[I do not own Death note or any of it's Characters...or something like that. :3]

There weren't enough slaps in the world to replicate the feeling that ran through me when you left that day. It was worse than heartbreak but if I were to tell you that you would scoff at the word claiming men in the mafia don't have hearts. That's bullshit mell, we both know they have families that they love and cherish. They have wives, children, uncle and aunts, family, which is what I thought I was to you before you walked out of that oak door. I thought we were family at Wammy house, there was something special in the unheard of bond and wordless jokes that we shared in that dim old room back at the old place but now you won't even hear of it. You say you have no family, you need no family, you need no love, warmth or someone to cherish you like I have all these years.

When you walked out that door I thought I could never feel again. I buried myself in my gamer addiction telling myself inwardly that I didn't need someone like you in my life anyway. You were rash, rude, loud, annoying and prickish but you were my Mello. You were the blue eyed angel that I loved to watch sleep on the bottom bunk but I couldn't bring myself to touch. I feared that if I touched you I'd find out you weren't real, just some self induced hallucination that I called a friend from my lonely years at this place. You left me. I should have second guessed myself. I should have but I didn't.

You were my lovely doll that I wanted nothing more to keep in it's original box perfect and pristine. I would have never allowed anyone to touch you because they could snap your fragile physique or make those large blue orbs cry. I wouldn't know what I would do to myself if I knew that it was I that made tears fall from those eyes or kept you up at night.

Each time we kiss it's like something from a symphony coursing through my body starting from my lips raging through my body like an inferno. It can't be stopped no much how much I will it. It's something about you that muddles my mind, knocks down the defensive walls and opens me up. We can laugh for hours about nothing. We can have intelligent conversations and no matter how much I fuck up I know that there's always something way worse that you've done.

Mello...

What is it about you that makes you, you? Is it that shitty thing you call a personality. Oh wait, that's me. You're more like the skitzo out of the two of us. Sly as a cat but easy to set off like cutting the wrong wire on a bomb. Have I cut your wire more than once? If so I'm dearly sorry. I've seen you blow up, at me and everyone else but you always seem to hold back when yelling at me. Your touch is always so gentle when you touch my face, you don't ever have that snap when addressing me. Even the slaps...

I can handle them. Each blow you throw at me in a fit of anger. Each time you pull my hair because you think I'm being smart or indignant. Each time you snatch my controllers out of their rightful places because I'm not paying you the attention you deserve. Each time you leave for days on end without telling me where you're going or when you'll be coming back. Each time I get punched for down talking the Kira or overestimating Near in front of you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't happen but it does.

I'm glad. After all these years I'm just glad that you're back with me sleeping peacefully beside me. Mello did you sleep this peacefully when you had left me? If you did why did you come back to me? Why did you kiss me minutes after finding me here in my flat. Mello. I love you. Is that how you feel about me? Of course it isn't. Like you said mafia members don't love. They don't care. They kill the innocent and those who deserve it. You've killed the innocent haven't you? And plenty more I'm sure.

"Matt, what the hell are you doing?" Mello's groggy voice managed turning over to look at the red head.

"Eh?" He jumped his eyes wide.

"Matt stop petting me and go to sleep. Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

Goodnight my blue eyed angel...