A/N: Yeah, I don't even know what this is xD Please enjoy though, but DO NOT FAVORITE WITHOUT REVIEWING!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Lord of the Rings, and if I did Aragorn/Legolas would be canon. Or Aragorn/Eowyn . . . Yeah, just . . . fuck Arwen. I don't own Sassy Gay Friend either, but I certainly wish I had one of my own! DO NOT FAVORITE WITHOUT REVIEWING!
"Sassy Gay Friend – Frodo"
This is Frodo, from J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Lord of the Rings." He is about to try and keep the One Ring and then lose a finger. This could have been avoided if he had a Sassy Gay Friend.
"What are you doing? What, what, WHAT are you doing?"
Boom sha da da, boom sha da, da da da! *twirls scarf*
"The Ring is mine!" said Frodo.
"Yours? It's been trying to get away for months! It's almost gotten you killed! Put it down, crazy. Put it down."
"Possessing such greatness can make you crazy!"
"Yeah, I have to agree. 'My precious! My precious! The Ring is my precious!' Translation? 'Tiny penis! Tiny penis! I have a really tiny penis! Is there any powerful object I can use to feel better about myself?' The Ring killed your friend Boromir!"
"Boromir tried to take the Ring from me!"
"Save it, halfling! I don't want any harpaxophobia today, thank you very much!" snapped Sassy Gay Friend.
"The Ring wants to be with me."
"I think the Ring wants to be with Sauron and you're an idiot. You took off on your own without your seven warrior friends. Look at your life, look at your choices! Have you even had the Ring fitted?"
"Well, the Ring wouldn't go on me, but a certain gardener after I propose . . ." said Frodo with a sneaky smile.
Sassy Gay Friend gasped. "You big homo! Good for you! Yay!" They jumped up and down and cheered. Without Frodo noticing, Sassy Gay Friend grabbed the Ring and tossed it behind him into Mount Doom. "You stupid bitch," SGF teased him. And turned to you, the reader: "He's a stupid bitch!"
He flipped his scarf over his shoulder. Boom sha da da, boom sha da, da da da!
A/N: Frodo can have a Sassy Gay Friend because he is of course too madly in love with Sam to even think of another man. I think I'll do one of these for Boromir too ;D DO NOT FAVORITE WITHOUT REVIEWING!