't stay in the bunker. Too many memories. Too many regrets. He decides to go to the motel downtown.
. | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | .
Cas arrives at the bunker late at night and finds Sam in the library, doing research.
+ Hello, Sam
* Hi, Cas. How are you?
+ I'm fine, thank you. I just wanted to check on you
* Thanks, Cas. But we're okay
+ Where's Dean?
* I don't know
With that, Sam turns to the books again. Cas decides to go looking for Dean.
He looks in the kitchen, in the shooting range, in the garage and, finally, in his room. It seems empty. He looks around and finds that there're a lot of things missing –clothes, weapons…– Where is Dean? He decides to share his concerns with Sam.
+ Sam! I can't find Dean. I think he has left. Some of his clothes and weapons are missing and-
* He must have gone in a hunt. He'll probably be back in a couple of days
+ But he hasn't said anything to you. That's not like him. Are you sure he didn't say anything?
* Cas! I'm sure he's fine. If he wants to go in his own, let him.
Cas looks at Sam through narrowed eyes. Why isn't Sam worried about his brother? These boys have the most co-dependent relationship he has ever seen, so how can he be so okay with Dean leaving with no warning?
+ Sam, I think-
* Cas! I don't want to talk about this. Dean is a grown up man, he can take care of himself.
Cas senses that something has happened between the brothers, so he decides to leave it for now.
. | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | .
Dean is now sitting in a motel bed and the floor is full of empty bottles of beer and whiskey. He doesn't think he's ever drunk this much but, who cares? Apparently no one does so, why stop? He takes another bottle of whiskey and starts drinking. He knows he should stop, but he can't remember why. He has nowhere to go, no one to get back to, so he keeps drinking. Alcohol, hunters' best cure to feelings. He's always buried his feelings in alcohol and he's not gonna change now. At some point, he decides to take out his phone and tries to dial Sammy's number, but he stops himself from doing it. He doesn't want anything from him anymore, so he won't bother him. He places the phone in the table and keeps drinking. He really should stop drinking. He's starting to feel numb, but that's the point, to stop feeling.
. | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | .
Cas is getting worried. Dean should have called by now, or texted, but hasn't done either. He decides to look in Sam's mind to see if he can find why he left. He knows he promised to stop looking into their thoughts, but he needs to know.
At first, he can't find anything but then, he finds the memory of the conversation Dean and Sam had in the kitchen. Now he understands why Dean thought he had to leave like that. He decides to confront Sam about it.
+ Sam, I need to talk to you.
* What about Cas?
+ Dean.
* I said I don't want to-
+ I'm worried about him. He normally would say where he was going or, at least, leave a note.
* I told you he can take care of himself.
+ Why are you not worried about him? He was not in his right mind lately, he was dealing with so much-
* He was dealing with so- I'm the one who's dealing with a lot of shit! If you haven't noticed, I was possessed by an angel. I can't close my eyes without seeing the memory of my own hands killing Kevin. So don't try to make it all about him.
+ I'm not. I'm just saying that I'm worried he might have done something stupid. I know he hasn't been sleeping much. He was feeling awful about this whole thing. He blames himself for Kevin's dead and regrets not telling you about Gadreel-
* That's not new, Cas. He always feels that everything is his fault. I can't see why this is any different. I'm sure he's at a bar trying to get laid, so-
+ Sam! I know about what you told him.
* What are you talking about?
+ Don't play dumb with me! You know what you said to him. You told him you wouldn't save him. How do you think he felt about that?
* That's not of your business, Cas. That's something between my brother and me.
+ Sam-
* I said it is not of your DAMN business, Cas! Leave me alone!
With that he picks up his books and goes into his room. Cas decides he has to find Dean, so he tries calling him to his cellphone, but it goes straight to voicemail. He didn't have a choice. He had to use his powers, even though they were nearly drained. He concentrates in Dean and he senses him in a motel downtown. He has to get there as soon as possible, thankfully, he had the car he used to get to Lawrence.
Once he gets to the motel, he asks the receptionist if he has seen Dean and manages to get his room number. As soon as he opens the door, a strong smell of alcohol welcomes him and he knows he will probably find Dean asleep. He sees him in the floor surrounded by too many empty bottles of alcohol. He kneels next to him and tries waking him up, but he gets no response. He tries shaking him and pushing him, but nothing seems to work. He's getting worried, so he uses his powers to check for his vitals, and he sees that his heartbeat is very slow. He's dying! He takes him in his arms and places him in the backseat of the car to drive him to the nearest hospital. When they get there, he rushes through the doors, but the doctors won't let him go in with Dean.
When they finally allow him to see Dean, the doctor tells him that it's a miracle that he's alive. He has alcohol poisoning and a concussion, probably form when he fell unconscious, and that they have to wait for him to wake up to see if he'll be okay. Cas thanks him and sits next to Dean holding his hand.
. | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | . | .
It's been two days already and Dean hasn't woken up yet. Cas has been with him the whole time, not leaving his side. He needs to tell Sam. He's sure he still cares, he just needs to make him realize it.
+ Dean, I have to get inform Sam of your situation, but I'll be back as soon as possible.
Cas holds his hand before leaving the room, and drives back to the bunker. When he arrives, he can't find Sam in the living room, the library or the kitchen, so he decides to look in his room.
+ Sam?
No response.
+ Sam!
Sam opens the door with anger.
* What do you want, Cas?
+ I need to inform you of something.
That seemed to catch the hunter's interest.
* What? You find anything about how can I locate Gadreel?
+ No, Sam. It's about… It's about Dean. He's-
* I thought I made it clear I don't wan-
+ Dean's in the hospital!
* So, he got hurt on the hunt. He'll-
+ Sam! How can you care so little about your brother. The person who has done everything for you. The person who gave up his childhood so you could have one. The person who sold his soul for you, who went to Hell for you. Who has always been by your side.
* Cas, you don't understand-
+ Oh, I understand just fine. You are mad at Dean for making a deal with a angel to save your life. Because you were ready to die, you didn't want to be saved. Let me make it easier for you.
Cas pushes Sam against the wall and pulls his arm against his throat.
* Cas, I can't-
+ I can give you what you wanted. I can kill you. Right now. You'll have what you wanted.
* Cas, please-
+ Please what, Sam? I'm just doing what you wanted.
* No, Cas…
+ What is it, Sam? Tell me!
* I don't want to die.
+ What was that?
* I don't want to die!
Cas let's go of Sam and gets out of his personal space.
+ I'm glad to hear that.
* I'm sorry.
+ Tell that to Dean. He's the one you hurt.
* What happened to him?
+ He's... He's... He's in a coma.
* What?
+ I found him on the floor of a motel room. He had drunk himself nearly to death.
Sam doesn't say a word. He has tears in his eyes.
* Take me to him, Cas. We have to save him.