She looks stunning, that was my first thought.
My second was how she could be two different people. In some ways she's outgoing, confident, and in control- but then other times she's shy, insecure, and very afraid. Tonight she is the latter. She's terrified, I can tell from the way she bites her lip, smoothing down the front of her white dress- she'd worn white! I think she looks glorious in the color, but I know she doesn't like the way she looks in it, that's how I knew she wore it for me. The white dress is of a fine fabric- silk perhaps? Sliding over curves she normally hides very well. Tonight she didn't try at all, something else I know it for me.
She looks like an angel, but an afraid, lost one. Normally she resents anyone ever helping her, taking care of her, but I know she needs it tonight, needs me tonight. She needs me.
It was like being in a fairy-tale. The beautiful lady enters the ball room alone, looking radiant. She's modest, ignorant to her own beauty, excited at what might lie ahead. All eyes are on her, but she only sees her lover. Their eyes meet from across the room and it's love at first sight. They have eyes for each other, only. No one else exists in their lives, in their hearts, in the room, or in the world. Normally I cast myself as the princess in these stories, but not tonight. Tonight's about her, not me.
I'd spotted her before she spotted me, but I ran to her side, my heels clicking on the marble floor. Her eyes light up when she sees me. I reach out to her, taking her arm and walking back toward the middle of the floor. "What are we doing?" she asks, genuinely confused.
"Dancing," I offer, sliding my arms around her. "What did you think we were going to do at a dance?"
"But everyone's staring at us. I don't want you to-"
I hold her tighter. "Shh, hush. I want you, I don't care what they think," I tell her, but I can tell she's not quite convinced so I kiss her. I push my own fear aside for her sake, and I kiss her to convey that I love her because I'm not sure words express it quite enough. And when she kisses me back, I know she loves me too, I know that we'll be together forever, I know that she's mine and that nothing will ever come between us. I pull back and laugh gently at the slightly overwhelmed expression on her face.
---
I blink at the morning light, streaming in the window. First there was excitement, her warm body next to mine... but of course it was only a dream. It's not that I don't want it to be true, I want that deeply. And sometimes I think she might want it, too. But I know that if we are ever to be, I must be the strong, confident one. I must be able to take care of her, I must be able to calm her fears. I must stand up for her in front of everyone. In the realm of love, I have to take care of her, not the other way around.
The fear of the world's reaction stopped me yet again, so I simply focused on the comfort I got from having her beside me, letting myself slide back into the dream where I could be loving and brave enough for the both of us.