I can't sleep at night.
I'm haunted by these white flashes that stain the back of my eyelids.
Too bright.
Always too bright.
Every night the white creeps across the room, never to be put out. It hides behind everything during the day, waiting until I turn the lights out. Waiting until I climb into bed to try and sleep. Waiting until it can come out and slowly kill me.
They caress my mind until I feel stripped and exposed; vulnerable and helpless.
They eat away at my conscious until I'm raw and bare.
They wait until I am terrified of everything.
Every night I see white.
Whiter than daytime's light.
Persistent and angry.
Waiting for me to try and sleep.
It screams at me until all I can do is feel nervous around the shadows that form in my bedroom. They let me witness the shadows moving, but it never wants those figures to touch me in the night. I can never feel the shadows touch me. They never allow me to be in any kind of darkness.
The moon's light backs away to a dull glow in the background, letting the white flashes take their course. It leaves me alone with the white light.
Why won't it go away?
Every night, I see him standing in a cold gray hallway.
"Duo."
The white pushes and pulls at that image, until it distorts his beautiful body.
His voice echoes in the recess of my mind, never leaving me without sound.
"Duo...?"
Make it go away.
Images flash across my thoughts.
Won't leave me alone.
Won't let me die.
Images of blood blossoming from his chest, his eyes widened from shock.
Images of him paused in a mid-air fall backwards towards the ground.
Blood spraying from his parted lips.
Hands reaching towards me.
Eyes burning into me.
Won't leave me alone.
Every night I hear his cries.
"Duo."
Echoing in my head. Over and over again until I can imagine myself in a tall room with him standing directly in the center, shouting. Listening to the echo of his own voice. His eyes burning into my soul.
"No."
Every night, I see the white. Blocking my vision. Hiding me from darkness.
Making me feel guilt.
"Get away from me."
I can see him take a step back, shaking his head. Words freeze on his lips for a split second, only to come back a second later. His eyes burning with his love for me.
"No."
Go away. Make it go away.
Every night, I try to bury myself in darkness, but the white light follows me. Stalks me.
Never goes away.
Images permanently pressed into my heart.
The bullet ripping through his skin, ruining his body. Ruining him.
The bullet tearing through flesh, allowing the blood to come forth in a strange shower.
His hoarse gasp settling in the depth of that gray hallway.
"Duo..."
Never more.
Leave me alone.
"... gods..."
Don't say it.
Every night I hear it, Heero. Every night.
Won't you let me rest tonight?
Just one night.
Let me sleep.
"Duo..."
One night.
Need sleep.
"......."
It's too bright, Heero. Make it go away.
"Duo..."
No.
"... love you..."
No.
"Always have."
No.
"Love you so much..."
Please... don't ask.
"Why?"
Make it stop.
"Why...? You loved me, too."
Still do. Always.
"I love you."
Every night...
"So much..."
I see myself holding him in my arms as he dies. Blood. So much blood.
His blood.
"Love you."
Every night, I see a tear streak down his face to mix with the blood that's flowing from his lips.
Every night, I feel his blood-stained hand reach up and gently slide down my cheek.
Every night, I feel my heart break.
Every night, I see his eyes glazing over.
His lips slowly close.
His hand settling against the tile floor.
His eyes slip shut.
Every night, I hear the scream of a gunshot.
Every night, I see his shocked expression as bullet meets his flesh.
And every night, I see myself across from him in the gray hallway...
... holding the gun.
I'm haunted by these white flashes that stain the back of my eyelids.
Too bright.
Always too bright.
Every night the white creeps across the room, never to be put out. It hides behind everything during the day, waiting until I turn the lights out. Waiting until I climb into bed to try and sleep. Waiting until it can come out and slowly kill me.
They caress my mind until I feel stripped and exposed; vulnerable and helpless.
They eat away at my conscious until I'm raw and bare.
They wait until I am terrified of everything.
Every night I see white.
Whiter than daytime's light.
Persistent and angry.
Waiting for me to try and sleep.
It screams at me until all I can do is feel nervous around the shadows that form in my bedroom. They let me witness the shadows moving, but it never wants those figures to touch me in the night. I can never feel the shadows touch me. They never allow me to be in any kind of darkness.
The moon's light backs away to a dull glow in the background, letting the white flashes take their course. It leaves me alone with the white light.
Why won't it go away?
Every night, I see him standing in a cold gray hallway.
"Duo."
The white pushes and pulls at that image, until it distorts his beautiful body.
His voice echoes in the recess of my mind, never leaving me without sound.
"Duo...?"
Make it go away.
Images flash across my thoughts.
Won't leave me alone.
Won't let me die.
Images of blood blossoming from his chest, his eyes widened from shock.
Images of him paused in a mid-air fall backwards towards the ground.
Blood spraying from his parted lips.
Hands reaching towards me.
Eyes burning into me.
Won't leave me alone.
Every night I hear his cries.
"Duo."
Echoing in my head. Over and over again until I can imagine myself in a tall room with him standing directly in the center, shouting. Listening to the echo of his own voice. His eyes burning into my soul.
"No."
Every night, I see the white. Blocking my vision. Hiding me from darkness.
Making me feel guilt.
"Get away from me."
I can see him take a step back, shaking his head. Words freeze on his lips for a split second, only to come back a second later. His eyes burning with his love for me.
"No."
Go away. Make it go away.
Every night, I try to bury myself in darkness, but the white light follows me. Stalks me.
Never goes away.
Images permanently pressed into my heart.
The bullet ripping through his skin, ruining his body. Ruining him.
The bullet tearing through flesh, allowing the blood to come forth in a strange shower.
His hoarse gasp settling in the depth of that gray hallway.
"Duo..."
Never more.
Leave me alone.
"... gods..."
Don't say it.
Every night I hear it, Heero. Every night.
Won't you let me rest tonight?
Just one night.
Let me sleep.
"Duo..."
One night.
Need sleep.
"......."
It's too bright, Heero. Make it go away.
"Duo..."
No.
"... love you..."
No.
"Always have."
No.
"Love you so much..."
Please... don't ask.
"Why?"
Make it stop.
"Why...? You loved me, too."
Still do. Always.
"I love you."
Every night...
"So much..."
I see myself holding him in my arms as he dies. Blood. So much blood.
His blood.
"Love you."
Every night, I see a tear streak down his face to mix with the blood that's flowing from his lips.
Every night, I feel his blood-stained hand reach up and gently slide down my cheek.
Every night, I feel my heart break.
Every night, I see his eyes glazing over.
His lips slowly close.
His hand settling against the tile floor.
His eyes slip shut.
Every night, I hear the scream of a gunshot.
Every night, I see his shocked expression as bullet meets his flesh.
And every night, I see myself across from him in the gray hallway...
... holding the gun.