I Love You, Jack

by darcy & Anne

Daniel glanced around from the top step of Jack's Washington apartment, his resolve wavering. Upon further review, he decided It wasn't an apartment exactly, more of a condo or a townhouse. Yep, definitely, probably, most likely a townhouse. Whatever it was, it was all wrong for Jack. Jack needed a house with a lawn to mow, a garden to weed and a big backyard to host barbecues. This was a place to sleep.

While Daniel's mind pondered Jack's choice of living space, his hand seemed to have taken on a life of its own, floating in mid air, hovering a few inches from the doorbell. Ring the bell and bravely face the music or turn tail and run like a cowardly archeologist?

Decisions, decisions.

He was in love with Jack. That said, this visit was probably a mistake. After all, despite the recent promotion it was still the same old Jack 'does it say Colonel anywhere on my uniform' O'Neill he was dealing with. The same Jack who called him Plant Boy and told him to shut up when he offered opposing viewpoints. To put it mildly, Jack wasn't exactly the most open minded human being on the planet. Daniel consciously lowered his hand to his side. Maybe this wasn't the right time. Then again, this was also the same Jack who occasionally called him Danny and had searched to the ends of the galaxy to find him when he was lost, whumped, dead or otherwise indisposed.

Decisions, decisions.

The same Jack he loved, he reminded himself. Yes, loved. That's why he had come to Washington, to tell Jack outright and let the chips fall where they may. A scary proposition at best, life threatening at worst. He tried out the phrase again for the gazillionth time.

'I love you, Jack.'

Daniel cringed. It didn't sound right no matter how many times he mentally rehearsed it.

Admittedly, the Washington trip wasn't much of a plan and no matter what tone he evoked or what language he trotted out to cushion the blow, he couldn't imagine Jack having a positive reaction to those three simple, yet incredibly complicated little words. Over the past year, he'd replayed the scene over and over in his mind. It never ended well.

'I love you, Jack.'

You what? Have you lost your mind? Are you fucking nuts, Daniel? I'm going to assume you've been taken over by aliens, cloned, ascended, or are amnesiac from one too many go arounds with the Goa'uld hand device.

'I love you, Jack.'

Carter put you up to this, didn't she? Carter! Teal'c! Come on out, the jig's up. Where's Alan Funt and the hidden camera?

'I love you, Jack.'

You're not going Brokeback on me, are you, Dannyboy?

Daniel sighed and thanked his lucky stars he hadn't called ahead. He didn't have to ring the bell. He could slink away, unnoticed and unbruised. His life wasn't a total waste; as much as he missed Jack, he still loved being on SG-1. Sam and Teal'c were family, and as an added bonus, he found he liked working with Mitchell and General Landry. Maybe some things were better left alone, undisturbed and unspoken. He smiled in relief and made it down two of the five steps before the front door opened.

"Daniel?"

Shit! "Jack?"

"Whatchya doin?" Leaning against the doorframe, Jack struck a casual, sexy pose.

"N-nothing." Daniel cursed himself for the stutter and tried to ignore the gleam in the familiar brown eyes.

"Nothing?" Jack cocked an eyebrow.

"I, uh, wasn't sure if this was your house." How stupid did that sound?

"Right." God bless Jack for nodding as if it made perfect sense. "Everything okay?"

"Yes, of course everything's okay. Fine. Why wouldn't it be?" Daniel fought to remain calm and not allow himself to get testy. He was the one standing uninvited outside Jack's door.

"You're standing in front of my house."

Jack didn't miss a trick.

Daniel wrapped his arms around his waist and cocked an eyebrow of his own. "I told you, I wasn't sure if this was your house."

"You could have knocked. Or, rang the bell, perhaps."

"Of course, I was going to knock. You didn't give me a chance." Jack's all too familiar combination of sarcasm and amusement tended to put Daniel on the defensive. At least Jack hadn't commented on the fact he had been walking down the steps.

"Are you going to invite me in? It's cold out here." Daniel threw in a bit of impatient irritation in an effort to throw Jack off the track. Distraction, evasion, vagueness, they all worked wonders in a pinch. He'd learned from the best.

After the two dollar tour, Jack picked up the phone and called out for Chinese. "Five minute," he declared in his best Chinese accent. Daniel chuckled and began to relax. Just because he was in Jack's house didn't mean he had to spill his guts. A nice friendly, long-overdue visit would be fine.

"Wine?" Jack offered after the food arrived.

"No, thanks. I'm going to go with water and coffee." Daniel ignored Jack's raised eyebrow and puzzled look. If by some miracle he ended up professing his unrequited love he didn't want Jack to have the option of chalking it up to the booze talking. He'd either do this right or he wouldn't do it at all.

After dinner Daniel helped clean up the kitchen and the two of them plopped down on the couch, side by side... just like old times.

"So..." Jack cracked opened a beer.

"So?" Daniel took a long exaggerated sip of his coffee to avoid eye contact.

"So, why did you come?" Jack wasn't avoiding eye contact. He was openly staring and smiling the patented O'Neill grin that kept Daniel awake and frustrated more nights than he cared to admit.

This wasn't good. Daniel wanted to share his secret in his own time, in his own way, not with Jack directing the conversation. Stalling seemed like the best bet. "A guy can't visit an old friend?"

"Why now?" Jack wasn't easily deterred.

"Why not?"

"Daniel!"

Shit. Jack was focused and curious. A lethal combination. The conversation was in danger of deteriorating into one their aggravating Jack/Daniel discussions that always left Daniel, mentally, emotionally and for some inexplicable reason, sexually frustrated. His face grew warm and he hoped he wasn't blushing under Jack's scrutiny. It was no use lying, Jack knew him too well. Besides, he had come here for a reason. Maybe it was time.

"I, uh... I wanted to ah... to tell you something."

"So, I'm here, tell me." Jack nonchalantly flung his arms out in an inviting gesture and waited with a smirk.

It wouldn't take but a few words to wipe off the smirk and replace it with... with what? That was the million dollar question.

Courage. Daniel had courage in spades. Everybody said so. He had stood up to Ra, Apophis, Anubis, Ba'al and the rest. He was a linguist, a great communicator who had deciphered more languages than most linguists dreamed existed. Surely he could say three little words in his native tongue.

"What? Spill it." Jack was obviously growing slightly alarmed and impatient at his hesitancy.

"I came here to tell you something," Daniel repeated minus the stammering. It was now or never. Jump in feet first, do or die, speak now or forever hold your peace.

"So tell me." The brown eyes danced with curious confusion.

"I love you, Jack."

Sarcasm, disgust, pity; Daniel braced himself and waited, as prepared as he'd ever be for any possible Jack response.

The seconds ticked away, but Jack didn't say a word. Instead, he turned away and began to pace, nervously running his hand through his graying hair.

Having said his piece Daniel stayed quiet, surprised Jack hadn't retorted with one of his famous, off the cuff, O'Neill quips. He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign, but he was determined to give Jack all the time he needed. After all, Jack hadn't been practicing in front of a mirror for the past year or so.

"You can't." Jack finally stopped the restless pacing and faced him.

"I do."

'No."

"Yes."

"But, you, you... you can't." It was odd to hear Jack stammering.

"Oh, but, I do." Daniel's voice rose in annoyance. How dare Jack tell him who he could and couldn't love?

"I don't believe it."

"You don't believe me?" Daniel was flabbergasted, this scenario hadn't turned up in any of the practice runs. Damn Jack for never following the script.

"I don't believe you. It's silly. I'm old; I'm on my way out. You're, you're... you. Dr. Daniel 'smarter than the rest of us' Jackson."

"I'm not smarter than you." It wasn't easy keeping his temper in check. He had finally professed his deepest secret to the man he loved and for the life of him, he still couldn't gauge Jack's reaction.

"Sure you are. You're a genius. What's your I.Q.?"

"Jack, stop. Just stop." Daniel rubbed at his temple, attempting to get the conversation back on track. "You're missing the point."

"No, I'm not."

Playing the role of Jack in the mirror had been far more productive and logical than confronting the real Jack standing before him. Daniel raised his hand in an effort to hold off the inevitable headache that followed a majority of their juvenile exchanges. Why had he expected this one to be any different?

"You are. You're missing it completely. I said 'I love you'. And I do. That's not for you to dispute. It's not up for debate. It's a fact. The question is what do you want to say or do about it?" Daniel stared hard in an effort to get an accurate read.

"Assuming it's the truth?" Jack was a master at stalling for time.

"Yes," Daniel said with exaggerated patience. "Assume it's the truth and tell me what you think."

"You love me?"

"Yes," Daniel said firmly, determined not to let the conversation further deteriorate.

"As in love-love?"

This time Daniel stayed silent. Jack could keep this up all day if he kept playing into it.

"Well," Jack said slowly. "The truth is... I would have expected it to bother me, but oddly enough, it doesn't bother me at all."

"Not at all?" A huge smile broke out on Daniel's face.

"Daniel Jackson loves me." Jack said the words slowly, pausing for dramatic effect. "Nope, not at all."

Daniel was relieved when Jack returned to the couch and settled in beside him. They sat close, Jack's shoulder touching his. This was a good sign, right?

"Good." Daniel leaned over and kissed a startled Jack on the mouth. Jack's lips were warm and dry, yet at the same time soft and welcoming. It was only a brief contact, but Daniel's pulse quickened. When he pulled back, he carefully searched Jack's eyes for any sign of rejection. "Did that bother you?"

"I'm not sure. Could you do it again?"

Could he do it again? Hell, he had waited over a year for this moment. Pushing away all looming thoughts and questions about whether Jack would come to his senses and punch him silly, Daniel leaned in and brushed his mouth gently against Jack's.

At first nothing happened.

Jack just sat there and allowed himself to be kissed.

Anxious butterflies danced in Daniel's stomach. What if Jack had second thoughts? What if this was too fast for the poor man? What if...

Then Jack's hands came up and cradled Daniel's face as he returned the kiss tentatively, testing...

Daniel opened his mouth a little, just enough to encourage Jack to do the same. There was a flicker of tongue touching and he felt Jack smile against his mouth, "Who would've thought, Doctor Jackson..."

When they broke the kiss, Daniel looked at Jack's flushed face and couldn't suppress a smile. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know. Am I?" Jack's voice was low and husky.

"I mean, you're not... freaking out, are you?"

"Nope, not freaking." Jack sounded sure of himself.

"You look..." Daniel felt warm and light headed. He licked his lips and pushed his glasses up his nose. Jack looked ...

"Dazed?"

Hot. Kissable.

Daniel coughed and pried his eyes away from Jack. He didn't know where to look, or what to do, or say. He had just made a pass at his best friend by kissing him.

In all his rehearsals Jack had never reacted like this. Not once. Success wasn't something Daniel had planned for. He had fantasized about how it might be, but he had never expected Jack would let him this close, let alone kiss him, at least not without punching his lights out afterwards.

"Well, this is new. Even for us," Jack informed him.

"Um..."

"So, what now?" Jack raised his eyebrows.

What now? Daniel had no idea. Jack was a general in the United States Air Force. What had possessed him to come barging up here, declaring his undying love? Why wasn't Jack running for the hills, screaming at the top of his lungs? Or at least throwing Daniel out on his ass?

"I take it you won't just crash on my couch now," Jack said. "Or in the spare room."

Here it comes, Daniel thought. He's throwing me out after all.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'll just go." Daniel stood and forced his arms to stay at his side instead of wrapping them around his chest.

"...to bed." Jack got up as well and nudged Daniel with his elbow as he brushed past him. "I have a big bed, Daniel. Comfy. Roomy."

Oh!

Daniel trailed Jack into his bedroom, stomping down all remaining fears of rejection as he closed the door behind them and took a look around. It was a nice bedroom. Very spacious. And the bed did look comfy.

They undressed in silence. There wasn't anything awkward about it. They'd done this before. Getting naked, showering. Locker room. Nothing new to look at.

Except Daniel couldn't resist looking, now that he had permission, sort of...

He hadn't seen Jack in a while but the man still looked good. Better than good. Daniel had wondered if flying a desk in Washington might have softened Jack's body, but the general was still lean and muscular in all the right places. The faded scars only added to Jack's appeal.

Daniel smiled as he pulled off his shirt and jeans, aware of Jack's brown eyes studying his every movement.

When they slipped under the covers, Jack met him halfway and they shyly kissed again. Daniel couldn't resist letting his hands roam over Jack's shoulders.

He had waited so long.

Daniel's heart pounded when Jack's fingers combed through his hair and settled on the nape of his neck as their mouths slid together once more. "This is nice," Jack mumbled.

"It gets even nicer," Daniel murmured back, nibbling at the corner of Jack's lips. "Just you wait." Jack tensed at the words and pulled away.

When their eyes met, Daniel saw uneasiness flicker in Jack's expression.

"We can take this slow, right? You... don't expect me to... right now...?" Jack put a little more distance between them, his hands fiddling with the blanket.

"No! Not at all. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push. We can take as long as you like. We have to... talk about certain things, anyway," Daniel assured him.

"No talking." Jack grimaced. "Not tonight. You know how I feel about all that..." He made a vague gesture with his hand. "Talking is overrated."

"No. But tomorrow..."

"Can we just do..." Jack let go of the blanket and put his arms around Daniel, bringing them both down until their heads touched the pillow. "...this?"

"This?" Daniel questioned, not sure what exactly was included in Jack's 'this.'

"Go to sleep. Like this. Can we do that?" Jack's arms tightened around him.

Daniel wanted to touch and explore, wanted to do... so much more, anything but go to sleep. When he snuggled a little closer, he felt Jack's growing interest pressing against his thigh, but he didn't say anything. Let Jack get used to having him in his bed and in his arms. Daniel decided to be content with snuggling and sleeping for now. He'd waited this long, he could wait little while longer.

It was after midnight when Daniel woke to find Jack sitting up, leaning against the headboard. "Hey, are you okay?" Daniel pulled himself up and wished the light was on to better read Jack's expression.

"No regrets?" he worried when Jack remained silent.

"No, no regrets," Jack quickly assured him. "I'm just not sure what this involves, exactly."

As in sex or as in emotional commitment, Daniel wondered, still worried. Jack hadn't expressed an opinion on either. Maybe he could reassure Jack about the physical and at the same time, determine where Jack stood on the emotional. He'd been so excited at Jack's reaction that it only now occurred to him that Jack hadn't repeated the three magic words back to him. Then again this was Jack, maybe he needed a little prompting.

"The mental or the physical?" Daniel tried to steer his soon to be new lover in the right direction.

"I don't know all that much about the physical so it makes me a little nervous."

A shiver raced up Daniel's spine when Jack's hand sifted through his hair. Focus, Jackson! "You liked the kissing, didn't you? And the snuggling?"

"I did. I liked the kissing, and the snuggling was good, but to tell you the truth, I'm a little nervous about the rest."

"Have you ever been with a man?" Daniel realized he needed to know the answer to that extremely important question.

"Not for a long time." Jack's eyebrows arched. "Have you?"

"Yes."

"Then show me."

No jokes, just honesty. Jack was truly concerned. The general liked to be in control so Daniel vowed to be extra patient. Then again, if Jack didn't stop with the scalp massage Daniel was going to pin him to the mattress and screw him senseless. He took a deep breath and moved his head out of range. "We won't do anything you don't want to do. I promise." Daniel followed up the promise with a kiss to the base of Jack's neck.

"How do I know what I want to do?" Jack muttered, the sarcasm back to a familiar level.

Daniel tweaked Jack's nipple between his fingers and laughed at the astonished look. "Sit back and relax and I'll go over a few options with ya."

"Options? Sounds like negotiating... holy crap..." Jack let out a moan, his head hitting the headboard with a low thud when Daniel leaned forward and gently bit the nipple he had just tweaked.

"Again..." Jack hissed.

Daniel was more than happy to oblige. When he was finished he blew cool air over the hardened nub and let his fingers stray through Jack's graying chest hair as he trailed kisses along the lean body beside him, nipping at a scar he discovered along the way.

Some of Jack's injuries were familiar and the intimacy of knowing the story behind the scars heightened Daniel's pleasure. He took his time as he explored this once forbidden territory. Jack encouraged him with little moans and grunts and it didn't take long before the general overcame his nervousness. Daniel thrilled at the feel of Jack's hands combing through his hair, massaging his back and lingering on his ass. Jack's hands were everywhere Daniel had ever dared hoped or dreamed them to be.

"Jesus," Jack moaned. "Daniel..."

"I know... I know..." Daniel moved on top of him, their bodies sliding, bumping and stroking against each other, their lips kissing and sucking. Jack's hands found Daniel's ass again and Daniel arched back into the touch, letting out a moan of his own.

It had been so long since he'd last had sex and it felt so good.

And this was Jack. Jack O'Neill.

Jack O'Neill, who was supposed to be straight, somehow managed to wrap a hand around both their straining cocks, rubbing them together. "Wanna touch," Jack breathed. "Wanna feel..."

Daniel bit Jack's shoulder. "Gonna be sticky," he warned. "Messy..."

"Don't care," Jack hissed.

"Jack... Jack, I'm gonna...," Daniel spluttered, not able to hold out any longer.

"Ya think?" Jack howled with laughter and amazement in his shaky voice. He came right after Daniel, moaning and holding onto him for dear life.

"There's not much you don't like, is there?" Daniel asked after an hour of fairly intense, though not penetrating exploration, as he lay sprawled next to his general. His lips happily nuzzling at a particular spot on Jack's neck.

There'd be time for penetrating exploration later. At least Daniel hoped so. He felt sated and cozy. Post coital bliss... or whatever you wanted to call it. He was trying very hard not to let the nagging doubts take over, not now when he was so wonderfully tired, plastered against Jack's chest.

"Nope, not so far," Jack happily agreed. "Though some of those moves were a bit athletic for us seniors."

"I didn't hear you complaining."

"Not complaining, just observing."

Daniel snuggled closer into Jack's side, thrilled at the end result of his courageous confession. Thrilled, but something was missing. There was no doubt Jack was enjoying the beginner's sex, but he still hadn't responded on an emotional level. He had ignored that part of Daniel's inquiry. Leave it to Jack to go for avoidance when given a choice.

Daniel was disappointed his 'I love you' hadn't been answered with an 'I love you, too'. To be fair, he had ambushed the poor man and it had taken Jack time to come up with any response at all. Maybe he'd drop a few more hints to see where it would lead.

"Would you have made the first move if I had chickened out?"

"What's the difference?"

Foiled again. "Nothing I guess. Just curious."

Dropping a few hints didn't always work with Jack. Daniel hated to ask outright, but the general could be as thick as a brick when he put his mind to it.

"Jack, how do you feel about me?" This could take all night if he didn't opt for the more direct approach.

"Feel? How do I feel?" Jack lazily stroked a finger down Daniel's arm. "Didn't we just get very sticky and messy – several times? That not enough feeling for ya?"

"Ja-ack... You know what I mean."

"I do?"

Daniel's shoulders sagged when he saw the confused 'deer in the headlights' look in the brown eyes.

"Never mind." He didn't want Jack to answer because he felt forced or trapped. As much as it hurt to admit, Daniel was willing to take whatever Jack was able to offer. He comforted himself with the fact that it might take Jack a while to say the words even if he did feel the emotion.

"Never mind?"

"Stop repeating everything I say." Daniel sighed. "It's what you do when you don't want to answer and it's annoying."

"I don't repeat."

"You do."

"I do?"

Daniel paused and sucked in a huge breath, determined not to start this up again. "Never mind." He enunciated the words slowly.

"Again with the never mind." Jack caressed his cheek. "Daniel?"

He hesitated. It could be a trick to engage him in another round of inane conversation. "Yes, Jack?" he finally answered, sighing for maximum effect.

"I love you."

"You, you, you do?"

"Of course, I do."

"Really?" Jack wasn't so thick after all.

"Yes, I do. Do you think I'm so hard up I'd hop into bed with the first archeologist who asked?"

"Well, I uh, I guess not." Daniel was speechless. Jack loved him back and wasn't afraid to say it.

"Not just an obligatory 'I love you' either. A real I love you."

"Obligatory?" Daniel wrinkled his nose, now he was repeating.

"You know, when people say 'I love you' because someone said it to them first. This isn't that."

Right.

"I've loved you for a long time," Jack added a bit more quietly.

"You have? Why didn't you tell me?" Daniel refrained from punching Jack's shoulder. A year's worth of worry and candid talks to himself in front of the mirror for nothing.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jack looked indignant.

"I did."

"Just today. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I told sooner than you did."

"I was going to tell you."

Daniel snorted openly at that one. "When, Jack? When would you have told me?"

"As a matter of fact, I was going to call you tonight." Jack was a master at maintaining a straight face while spouting the ridiculous.

"So, I barely beat you to the punch?" Daniel laughed out loud.

"Yep. It would seem so," Jack said cheerfully. "Just barely."

They both slipped down under the covers. Daniel was beginning to doze when Jack's hand gently resumed massaging his scalp. The man must have a hair fetish, he sleepily decided. But he liked it.

"Danny?" Jack's voice was quiet but urgent.

"What?" Daniel answered sleepily, immensely pleased at Jack's use of his nickname.

"You ah... haven't been taken over by aliens or snaked lately, have ya?"

"No, Jack, don't worry, it's me," he chuckled, happily.

"Ah. Good. Daniel?"

"Hm?"

"This isn't some sort of joke, is it? Carter and Teal'c aren't going to come storming out of the closet with a hidden camera?"

"No. I promise, no cameras." He choked down a laugh.

"Daniel?"

"Yes, Jack?" Daniel sighed happily.

"Have you seen the movie Brokeback Mountain recently?"

Daniel snuggled closer but didn't bother answering.

It had been touch and go early on, but all the practice in front of the mirror had paid off. The night had gone exactly as planned.

Fin