NH18: Hi, NaruHinaLover18 here. I really wanted to do a new story-a better one at that, so I really hope you enjoy this. Most of what you'll read is how my fiance and I got together. The lemon (which will be much later in chapters) will NOT be about me and my fiance. That'll be gross and plain weird... Without further ado, let the story begin!

Red Lotus is associated with heart and resembles love and compassion...

Summary: Hinata Hyuga is a depressed, insecure, 19 year old girl who has a hard time making friends and coping with the loss of her mother. She pushes the only person that would actually help her away and she never feels loved and pretends to be happy. Her life suddenly turned upside down when she meets Naruto Uzumaki, a boy she had never paid any attention to, a boy she never had feelings for, and yet, he wouldn't leave her alone. He made her insides feel fuzzy and warm, a feeling she has never felt before. Maybe, just maybe, this boy will make Hinata less insecure and become a confident young woman.

Nobody likes me.

Everybody hates me.

I kept singing that song in my head over and over-a song that I made up. It didn't have any other lyrics to it other than those six words. Pathetic. I always felt like I was never liked by anyone or everyone hated me. I thought maybe it was because of my eyes. They were different from the people I encountered and the students I see everyday at school. They would all look at me as if I were a blind person and talk to me like I was slow and even thought I was in Special Ed. My eyes are a pale lavender and I hated them because of how people would treat and look at me.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Thinking too much makes me faint. I hated that, too. Standing up, I stretched and made my way downstairs. My father, Hiashi Hyuga, would always look at me like I was a mistake; like I should have never been born. His cold stare sent shivers down my spine. He wore a long black robe, and black house slippers. His hair was in a loose ponytail and I can tell that any second, the band that was holding his hair was going to fall off. He used to never be this scary. Ever since my mother died, he was never the same. He praised my younger sister Hanabi, and I always felt like an outcast. I often felt like he thought it was my fault she was gone, but I shook that thought out of my head so many times because I knew that it was impossible that it was my fault.

I nodded once to him as I made my way to the fridge. I was so hungry and I haven't really been eating. I told myself that maybe I was depressed. I didn't want to believe that, but in my heart I knew I was. Losing someone you loved, can be very hard-on anyone, and I didn't know how to cope with it. The atmosphere felt so awkward because I knew my father was watching me look into the fridge. I swallowed hard as I tried to focus on the food that was waiting to be taken out. I don't know why this was so hard for me. I know my father can be scary, but I also knew he didn't have a problem with us kids eating. He made sure there was always food in the house, bills were paid, laundry was getting done, and that we were going to school.

School.

I hate school. I never took school seriously ever since my mother passed. School seemed like a struggle, even though it wasn't even challenging. I was just plain lazy and wasn't in the mood to do any of the work or go to most of my classes. I was failing horrendously, and there was probably no way for me to get my grades up or catch up with my class. There was no doubt in my mind that my father resented me because I was failing in school. My sophomore year in college at that. I let out the breath that I didn't know I was holding in and took the smoked ham meat out along with mayonnaise and mustard. I set that on the counter and took the bread from the top of the microwave. I don't know why I was moving so damn slow. I really wanted to hurry so I could go back into my room.

Taking the butter knife out of the drawer next to me,I began to spread the mayonnaise on both sides of the bread. Watching how the creaminess dressed my bread up like I was making my bed up. I still felt my father watching me, probably growing impatient because I invaded his privacy. I wasn't going slow on purpose, I was just extremely nervous. I finished making my sandwiches and put the mustard and mayonnaise back into the fridge.

"All that food in the refrigerator and you make a goddamn sandwhich!"

His deep voice made me jump and I dropped the butter knife on the floor. Why was I so scared? Am I that weak? I picked the butter knife up and put it into the dishwasher. He was angry and it was because I decided to fix myself a sandwich? I don't understand him at all. Say something Hinata! But I just stood there. My back to him as I contemplated on grabbing my sandwich and running to my room.

"Are you that lazy to prepare yourself a meal?"

I still didn't speak. I felt like my mouth had been sewn shut and my legs had been glued down to the floor. I let out the breath I was holding in and grabbed my sandwich. Not looking at him, I walked slowly out of the kitchen. There I was again, moving like a damn sloth. What was I so afraid of? I knew my father would never put his hands on me, he was never abusive to me or my sister, so why was I acting so scared as if he was? I finally made it to my room and sighed. That was awkward as hell. I sat down at my computer table and looked at my sandwich. I wasn't even hungry anymore. I put in so much effort in making that sandwich, only to lose my appetite and throw it into the trash can next to my computer desk.

I raked a hand through my unkempt bangs and closed my eyes. I sat there thinking about the sandwich, my father, and my mother. Mom. I felt my nose heat up and the tears that were begging to be released, sting my eyes. No Hinata, don't you dare cry! That only made it worse as I began to let the tears fall down onto my cheek. I tried to silently cry, but I kept letting out small sobs.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me.

I sang that weird song again and cried harder. Why was I so sensitive? At times I would fan my face with my hands to ease the burning that crying usually caused and take a deep long breath to calm down. I was such a cry baby and I hated myself for being so weak. No wonder father resents me. The feeling of resentment made me cry again. Losing my mother and feeling like I lost my father and sister, just made me feel so lonely and cold. Will I ever be loved by my family? Or by anyone?

Finally getting up from my computer chair, I stretched and groped my ass. It was extremely sore and numb from sitting in the chair so long. Going over to my closet, I stripped down and grabbed a white spaghetti strap tank top and my favorite purple plaid shorts. They were a gift from my mother when I was 14 and it never gotten old after all these years. I smiled as I tied the strings on my shorts. Turning off the lights, I slipped underneath the covers and stared at the ceiling that had light displaying on it from the window. I couldn't sleep if my life depended on it. Sleeping was the worst part of my day. I closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to take over my body.

"Mom?" I shook my mother to wake her up. It's been almost 6 hours since she's been in bed and she hasn't gotten up to make breakfast. My father was at work and Hanabi was asleep in her crib. "Mom? It's time to get up, you've been in bed all morning," My mother still didn't move. Her body was still and her left eye was partially closed. Her mouth was partly open and there was a whitish liquid on the right side her mouth that was seeping down to her ear. At that moment, I put two and two together and my hands immediately went over my mouth. I took a step back and felt my face go hot and the tears stream down my face. "No... NO! MOM! WAKE UP!" I knew she couldn't hear me and I knew she wasn't going to wake up.

My mother was dead...

I didn't want to believe that. How did this happen? Hanabi began to cry. Hard. I didn't know what to do. I was in shock and I knew Hanabi sensed her mother was dead. I tugged on my hair and paced back and forth, crying a goddamn river and saying Why her? Take me instead! Don't take her! I wasn't the crying type, I hardly ever cried but, today, I was crying my ass off. It didn't feel real, it all felt like a movie or a dream and I desperately wanted to wake up.

I didn't know what to do. Hanabi was crying really hard so I went to go pick her up. Her eyes were full of the clear liquid that our eyes would create. I tried to soothe her, but how could I when I was feeling her pain? The pain of seeing someone you love; unresponsive and the realization that the person you love, is dead... I tried to put Hanabi's head on my chest as I rocked her, but she was being fussy and kept pulling back, screaming at the top of her lungs as the tears streamed down her face like a water sprinkler. I thought maybe she wanted to be put back into her crib, but she had a tight grip on my shirt.

I held her to my chest and surprisingly, she let me do it. Her head was nestled on my chest and she gripped the fabric as if her life depended on it. "It's okay Hanabi, your big sister is here." She started to calm down, but occasionally she would make sobbing sounds and cry again. I held her tight and rocked her some more, hoping she would stop crying and fall asleep. I looked over to my mother and I could see how the color left from her face, making her look almost like a ghost. Does father know? Did he even know mother died? What if he thought she was sleep and went to work. I know my father probably thought my mother was sleep because she did look like she was.

With Hanabi still making sobbing noises, I could tell she was sleep because the grip she had on my shirt loosened and her breath evened out. I set her back in her crib and went over to my mother. My mother looked so beautiful laying there, but she smelled unpleasant. I touched her forehead and it was lukewarm. I then went over to her cheek and that was cold. Going over to her hands, they were stiff and very cold. I felt the stinging in my eyes again and my vision began to get blurry. I let the warm liquid drop from their sockets and held my mother. I didn't care that she smelled very bad, I just wanted to hug her one last time.

I woke up out of breath. I was sweating so hard that I could've made a pool right here in my bed. Raking my hand through my damp hair, I sat up and looked over to my clock. 4:38 a.m. This was the 7th time this week that I've had that dream about my mother. I always woke up at the part where I hug her. The dream never seemed to finish. Like the part where my father got home and saw me hugging my mother. He didn't say anything. I just remember hearing a loud thud as he crashed on his knees and started crying. Hearing his cries, made me cry into my mother's shoulder and Hanabi woke up and started crying like someone hit her.

I pushed that horrific memory out of my head as I laid back down on my wet, cold bed. I was too lazy to turn my pillow over on its dry side. I didn't understand why I allowed myself to be so sad and pessimistic about everything; always expecting the worse for myself. Nobody likes me, everybody hates me. There I was again, singing that damn stupid song that isnt even a real song. I kept singing it until the sun rose from the sky and finally drifted back asleep. My sleep didn't last long as the alarm on my computer desk went off. I huffed and got up as I slammed my hand on the snooze button.

I was so not in the mood to go to school. What was the point in going anyway? I didn't know why I continued to go to school when I knew that I wasn't going to do anything due to my inadequate behavior. I wasn't a bad student, I always kept to myself and I was very shy. My teacher always tried to talk me into doing some work, but I just could never bring myself up to do it. The thought of even picking up a pen and doing work, would give me a migraine. Standing up, I stretched and went over to my closet, grabbing sweatpants and the matching sweatshirt and put it on. I then put on my black boots and grabbed my empty bookbag that was hanging on the hook of my door.

I saw my father kiss my sister on her forehead and the corner of his mouth lifted into a small smile. He has never done that to me and that was the first time I have ever seen him smile. Sighing, I tugged onto the strap of my bookbag and walked towards the door after seeing my sister step down the front porch to walk over to her bus stop. Hanabi was in the 7th grade and I was jealous that she was doing so well in school. She was stronger than me and I envied her for that. That apprehensive feeling arose in me as I walked over to the front door. My father looked at me once; the smile immediately left his lips. He pinched his lips together in a flat line and his eyes were cold. This man frightened me and he had no idea that he was putting so much pressure on me.

"I expect you to do better Hinata,"

His deep voice halted me in my tracks and I felt a lump form in my throat. Don't you dare cry!

"No child of mine will continue to live in this house if they can't even do well in school. You either find an apartment, or take that offer Mr. Hatake suggested on getting into a dormitory. You are old enough to use common sense."

I was still frozen and felt the tears on the corner of my eyes.

I didn't speak and I knew I didn't have to because I heard the front door close behind me. My father was right and I hated that he was. I exhaled and walked down the steps. I am a sorry excuse for a daughter and a horrible role model for my sister. I didn't want to look at my younger sister as a role model for me when I should be one for her. I wanted to set a better example and prove to my father that I was capable of being somebody, but something was stopping me and I didn't know what it was.

"That's all for today. Don't forget to study."

The students began to gather all their books and head out the classroom. Study for what? I wasn't paying any attention to my teacher. Throughout the whole class, I was too busy daydreaming and drawing 3D boxes in my notebook. The pages were almost gone and they were all filled with 3D boxes. I cursed and got up from my seat, grabbing my notebook and started for the door when I was stopped by someone. I turned around and was greeted by my teacher with a smile that looked as if he was concerned. How can people smile so easily? I don't remember the last time I smiled and I don't even want to think about it. Some of the kids that were still in my classroom would snicker at me and call me names and I didn't notice it until my teacher stopped me.

Did he think I was saddened by the rude remarks that the students gave me?

"Hinata," My teacher, Mr. Hatake said. Out of all my teachers, he was the only one that tried to help me get my grades up by offering me extra credit and tutor me. I never did the extra credit nor did I go to him after school for tutoring.

"Please don't pay any attention to those kids, they have nothing better to do but pick on the innocent."

Weak. They have nothing better to do but pick on the weak. I would have preferred that than innocent.

I stared at the ground, unable to look him in the face. My father told me countless of times to look people straight in the eyes when they are talking to you. I never once did what he told me. Trying to find my voice, I began to speak.

"I wasn't paying any attention to them Mr. Hatake," My voice was soft and broken. It has been a while since I had spoke and I forgot how my own voice sounded like.

"I'm sorry Hinata, you're going to have to speak up, you know I can hardly hear you when I feel that you are talking to the floor,"

I closed my eyes, taking a small deep breath and exhaled slowly out of my mouth. I hated that everytime I talk to someone, I felt like I was on stage and the spotlight was beaming down on me. Speaking a little louder and I repeated my answer.

"Well," he started. "I would occasionally glance over to your table and you just seemed like something was bothering you. I figured you were letting those around you get into your head," I shook my head, not wanting to meet his eyes. I was always able to listen to someone when I wasn't looking at them. Looking into someone's eyes, I would get distracted and not pay attention to anything they were saying. Mr. Hatake sighed and placed his hand on my shoulder. I knew he genuinely cared about me and I really liked that about him, but I was steady pushing him away. The only person I knew who would help me without even asking for my permission and yet, I was pushing him away.

"I don't want you to be late to class so, just remember, if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me."

I nodded and turned around. My eyes still glued to the ground. I let my feet do the talking as I was making my way to my next class, counting the tiles that were placed evenly on the floor.

"Uh, excuse me," I heard someone say. I figured they were talking to someone else until they said:

"Hello? Girl with the sweatsuit?"

Was someone really calling for me?

I slowly turned around and my eyes slowly lifted to the tall figure in front of me. It was a male. A very tall male and I felt my heart thumping in my chest.

What did he want?

He was still standing there-a smile planted on his toned face. I have never seen a boy smile at me before and I could hear my heart beating nonstop in my chest.

"Sorry, to come at you that way, I just didn't know your name, ya know?"

Ya know? No, I didn't know.

He continued to stare at me with that smile still on his face. His three whiskers, that were planted on each cheek, stretched and I couldn't stop staring. What really caught my attention were his cobalt blue eyes and the way he had his right hand behind his head. His blond hair complemented his blue eyes and I felt my face heat up. I don't know what to call this feelings, but my insides felt like bubbles with him just standing here. He was wearing a white t shirt that snug his body and you could see his abs through it and the black joggers he was wearing just made him look better. An outfit so simple and yet so...

"Uh, you okay?" I snapped out of my thoughts as my eyes averted back to the white tiled floor. I nodded my head as I clenched my notebook tight in my hands. I heard a chuckle escape his lips, followed by a 'you're weird' and I felt my heart drop.

"Well, uh anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you dropped this on your way out of Mr. Hatake's class. I figured it was very important so I didn't want it to get into the wrong hands, ya know?" I looked up and my eyes widened at what he was holding. It was the necklace my mother gave me on my 12th birthday and I almost felt myself tear up. Not only did I almost lose something that meant so much to me, but this boy had compassion to actually return it to me.

"Uh, do you speak English?" I almost laughed at his remark. Me? Laugh at something? That would be weird.

"I'm sorry, I was just speechless. Thank you so much." My voice was again soft and quiet. I doubted he had heard me.

"No, problem. Just be cautious everywhere you go, you never know if any jackasses might try to get sticky fingers, ya know?"

Why was he always saying 'ya know' at the end of his sentences? I didn't want to ask because that would be very rude. I didn't even know him. I nodded and took the necklace from his long fingers. The necklace was a red lotus flower and it meant the whole world to me. My mother told me that with this necklace, I would meet the right one and will forever be loved. Yeah right. That has never and will never happen.

"Well, we better get to class. What's your name by the way?" He wanted to know my name? This was all too surreal. People hardly ever spoke to me and this guy wanted to know my name? Should I even tell him? "My name is Hinata..." I mentally kicked myself for stumbling on my words. I felt like I was in grammar school when I would stumble and stutter all over the place whenever someone spoke to me.

"Hinata huh?" I nodded.

"That's a nice name. I never heard of that name before, ya know?" He chuckled and put his hands in his pockets.

"My name is Naruto," he said with determination which I didn't know what for. "Let me walk you to class, I would hate to just leave you hanging after I am just getting to know you." I shook my head and turned around, walking immediately away from him. I was not going to get caught up with boys. Not now, not ever. I didn't look back-I would hate to see him flick me off or even curse at me, but I didn't hear a thing. Letting the breath I was holding in out, I skipped class and went in the bathroom; drawing my signature 3D boxes that I only knew how to draw.

I didn't even feel remotely bad about skipping class, I did it almost everyday. Most days, I would skip class until school was over. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't care. I would just hideout in the bathroom and draw the 3D boxes until my arm gave out.

I began to think about that boy. It was the first time a boy-or anyone, spoke to me so nicely besides Mr. Hatake. I closed my eyes and let my head rest on the bathroom stall. I was a mess. To think anyone would want to talk to me, is outrageous. I had never seen that boy in my class, more like I never paid attention to him-or anyone to be exact.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me. There I go again...

NH18: Wow this was the longest I ever written! I honestly hope you all like this and give me reviews because I am so nervous! Thank you for reading!