Disclaimer: We do not own the books/music legends/TV show Characters /Famous chefs that appear in these so called skits. We were just bored.
The PINA COLADA show
STARRING LIZ AND LYN AND WYATT THE TOP HAT SALESMAN
Liz:HALLO PEOPLES! WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Lyn: PINA COLATA!
Liz:(Looks strangely at Lyn) Anyway… TODAY, we have a super duper guest!
Lyn:Superfantastical!
Liz:For this series of shows, we will be annoying Twilight characters!
Lyn: I know that we are kind of copying many people's ideas, but… YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE WE LIVVEEE!!! YOU CAN'T SUE US!!!
Liz: Our first victim will be the super hot, awesome, good haired, smart… (etc.) DR. CARLISLE CULLEN!
Lyn: OMG I WANT TO GO SWIMMING IN HIS HAIR!
Liz:Uh… Well, if you went swimming in his hair… you would kind of snap your neck. It's so styled.
Lyn:BUT HE WOULD SAVE ME! (starts giggling uncontrollably)
Liz: Anyway… Let's check in with our kidnapping team, Bob, Stu, and Shannon. Bob?
(Turns on big screened TV with awesome blue remote)
Lyn:Did you steal that from iCarly's Sam?
Liz: Of course not! (Inconspicuously puts in pocket)
Lyn:Anyway… PINA COLATA! Bob?
Bob:Well, we're just knocking on the Cullen's house, where Shannon and Stu have already tied him up---I mean… told him that we were coming.
Liz:Okay, let's have a look inside our SUPER SPECIAL secret CAMERAS!
(A picture of the super hot Carlisle pops up on the big screen)
Shannon: COME ON! You have to come! We have a show to do!
Carlisle: NEVERRR!!! (He is tied up on the ground with garlic, crosses, and wooden stakes around him) Oh, wait. I can break through these.
Shannon: HA! You are wrong! We have GARLIC!
Carlisle: (Rolls eyes, breaks ropes, and darts for the door) …
Shannon: OH NO YOU DON'T! You are going to do this show whether you like it or NOT! (Finally notices camera) Uh… Hi, Liz, Lyn. Audience. We had to… er… just, we'll be there in a minute. (Puts hand over camera lens)
Lyn: OKEY DOKEY ARTICHOKEY!
Liz: Okay… Where was Stu in all of this?
(Another camera shot pops up, showing Stu in Carlisle's kitchen eating meatloaf.)
Lyn:(Nodding head) Yes, yes, that is understandable. I would definitely swap kidnapping Carlisle for eating meatloaf.
Liz: Since when do the Cullens have meatloaf?
Lyn:I… don't… know…
Liz:That's the perfect question to ask him when he gets here!
Lyn:Maybe we can have Emeril whip us up some crab cakes!
Emeril: (Pops up out of nowhere) BAM! (Hands her a platter of crabcakes.) Here you are miss Lyn. I HOPE MR. CARLISLE LIKES THEM!!!!!! (has mad face on)
Lyn: (whispers) Emeril is jealous of Carlisle because he has better hair.
Liz: Ooookkkkkaaaaayyyyy… Oh! Look! Here comes Shannon with STU and BOB!
Lyn:You guys… Where's Carlisle?
Shannon: Oh, he'll be here in a minute. We just had to knock him unconscious (Can vampires even go unconscious?)
Liz: Apparently.
Shannon: He'll be here within 10… seconds.
Lyn:Nine. Eight. Seven.
Liz: WE GET THE POINT!
Lyn:Four, threetwoone! CARLISLE!
(Carlisle in his infinite hotness walks in, rubbing his head.) (Crowd cheers.)
Carlisle: So… what am I doing here!
Lyn:WE'RE HERE TO ANNOY YOU AND ASK QUESTIONS UNTIL YOU GO BLIND!
Carlisle: (raising an eyebrow) Vampires can't go blind.
Liz:EXACTLY! THAT'S THE POINT!
Lyn: FIRST QUESTION! Since when do you have meatloaf?
Carlisle: Meatloaf? Since when did we have meatloaf?
Liz: That's the question that we're asking you!
Carlisle: Well, I don't know. So just deal with it!
Lyn:Next question… Would you like a crabcake?
Carlisle: Why would I want a crabcake? I can't EAT!
Emeril: (Appears out of nowhere again) WHY WON'T YOU EAT MY CRABCAKES??!!! ARE THEY NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU??? ARE THEY NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR KIND??? AAAAGGGGGHHHHH!
Carlisle: Jealous about my hair?
Emeril: Yes… (sniffs and disappears)
Liz: Third question… Do you remember your best friend from when you were in London in the 1600's?
Carlisle: Of course! It's… Mr. … some name I forgot. No, no I don't remember.
Lyn:Too bad for you! We took a time traveling machine back to the 1600's and brought him back with us! Please welcome… (pauses dramatically) MR. FREDERICK INGLSCHMORGENBORGEN! YAY!
(Wyatt the top hat salesman walks onto stage with a twenty year old dude who is totally not hot, but is wearing a top hat that compliments his eyes. P.S. we will be calling him Mr. F. so we don't have to spell his name.)
Mr. F.:Please, please, hold your applause.
(cricket sounds)
Mr. F.: Shut up, cricket!
Liz:So, Mr. F., are you mad that you are so much less hot than the super delicious Carlisle, and when you walk in a bar they all look at him and not you?
Mr. F.: What kind of question is that?
Lyn:A good one. It tests your friendship. Bum bum bum bummm… Bum bum bum bummm…
Mr. F.: Why are you making those noises?
Lyn: Well, we were so overbudget with the time machine and the kidnapping crew and whatnot, we couldn't hire Jimmy Buffet to be our band dude. So I'll have to do for now.
Liz:Answer the question.
Mr. F.: Well… PINA COLATA!
Lyn:Hey! That's my line!
Liz:That is her line. You don't use it again, OR ELSE…
(Very mean looking tough guy appears out of nowhere and looks threatening)
Lyn:Liz, have you ever noticed that many random people appear in our studio?
Liz:Uh… yeah.
Lyn:We've gotten off topic AGAIN! Mr. F., without saying PINA COLATA because that's MY LINE, is the answer YES OR NO???
Mr. F.: Maybe…
Liz:ARGGGHHH! You're USELESS! (Takes Mr. F. and throws him out of a random window.)
Lyn:I didn't know we had a window in the studio…
Liz: We do now. Okay, Mr. Carlisle… (Turns to Carlisle's chair, but it's empty.)
Lyn and Liz: Mr. Carlisle? Mr. Carlisle!?!?
Lyn:OH NOOO! We didn't get to go SWIMMING IN HIS HAIR!
Liz:Dang. Anyway, join us next time when we'll annoy Bella and Reneesme!
Lyn:And we'll have Emeril make us some more CRABCAKES!
Emeril: (Once again, appearing out of nowhere) WITH SPRINKLES!
Liz:Okay… till next time! BYE!