Disclaimer: I do not own The Worst Witch. The title and my inspiration have been taken from the song of the same name by Pink. If you aren't familiar with it, you should check it out as it is a beautiful song and, I felt, very fitting.
A/N: This is something a little different to what I have done before but I like to try out new things.
I hope you enjoy :)
Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self
My dearest Connie,
I recognise that look in your eye all too well for it's the same one that was once present in mine and I want you to know that I understand. I remember that crippling loneliness and the despair in a heart so young; one that was already so heavy, one that was already so numb.
I only wish that I could tell you now – face to face – that it won't always be like this; that you won't always feel like this, but the rules are in place for a reason and I know that I cannot go against them. Trust me when I say though that it does get better and, even though you may not believe me, you get better.
I won't lie to you, it won't be easy.
It will be a long and treacherous journey, filled with more heartache than any one person should have to face in a lifetime and there will be so many times along the way when you will want to give up, to just curl up and die, but please don't. You must keep going, my child, for that rocky path is your stepping stone to something wonderful; you just have to be patient.
You prove them all wrong you know; all those who said you could never do it, those who said you would fall at each hurdle, and those who made no secret of wanting to see you fail. You will become one of the most powerful witches in the country and there will be days when you feel like you can conquer anything but there will be more when you will still feel like that scared little girl: the one who watched the world from inside her room. The one who was always on the outside looking in.
For so long you will feel out of place but that is only because you haven't yet found the right one. It will start with an old castle, much like the ones in that book of fairytales on your shelf; you know the one that I mean. You used to read it avidly before you stopped believing in miracles and happy ever afters and it started gathering dust.
That castle and those in it will ignite a spark in you that you thought had died and give you so much more than just a mere wage. Your kind employer – the one who gave you a chance – will become like the mother that was taken from you all too soon. Your name will become legendary in the field of potions and you will feel such pride as you watch your charges succeed, offering them the guidance and advice that you were never given all those years ago.
A piece will still be missing though and the loneliness will remain; a flash of pain visible in your dark eyes, until one day.
One day, when you have long given up hope, that special someone will walk into your life and, for the better, everything will change.
It won't happen overnight and it certainly won't be love at first sight. In fact, when you first meet, you will clash instantly; one so very different to yourself but, please don't be deterred, she will turn out to be everything you never knew you wanted. And everything you ever needed.
You don't know it yet but she is the one you will marry, cementing your two worlds together, and not long after that will see you start a family. The first time you hold your daughter in your arms will take your breath away. She will be called Faith and she will be absolutely beautiful.
Before that though are the building blocks to that happy ever after. You will worry that those green eyes will run a mile when they see what truly lies beneath the carefully crafted façade but she doesn't, far from it. She perseveres with you every step of the way and, eventually, she breaks through those high walls; she leads you out of the darkness and into the light, standing beside you as you rebuild your life – your life together – with trust and love.
Love.
You will spend years questioning if such a thing exists and if you are even worthy. If you take nothing else from my words, my dear, then know this: you are worthy and you do deserve to be loved.
For so long, the world will do everything it can to convince you otherwise. It will push you to the brink, to the edge; you'll be broken, beaten and bruised but you will survive and, suddenly, all those cold, lonely nights that you spent staring into space, loaded up on wide-awake potion as you try to keep the nightmares at bay will fade away to nothing and, in those darkest of moments, you will feel a pair of arms around you, pulling you closer; silently telling you that she won't let go.
And she doesn't.
Not through the good times and not through the bad. You will live a long life together, filled with more love and laughter than you could ever dream of. Your family will grow but you will always make time for each other.
She's there when the doctor confirms the worst and she's your strength when your body begins to weaken. She takes your hand from the very start and she doesn't let it go until the very end.
When you look back over it all, watching from above, you won't cry because it's over, you will smile because it happened. You will smile because you will be able to say those three words that you once never thought possible: you were happy.
We were happy.
I was happy.