"Potty training," he said as the haunting memories ran rampant in his mind, sending shudders down his spine. "That was a nightmare. Everything was everywhere, there was no such thing as decency anywhere. It didn't matter how fast I ran; the kid was faster. Sure the failed attempts cute the fourth and sixth time, but the millionth?" Wally cried. "Yeah, I tried telling Artemis I'd do anything but diaper duty and she lost it."
The men around the table cringed,
Dick gave his former teammates a leveled glare, "You think that's bad? At least you get to be around your kids unchaperoned. Two years ago Zatanna left me in charge of the twins for a long weekend and that just so happen to be the same weekend more of their powers starting manifesting. Saturday night, I get ready to tuck them in and say good night? I hear crying and screaming in their room. I run in there and they aren't in bed, they're on the ceiling both of them. Levitation, they were stuck on the ceiling because they didn't know how to come down and stay down. John got antigravity sickness and threw up on the ceiling and on the floor, and then Wyette threw up because John threw up, and it was everywhere. The entire house smelt like puke, I couldn't take it, I tied the twins to some rope so they could pull themselves down and bleached the house from top to bottom. Then the house smelled like bleach so I opened a few windows and had the twins strip down to their underwear so I could throw out their clothes."
"Why didn't you just throw the clothes in the wash?" Conner asked cutting Dick off.
"Because…..because I didn't want to wash them I just wanted them gone, is that a crime. They grew out of them like five days later anyway." He said dismissively.
"That's another thing, they grow like weeds. Forget buying the clothes that might have a fighting chance against the friction they create when they run at top speed, they'll just grow out of them and clear out your bank account." Wally chimed in.
Kaldur shrugged, "Perhaps you should look into more resourceful clothing articles. The boys love their mer-clothes, and it hardly ever tears."
"Yeah but when they're on land the run around naked the whole time." Wally reminded him.
"B-because land clothing is more restricting to them, and it's a passing phase." Kaldur protested.
"Your kids were running around naked this morning dude. If it wasn't for Zee enchanting their clothes, they'd be naked now." Wally said.
"What's wrong with them being naked?" Conner asked.
The three men looked stumped and flustered, it was Dick who spoke first. "Because you get charged with public indecency for one thing. Now if you'd let me finish my story, you would know that." The men gave him their undivided attention.
"Okay," he said, "So I toss the clothes and start up the shower, I hear them arguing down stairs and I guess they must've gotten physical because then Wyette starts screaming bloody murder and John sounds like he is in hysterics. I get downstairs and John is John is floating outside the mother loving window and just as I go to pull him into the apartment he just vanishes. I nearly crapped my pants, a second later Zatanna appears with John in tow and-"
"And then you crapped your pants," Wally chimed in.
Dick ignored him. "You wish, but after we calm down the twins and put them to bed it somehow ends up being my fault the kid's floating outside the penthouse like I planned this. Needless to say, I wasn't allowed to watch the twins alone without Alfred as a chaperone until like last month. She says it's because she doesn't want to burden me with the housework, work, and the twins but I know it's because the levitation incident."
"I don't think I'll have that problem." Conner said hesitantly.
"Oh yeah?" Dick challenged, "You can leap tall build and M'gann can fly, you don't think you're gonna be pulling kids off the ceiling. Don't kid yourself man. And even if you aren't brushing vomit off the ceiling you're just as screwed as the rest of us. Super powered kids are like mini villains without the need for self-preservation."
"Kal?" Conner said looking to Kaldur as a voice of reason, Kaldur threw his hand behind his neck.
"Once Khalil almost drowned himself by trapping himself in a kinetic bubble filled with water. He then tried to use electricity to escape, fortunately he's not as skilled as conjuring electricity as he is kinetic bubbles but he electrocuted himself enough to pass out in the bubble. Racquel gave me the cold shoulder for over a month. I should've been more attentive but when I left him he was watching television, how in such a short span of ten minute could I have known he was going to start doing training on his own." Kaldur asked rhetorically.
"God, have you all nearly killed your kids?" Conner asked.
"I was on dad duty when Maxum started going at hyper speed down a hill on his tricycle. Oncoming traffic had no idea what hit em' and the skid marks he had on his back? Ugh" Wally winced as he remembered.
The rest of the men winced at the thought of a speedster skidding on his back after an unexpected stop, "I remember that one, Zee had to teleport to Starcity and minimize the damage," Dick said wincing again.
"Yeah I think Artemis cried more than Maxum." Wally admitted shamefully.
"Well this chat about parenting has been reaffirming." Conner noted in a frustrated tone.
Kaldur half smiled, "What we mean to say my friend, is that there is a wide margin for error. You don't have to be perfect to raise good kids." He said throwing his arm around around Conner's neck.
"You just have to be there." Wally said stuffing his mouth with chips. Dick looked at him, "What? Artemis hides the chips from Maxum and makes them impossible to find." He said defending himself.
"You sure she's not hiding them from you?" Dick countered. Wally's eyes narrowed but Dick ignored him. "You and M'gann are gonna be great parents, you just have to expect the lows with the highs that's all."
"And if there are more lows than highs?" Conner asked.
"What are you guys talking about in here? The baby shower is getting ready to start." Artemis said barging into the kitchen where the men sat around the table.
"Nothing, babe." Wally said as he got up and sped to her side, pecking her on the cheek before grabbing another bag of chips.
"I should go help Zee, with the uhh yeah. Lookin' good Artie." Dick said as he chuckled and walked through the door.
"I hate when he calls me that," Artemis said.
"Heard that!" Dick called from outside.
"That was the point Grayson!" She called back.
"We should help things get started," Kaldur said to Conner.
"Yeah, while I still have my sanity." Conner mumbled.
"That's the spirit!" Wally said amicably.
"Huh," Artemis said.
"How does this kid keep getting out of his pants?!" Racquel wailed from outside.