Written for ReillyJade's A Letter From My Hogwarts Days Challenge.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters are not mine.

Sometimes she hated herself for just surviving.

She would stand before the mirror and see the fine webs of scars marking her slim body. She'd see the wolfish lust lurking behind her eyes as she smelt the wizards and Muggles who were far, far away, and her mouth would water, her canines elongating just that little bit; enough to tear, to rip... and to reveal the monster she was.

She'd feel like ripping open her own throat at times like these and ridding the world of someone like her. But for all her Gryffindor courage, this was something she could never bring herself to do.

Dear future Lavender,

Professor Burbage set us an assignment that's apparently quite popular in Muggle schools – write a letter to your future self, and then read it ten years later. So here I am, sitting and nibbling at my quill with absolutely no idea what to write. I suppose Hermione would know all about it, but who's going to bother asking that know-it-all?

I wonder whether you – I – still have these awful freckles? Or this annoying tendency to suddenly grow enormous pimples right before a date? I'm sure Madam Pomfrey isn't going to give me any more that skin-clearing potion... maybe I could ask Ron if Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes produces anything of that sort.

Oh, speaking of Won-Won – we're dating! Though you probably know that already... Ooh, I can't wait to go find him; maybe we'll end up exploring Hogwarts' empty rooms, hmmm? *wink* Who ever knew he'd be so good at snogging? But... the truth is... I don't really want to stay in a long-term relationship with him. Sure, he's a nice bloke, and snogs really well, but – please don't tell me you ended up marrying him. And since you're 26 now, you must have already had kids – Merlin, Lavender, you're going to ruin your figure!

Why am I in this anyway? Snogging practice?

Fine. I admit it. I want Seamus to notice me. Happy now? And he doesn't seem bothered in the least that I've been snogging his dorm partner all day long. If it weren't for the fact that that Irish brogue of his is so adorable, and he's just so nice and suits me so well, and those blue eyes... ooh! I'd completely give up on him for being such a boy. But knowing you – me – dammit this is confusing – you'll have got him twisted around your finger by now. Right?

I wonder what kind of job you're in? If you're working, that is. For all I know, you – I – might be dead ten years from now. The Second Wizarding War will have begun by then, I'm sure of it. No one really talks about it except those Slytherin gits (and all they do is gush on and on about how great the Dark Lord is – honestly, sometimes they sound like a group of girls with a crush on a Quidditch star), but it's obvious about what's happening outside. The Death Eaters are at large again, You-Know-Who's hale and hearty and killing people and the Ministry is really not making a difference.

Merlin, I hope I'm not dead. If I am, I daresay Mum's reading this now. Darn. Mum, it's okay. All that snogging I was talking about? It was just snogging. Nothing else, I swear.

Here's to hoping I'm not dead.

Lavender Brown

PS – What a depressing way to end a letter... let's just hope that you're – I'm – happy. Ooh look, Won-Won's here!

Let's just hope that you're happy...

She ran her eyes over the aged parchment again, her lips quirking up in a smile now and then as she read over the lines that she had written as a sixteen year old. Her left hand rose up almost involuntarily to her neck, her fingertips ghosting over the fine white web of scars that disfigured the otherwise smooth skin. She grimaced slightly, as she felt the phantom pangs of pain again; a memory of sharp fangs tearing into her skin and a hungry, feral, slobbering, panting flashed across her mind.

A rueful smile flit across her face as her eyes again fell upon the bold, underlined words in her handwriting. She could barely remember the days when all her worries seemed to comprise of were boys, freckles and pimples – it seemed almost unimaginable now that she had once lived a life so free of any complications. No worrying about taking the Wolfsbane Potion every month, about losing control to the beast inside her and hurting the people she loved, about the various pains aches and cuts that inevitably accompanied the transformation.

She smiled again, when she read the lines she had written about Seamus, but this time it wasn't tinged with sadness; her eyes shone with merriment as she re-lived her infatuation. Her eyes flicked over to the picture on her desk, where the same man waved back at her, and then at the ring on her left ring finger. Well, even if I was an airhead, I never did underestimate myself. Lavender of the past, you'd be happy to know that yes, I do have him wrapped around my finger...

"Lav?" A voice interrupted her thoughts. She turned around to see Parvati standing behind her. "Yeah?"

"The Ministry's sent an official over – I believe they want us to run the article on the new broomstick laws. I told them we'd run it tomorrow, but apparently they want to 'talk to the Editor' first." She rolled her dark eyes and disappeared back behind her desk.

And... that's another question of yours answered. 'Editor, Daily Prophet' was a title that Lavender was very proud of indeed.

She folded up the parchment carefully, and then gently lowered it into the fireplace next to her. She watched as it curled up, the letters slowly disappearing as the sheet turned into ash.

No matter what I do, I'll never be that carefree Lavender again. I'll never have had that perfect skin that I so wanted and I know some scars will never leave me. I doubt that I'll ever stop having nightmares about the war. But I can laugh freely, and I have someone who can never fail to cheer me up. I have Seamus and Parvati and Neville and so many others always with me. I have a post I've always dreamed of, and family and friends, and really... I couldn't ask for more.

So yeah, you can say that I'm happy.

Not my best work, I'll admit. What do you think? Is Lavender IC? Leave a review and let me know!

Edit: 07/19/11