Mind-meld: where the thin boundary of skin melted away and the depths beneath were revealed, memories seeped through pores and emotions became tangible in their linked breaths. Spock, the older, more dignified, seemingly calmer version of himself, had forced the psychic connection on Kirk and that illusion of elderly tranquility was shattered.
The mind-meld had been overwhelming- the images, and echoing words were there, the manifest message he was trying to send was overpowering. He learned everything that Spock knew in a matter of seconds.
But thoughts could not be separated from feelings; the information came melded with the crushing weight of sorrow and grief, rage and vengeance. The emotions were what Kirk came away with more so than the flashbacks. The strength and depths of the Vulcan's emotions were striking- they made every human sentiment he had ever felt turn pastel and meaningless in comparison. He had been unprepared for the intimate clasping of minds and was left nauseous and reeling from the sudden onslaught. Asking himself how Spock could remain so calm when beneath the wrinkled dignified exterior he was in unimaginable agony. Just from the residual emotional transference, Kirk had wanted to sit down right then and there in that cave and scream and sob like a blubbering child from a pain that wasn't even his. The forced commiseration had just hurt so badly.
It was Spock's directions that set him back on his feet. Reminding him he still had a chance to stop further genocide. Telling him to be strong, to be logical in the face of irrational emotions.
So Kirk had swallowed the stone in his throat and mechanically prepared for the long trudge to the Star Fleet outpost. But on the long frozen tundra, with nothing to draw his eyes in the blinding white expanse, and no conversation possible over the roaring winds, he was left in his head with his thoughts; left to mull over the Vulcan's startlingly intense emotions.
He hadn't been able to think during the mind-meld, but now he could peel back the layers and look beneath the anguish to the subtler tones of emotions. He felt Spock's joy at their reunion, anticipation, excitement, a yearning for familiarity, for reciprocation. The passion did not manifest into any particular memory – just an inkling that gave truth to his swearing of eternal friendship – and possibly more.
Kirk could sense their companionship stretching on for years in the older Spock's mind.
Even when everything was awash with suffering – filled with black holes, failed missions, dying mothers- Kirk could still feel the undeniable attraction in Spock that drew them together. An attraction he probably would not have noticed in Spock for many years if left to judge from outer appearances. And an attraction that he probably would not have noticed in himself if Spock had not already pointed it out within his own mind.
It had given him the clues needed to press the right buttons in order to illicit an emotional response from the younger Spock once he had been beamed back aboard the Enterprise. Just as he saw the Vulcan's eyes flame with anger, rage, grief, emotions so shockingly human, he felt as if he had somehow cheated Spock's system yet again. Though Spock himself had given Kirk the key, it hadn't been earned. That Spock knew a different him, had been in battles, and victories, and adventures for an entire lifetime and had given Kirk something he hadn't yet earned himself.
He felt too intimate with Spock. He hadn't lived that life yet, so the expectant camaraderie he felt from the older Spock came as a shock. But it was something he wanted to explore, it had been too genuine to disregard. He wanted to create those emotions in his Spock. He wanted to deserve that respect and... love.
It was because of the mind-meld that he knew something was there, something substantial in Spock's mind that he could moor himself to. It was because he knew something was there that he didn't feel awkward or anxious in cornering the Vulcan in the corridor outside of the bridge, merely curious, slightly arrogant, as if he had gotten a glimpse at Spock's playing hand (and in essence he already had, though it had been freely given, forced on him even, before he had ever heard of mind-meld).
He knew the older Vulcan's feelings, and so he knew of the potential that existed in his Spock.
"Spock, where are you going?" Kirk jogged after him as he passed through the portal leading out of the bridge.
"Commander Uhura requested my presence in the Transmitter station, she picked up a sub-space frequency she would like for me to listen to," he replied curtly without slowing his pace.
"I am sure that is not all that she had in mind..."
That stopped him. He turned to face Kirk head on.
"Captain, what are you implying exactly?"
"Oh, only that you are probably going to go down there and make out like some horny teenagers."
Spock's lips tightened, obviously displeased by the thought.
"Vulcan sexuality is not governed by the irregular chemical surges of hormones like it is in humans."
"No, instead you have to deal with one giant surge that, if resisted, results in insanity. Gotta say Spock, the human half sounds a lot more appealing, even if it is 'irregular'," Kirk chuckled out, playfully goading Spock with an elbow.
Spock stepped back, only to feel the cool wall press against his back.
"If you truly believe that human feelings of sexuality are superior, than why do you hinder my reunion with Commander Uhura?"
Kirk stepped forward, exhilarated by the closeness, the tickling edge of danger stroking the small space between them.
"Maybe I just want you for myself."
That actually caused Spock's eyebrows to raise in a rare display of surprise.
"Our coupling would be... illogical."
"Yeah? Well I am human and we aren't always governed by logic like you; we sometimes can't help it when emotions take over, emotions that I know you have as well!"
"You suggest that you know my mind when that is clearly an impossibility."
"Maybe, but I don't have to know your mind if your body tells me otherwise," And Kirk, who was never fearful of any conquest, sexual or otherwise, finally closed the gap between them, pressing their hands together as he carefully captured the Vulcan's lips in a kiss before he could react.
His lips were hot, shockingly hot, reminding Kirk that this being was as alien as the copper blood the ran in his veins, and also reminding him that he didn't really have a chance in the counterattack that was sure to follow.
But it never came.
Not the Nerve-Pinch, not even a shove. Instead all he felt were the hesitant pulses as Spock returned the kiss in such an shyly endearing way that Kirk was reminded that this being was also as human as he was emotional.
The contact was brief, chaste, but Kirk still drew away breathless and grinning.
"For a Vulcan... Spock you aren't very logical."
For a moment he seemed to have lost his words, a condition Kirk found highly amusing.
"I- I simply did what was most appropriate for the current situation."
"Meaning you just did what felt right- that's called following your gut. Emotions, Spock. Unless of course you only allowed me to kiss you because I am the Captain and could have you court-marshaled for refusing an order. Yeah, that's logical," Kirk bemused aloud.
Spock smirked slightly in acknowledgment.
"I will admit that the thought did not enter my mind. Also, you never gave me an order... Sir."
And then it was Spock leaning forward to plant another kiss on Kirk's surprised lips, pressing in firmly, leaving his warmth imprinted there even when he pushed the dazed captain back and slid out from between him and the wall.
"Now, please excuse me. I still have to attend to Uhura and her transmissions," he murmured before turning to walk down the hall.
Kirk gazed after him as the realization of what had happened tugged another grin on the corner of his mouth.
"So, Spock, was that just an act of defiance, or were you trying to tell me something else?" he yelled after the Vulcan's retreating back.
Without turning he replied, "I will inform you when I know the answer myself."
The swift elevator doors swallowed him up before Kirk could goad any more answers from him.
His smirk faded and he slumped back against the wall, pressing his fingers to his lips where the electric heat still tingled.
"Yeah, Spock, let me know when you figure it out..." the smile returned, softer, warmer as he whispered to the empty hallway.
"...cause I already have my answer."
End AN: Well would you look at that. I wrote something halfway fluffy. Huh...
Oh Star Trek, how I love thee. And while I am here, I just want to point out that SpockxUhura is NOT canon. But, since this is an alternate timeline, eh... Anything goes I suppose. ^^
Reviews are mucho appreciated!