It was late on a Friday night. Will had come back to his office to pick up a file he'd left that he wanted to work on over the weekend. He saw a lamp on in Mac's office. When he pushed her door open she was sitting there, crying.
"Mac," he said quietly and walked around the desk to lean against the desk, next to her.
There were tears on her cheeks and she continued to cry.
"What's wrong," he asked.
He wasn't sure she was going to answer him but she finally said, "a friend of mine died tonight."
"I'm sorry. Was it sudden?"
"No, he'd been sick for a long time. I don't know that you remember him, Jack Prescot, ran the AIDS charity."
"I do remember him. He was a really nice guy, did a lot of good work for the community."
"I was there when he died."
"Can I do anything?"
"I need to not feel anything for a while…do you have anything?"
"When was the last time you were high, Mac?"
"Years."
"I have something, but I'd like to be there, we can do this at my apartment, if you want."
"Please."
He held his hand out to her and she took it, holding it tightly. "Thank you."
"You know this isn't going to make the hurt go away."
"I do know that, but just for a little while, I need to not hurt."
"Is this just about Jack?"
"Culmination of things, this was the final push."
"Am I included in there?"
She looked at him and he really saw her for the first time in a long time. He'd never seen her this down. He pulled her out of her chair and into his arms. "I'll help you, Mac. I'm not going to get high with you, I want to be there to take care of you, okay?"
She was crying harder, now, but nodded her head.
"Are you sure you want to get high? Let's go back to my apartment and talk. If you still want to get high, I'll give you what you need."
Lonny drove them to Will's place in silence. Will held her close the entire ride and up the elevator. When they were in his living room he asked, "what's my part in all this?"
She looked up at him, not saying anything.
"I know I can be a bastard, tell me."
She shook her head.
"Does it have to do with Brian and how I've treated you for the last year and a half?"
She wasn't answering him. Finally she said, "That's on me."
"Fuck that, Mac. I've treated you horribly and you've taken everything I've done."
She shrugged her shoulders. "I got what I deserve."
"No you didn't. You don't deserve to feel this way."
"I fucked up, Will. It's my fault."
"Yes, you fucked up, but what you did is not unforgivable."
"Yet, I'm unforgiven," she said and got up to walk to the window. She was staring out at the city lights when he came up behind her.
"I love you, despite it all, I love you, Mac. You hurt me and I wanted to hate you, yet, I can't. I love you."
She turned around, her arms wrapped around her midsection, protecting herself, and rested her head against the glass.
"I love you," he said.
"I love you, too."
"May I hold you?"
She went to him immediately and he took her into his arms. He held her close and rubbed her back. He hadn't ever seen her this down. She was his eternal optimist. She was crying again.
"I've got you, Mac. Let it all out. Let me take care of you."
She nodded against his chest.
After a few minutes he said, "you're wrong, you know."
She made a noise against his chest.
"You have been forgiven."
She pulled away from his chest so she could see his face. "What?"
He shrugged. "I've forgiven you. I don't know when it happened, but it did. I figured out that it didn't hurt when I thought about us. What I remembered was all of the good."
"What do you want?"
"You. Just you, you're all I've ever needed."
She reached up and pulled him down to her and kissed him, gently. "I'm yours."