She watched him as he stood at the edge of the balcony, looking into the starlit sky. She could faintly hear the sound of the festivities in the ballroom behind her, but her focus was on him. He stood with his hands on the balcony's edge, knowing she was there, but not acknowledging the fact as he stared into space. She didn't find it rude, knowing it was just his way of considering the things going on in his mind. She silently smiled, wondering if his sudden withdrawal into his own little world had been caused by their friend Selphie, who had caught them in their first kiss, and came out 'aawwww!'ing with glee. He had immediately pulled away from her, and stared off into space as if the situation had been too much humiliation for him. But Rinoa just found it amusing, how easily he could shy away at the slightest mishap. She led their friend back inside, giggling but telling the excited girl that she was embarrassing him, and that they'd see her later. After coming back out, she found him still looking in the sky, and she just stood watching him, waiting for him to be ready to acknowledge her.
But it wasn't embarrassment that had sent Squall back into his own little world.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. Finally deciding to kiss Rinoa, and having their overly energetic friend catch them in the act and come squealing with happiness did cause his face to burn with embarrassment, and cause him to act like it never happened. But as Rinoa ushered the girl back inside, he quickly got over it, and started thinking about what had been bothering him for most of the night.
It was a night of celebration; the Sorceress war was over. The people of Balamb Garden had been celebrating into the late night hours, happy to know that the battle had been won. But, although Squall silently shared their relief, he had more important things to worry about. The war was over and done, so now he was looking to the future. He knew it wasn't good to worry about it so much, but what the future held was something that he couldn't stop thinking about. Or rather, if there was someone who was going to be in his future.
She had her own world, her own future. She would go back to Timber, back to the resistance faction that she led. True that freeing the small town would be a simple enough task now that the war was over, but wasn't that where her world was? With her friends and with her home? She also had a home in Deling, although she didn't think too fondly of her father. But she did have a place to be, a place to belong. What part of his world would she want to be a part of? It was Garden, and Garden trained SeeDs, military forces. That wasn't her world. Why would she want to be in it?
Rinoa hugged her arms as the night's chilly breeze brushed against her bare skin. She wasn't sure how late it was, but didn't care in the least. She still waited for Squall to possibly open up and tell her what was going on in his mind, now doubting that the awkward Selphie moment would have put him in a trance for so long. Then again, this was Squall; anything could put him back in that solitary mind that was so afraid to reach out to other people.
Finally thinking she had been waiting long enough, Rinoa started walking over to him. She stopped by his side and looked at his face, rubbing her arms self-consciously in the cold. As he didn't seem to know she was there, she spoke softly.
"Squall?"
He heard her voice say his name, sending a tingle down his spine. He silently turned his head to look at her. She looked at him with a bit of concern in her eyes. He saw her lip quiver as a small shiver resonated through her spine.
Squall removed his hands from the balcony. "Are you cold?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
Rinoa glanced away making a small shrug. "A little."
Although Squall had never been fond of physical closeness, or any closeness for that matter, he reached out and put his hand behind her back. He gently pulled her in front of him and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, keeping her in a warm embrace.
Rinoa savored the moment, letting herself rest against him. His body heat immediately warmed her back, relieving the chill that surrounded them. She could feel his soft breath tickle her ear as he held her. Her eyes closed as she let the wonderful feeling warm her body and her heart.
"Better?" she heard him say quietly.
Rinoa unconsciously displayed a smile. "Yeah."
He felt satisfied with her answer, and continued to hold her. As he did, he felt his emotional walls fall and let him fully savor being with her. He closed his eyes and gently inhaled the aroma of her hair. It calmed him, and he never wanted it to end. She was the only one who had been able to get past his walls, and the only one he had been able to let inside. He wasn't sure how, but she had a way of getting him to open up, a way of getting him to express himself. She had such a wonderful perspective on life, and it amazed him how she could be so free with her emotions, how much she cared for others, how warm her heart was.
And he loved her for it.
This what was he never wanted to see disappear; he never wanted her to leave. He needed her to be there with him. But what would she have if she stayed with him? Wouldn't she have more if she went back to her old life?
But how could he say that he didn't want her to leave? What if staying wasn't what she wanted? He couldn't, and wouldn't force her to do something that she didn't want to do. He could just let things play out and see what she planned on doing… he could ask her what she was going to do. But would that sound desperate? Should he let her be the one to tell him what her plans were before he even said anything?
Rinoa finally opened her eyes, her entire body feeling warmed as she stayed in his embrace. The entire time they had been silent, but Rinoa wasn't sure why. Maybe he had been enjoying the closeness like she had, but with him, she wasn't always sure. Maybe he was still thinking about what he had been earlier. Maybe it was something that was bothering him, and she should try and see if there was something wrong. She wasn't sure how she should approach it, and if he would want to talk about it.
"What're you thinking about?" she asked softly. Sure, it was a pretty straight question, and simple, but she wasn't sure how else to ask.
Squall felt his heart do a small jump at the question. Geez, why did he have to be so jumpy? Maybe he just didn't know if he wanted to tell her. He didn't know if he should tell her, wondering if she would feel pressured to give an answer. Maybe he could get out of it for now.
"Nothing." Wow, intelligent answer, he thought to himself. The blunt answer was useless, and he doubted he would get off the hook.
He heard a small giggle come from her. "Well, that usually means something," she said somewhat teasingly.
Drat.
Well, he knew he'd have to tell her. She would find a way around it and get the answer; she always did. But how would he say it?
As he remained silent, Rinoa waited. She suddenly felt his hold on her slightly tighten, and she became worried. Was there something wrong?
Gently, she removed herself from his embrace, and turned to face him. She put her hands on his chest and looked at his face. He wrapped his arms around her back, and they held each other closely. As their eyes met, Rinoa saw a bit of anguish in his, almost those of a scared child.
Rinoa frowned slightly with worry. "Squall?" she asked.
At her voice, Squall turned his face toward the distant horizon. Was it really this hard to tell her? Was he afraid of her answer, or afraid of sounding like a paranoid child?
She watched him, finding that whatever had been bothering him before was a serious matter. He seemed to be too scared to tell her.
Whatever it was, she had to know. Gently, she moved one of her hands up to his face, and turned his gaze so he was looking back at her.
She put her hand back on his chest, and asked again, "What is it?"
There was no way of getting out of this. He wished he wouldn't be so scared about anything, but this wasn't just anything; it was what would decide where she would be; if she would be with him. Although it was Rinoa he was talking to, he was finding it hard to put his feelings into words. After all, her answer could be something that not even she could help with.
Telling himself that he couldn't just hide from it, he tried to ask her. He was hesitant, but she waited patiently for him to answer.
"I… was just…" he started, finding it hard to ignore his desire to put up a wall and avoid the conversation completely. He looked away, feeling like a child, fumbling with his words, being so afraid of the outcome. "I… was thinking about… what your plans were… what you were going to do after tonight…"
Rinoa felt a bit off guard at the question. What was she going to do?
Trying to choose the right words, she said, "What do you mean?" She hoped that her slowness to understand wouldn't change his mind in deciding to tell her.
Well, it almost did, but he knew he had to continue. He felt his heartbeat accelerate as he pondered the next words. He felt rude that he wasn't looking her in the eyes, but hoped she would understand. He swallowed, then said, "I mean… are you going back to Timber?" He cleared his throat unconsciously, and said, "Or, maybe Deling?"
As the words left his mouth, Rinoa understood. He was afraid that she was going to leave. That so hesitant tone told her that he wanted to know what her plans for her future were; and if he was going to be a part of it. He thought that she would leave him, and he would have lost the one person he dared to care about.
She looked aside and pondered it. Actually, she was surprised to realize that she hadn't thought about it much. She had been so caught up in everything that happened after they had come back from defeating Ultemecia, and she found herself in the fast flow of the celebrating and didn't think about anything else.
But now, she had been reminded that the festivities would end, and she had to decide where her place was. As she thought about Deling, she had no inclination to go back. She had nothing to say to her father. As for Timber, that was something that she had to take care of. Freeing the town would be easy, but she had to go back and help in the process, just like she had promised the others who were a part of the resistance.
But other than that, what did she plan for her future? What was she going to do from there?
Well, then she realized just how obvious that answer was. Whatever she did in her future, wherever she went, she would want to be with Squall.
With a small smile, Rinoa looked back at Squall. He still kept his gaze away from her, still seeming too scared to look at her.
Letting her soft smile grow, she said, "Squall." Hesitantly, he turned his gaze toward her.
She pondered her words, knowing that the first part would make him assume the worst. She would have to leave, and he had to know that, but he had to know that it wouldn't be for good.
She glanced down at his chest, now lightly stroking part of the lining of the zipper on his jacket between two of her fingers. "Well," she started. "I don't have any reason to go back to Deling." Her next words were said with a little more silence than was intended. "There's nothing there for me."
Putting her hand back on his chest, she looked back at his face, finding that he was now looking at her. She was glad that she had his full attention, and hoped that her next words wouldn't upset him. Even the slightest setback could send him back behind his walls.
"As for Timber, I did make some promises… ones that I mean to keep."
Squall felt a great pang resonate through his chest as she spoke. So she was leaving, and he immediately assumed that that was it. She wasn't coming back.
Rinoa felt guilty as she saw the stricken pain cross his face, and he looked away. He had assumed the worst, and she felt that she hadn't chosen the right words.
Keeping a calm air, but speaking quickly, Rinoa said, "But those will be promises that won't take long. When I'm done there, I'll come back."
Squall froze as she spoke. At first, he thought that she hadn't said the words, as he had already let himself feel the great disappointment of thinking she was leaving him for good. But she was going to come back… but why? For how long? For a visit, or for good? Why would she when she had friends in other places? What would she want here?
He finally looked back at her, the questions still zooming around in his head. Her answer had been better than he thought, but it just made him wonder more what she planned. How would he ask?
Although Rinoa was accustomed to Squall's tendency to keep his feelings inside, she waited for him to say something. It seemed like he hoped that just looking at the person would tell them what he was thinking so he wouldn't have to say it. And sometimes she did know without him saying anything. But right now, she had no idea what was going on in his mind.
So she just waited, wanting him to be the one to decide to say it.
Clearly, Squall knew that just looking at her wasn't going to get the message along. He would have to 'voice his feelings or she wouldn't understand,' as she had told him before.
Reminding himself that this was Rinoa he was talking to, the one person that he could open up to, he began speaking. "For how long?" Ok, he knew he needed to be more clear than that. Wow, he knew he needed to work on being specific when he was talking. "How long do you plan on staying?" he corrected himself.
Rinoa now felt that she really did understand his questionings. It wasn't just a question of 'Where are you going to be tomorrow?' It was a 'Where are you going to be for the rest of your life?'
But why was he so scared in asking her? Did he not already know that? Well, of course not, she reminded herself. This was, after all, Squall she was talking about. He probably assumed that she would leave because there was nothing here for her, that she had more in other places.
But, what else could she possibly want, other than him?
With a smile, Rinoa moved her hands behind his back and laid her head on his chest, hugging him gently, but tightly. She felt him stiffen at first at the sudden contact, but relax almost right away. He moved his hands up her back and hugged around her shoulders, enjoying the embrace.
"Forever," she said softly.
The answer was simple and short, but she felt that it was all that needed to be said. She didn't think that an explanation of why she didn't need the other things was necessary; at least not yet. For now, she just wanted him to be sure that she wouldn't leave him.
And that was enough for him. He held her tightly, feeling relief as she stayed there with him. His constant questioning kept buzzing around in his mind, but he ignored them. He knew that if she said she wouldn't leave him, then she meant it. He just let himself enjoy being with her, and that was all he needed.
- - - - -
Well, I hope you liked it. I figured it was about time I had a Final Fantasy fanfic, considering my name (fffan Final Fantasy fan.) A review would be greatly appreciated, so I know if this was a good story. Thanks for reading.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, or any of the characters.