This was supposed to go in Love And War but it exceeded my word count cap, so it is being published outside of the compilation!
Title: Sacrifices
Pairings&Characters: Maya, Lucas, Riley, Lucaya, Rucas (one sided)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Friendship, Romance, WAFF/Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, sort of canon compliant, but AU
Rating: K+/Low T for Triangle? Or Nah.
Summary: Is it wrong that she's fallen for the cowboy?
Request by 3.14159265358979 for Lucaya secretly liking each other in middle school and Cory catching them. It starts with them already good friends, but this story is kind of fucked up lol... You wanted happy. I did not do very well with that lol. Sorry! Thanks for the request! :)
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own GMW.
It started the evening of JQA High's huge annual studio and visual art's competition.
Ms. Kossal had entered one of Maya's pieces into the competition as she believed it could rival that of even some of her best students in the upper school. It was a huge honour considering Maya was still in eighth grade, and despite her reservations, she'd agreed. It was a pretty big deal, and Maya had even gone shopping to buy a new dress and shoes.
Maya ended up winning third prize, beating out a handful of juniors and even a senior.
But looking at the small trophy, she knew her victory didn't mean as much to her as it should have because as expected, her mother hadn't shown.
Maya sighed, setting the trophy on the ground as she prepared to cover her painting back up in its protective tarp for transport.
Maya wasn't selfish. She knew her mother had gotten an audition for a small role as an extra in some blockbuster movie, so she knew Katy was busy. Katy being busy didn't hurt her. What hurt her was the fact that Katy had promised she would try to make it, but had missed the event completely. Maya knew she would make it up to her by taking her out to eat at a fancy restaurant, and Maya knew she would forgive Katy eventually, especially since she knew her mother didn't have very many opportunities to act and it was her dream, but this had been going on a bit more frequently now. Maya would have something going on that Katy never showed up for and then she was left to feel abandoned or neglected. The disappointment that evening had been somewhat tampered down by the fact that the Matthews and her friends had been there to support her, but once they'd all left, Maya's thoughts had started to spiral.
Was it really such a bad thing for Maya to want to be selfish and have her mother there so they could finally have that 'that's my daughter' mother moment coupled with the embarrassment of the child? Just once, she wanted to be regaled with praises from the audience by her loud, screwball mother.
Once she had gotten the tarp on, Maya stooped to gather her bag and trophy and prepare to leave. She had thought perhaps her mother would arrive even at the end to also help her bring it back home, but it looked like Maya was on her own to get home for this one.
"Maya."
Maya stiffened, her eyes widening a bit before she rectified her expression and plastered a fake grin on her lips. She turned around, smirking at Lucas and putting on her brave face, hiding the turmoil in her mind.
"Huckleberry. What are you still doing here?"
The exhibit hall was for the most part empty with most people packing up their art and preparing to leave by now.
"You told us your mom would be coming to pick you up after the show, but I knew you were lying." Lucas frowned, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "She never showed, and she forgot about the art competition, didn't she?"
Maya averted her gaze, staring at the scuff marks on the floor as Lucas pinpointed exactly what was going on. Shoulders slumping, she sighed and sat down on one of the spectator chairs nearby, sliding off the tight heels she had purchased to look more sophisticated for the event. There was no point in trying to hide anything from Lucas. He could read her like a book when he wanted to and though it annoyed her to no end, she knew he wouldn't give up until she told him the truth.
"Nothing gets past you, huh?"
Lucas sat in an adjacent chair, stretching out his legs in front of him as he rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt.
"Not when it pertains to you." he said with a slight smile, "You okay?"
"I'm fine. Kind of pissed off at my mom, but I'll live. I just wish she could make a little bit more of an effort. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who remembers that we both have to make an effort if we want to really make our relationship grow. It's like she keeps forgetting that this whole half a mom, distance thing was what ruined our relationship in the first place. I know old habits are hard to break, but every time she slips back into them, I start to lose hope again."
"I thought things were getting better with your mom."
"For the most part Lucas, but you know." Maya said, toying with the mini golden paintbrush and palette at the top of her trophy, "She still prioritizes work. Which I understand. We're taking baby steps."
"I'm sorry."
"No it's okay, I've gotten used to it." Maya shrugged, giving him a small smile.
But Lucas was watching her seriously, the expression in his eyes softening to a warm concern.
"Maya." he said simply, "You haven't."
She chewed on her lower lip, staring at him, wondering how it was that Lucas just knew despite her best efforts to hide her internal thoughts.
"If you'd gotten used to it, your eyes wouldn't have that look of pain in them." Lucas continued, "I recognize that look you know. It's the same one you used to have last year when you would talk about your home life."
Maya let out a sigh, setting the trophy on the ground and leaning against the back of the chair.
"You're right." Maya chuckled mirthlessly, feeling that lump in her throat tighten a bit dangerously. "I'm still broken, Lucas. I don't want to be or feel broken, but I am and I do. I don't get it. My life has gotten better. So why do I still feel this way?"
"You know… sometimes, no matter how much things improve, let's face it, the demons of our past are always going to weigh on our minds." Lucas said, gently setting his hand on her shoulder, giving her a comforting squeeze, "Texas me is always lurking around the corner, waiting for the day someone I really care about gets seriously hurt, and I know he's going to come out. It's only a matter of time. And you're still hurt by your father leaving. You're still affected by the half a mom life you used to have. Just because life has gotten better for us doesn't mean we're not still broken or damaged in some way. Things like this don't go away easily. And lying to ourselves that we're always okay is only going to make it worse."
Maya held his gaze, her jaw just a bit unhinged. He understood. He understood perfectly. It was like he'd managed to read what was in her heart. Her heart started racing, and she forced herself to keep her blush from rising on her face. Lucas dropped his hand from her shoulder, standing up and stretching noisily with a yawn.
"We should probably start heading out. It's getting late, and I still have to make sure you get home safely."
"I can go home on my own." Maya said with a frown.
He turned around, a smirk on his face.
"You really want to fight me on this? Keep in mind that you have to take that painting home on the subway, and it doesn't look like it'll be easy to carry. Especially for a short little stack of pancakes like you."
Maya rolled her eyes, slipping her heels back on before standing up. He did have a point about the painting being particularly heavy. And quite frankly, Maya wasn't looking forward to lugging her painting back home. At least if Lucas came with her, he would probably carry it the entire way which was a load off her back. Literally.
"Hey Lucas?"
"Yeah?"
"My mom's probably not going to be home for a while. Do you think you could…? I mean… You want to chill at my place for a bit?" Maya could feel her cheeks burn red. "I know it's a school night and you have to go back home and all but it kind of feels weird being in the apartment by myself."
"Hey, it's no problem at all. I'll keep you company. Since you're lonely and you want me around and all."
"Don't get a big head, Sundance. You're just the only available option."
"Whatever you say, Shortstack."
~.~.~
"How can you possibly like Blanche better than Rose?"
"I don't know." Lucas shrugged, grabbing a handful of the kettle corn from the bowl on Maya's lap. "She's just more endearing, I guess? She's funny. Plus the whole Southern belle thing."
Maya rolled her eyes with a scoff, snuggling further into his side. "But Betty White though."
Lucas laughed. "It is what it is."
Maya turned back to the TV, shaking her head in mock disgust as they continued to watch. She and Lucas were hanging out on Maya's couch binge watching Golden Girls because Maya had discovered it and fell in love when she had been randomly flipping channels one night. She refused to miss any of the rerun episodes, so Lucas had no choice but to watch it with her when he came over when her mom wouldn't be home until late, and it became a natural occurrence for them.
He would bring kettle corn, she would grab a blanket, and they would just snuggle while watching TV. It was just normal for them, though of course Maya didn't really think about why she found it so normal.
"You know, I've always wondered," Lucas said when a commercial break came on, "Why did you say you saw me as Mary's little lamb?"
Maya frowned in surprise, a little taken aback because she hadn't expected that question out of the blue. That had been literal months ago.
"Ummm… what?"
Lucas shrugged, bending his arm on the back of the couch and leaning his head against his fist before shifting slightly so he was facing her.
"You said you saw me as Mary's little lamb. I want to know why."
"You're not offended by it, are you?"
"Not offended." Lucas said, a small smile tugging on the corners of his mouth, "Just curious."
I didn't mean it as an insult." Maya explained offhandedly, "It was just, given the circumstances, we were rebelling and cutting up and left detention against the rules, and you followed me. I was the de facto leader, and technically you followed me everywhere. Plus, you're a Huckleberry and a softy regardless of your past, so there's that."
"Okay." Lucas chuckled.
Maya eyed him warily. She didn't like the way his eyes were dancing in amusement.
"What?"
"Nothing." He said with a smirk.
"No. You're not getting out of this." Maya said, pulling away the bowl of popcorn when he reached for it. "Tell me."
"Alright then. You based the nickname off of the nursery rhyme, right? Mary had a little lamb?"
"Yeah…" Maya dragged out, frowning and staring at him like he'd lost his marbles. "So what?"
"It's just that, the last stanza of the rhyme goes like this: why does the lamb love Mary so? The eager children cry. Why, Mary loves the lamb, you know. The teacher did reply." He said in amusement. "So does that mean you love me since you thought the rhyme fitting for me?"
Maya's eyes narrowed in irritation. Why hadn't she expected that kind of comment from him?
"You're annoying."
"You love me." he countered easily.
She scoffed and rolled her eyes, turning back to face the TV when the commercial break ended and trying to ignore the way her heart was jumping wildly in her chest.
~.~.~
Maya squinted her eyes, staring at the splash of green she had added to the tree, wondering why it looked so blurry. She rubbed her eyes, but the blurriness didn't leave.
Sighing, she set her paintbrush back on the easel, annoyed that her vision was acting up again. On most days, her sight didn't bother her, but there were times when certain things in an image would be blurred. She supposed she would probably need corrective lenses going into high school, and Maya made a mental note to remind her mom to bring her to the optometrist sometime in the summer.
And then someone walked into the room, coming up behind her and covering her eyes with both hands. Maya rolled her eyes.
"Lucas, I know it's you."
He let go of her and she turned around, raising an eyebrow when he chuckled in amusement. He was still in his baseball uniform, his hair disheveled and smudges of dirt and dust on his skin and clothes. He shifted the strap of his gym bag so it was going across his chest. Maya swallowed a little thickly when he smiled, trying and failing not to feel that fluttering in her stomach that had recently been springing up even more than usual.
"How could you tell?"
He had a certain scent that was uniquely him (that Maya secretly loved), but she wasn't about to tell him that she enjoyed his scent. He'd never let her live it down.
"Your hands cover up about all of my face, Ranger Rick." she said casually, expertly hiding the fact that she felt a little lightheaded around him, "It's not too hard to figure it out."
"Right." Lucas chuckled, putting his baseball cap back on his head. "Hey, your mother is closing up Topanga's today, right? So she won't be home until way late."
"Crap…That's right…" Maya frowned.
She had forgotten. She supposed she would have to figure out some way to get take out or delivery for dinner now. Had her mother left her debit card in the apartment? If she didn't, Maya wouldn't be able to eat until later.
"Since you don't have anything at your place, do you want to come over to my place for dinner?"
"No thanks. I don't want to freeload."
"It's not freeloading. I'm inviting you over."
Maya frowned. "Why?"
He shrugged a little sheepishly, and Maya wondered if that really was a light blush on his cheeks or if it was just a trick of the light.
"I like spending time with you." Lucas scratched his head, averting his gaze.
Maya smirked. "You're lying. That's not why you want me to come over for dinner."
"I'm not lying. I do like spending time with you."
"Okay, whatever. You like spending time with me. But you're still lying about the reason why you want me to come over." Maya crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Tell me why or I'm not going to budge from this stool."
"I could just pick you up, you know?"
"I wasn't aware you wanted your nose broken so badly, Huckleberry."
Lucas sighed, taking off his cap and running a hand through his hair.
"My mom wanted to know why I was spending so much time with you at your place, and she came to the conclusion that we're dating so I told her we weren't, but she told me she wanted to hear it from your own mouth otherwise she wouldn't believe me. So I'm inviting you over for dinner."
"Wow." Maya snorted. "You do realize if I go, I'm going to tell your mom we are dating just to give you a hard time, right?"
"Kind of expected it, yeah." Lucas rolled his eyes. "It was worth a try anyway. So you'll come to dinner?"
Maya laughed, standing up to get her stuff.
"Alright, Ranger Rick. I'll be your dinner date."
~.~.~
"Maya, what are your plans for the weekend?" Riley asked, leaning against the lockers, waiting for Maya to swap out her books for the next chunk of classes, "We haven't had a slumber party/sleepover in a while. I feel like an all day one is in order tomorrow."
Before Maya could respond, Lucas came up behind her and stuck two fingers into her waist on both sides. Maya yelped, jumping up in fright and slight shock from the ticklish feeling and nearly flung her books everywhere.
"Lucas! Stop doing that!" Maya shouted, spinning around and playfully punching him on the arm.
"Sorry Riley." He laughed. "Maya won't be free tomorrow evening."
Maya rose a brow, looking at him like he had lost his mind.
"Umm yes? I'm definitely free."
"You're not." He replied with a smile. "MOMA. Abstract art exhibit. Me and you."
"What?" she asked in confusion, her face twisting.
"My mom won two free tickets for that new MOMA exhibit in a work raffle, and she gave them to me to take the short, loud cutie with the blonde hair who likes art." Lucas smirked. "I don't know what she meant by cutie, but I guess she was referring to you?"
"Wait, seriously?!" Maya's eyes widened, and she laughed, grabbing Lucas' arms in excitement. "I've wanted to see that exhibit for two weeks!"
"Yeah, I know. You killed my ears for the past two weeks about it." Lucas smiled. "So you'll go with me?"
"Hell yes!" Maya exclaimed, not caring that she had cursed and could get a write up for it.
"I'll pick you up at four tomorrow then? We can go to that pizzeria near there for dinner. I'll pay."
"Sounds like a plan."
"It's a date, then." Lucas said with a wink before walking towards the end of the hallway, waving to some friends from the baseball team chatting there.
"Holy crap! Can you believe it, Riley?"
Maya turned around in excitement only to find Riley staring at her, her brows a little furrowed. Maya sobered her expression, wondering why Riley looked so put off.
"What's up?"
"Nothing… It's just that you and Lucas have been spending a lot of time together lately. Every time I ask you if you want to come over, you're either at his place or he's at yours."
Maya could just see the unease in Riley's expression, and she knew her best friend was probably wary and borderline thinking the worst. She still had a massive crush on Lucas, and Maya figured it seemed from a distance like she and Lucas were together. It didn't help that there were still rumours circulating around that they were a couple from the yearbook fiasco.
"We're just chilling and talking about life and stuff. He keeps me company when my mom isn't home."
"You don't…" Riley clammed up, briefly looking at the ground and chewing on her lower lip.
"What? Tell me what's wrong, Riley?"
"You don't like Lucas, do you?"
"What? No?" Maya snorted.
"I mean, you kind of seem like you do is all I'm saying. If you like him, you can tell me, you know?"
"I don't like him." Maya asserted, though she could feel a small blush rising to her face. "He's Ranger Rick. A Huckleberry Cowboy. I mean, look at him."
But as she stared at him at the end of the hall, talking to someone on the baseball team, Maya's smirk slowly fell from her lips, her heart thumping erratically in her chest. Lucas glanced up and caught her eyes and smiled. She smiled slightly back, those butterflies in her stomach fluttering up a storm once again. With startling clarity, Maya suddenly knew what her reaction meant.
And Maya knew she had just lied through her teeth.
She liked Lucas.
~.~.~
"Alright, what's this one?" Maya asked when they stopped in front of an avant garde piece that looked like a twisted mess of limbs, grappling for something in a way. "Just honestly tell me what it looks like in your cowboy eyes."
"Alright." Lucas laughed. "Honestly? It looks like people completing a jigsaw puzzle."
Maya frowned. "What?"
"Interior decorating."
"Okay, Huckleberry. What the hell are you talking about? You are not making any sense at all."
"You know? A little afternoon delight?" He waggled his eyebrows and then she understood exactly what he was insinuating.
Maya stared at him for a second in slight shock before dissolving into loud laughter.
"You are so gross. It looks nothing like that! How did you even come to that interpretation?"
One of the museum personnel turned and gave them both a dirty look, and Maya tried to stifle her snorts and snickers. They were definitely going to get kicked out if she kept laughing this loudly. But she couldn't help it. Every time Lucas interpreted one of the paintings, it was so bad and crazy it cracked her up.
"Alright then Maya." Lucas said with a smirk, "If you're so good at this, tell me what you see."
She stared at it, scrutinizing it silently for a moment.
"It represents the loss of someone's sanity. They're losing their mind. They no longer can understand why the world is the way it is. What we see is them struggling to grab and hold onto any remnants of their sanity. It's a sad piece. Morbid. Because there is no end to the grappling in sight. It means the person was unsuccessful." Maya said quietly, tilting her head contemplatively, "At least that's what it seems like to me. But anyone's guess can be right. Even a dumb perverted one."
"That's deep." he said.
Maya turned to him, and was surprised to find that Lucas was smiling gently down at her, warmth in his gaze as he watched her. Maya felt herself blush to her roots. Her pulse sped up when Lucas stepped much closer to her into her personal space, slipping his hand in hers and leaning down to speak directly in her ear.
"I actually like your explanation better." He whispered softly.
Maya let out an involuntary shiver when his lips accidentally brushed against her ear.
"Why are you holding my hand?"
"Those two teenage guys over there keep giving you looks."
"Oh."
Maya didn't know what else to say, to be honest. She was frozen in place, lost in Lucas' amazing scent and the warmth from his hand and the soft tufts of his breath hitting her neck at odd intervals. She was so tempted to lean into him, to fall against his chest and let him properly hold her but she fought the urge.
"C'mon." He gave her hand a quick squeeze. "They're giving a small tour over there. Let's take one and see if we can lose the high school creeps."
Maya nodded, letting him guide her in the opposite direction.
Maya couldn't lie that as he laced their fingers together, she couldn't help but feel like it felt right. It felt perfect. And the more time they spent together this evening, the more it was starting to feel a lot less like hanging out with a friend and a lot more like an actual date.
And she liked it.
A lot.
~.~.~
"What's up with you?" Maya asked, rolling over onto her side on Riley's bed and glancing at her in amusement.
She'd been doing her homework with Riley and all evening, Riley had been humming and sighing to herself and giggling happily.
"Maya." Riley said, painting her toenail with a snazzy shade of magenta, "So you know how Lucas and I have math together?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, today, we got paired for an in class assignment and it was just a lot of fun working with him, and he was really sweet even though I messed up a lot of the problems. And it made me realize that I like spending time with him, and we work together really well." Riley's cheeks had a light, spirited blush to them, and she bashfully wrung her hands together. "So I thought about it. And I'm thinking about asking Lucas out."
Maya stiffened, her brows lifting in surprise as she stared at Riley. A cold feeling swept over her body for a moment and she nervously licked her lips.
"You're… you're going to ask him out?"
"I feel like if we gave it a try again, this time we could definitely make it work. We're older, and we've both had time to think about things and now I think we're ready to date. I still like him a lot. I'm going to ask him out on Friday. Can you please be there? I'm a little scared to do this on my own."
Maya stared at the unfinished problems of her English homework, feeling a little sick to her stomach. Of course Riley still liked him. She'd liked him for about three years by that point. Just because Maya had developed feelings for him out of nowhere didn't mean that Riley's were gone.
They both liked the same guy.
How the heck had it come to that?
"Maya?" Riley asked. "Say something. What do you think?"
"Umm I don't know…" Maya chewed on her fingernail, shrugging nonchalantly though her thoughts were anything but. "Is it really a good idea to ask him out? I mean, do you know how he feels?"
"I'm pretty sure he still likes me too. We have that unofficial thing, remember? It's never really been directly ended or closed out." Riley said with a smile, "And I won't know unless I try, right?"
"I guess…" Maya muttered, feeling a little dejected.
Riley was right. She and Lucas had that unofficial thing going on for years. But Maya couldn't help but wonder, with all the time that she and Lucas had been sharing with each other, where did that put them? Riley claimed Lucas still liked her romantically, and as much as Maya hoped to an extent that it wasn't true, Maya knew that she herself could have very well misread Lucas' interactions with her.
"What's wrong?" Riley asked when Maya remained silent for too long, "Do you not want me to ask him out?"
"No that's not it… You should ask him out. I just…" Maya smiled, as big and fake as she could. "I shouldn't be there. It has to be a special moment between you and Lucas. Me being there would ruin it."
Riley frowned. "Are you sure? I would feel a lot more comfortable with you there."
"No, I'm sure." Maya rolled back onto her stomach, trying not to think about the fact that there was a slight lump in her throat. "This is something I shouldn't be part of."
Something she absolutely didn't want to see.
Especially if Lucas said yes.
~.~.~
"Maya."
Riley was going to ask Lucas out in a few days, and Maya still didn't know what she was supposed to do then. Was she just supposed to pretend she didn't have feelings for him if he said yes to going out with Riley?
But she knew she wouldn't be able to.
"Maya."
There was just no way to hold back her feelings for Lucas. Every time he touched her, her face pretty much grew flushed. She was pretty sure he had figured it out because he would do these little things to get a rise out of her all the time and then smirk in triumph when she would get a bit flustered. Like how he would brush her hair out of her face or randomly pull her closer to him on the subway. Sometimes when they watched TV, he would shift his arm from around her shoulders to her waist, and though Maya would squirm, he would never change positions.
"Earth to Maya!"
It was confusing.
Lucas certainly behaved differently towards her than he did with Riley, but of the two, which one was a reflection of possible romantic feelings? Maya was almost scared to try to analyze or figure out his behaviour. As much as she hoped and wished that his interactions with her were a hint of possible feelings for her, she couldn't just forget that Riley and Lucas did have this unofficial thing, and that even if he never outright showed any desire to date Riley, he could very well still be interested. Maya wanted to know.
But she couldn't outright ask him because she was, once again, scared of the answer.
And then a cold splash of water hit her face and neck, plastering her hair to her cheeks and Maya yelped, jumping in surprise.
She turned to face Lucas stiffly, her brows high on her forehead in disbelief. He had a brow raised and was holding the pressure hose of the sink towards her, clearly having sprayed her with water.
"Finally, I get your attention." Lucas said with a smirk. "I would like to remind you, Maya, that you came over because you wanted to learn how to make my mom's homemade raisin bread, and you've been spacing out for the past ten minutes or so. So can we continue, or do I need to jumpstart you again?"
It only took Maya two seconds to react after that. She frowned, spun to the counter and picked up the bowl of sifted flour before tossing the flour at Lucas. It hit him in a cloud of white powder, and Lucas sputtered a bit, trying to get it out of his mouth as he blinked at her in shock, clearly not expecting her counterattack. She set the empty bowl on the counter, raising a brow as Lucas' jaw clenched when he wiped the flour from his face with his hand.
"Oh you've done it now…" he growled, lifting up the nozzle and aiming it straight at her.
"No!" Maya exclaimed, "We're even! You hit me; I got you back!"
He sprayed her anyway, a dangerous little smirk on his lips. Maya yelped again, trying to move out of the way of the blast and only getting sprayed more. She snatched up the cup full of sugar and threw that at Lucas, sugar flying everywhere. Most of it didn't get him, but he momentarily stopped his water assault when he had to avoid the cup. Maya picked up more of the raw ingredients, tossing them at him as he dodged them and sprayed her with water. She was getting drenched and half of the stuff she threw at him missed him or he would easily avoid.
"This isn't a fair fight!" Maya shouted, trying to cover her face when he sprayed her again, laughing all the while.
"You threw flour at me!"
"We're even!"
"Not anymore we're not."
Maya grabbed a few eggs and then flung those at Lucas, hoping it would temporarily distract him so she could run out of the kitchen. When he leaned over to dodge the tiny missiles, he stopped spraying and Maya saw her chance. She tried to run past him, but Lucas caught onto her plan and let go of the hose, stopping her escape by reaching out and catching her wrist. He tugged her sharply back, and Maya slipped on some of the watery goop on the floor, stumbling into Lucas' chest as he quickly wrapped his arms around her waist to steady her.
"Sorry. You okay?" he asked in concern, his chin resting on her shoulder as he chuckled slightly.
Maya's pulse was on fire and she leaned back into him, near melting in his arms.
"Maya."
Lucas said her name softly, almost like a breath escaping his lips and Maya almost shivered when a wave of his scent washed over her. He loosened his hold on her waist the slightest bit, putting a bit of pressure on her waist and turning her around.
Maya glanced up, meeting his gaze, her heart pounding at their close proximity. Lucas gazed down at her, something gleaming in the sea foam eyes that made Maya's face burn with a deep blush. She was mesmerized, lost in the warmth in his eyes. He reached up and moved some wet hair stuck to her face behind her ear.
And when Lucas leaned down, softly pressing his lips to hers, Maya could do nothing but let her eyes flutter shut and reciprocate. It was magical. Like sparks flying around them and through them, and Maya clutched his t-shirt, leaning into him almost involuntarily.
...
Riley.
And then Maya's eyes shot open and she broke away from him with a gasp in shock, her eyes wide. She pushed on his chest, shoving him away from her and Lucas unwound his arms from around her, looking utterly alarmed.
"Maya, what's wrong?"
Riley.
"This shouldn't have happened."
"What? What are you talking about?"
He looked like he had more to say, but Maya shook her head rapidly.
"I have to go, Lucas."
Maya fled from the apartment so fast she was sure there was a trail of dust following her. She didn't even care that she was wet and her hair and clothes were plastered to her body and people were giving her funny looks. She had to get out of there.
She hurried down the sidewalk, feeling like absolute crap.
She was a horrible friend.
~.~.~
"Maya, I'm a little concerned with how distracted you were today. You weren't paying attention in class at all." Cory said, his brows furrowed. "Did you and Riley get in a fight? Or did you get in a fight with Lucas? You didn't say a word to either of them during class. Riley thinks you're mad at her."
"No…" Maya said, "I'm just tired. Sorry. I'll get it together. And I'll let Riley know we're okay."
Cory sighed. "Alright Maya. I'll let you go home. Just remember that if there's anything going on in your life that you need parental guidance or support for, I'm always going to listen."
"Thank you, Mr. Matthews. I'll keep that in mind."
He nodded and left his classroom, heading down the hall. Maya sighed, slowly rising from her seat at her desk. She'd been kept after class let out because of her issues with focusing in class. It wasn't that she wasn't trying to focus. It was just that Riley sat on her right and Lucas behind and she was literally uncomfortable the entire class. Lucas kept giving her these confused and concerned looks while Riley was wondering why Maya was so reticent. Maya just felt so guilty. She couldn't face Riley properly, so she had been avoiding her for that day. And she couldn't face Lucas properly after that kiss they'd shared, because every time they made eye contact, Maya was reminded of how soft his lips had felt pressed against hers and the fact that she had feelings for him.
And the fact that Riley had feelings for him too.
Maya turned around to gather her books on her desk. And when she straightened and turned to leave, Lucas was standing in the doorway with a brow raised. It shocked Maya so badly that she dropped her books right on the floor.
"What the hell?" She breathed out, her heart nearly flipping in her chest for a moment. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"
"Maya, why are you making such a big deal over this?" he said without prelude, ignoring her comment and walking over to her with a grim expression on his face, "We kissed Maya. Face it. We kissed and we both liked it, and I think we need to address it because I know I want it to happen again. But you're trying to run."
"Lucas, this can't happen again. It shouldn't have happened in the first place."
"Maya… is this about Riley planning to ask me out?"
Her brows rose in surprise. "How did you—"
" Zay told me. He figured it out when Riley asked him if I was seeing anyone. And you're pushing me away because of that."
Maya stared up at him, realizing from the way his mouth was set in a frown and from the slight disinterest in his expression what he was planning to respond with.
"Lucas, you can't say no." Maya said. "Please don't say no."
"And why the hell not? Because you think I'm supposed to be with Riley? Maya, I have feelings for you. And it would be wrong for me to say yes to Riley and lead her on." Lucas frowned. "I'm not going to go back into a relationship with someone I don't see romantically when I have feelings for another girl. That doesn't make any sense. That's not fair to Riley. That's not fair to me. And that's not fair to you."
Maya's eyes widened.
"Yes you too. Because you like me and it wouldn't be fair if you sacrificed your happiness." Lucas said, his hand falling lightly to her waist, "I'm not saying choose me over Riley, because I know you'll choose Riley every time. And I can accept that. But you need to stop lying to yourself. And you should consider your own happiness too. So tell me truth. Are you happy with me?"
Maya nodded, staring at the pattern on his plaid button down, her heartbeat drumming in her ears.
"I am. I'm really happy." She said a little bashfully. "I'm happy I got my first kiss from you."
"That was your first kiss?" he asked in surprise.
Maya nodded. "Like I said, I'm happy it was with you. But I can't do this to Riley when she likes you."
"But I like you Maya. And you like me. That should be the only thing that matters. Our feelings for each other." He pressed. "What do you want right now?"
She searched his face, unsure of how to put her answer into words. So she did what her instinct told her.
She tugged him down by the shoulders and kissed him. Their teeth clacked a little from the speed of the motion, but Lucas leaned back some, gently grasping her chin with his free hand, kissing her back slowly and steadily, fire exploding through her body.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is going on here?!"
Maya and Lucas sprung apart with a slight pop, wide eyed and flush faced. Maya looked past Lucas at the door, shocked to see Cory standing there with eyes slightly wide as he stared at the two of them.
"I came back to get my briefcase, and I'm met with this image." Cory growled, a frown on his face. "Maya?"
Maya licked her lips, starting to shake a bit. Cory looked shocked, and there was a little disappointment in his gaze. He was staring at her in disbelief, and Maya averted her gaze to the ground.
"Sir, let me expl—"
"That's quite enough. Go home, Mr. Friar. I need to talk to Maya."
Lucas sighed, stepping away from Maya. He gave her an encouraging look, but Maya kept her gaze firmly on the ground, even long after his footsteps echoed down the hallway and the classroom was suddenly thrown into an uncomfortable silence.
"Is this why you've been avoiding Riley?" Cory finally asked. "Does Riley know about you two?"
Maya's gaze shot up in fright. "P-please don't tell Riley."
"Maya…" Cory looked concerned. "You're keeping this from your best friend when you know you shouldn't. Of all things, this is not a secret you should be keeping from her. This is not okay. You need to tell Riley what's going on with you and Lucas. Because if this continues and you accidentally get caught again, you don't want her to find out from a third party."
"I will… I just… I'm scared. I don't want to lose her friendship."
"You won't lose her friendship, Maya. She might be mad, but she'll understand eventually. But you can't lie to her anymore. I expect a resolution to this by the end of the week, please."
As he picked up his briefcase and left, Maya felt like she had just committed an ultimate betrayal.
~.~.~
Even though Maya had promised Cory that she would resolve the issue and talk to Riley, Maya hadn't made any attempts at the moment. Maybe she was being a coward, but she was deathly afraid that Riley would reject her and decide not to talk to her anymore. She convinced her mother that she needed Maya days for the rest of the week, away from school, and Katy had let her skip school. She had spent most of the day and afternoon tossing and turning in bed, trying to figure out how to let Riley know. And when that hadn't worked, she'd finally gotten out of her bed and started her day, only to not be able to enjoy any leisure activities due to her overwhelming fears.
But whether she was ready or not to see Riley, that decision was made for her when her apartment door suddenly unlocked, and Riley walked in and plopped on her couch, red faced and sobbing. Maya's heart almost stopped for two reasons: Riley was crying and the fact that Riley suddenly appearing had trapped Maya, essentially defeating the purpose of why she was avoiding her.
Maya rushed over to her and sat down next to her. "Riley? What's wrong? What happened?"
"I confessed to Lucas. I told him I still liked him and that I wanted us to try dating again." Riley sniffled, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "Lucas rejected me… He told me he couldn't be with me anymore because he no longer had feelings for me. He said that he liked someone else. But he wouldn't tell me who."
Maya's jaw unhinged the slightest, her eyes widening.
Crap.
Maya had been so preoccupied with her inner turmoil and her problems figuring out how to tell Riley the truth that she had forgotten Riley had set the date of her confession for that Friday. And Maya had waited too long to tell her the truth. This was her fault. This was all her fault.
Maya didn't say anything and Riley stared at her, a questioning look on her face.
"Maya. Say something. I kind of need some support here. I feel like my heart is breaking in two."
"Riley…"
She stared at Maya, her doe eyes red rimmed and watery and Maya's heart broke at the damaged look in Riley's eyes. She knew this wasn't going to make it any better.
"Riley… there's something you need to know." Maya took a deep breath. "Lucas and I… we kissed. Twice."
Riley stared at her, unblinking, for a few moments, clearly trying to come to terms with what Maya just said. Her face slowly dropped into a frown of mistrust, the pain in her eyes even more evident than before.
"What?"
"We kissed, Riley, but it doesn't matter because I promise I'm not going to let anything happen between us ag—"
"How could you?!" Riley suddenly shouted, shooting up to her feet. "I can't believe you would do that to me! Here I was gathering up my courage to finally ask him out again and the whole time, you were making out with him behind my back! You even encouraged me to ask him out and then you kissed him! Were you laughing at me the whole time?"
"Riley, I wasn't laughing at you!"
"So you just decided to let me believe I still had a shot with him even though you knew he didn't feel the same way?!"
"I know. I'm sorry… I should have told you from the start…"
"No! What you should have done is been a good friend and stayed away from Lucas in the first place since you knew I wasn't over him!"
"…What?" Maya said incredulously, her brows furrowing in annoyance, "That's not fair. Lucas is my friend too. And it's not like I just made myself magically fall for him, you know?"
"I can't believe you're trying to make yourself a victim!" Riley's lip quivered, and she clutched her arms, sobbing softly as her eyes pooled with tears. "Why did you have to kiss him, Maya? Why did you lie to me?! If you liked Lucas, why didn't you just tell me?!"
"Riley…" Maya stood up, reaching out to her.
Riley stepped back, away from Maya, and shook her head slowly.
"Don't. Do you not have any respect for me to just be honest with me?"
"Riley, I was just trying to protect you!" Maya's eyes stung with tears as she realized how closed off Riley was entirely. She couldn't read her. "I didn't want you to get hurt!"
"No you weren't! You were trying to protect you. You had so many opportunities to tell me what was going on, but you chose not to say anything! I asked you if you liked him! Why did you lie?!"
"I lied because I didn't want you to get defensive! I was already spending a lot of time with him and you were getting upset. What was I supposed to do in that situation?!
"I don't know Maya. But we're supposed to be best friends! And best friends don't do that to each other!"
"Riley… We're still best friends."
"No we're not. Clearly not to you." Riley's eyes hardened, an unfamiliar and unsettling harshness in the cherry brown eyes that made Maya's heart break. "Quite frankly, I don't know if I want to be best friends with someone who will lie to my face with a smile on her face. Or someone who steals crushes from friends…"
"Riley…" Maya's vision blurred with tears. "Look, I'm sorry for lying to you. I shouldn't have done that. But I didn't steal Lucas! We both just ended up liking each other. Why can't you understand that?"
"Because he was my first crush, Maya! The first guy I ever kissed! The first guy I fell for! The first guy I thought was worth it! The first guy who opened my eyes to love!" Riley glared at her. "And you just took him away from me like it was that simple. Just because you could, right?"
"Riley! That's not true!"
"I don't care!" She screamed. An uneasy silence fell between them, harsh and jagged as they stared at one another, the silence punctuated every now and then by sniffles. "Congratulations. I hope you're happy Maya. I hope you got what you wanted. I hope losing me was worth it."
"Riley!"
Riley spun on her heel and stormed out of the apartment just as Katy opened the door and got back home.
"Riley?" Katy asked in confusion. "What's wrong?"
And as Maya watched Riley leave, she crumbled to the couch and cried.
She hadn't wanted to lose her best friend.
But she'd done just that.
~.~.~
Maya leaned against the wall in front of the boys' locker room late after school, ignoring some of the freshly showered baseball players who left the lockers, staring at her in surprise to find her waiting outside. Maya closed her eyes, trying to prepare herself for what she needed to do. She had to fix this. Starting from the first point of conflict.
Lucas walked out of the locker room shortly after, his brows rising in shock when he saw her.
"Hey. You're back."
"Lucas, whatever this thing we had was, we're over." Maya stated as soon as Lucas dropped his gym bag on the floor.
Lucas' brows furrowed. "Maya…"
"We can't be together when Riley is suffering. I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone when I hurt Riley so badly because of it. That's my decision. I'm ending this."
Maya had hoped for the fight to possibly pass over the weekend, but she could easily see now that it was wishful thinking and that Riley really was upset about it. Maya had tried to mend things several times, but Riley was adamant in keeping her distance. She'd meant what she had said about them not being friends. And not having Riley's presence was throwing her off. No matter how happy Lucas made her, Riley's happiness came first to her. And there was no way Maya could even try to be with Lucas when her best friend was suffering. It was a sacrifice she would have to make.
"I get it." Lucas finally responded with a sigh after staring at her in silence for several long moments. "But you know, Maya, you deserve to be happy too. Stop sacrificing everything. It's your turn to be selfish for once. To have what you want."
"What I want is my best friend back." Maya said with narrowed eyes.
"Fair enough. But that's not the only thing you want. Are you always just going to sacrifice your happiness in favour of others? If you want your mom around more, tell her more often to pay attention to you. If you want Riley to listen to you and accept the fact that you and I have something between us, corner her and make her listen. If you want to be with me…"
Lucas reached forward, cradling her cheek gently.
"Just tell me. I'm right here, Maya. Waiting for you."
No matter how much she wanted to lean into his hand, she would not. Maya took his hand off of her face and shook her head.
"Lucas. This can't continue. Like you said before: I choose Riley over you any day. Riley's happiness means everything to me, and if I'm the reason why she's unhappy then I'm going to spend every waking moment of every day making it up to her until she's happy again. If that means not being with you, then that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
"But what if what will make her happy isn't what would make you happy?"
"It doesn't matter. All that matters is Riley."
"Maya… I understand what you're saying." Lucas said, stepping back with a sigh, "But you know she's just mad because I chose you. She needs to get over it eventually. No matter what you try to do, that isn't going to change that."
"Well maybe she's not ready to accept it yet, you know? You were her first everything basically." Maya groaned. "Why did you have to go and ruin everything? You're not supposed to like me! Why did you have to kiss me?!"
"Wow. So now it's my fault." Lucas drawled with narrowed eyes. "That's rich, considering you kissed me back. And you initiated it the second time."
Maya rolled her eyes, crossing her arms in front of her chest and refusing to yield.
"Stop trying, Lucas. I made up my mind."
"You know what? I think you're being ridiculous, but I'm not going to try to force the issue." He snatched up his bag from the floor and turned around with a dismissing wave of his hand. "I'll give you the space you want. But if you finally decide you want to stop treating yourself like you don't matter, then you know where I'll be."
She knew.
But she was done with Lucas. She refused to go back to him.
Not if it meant hurting Riley more.
~.~.~
The rest of the week had been awkward. Riley was ignoring Lucas and Maya, but still hanging out with Farkle and Zay but since they hung out with Lucas as well, that made the dynamic weird. And Maya was avoiding Lucas and being snubbed by Riley, which was just too difficult to deal with so she just didn't bother hanging out with anyone for the time being. She spent lunches in the art room or Mr. Matthews' classroom because she was too scared to see Lucas anymore and because she still felt guilty about Riley. It was lonely, and Maya felt really off balance without both presences in her life.
She thought it would be a lost cause and that this whole issue would continue on for an undisclosed amount of time and mentally prepared herself for possibly spending the rest of her middle school career in solitude, but she had been utterly surprised when she woke up on Saturday morning with a text from Riley telling her that they needed to talk and to meet her at the bay window.
So she'd shown up, a little wary from Riley's stiff sitting position and guarded expression.
They'd been sitting there for a good half hour and neither of them had said anything yet. Maya was restless, on pins and needles, but she didn't know what to say. How to start. For all the things Maya had planned to say to Riley once they finally got to talking again, they all jumped out of her head now that they were actually in each other's presence.
"Lucas came over yesterday, Maya." Riley started.
Maya blinked, a little taken by surprise by her suddenly speaking.
"He told me what you said. He told me everything. He told me what you decided to do." Riley continued. "And he ended our unofficial thing. He told me I was special to him, but only as a friend. He said he wanted to make things official with you."
"Riley—"
"You were right, you know." Riley stared at her slightly trembling hands in her lap. "You can't help who you fall for. We just happened to fall for the same guy. And he chose you."
Maya stared at her, uncertain of what to say.
"I can't fault you for that. But I'm not apologizing for anything. You hurt me. You and Lucas did, but the one that cut the deepest was definitely you. And maybe deep down, most of me knows I'm mad because I wasn't the one Lucas actually fell for, but I'm also mad at you for lying to me point blank. Friends don't do that. Especially best friends."
"I thought about what I said last week, Maya. About what you said." Riley said, staring resolutely at the wall opposite the bay window, "And honestly, if you want to be with Lucas because he makes you happy, then you should be with Lucas. I don't want you not together if you both like each other, but I'm going to be honest. If or when it happens, I don't want to know or see it. And I really won't be able to hang out with either of you together for a while."
"Riley…" Maya said, slightly appalled. "If you're not going to be okay then I'm not going to—"
"No Maya. I'm not going to tell you to stay away from each other and be miserable. You both deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy." She turned and smiled at Maya, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. "Because your happiness is the most important thing to me too, Maya. But I can't lie to you and hold back how I feel and tell you I'm okay. I'm not. It still hurts, and I'm sure it will only hurt more seeing you two together for a while."
"Then what should I do?"
"That's up to you. But please make a decision that will make you happy for once. Not a decision so someone else will be. Look deep down and think about what will make you the happiest. It's okay. I'm not okay right now, but I will be. So be selfish for once. Have what you want to have. I'll be fine. I'll get over it. Not now. Maybe not even to the end of the school year. But I will."
Maya leaned over and pulled Riley into her, tucking her best friend's head into the crook of her neck and shoulder and wrapping her arm around her. She didn't know if Riley realized tears were spilling out of her eyes and trailing down her cheeks, but Maya held her, just letting the falling tears wet her sweater. Riley leaned into her, slipping her hand into Maya's, and they sat there, lost in their own thoughts.
"Are we going to be okay?"
"Always, Maya. You're my best friend. And I love you."
Maya smiled.
"I love you too."
Riley giggled softly through a small sniffle, and somehow, Maya knew that all that needed to be said had been said.
Maya wouldn't apologize either.
She wasn't sorry for liking Lucas and apologizing to Riley for something she didn't mean would only hurt her more.
But this was the least she could do for Riley. No matter how small the gesture seemed, she knew Riley appreciated it. And though neither of them were particularly sorry for various reasons or another, mending their shattered friendship was enough for them.
They would grow from this. They would grow and get stronger.
~.~.~
Maya swallowed thickly, staring up at the green apartment door and number, her hand poised to knock, but her body not moving or following her orders at all. Something so simple that shouldn't have been difficult at all was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do. Maya heaved in a deep breath, closing her eyes and preparing to knock when the door suddenly swung open.
She stared up at Lucas, who blinked down at her partly in confusion and partly in surprise. He looked like he was getting ready to head out somewhere.
"Maya."
"Here." Maya thrust the bag in her hands into his chest and he caught it with a grunt. "Take this."
He opened the bag staring at the contents inside.
"Kettle corn and the season five boxset of Golden Girls?" Lucas questioned with a raised brow.
Maya looked down.
"It's a peace offering."
His brows furrowed the slightest bit. "For what?"
"For us to be friends again. For us to be able to spend time together again." Maya knew her face was tomato red. "For us to address this thing between us. Because I want it back."
Lucas remained silent, contemplating her with a slight upward quirk to his lips.
"I see." he said in amusement, tossing the bag so it landed on the couch.
"Look, let me just put it all out there. I like you, Lucas. I fell for you really hard, but I just don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship with you. But make no mistake, I am choosing my happiness over anyone else's. It just so happens that I'm happy when everyone I love and care about is happy."
"I kind of figured." Lucas said, no disparity in his comment at all. "I expected this to happen at some point. But does that mean you still have an interest in being with me? Romantically, I mean."
Maya nodded. "Maybe I do want to be with you, but if Riley isn't comfortable with us being together yet, I don't want it to happen. But I don't know what that makes us. I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Lucas said, taking hold of her wrist and pulling her closer to him, "We don't have to figure it out now, Maya. We can just do what we've always done. And maybe in the future, if you still want to or you're ready to give us a try, then we should try for real. I'll wait."
"So what does this mean?"
"It means that even if we're not officially together, we're 'in like' with each other. With our friends and in public, we don't act like a couple." Lucas said with a smirk, "But when we're in private, we should probably make out every once in a while to validate our feelings. What do you say?"
"I think that can be arranged." Maya said with a smile, leaning up on her tiptoes and draping her arms over Lucas' shoulders. "If you also agree to take me out to cool places every once in a while and pay for me. What do you say?
His held her waist, smiling at her. "Sounds like a plan to me."
Lucas leaned down and captured Maya's lips in a sweet kiss. She smiled into the kiss, tilting her head, and letting him pull her closer.
Maybe a lot of the decisions she was making right now were selfish in nature, but after sacrificing what she wanted for so long, she figured indulging every once in a while was fine.