Wizards of Waverly Place
Fight Club
It was an ordinary day in Waverly Place, New York, which was fortunate, for there haden't been many ordinary days since the events of "Circle the Drain," so the Russos were highly anticipating to go back to their normal lives. Little did they know that this chance wouldn't last long, for today would present changes that would f*** up their lives, forever!
Justin was sitting downstairs, drinking a cup of tea and reading his copy of "The Daily Prophet" when Alex walked in. "Ha loser, having another day of being a loser?" Asked Alex.
"Where were you, you didn't come home last night, in fact since you left last night, you haven't been home until now." Stated Justin. "Where were you?"
"I was, out, doing things, that are none of your damn business." Said Alex.
"Come on, you know sooner or later I'm gonna find out, why don't you just tell me?" Asked Justin.
"Cause, if you find out, that's on your own head, if I tell you, I will be killed." Said Alex. "Understand?"
"I guess so." Said Justin as he went back to reading the paper.
Jerry then walked in the house. "Ha, is that this week's "Daily Prophet?" He asked.
"Alright what the hell is going on here!" Yelled Justin. "First Alex is out all night, and dad's out all ni, what the hell is going on here?" He asked, very suspicious.
"Justin, I know what you're thinking, and we are not dealing drugs." Said Jerry.
"Oh ya, how do you expect me to believe a crazy story like that without any evidence?" Asked Justin. Theresa then walked down the stairs. "Mom, do you know where Alex and Jerry were last night?"
"Weren't they home last night, I know they were, I told them both good night, I remember." Said Theresa.
"No they weren't, only me and Max." Said Justin.
"Oh, then who did I say good night to, it wasn't you two." Said Theresa. "So, where were you last night, and don't tell me any lies." Said Theresa.
"I cannot tell you." Said Alex in a very serious voice.
"I never liked you, Jerry?" Asked Theresa.
"Theresa, if I tell you, it endangers my life, so?" Asked Jerry.
"I'm not sure, I really want to know." Said Theresa.
Max then walked down the stairs. "Ha, what's going on? Why are Alex and dad in the door way, looking nervous?" He asked.
"Look, will you all just leave us alone? Where we were last night is none of your business, so forget it." Said Alex.
"You weren't home last night, I could have sworn you were." Said Max. "I really need to pay more attention."
"Okay, I'm going to go upstairs, and get ready for, something tonight, and no more questions." Said Alex.
"Alright." Said Justin and Theresa.
Jerry sat down on the couch. "Dad!" Yelled Alex.
"Sorry." Said Jerry as he got up and walked up the stairs.
"I think something weird is going on." Said Max. Justin and Theresa just looked forward, seriously.
The next morning, Theresa was walking down the stairs, and grabbed a whisk in the dark, and started beating some eggs in a bowl. There was a jiggling of the knob. "Hu, who's there!" She yelled. The turning continued. She walked to the door with the whish, and stood near the door.
The door opened and Jerry and Alex walked in. "Wow that was som..." Started the two.
"Ah!" Yelled Theresa as she jumped out from behind the door.
"Theresa, hi." Said Jerry.
"What are you doing, it's four in the morning, you've been gone for nine hours." Said Theresa, still frantic.
"Mom, don't worry, isn't what important that we're all okay?" Asked Alex.
"This is no time for your stupid jokes, now tell me, where have you been?" Asked Theresa.
"Uh, what's that?" Asked Jerry as he pointed to his left.
"Hu?" Said Theresa as she looked to the left.
"Boom boom boom boom boom!" Yelled Jerry as he chopped, in the air, above Theresa's shoulder. They then ran away.
"Uh, what?" Asked Theresa.
Later that day, around ten, Theresa, Justin and Max were in Justin's room, having a meeting. It was secret, for they were in his small closet. "Okay, this meeting will now begin." Said Theresa.
"Why are we in this closet, this seems insane, and why aren't dad and Alex here, we never have a meeting without them, what's going on?" Asked Max frantically.
"Shut up Max! Now, let's get down to business, since dad and Alex got home so late last night, and the preceding night, it has come to our attention that we have to find out where it is they go at night, so this is what the meeting is for." Said Justin.
"Okay, but how do we do that, I mean if they see us following them then they won't go to where it is they go." Said Max.
"Well, then we'll follow them, so they don't know we're following them." Said Theresa.
"Good idea mom! We'll pull off the plan tonight, becasue if we wait until tomorrow they might not be going there anymore." Stated Justin.
"Great, all the plans will be drawn up and finalized by lunch, and we will begin the physical aspects of them by, I dunno, about one." Said Theresa. "Break!" She yelled.
They all got up to leave. "Ah!" They all bumped into each other and fell.
That night, Jerry and Alex were headed to the place where they go, and following them distantly were Theresa, Justin and Max, and they had large, rectangular pieces of cardboard over them, who happened to be Theresa, Justin and Max. "Okay, I think we're getting close, just stay back, and stay quiet." Said Justin.
"Okay." Said the two.
At the place, Jerry and Alex walked inside the unguarded door. "Ha there." Said Jerry.
"Hi." Said one of the main guys. It was a karate seeming house, and people were going about casually, doing whatever it is they did there.
Theresa Justin and Max walked in, and were observing. "Wow, this is where they've been going?" Asked Max.
"Ya, looks like some sort of hou..." Started Justin.
"Ha intruders!" Yelled one of the men.
"Uh oh." Said Theresa.
A man jumped at them with a sword. "I am the assassin, I..." Started the man.
"Whoa stop it!" Yelled Alex.
"Cease the activity!" Yelled the leader.
The man put the sword back into his holder. Jerry and Alex walked over to the cardboard. "Justin?" Asked Jerry.
Justin took the board off his head. "Ya."
"Mom?" Asked Alex.
"Ya, it's us." Said Theresa as she and Max took the cardboard off their heads.
"You know these intruders?" Asked the sword man.
"These are my wife, and my sons." Said Jerry.
"I don't know how they followed us here, but we can make sure they never follow anybody again!" Yelled Alex.
"Wait, what is this place, why is it so important we not know about it?" Asked Theresa.
"Well we're not tel..." Started Alex.
"Wait, we're caught." Said Jerry. "Uh, ya see this i..."
"No, I'll tell them." Said the leader.
"Master Brad, when did you get here?" Asked Alex.
"I've been haven't you been paying attention?" Asked Brad.
"Well, are you gonna tell us?" Demanded Max.
"Hold on." Said Brad. There was a moment. "This is an organized under ground circuit, it's known as "Fight Club," and it's very secret, we can't risk corruption." Said Brad.
"Wait, so you teach, like kara..." Started Theresa.
"We, do not teach, our deciples learn from doing, and improve." Said Brad.
"Oh, so Jerry, Alex, that's why you weren't frightened by when I jumped out?" Asked Theresa.
"That's right." Said Jerry.
"And, here is how you learned all those fancy, weird ways of talking." Said Justin.
"Ya." Said Alex.
"And, here is where you learned that weird, boom, mind stuff." Said Theresa.
"No, that was just random stupidity." Said Jerry.
"So, this must be some club to be in." Said Max.
"It sure is, how would you like to find out?" Asked Brad.
"Uh, are you asking us to join?" Asked Theresa.
"I'm not asking you for a government grant, I wouldn't, they're not good for it." Said Brad.
"Well, ya, we'll join." Said Justin.
"Me to, mom?" Asked Max.
"Well hell yeah I'm joining, we are enlisting in "Fight Club." Said Theresa.
"Great, run them through the procedure." Said Brad.
"Okay, rule one, never tell anybody you're in "Fight Club." Said Jerry.
"Rule two, never talk about "Fight Club." Said Alex. "Rule three, when somebody says stop, or a submission move causes a fighter to go limp, the fight is dismissed." She went on.
"And rule four, there is no "Fight Club." Said Jerry.
"Are we clear!" Yelled Brad.
"I guess." Said Justin.
"Good, report tomorrow, but for now, the initiation." Said Brad.
"What's that?" Asked Max nervously.
"Sanctum time!" Yelled Brad.
The whole place was then outside in somebody's yard, and there was a deep whole, leading to water, called a sanctum, like in the movie, and they were all jumping in the coolest way possible, just like the movie. A man was running at a woman with his arms out to embrace her. At the last minute she moved out of the way. "Ah!" Yelled the man as he fell into the hole.
A man was standing right in front of the sanctum, and a man walked up to him and turned around. "Trust fall!" Yelled the man as he crossed his arms, and fell backwards. The other man walked out of his way, and the man fell into the hole.
Two men were boxing, no shirts, boxing shorts, and red boxing gloves. "Uh, ah, ah!" Yelled the man, who looked just like Rocky as he got hit over and over. "Uh."
"Ah!" Yelled the other man. He hit him in slow motion, and he fell into the sanctum from being hit.
Two men were dressed like spartans, they had movie quality costumes, and were acting with great performances. "This, is Sparta!" Yelled one man. He kicked the other man into the sanctum.
A man sat in a mideaval wooden catapult, he cut the rope, and it shot him right into a tree. "Oh!" Yelled the audience. There happened to be judges judging the falls.
A man was driving a car in the yard, it was going no faster than five miles an hour, he got out the passenger door, and rolled right into the sanctum. The car kept going, about five miles per hour, hit a tree and exploded. "Ya!" Cheered the crowd. He got very high marks.
A man was working on a burning car, and out of nowhere it exploded in flame, his face was on fire, he grabbed it, and walked blindly into the sanctum. It was one of the worse.
"Ah!" Yelled a man as he jumped in the air, a machete was flung in the air, and cut his arm off. "Ah!" Yelled the man. He fell into the sanctum.
"Ha, I got a hostage, ah!" Yelled a man as he held a man in front of him. He got shot, and let go of the man, and fell into the sanctum.
A man flew a real plane, he hit the eject button, and he shot out of his seat, fell, and his face hit the side of the sanctum before he fell in. "Oh!" Yelled the crowd. He got twos and a one out of ten.
A woman was swinging on a trapeez, she did a flip, and her partner went past her, and she fell into the sanctum.
A man stood at the edge of the sanctum, in a swimsuit, his arms out in front of him, he dove in, and he hit a rock ledge.
The next day, all five of the Russos were in fight club, and they were working it. "Uh, ah!" Yelled Justin. He was fighting a man with tape wrapped around his knuckles, and he was beating the crap out of the guy from "The Fighter." Brad was watching him from afar, and was nodding, happy.
Jerry was putting powder on his hands, he poured on some, and then the whole container, he put it all over, then all over his face and body, he had enought.
A man was holding a punch board in front of his face, and was groaning as Max hit it. "Oh, oh, oh!" Yelled the man.
Theresa and a man were boxing, he was making close punches. "Ha ha, die lady!" He said happily.
"Uh!" Yelled Theresa as she pulled out a metal chair and smacked him across the face with it.
"Ah!" Yelled a guy as he went in to hit Alex. She punched him in the face and he exploded.
"This, is the two handed sword." Said Brad as he held it out.
"Whoa." Said Justin.
A guy threw a dart. "Twenty."
"Uh!" Yelled Justin as he threw the two handed sword. It went above the board and hit a picture of Brad.
"Uh." Said a man as he took a canister of oil and poured it in a circle in the ring. Alex boxed a man in the ring, which was now on fire.
Justin was punching hanging punching bags, ones on the floor, and fighting people in a montage. "Fergalicious" was playing to it. Brad was watching the whole time.
A few weeks later, Justin was sitting on the sidelines. "Wow, joining "Fight Club" was the best thing that ever happened to me, these last two weeks have been the best of my life."
"Ya know, this whole things was much more satisfying when you mom and Max weren't here, they used to watch all of us fight, but now all they talk about it you, and I don't see why." Said Alex.
"Alex, don't be jelous of your brother, there's not jelousy in "Fight Club." Said Theresa.
"There's no rule against it, but it is unsportsy." Said Jerry as he poured a lot of powder into his mouth.
"Justin, I have watched you over these last months." Said Brad.
"It's been two weeks." Said Alex.
"And I have decided, I would like to challenge you to a fight, will you accept?" Asked Brad.
"Don't do it Justin!" Yelled Max.
"Shh!" Yelled the assassin.
"I don't know okay." Said Justin as he got up to fight.
"Alright." Said Brad as he got into the ring.
The two put on the gloved, used a lot of powder, and began to fight. It was a long, detailed fight, and Justin managed to get Brad on the ropes. "Hu, hu, oh!" He breathed heavily.
"Ya, Justin!" Yelled the crowd.
"Ah, ya!" Yelled Justin as he held up a giant, champion belt. Brad looked at him with a hint of contempt to his visage.
Just as a random, unimportant note, the four rules of fight club were posted on the wall, ya.
About a week later, the club was centered mostly around Justin. "Ya know, over about the past week, haven't things seemed, I don't know, a little off?" Asked Justin.
"Beats me." Said Max.
Brad was leaning on the wall talking to a man. "That Justin Russo has stolen the circuit from me, my soul will be imprisoned in my body until I get my revenge on Justin Russo." Said Brad.
"Who the hell are you?" Asked the guy.
"I'm not gonna stand here another second, it's time for action!" Yelled Brad as he got up and ran.
Justin was doing chin ups, and was eager. "And, forty, thousand." He jumped down. Just as he fell, a giant log swung and hit the bar. "What the f***? Eh." Said Justin as he walked off.
"Okay, here, see this." Said Alex as she, Theresa, and some other girls mixed some chemicals in a bucket. A wrestler drank it, and in the ring he was fighiting, he opened his mouth and fire shot out.
"Whoa!" Yelled Justin as he leaned back, his back was an inch from the ground. Suddenly, gun shots shot and killed the fire breather. "Hu, that's odd, because there are no guns in "Fight Club." Said Justin.
"Dammit!" Yelled Brad.
"Ah, ha, try this drink." Said Justin.
"Kay." Said a man as he took and drank the drink. He fell and died.
"Okay, now I'm sure something's up." Said Justin.
"Uh, maybe I'm over reacting, I mean, he didn't mean to steal "Fight club," I should forget it." Said Brad. "Uh, what always calms me down is reading the rules of "Fight Club," okay, hu, here they are, what, what's this, only one rule, Justin Russo, owns "Fight Club," you p***y! Ah!" Yelled Brad as he took a lot of materials and threw them all around the place dammit, you ruined it all, ah ha ha, ah!" Yelled Brad as he threw himself on the floor. He walked over to Justin, who was on the bench. "Justin Russo, this is war, the surviver will rule "Fight Club!" Yelled Brad.
"Damn right it is, it's on!" Yelled Justin.
So Justin and Brad went to war, the greatest "Fight Cub" war ever!
Justin walked home, he opened his door, and it fell, but he jumped out of the way in time. "That f***er, I'll get you!" Yelled Justin as he ran out of his way. Out of the door, a bunch of strange looking men with mustaches walked out.
At master Brad's house, the bathroom of the "Fight Club" dojo, he was brushing his teeth at the sink, then he washed his eyes with soap, and when he went to turn on the water it didn't turn on. "Hu, uh what the uh, uh!" He mumbled, his mouth full of tooth paste and water. "Ah, my eyes are burning, ah!" He tried to turn on the shower faucet, but it didn't work. "Ah, my eyes, ah, damn water, ah, Justin Russo, ah!" He fell on the ground and rolled on the floor, holding his eyes.
The next day, Justin was punching some guy, and he was just standing there, not seeming to be conscious or aware of what was going on. On the sidelines, master Brad was filling a full bag of flower with bricks, and once it was full, he struggled to lift it onto a tacky, man made slingshot, mounted on the ground, and tried to pull it back. While he did that, Justin finished punching the man, and left. "Ah, you dare mess with me, you learned your lesson, ah!" Yelled Justin as he spat in the man's face. The two left the ring, and two other men walked in, one was the guy from "The Wrestler."
"Ah!" Yelled Brad as he released the sling. The bag of flour and bricks flew and hit "The Wrestler" guy in the face.
"Ah, Brad, I'll get you for this!" Yelled Justin.
"This isn't "Fight Club." Said Max sadly.
At the sports bar, which was also the bathroom in the "Fight Club" dojo, Brad was dancing to music coming from the juke box in the toilet, and he went to turn on the light bulb with red, blue, silver and yellow colored construction paper taped on it, slash disco ball. When he turned it on, the fan that was attatched to it went on, and there was a hammer tied to it. It hit Brad in the face, and he fell on the floor. "Ah!" He pulled out a gun and shot at the fan. "Justin Russo!"
Justin was at home, playing Wii Fight Club, and the remote flew out of his hand, and broke his T.V. "Brad, na, even I can't blame him for this."
Brad was in the bathroom, he went to open the door, and it was cemented with bricks. "Damn you!"
Justin was sitting on the couch, reading a magazine, the door was kicked down, and ninjas ran in. He looked swiftly at them, and began to karate battle them, they were all defeated. "Ha, Brad, you shall pay!"
At the "Fight Club," Theresa was punching a bad. "Jerry, has "Fight Club" seemed a little diff..." Started Theresa.
"Don't talk about "Fight Club!" Yelled Alex.
"I don't know, I don't think I've been here for a few weeks." Said Jerry.
"I don't know, at least "Fight Club" is still going." Said Max.
"There is no "Fight Club!" Yelled Justin.
Brad kicked the door open. Justin's eyes met his, and they walked towards each other, not leaving their gaze. Justin spoke to him. "Does your foot hurt, you know, from kicking the door?" Asked Justin.
"Enough talk, it's time we get to the serious talk, one of us is the greatest leader of "Fight Club" ever, and the other isn't." Said Brad.
"Ya, I guess we'll find out now, for I challenge you to an all out battle, anything goes, first guy to lose loses." Said Justin.
"Good, we shall begin in thirty minutes, be ready!" Yelled Brad.
"I will." Said Justin. Twenty minutes later. "I am not ready for this fight, I wish Brad never tried to take back what was rightfully his in the first place, who does he think he is?" Asked Justin.
"He thinks he's Brad, the ultimate leader of "Fight Club." Said Alex.
"But why is it so important to him, why?" Asked Justin.
"Well why is it so important to you?" Asked Max.
"Because, I think that I am the ultimate leader of "Fight Club," and he's not!" Yelled Justin.
"Well that's what he thinks, you both think the same thing, you're exactly the same!" Yelled Alex.
"Ya, we're the same, he and I, are one in the same." Said Justin.
Three minutes later, Justin and Brad arrived at the ring for the ultimate fight. "Ya, ha!" Yelled Brad, who was dressed like a wrestler, his head band was made of a black ski mask, and so were his shorts, like a burgular. He had no shirt.
"Ah!" Yelled Justin, who came on a skateboard, his shirt and shorts were all gold and sparkly, and he had a green cape. He ripped his shirt off. "Are you ready to die!" Yelled Justin.
"Ya, die you p***y! Die ass!" Yelled Hilary Swank from the sidelines.
"You cannot win, I read the script, it fortells it!" Yelled Brad.
"Well I'm changing the script!" Yelled Justin. He tore off his shorts and fake skin, to reveal his brown shirt and gray jacket, and long black skirt, and he put on purple sunglasses, just like Meryl Streep in "The Hours."
"Oh damn." Said Brad.
"Not only that, but I have learned your weakness!" Yelled Justin.
"No you don't, don't trick me into telling you, ah!" Yelled Brad.
"And, begin!" Yelled the ref, Theresa, and rang the bell.
"Ah!" Yelled the two. They began to fight, they punched, the other got hit, then they punched, and it went on, until it got interesting.
"Ah!" Yelled Brad as he picked up a chainsaw.
"Phh!" Said Justin.
Brad tried to turn it on, after three hours, it turned on, and he used it on Justin's face. It just scratched up his sunglasses. Justin took them off, rubbed them off, and put them on, and they were broken. "Ah!" Yelled Brad as he stepped on Justin's foot.
"Ah, you ass!" Ah!" Yelled Justin as he fell on the ground and clutched his foot.
"You will die now!" Yelled Brad.
"Oh ya, not if I die first!" Yelled Justin as he pulled out a pocket knife.
"Hu, what is that, hu!" Yelled Brad.
"I and you, are one in the same, and so you cannot exist without me, so I bid you farewell." Said Justin.
"No!" Yelled Brad.
"Ha!" Yelled Justin as he plunged the knife into his forehead.
"Ah!" Yelled Brad as he fell and died.
"Hu, that was something." Said Justin, with no mark on his forehead. He drank some water. "Uh." He looked at it. "Vitamin water."
THE END