Doing All I Can Do

Part 1- I'm a Little Bit Lost Without You

"Come in." Derek looked up from his paper work to see Meredith Grey walk into his office, he had to do a double take at her appearance. She was crying, or had been very recently. Silently he held out a box of tissues, she pulled one out and wiped her eyes before blowing her nose. She sat down in the chair on the other side of his desk and looked at him with blood shot eyes.

"I, uh, I'm going to need some time off." she croaked, her voice hoarse and broken from crying,

"How long?" he asked, moving around his desk and leading Meredith to the more comfortable couches that made this heartbreaking scene less formal,

"I don't know. A week at the very least. Probably more." She started to cry again, "Oh God, oh God. How did this happen. Why?"

Derek pulled Meredith into his arms, he murmured soft comforting words and rubbed circles on her back, the blonde cried on his shoulder and babbled incoherently about L.A. and a little girl and flying out immediately.

"Meredith," he said eventually, "What's happened?"

Meredith looked up at him, "It's- It's William." she cried, "He was in a car accident, and he told me he was fine but, but he wasn't and now he's dead." She started to shake, "He's dead. Gone. My brother is gone. I'm never going to see him again."

Derek didn't know what to say. He knew William, well, he knew of him. When Meredith had discovered her mothers affair with Richard she'd made a small scene, demanding to know if Richard had abandoned his son, like Thatcher had abandoned her, but as it turned out Ellis had discovered she was pregnant, after she'd kicked out Thatcher, and the timing of it proved Richard couldn't be the father, not that Thatcher would have believed it, had Ellis ever told him.

"You can take as much time as you need." He promised,

Meredith nodded, "When I come back," she said, taking a minute to collect her self enough to explain, "When I come back I'll have uh, my niece Betsy with me. William was a single father and I'm all Betsy has left."

"I understand." Derek murmured, "If you ever need anything Meredith, more time off, an extra shift, a baby sitter… money; anything, don't hesitate to ask."

Meredith flung herself onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder, "Thank you." she whimpered, "I'm sorry we didn't work out Derek,"

Derek held Meredith close, "I know Meredith. I'm sorry too."

Suddenly Meredith pulled back and stood up, "I have to go." She said, "I can't, I'm barely holding it together, I need to go home and pack a bag, book flights, I have so much to…" She broke off, "I don't even…"

"I'll book flights, tell me where and when, I'll make sure everything is done for you, you can focus on Betsy, on packing a bag."

Meredith looked at him for a moment, "Thank you." She whispered,

Derek nodded, "Do you need someone to drive you home?"

Meredith shook her head, "I'm fine I can-"

"No you can't." Derek said, moving to collect a few things, "Come on, I'll drive you home, you can pack and I'll book everything and take you to the airport."

"Ok." Meredith gave in, "Ok."

Time seemed to drag on, but at the same time, it was a blur in Meredith's mind, when she stood with Derek in the busy airport, listening to an announcement saying her plane was boarding, she turned to the man next to her and said, "How did I get here?" Derek frowned at her, obviously worried, "How did I get to an airport, flying to L.A. not to visit my brother, but organise his funeral and take custody of his daughter?"

"I don't know Meredith." Derek whispered, "I don't know."

Meredith nodded sadly, "I should probably," She motioned the line to board,

"Yea,"

Meredith hugged him, burying her face in his chest, Derek hugged back, he kissed the top of her head, "Call me, when you land, I don't care how late it is, call me."

"I will," Meredith murmured, pulling back,

Derek raised his hand to cup Meredith's cheek, he let his thumb brush the side of face softly, "I'm so sorry Meredith,"

Meredith nodded tears in her eyes, "I don't know how too…" she swallowed, "Thank you, Derek." She went up on tip toes and kissed him softly, letting her lips linger on his,

"Mere…"

"Thank you." She stepped back from him and picked up her carryon bag, "I'll see you when I get back."

"Yea. You have two weeks off, but if you need more, all you have to do is call."

She nodded, "I'm going too get in line now."

"Ok." He hugged her again, "Goodbye Meredith,"

"Bye Derek,"

She stepped out of the hug and moved to stand in the back of the line, Derek turned and waved, she waved back and watched as he walked away. Sighing Meredith pulled out a tissue from the small travel pack she had in her jacket pocket, she was crying again, had been since kissing Derek. She wiped her eyes and waited patiently before it was her turn to board and find her seat in the plane, Derek had paid for the flight, telling her it was nothing, but as she sat in her seat she couldn't help but feel guilty.

She spent the duration of the flight sleeping, she had a feeling that she would spend the next few nights lying in bed awake, already her mind was full of William, teaching him to ride a bike, taking him to his first day of school, and being late herself for her first day of Middle School. Reading with him, making presents to give him at Christmas, walking around the hospital with him.

"Uh, hey, wake up. The plane has landed." Meredith stirred and looked up to see the man in the seat next to her, gently shaking her shoulder,

"What? Oh." She looked around tiredly, "Sorry. Uh, thank you." She got up and grabbed her bag, she stepped into the aisle and started to leave the plane, the man following her with a back pack and briefcase.

Meredith moved through the airport and collected her bags and then found a taxi. She leaned by the window and spoke to the driver, "Can you take me to St. Ambrose Hospital, please."

"Sure, darl', you need help with your bags?"

"No thanks." Meredith climbed into the back of the cab with her luggage an pulled out her phone.

She called Derek like promised, then called William's colleague Dr. Peter Wilder, he answered quickly in a tired but expecting voice, "Dr. Wilder,"

"Hi, this is Meredith Grey, William Parker's sister,"

"Oh, okay; where are you?"

Meredith swallowed, tears were threatening to fall again at the sympathy evident in Dr. Wilder's voice, "I'm in a cab on my way to the hospital. How's Betsy?"

"She's asleep, I've got her tucked into an empty patient room."

"Ok, don't wake her just yet. Uh, can you meet me at the front or-"

"I'll make sure someone's there." he promised, "And I'm sorry. For your loss."

"I'll be there soon," Meredith choked, she hung up quickly and let out a sob. Before she was ready the car stopped, "Thank you," Meredith said to the driver, paying him with a small tip before collecting her few bags and leaving the cab.

With a deep breath Meredith walked into the hospital. She was relieved to see a familiar, albeit sad, face. Addison Montgomery moved to her and pulled her into a hug, "I'm so sorry." she whispered, "So sorry."

Meredith allowed herself to become lost in Addison's arms, she breathed in the comforting fragrance that was Addison and let out a long shaky breath. "I've missed you."

"Me too." Addison pulled back, "Do you want to just get Betsy and go home, or do you want to… I mean…"

"Can I see him?" Meredith asked,

Addison nodded, she grabbed Meredith's free hand and squeezed it quickly before dropping it and leading the way. Meredith was led to the morgue, it was brightly lit and thankfully empty, except Meredith couldn't think of it like that. Her brother was in that room.

Addison opened a drawer and slowly unzipped a black body bag. William's beautiful face stared up at them, his head bandaged, his eyes closed and his lips blue. Meredith tried to swallow, but a lump had form in her throat and she couldn't keep in her tears. She sobbed quietly, her hand reaching out to caress his cool face.

"Oh Dell," whispered Addison sadly, Meredith looked up to see tears falling down Addison's face as well. The red head looked up, into Meredith's grey eyes, "He was a great man." She whispered "He was kind, and polite, and sweet."

"He was a bit of a jerk sometimes," Meredith added with a slight laugh, "My kid brother… I practically raised him, you know."

"He was good, Meredith. He was good and he was brave. He was an amazing friend."

Meredith smiled softly, tears still trailing slowly along her cheeks. She lent in, close to William's ear and whispered, "I love you, baby brother. I love you so much, and I'm so, so sorry." she pressed a kiss to his cheek, "I'll miss you." she murmured again, "I'll never forget you, and neither will Betsy. I'll remind her every day if I have too. I promise to take care of her for you. I love you." Meredith straightened up and tried to swallow back her tears again, she nodded at Addison, who zipped the bag up again and closed the door.

"Come on," she murmured, her arm moved to Meredith's back, soothing her as they walked through the hospital to find Betsy.

They entered the room quietly and Meredith quickly wiped her eyes and nose with a tissue, trying to hold herself together for her niece. A man and a woman were in the room, the woman lying in the bed, Betsy asleep in her arms, the man in a chair next to the bed, quietly conversing to the woman. As Meredith entered they both looked up.

"You must be Meredith Grey," He said, walking to her and shaking her hand,

"Yes." She nodded, "And you're Dr. Wilder?"

"Pete."

She nodded, not sure what to say. Pete moved over to the bed and gently woke Betsy, "Betsy, your aunt's here." Meredith's niece looked up, she saw Meredith and ran forward, Meredith bent down and scooped Betsy into her arms in a tight hug,

"Hey baby, you remember me?"

Betsy nodded into Meredith's neck, "Aunty Mer." she whispered, "I missed you Aunty Mer,"

Meredith felt the little girl crying and she herself had tears in her own eyes as she held the little girl. Meredith pressed a kiss to Betsy head and looked up at Pete and Addison, "What happens now?"

"You take her for tonight, then tomorrow come to the practice, I've made the arrangements for you to take custody of her. You just need to show up and be assessed then sign a few things."

Meredith nodded, "Assessed?"

"Ah that's me," The woman walked forward, getting off the bed, "I'm Dr. Turner, Violet. So what will happen is I will need to give you a session, maybe a couple, and I'll make an assessment about if you're capable, and all that. A formality really. And you'll also be assessed in terms of your job, income etc by someone else."

Meredith nodded, "Okay," she kissed Betsy's forehead and straightened up, "Can we go now, Addison?"

"Yes," the red head nodded "Yea, of course."

Meredith looked down at Betsy who was clinging to her legs, "You have all your things?" she asked,

Betsy turned to Violet who passed the girl her small backpack, "Yes Aunty Mer."

"Ok, come on. Let's go." Meredith walked with Addison and Betsy, they got to Addison's car and stored Meredith's luggage and Betsy's backpack in the back before climbing in and driving off. Within minutes Betsy was asleep, her breathing slow and soft.

"I've missed you." Meredith whispered, "Not having you at the hospital this past year…" she sighed,

Addison reached out and gave Meredith's knee a soft squeeze before returning her hand to the steering wheel, "You broke up with me, Mer."

"I know." Meredith cut in. She closed her eyes and took a slow breath, "You decided to move, you bought a house and changed jobs and packed your bags all before you told me you were even considering it. You didn't tell me Addison, you didn't tell me."

Addison remained silent for a few minutes until whispering softly, "I wanted a reason to stay. I wanted you to fight for me to stay, to beg me not to go."

"You broke my heart."

Addison nodded and swallowed, this wasn't the time to talk about them, gently she changed the subject, "I only have one spare room at the moment. I had an unexpected visitor the other week but I thought Betsy could have that and you could take my room. I have a key to Sam's place, I'll sleep there."

"No."

Addison turned her head to face Meredith, their eyes meeting for a second before Addison's gaze returned to the dark road. She didn't say anything, instead just waited for Meredith to continue.

"I won't be able to sleep tonight." Meredith told her, "Could you just… lie with me?"

"Meredith…" Addison sighed, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Please?"

Addison bit her lip, "Just sleeping?"

"Just sleeping."

She gave in, "Ok."

"Thank you." Meredith whispered with sincerity, she turned in the car to look at Betsy, "Do you think she'll be okay?"

Addison looked at Betsy in the rear-view mirror and smiled sadly, "Alex said to me once you can get over a bad childhood." she sighed, "you can have the worst crap in the world happen to you. You can get over it. All you have to do is survive."

"I hope so."

The remainder of the journey was silent, Meredith staring out the window into the sky, Addison trying not to think, and Betsy still sleeping in the back. When they arrived Addison grabbed most of the luggage and moved to open the front door while Meredith gently unbuckled her niece and pulled the sleeping girl into her arms.

"Daddy?" The girl mumbled, her hands linking around Meredith neck,

"Shh darling," Meredith whispered sadly, pressing a kiss to her temple, "Go back to sleep." Quietly Meredith moved into the house and followed Addison to the guest room, Meredith lay Betsy in the bed and kissed her forehead whispering goodnight to her as Addison walked back downstairs.

The redhead grabbed the two remaining bags, her handbag and Betsy's backpack, and locked the car. She walked inside, and locked the front door then head up to her room to find Meredith already in a pair of boxers and an old tank top. Meredith climbed into the bed and stared at the ceiling.

"I can close my eyes," She said, "So you can change."

"We're not twelve Meredith." Addison murmured, finally moving from the doorway, into the room, "And you have seen me naked before."

Meredith turned to face her, "Exactly. I just thought, considering our past, you'd be more comfortable without me watching you."

Addison bit her lip, she would be more comfortable, but it was still a bit childish. Instead she shrugged, "I was going to have a quick shower." and she grabbed her pyjamas from under her pillow and moved to her bathroom.

Meredith sighed and reached out, turning off the lamp and sending the room into darkness. When Addison returned to the room ten minutes later, Meredith was curled up in her side of the bed, her arms holding Addison's pillow tightly as she cried silently for her brother.

Addison turned the bedside lamp on and sat on the edge of the bed, "Meredith," she whispered softly, "Darling do you want to talk?" Meredith shook her head, "Okay," She brushed back some of Meredith's blonde hair, "I'll go get you a glass of water, okay?"

Meredith's hand shot out and grabbed Addison's tightly, the redhead looked down at her, "Don't go." Meredith whispered,

"I'll be right back,"

"No. Stay. Please Addison? You said you would stay, please,"

Addison's heart broke, she nodded, "Okay," she whispered, "I'll stay. I'm staying." Carefully she climbed over Meredith to lie down on the other side of the bed, Meredith rolled over and Addison pulled the blonde into her arms, "I'm here," she whispered softly, "I'm here."

Addison lay awake, unable to sleep even after Meredith's tears stopped and her snores started. The redhead felt helpless. She couldn't do anything to sooth Meredith's pain and it killed her, because if she was honest with herself, she was still very much in love with Meredith Grey.

I'll try get Part two up ASAP. comments are (as always) very VERY welcome :)