Just so there isn't confusion with the summery, there is no abuse in this story. Well, not serious abuse. But I think you would guess from the humor.
Sleep Beating
"Take that you evil doer." A woman shouted at the top of her lungs as she brought down a white object hard onto the 'evil doer'.
"What the fuck!" The male bolted from his sleep by the sudden impact he felt over his head.
"You will never steal the artichokes from the Sushi people. Not when I'm around." Orihime proudly proclaim as she raised her pillow high in the air
"Orihime, what are you ..oomph." A hard right swing across his cheek cut his sentence short.
"Be gone now you villain." She continue to smashing Ichigo's head repeatedly into their shared bed.
"Orihime, I'm your husband not a villain." In an attempt to reason with her. But it all fell on deaf ears as one giant swing from the now torn pillow sent him flying off the bed and falling hard onto the floor.
"What the? Um, Ichigo, why are you on the floor?" Ask Orihime, now coming out of her 'sleep beating' and wondering what he was doing down there.
"I was checking to see if the dust bunnies wanted some cookies." He sarcastically replied to his wife. His scowl ever present.
"Oh, that's so wonderful of you." Overjoyed at his kindness. "Tell them I hope they enjoy them." As she went back to Dreamland.
The 'beaten' spouse rose to his feet. Not believing that his innocent, lovely wife would attack him out of nowhere.
"I guess no more wasabi milkshakes before bed then." The ruffle sheets now covered his body as he went back to his warm bed and wrapped his arms around Orihime's body, the princess's head tuck safely under his chin. His eyelids started to close, sleep taking over him
"En garde, Sir Knight."
Collision Inbound
"Oh Kurosaki-kun, I'm so sorry." Orihime said to her fallen boyfriend. Her body was laying on top of his when their heads accidentally bumped heads with one another.
'There's nothing to feel so-'Omph'" He tried to say but was hit on the head agains by the princess's iron like skull. And this time the impact knock him out cold.
"Oh my gah, Kurosaki-kun! Are you ok? Speak to me. Oh no, the aliens have kidnap his brain." she started to panic, shaking his prone body around wildly.
"Who would of thought that dating Inoue-san would be so hazardous to Kurosaki." Said Uryuu, smirking at the predicament at his former rival.
"Hm" Chad agreed with a nod of his head.
"Come on guys," The Tatsuki interjected. "That's how Orihime shows her love to her boyfriend. By giving him headbutts." Watching with a smile as her best friend started to pure a bucket of ice cold water on his face. Where she got it she didn't know.
"Yeah, just a love tap." Tatsuki continued as she smiled at the scene.
Poor, poor Ichigo.
Have a nice day.