HEY, READ THIS HERE NOTE YA'LL...THIS IS NO DIFFERENT THAN THE '1st'
VERSION, EXCEPT THAT I'M TOO LAZY TO ACTUALLY FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE
ITALICS SHOW UP RIGHT. SO I PUT IT ON AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY AND
ERASED MY REVIEWS. DAMN! SO SUE ME, I'M A LAZY BLONDE AND AM NOT
TECHNICALLY INCLINED. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO SAVE THEM!!
Also : /word(s)/ = italics
Prank Call
(A/N - This story has been floating around my head for a long time, and I can't make excuses for it's possible OOCness and lack of humor.)
It was Saturday, the day the jinzouningen usually slunk around the house, lazing and resting up for a nice fresh round of killing humans. This wasn't to say the jinzouningen didn't kill people on Saturday, heck yeah they killed humans every day of the week, but it was the day of the week with the least percentage killed. And right now, Juunana was napping.
The phone started ringing, and the jinzouningen didn't wake up until the fifth angry ring. His sister was outside, soaking up UV rays, and didn't hear the rings. He reached over and grabbed the reciever and put it next to his ear.
"Kristen?" a voice called out from the other end.
"No this isn't /Kristen/," he snapped sourly. "And who the hell is this? How the fuck did you get this number? If I find you I'm going to tear your head from your shoulders and stuff it down your throat!"
There was a silence on the other end and Juunana had just figured that the human took his advice to hang up when it asked, "Um...how?"
He stared at the reciever and then put it back to his ear. "Very simple. I'll grab your head and rip it off, and then smash it down into your ribcage."
"Ouch. That has to hurt," it said, sounding like it was imagining what it would be like.
"Actually you'd die very quickly," Juunana said. "Maybe I /won't/ kill you that quickly, just because you woke me up on my day off."
"...Uh, who is this?" it asked, and didn't sound very scared about his threats. "And how can you kill me when you don't know who I am or where I live?"
"I'll blow up every city on this planet until I get lucky," Juunana snapped.
"...Who the heck /is/ this?"
"Jinzouningen Juunanagou," he snarled at the over-curious brat.
There was a long silence. "Android number Seventeen?" the human asked.
"Very good, human, now hang up before I decide to go find you!"
"You're one of the androids? I dialed a wrong number and got the /androids/?!"
"That's about the size of it now /hang up/--I want to go back to sleep."
The phone wasn't hung up. "You're one of the /androids/?"
"Are you deaf I just said I was you moron! God /damn/ it human you are such an idiot!"
"It's not like you're all that much better, jinzouningen," it replied a bit tritely.
"My name is not 'jinzouningen,'" Juunana said irritably.
"And mine ain't 'human,' and I prefer to keep my name to myself so you can't come and find me," it said.
"Humans are a lot braver when they've got hundreds of miles of /wires/ between them and me."
"What? Of course I do have my theory, like you're the ugliest damned son- of-a-bitch on the planet, no wonder people run," the human said lightly. "I know I'd run if I were facing ya."
"I'll ignore that if you hang up the damn phone right now and let me get back to sleep!" Juunana said.
"I don't want to hang up the phone because I'd have to go clean the cat box," the human said. "Don't hang up yourself 'cause I'll just hit redial."
Juunana glared at the reciever and his hands itched to wring the neck of this talkative little twit who admitted that if it wasn't protected by miles of telephone lines it would be running away as fast as they could. "Hang up or I will kill one human for every second you keep talking!"
"It's not like it'll make any difference in how many people you kill," it spat coldly. "I might as well bug the crap out of you while I've got the chance. Huh? Hang on a sec."
There was a muffled sound and a sharp yelling noise, and the kid was back on the line.
"Stupid brothers. I'M ON THE PHONE AND NO YOU CAN'T TALK TO THAT SLUT OF A GIRLFRIEND!!"
There was a scuffling sound and a minute or so later a very winded sounding human spoke into the reciever. "I don't know who you are but get off this line!!"
"GIVE IT BACK! I'M TALKING TO SOMEONE!!!" the human who originally called him screetched, and there was a crashing noise. "/He/ did it mom!!! Son of a /bitch/!"
Juunanagou stared incrediously at the phone and his hand headed to put it down.
"I'll hit redial!" the voice came out, loud enough for him to hear even when the phone was almost down on the drum.
With an exasperated sigh, he sat up on the couch and glared at the ceiling as the brat launched into a boring talking speil, and made sure he was there by frequently asking questions, which he would answer or he'd be talked to death.
"If I ever find you I'm going to give you an especially /painful/ end," he growled at it.
"I don't doubt it, but then you'll never find me, or at least know that you've found me," the human replied. "Um...jinzouningen?"
"What."
"Why do you kill us humans?"
"Because I hate humans. Even seeing one of you pisses me off."
"Why?"
"I was programmed that way," he sneered.
"What?" the human asked, and sounded completely confused.
"I'm an android you idiot. Androids are made of machines. I have programming inside of me."
"Oh, that's cool, I guess."
"The fuck?" he said blankly.
"I said that's cool. I guess."
"Why in the name of /Hell/ do you think that's /'cool'/?"
"I needed something to say," it replied nonchalantly. "Cool for you. Horrible for us humans. Who programmed you? Who /would/ program you like you are?!"
"Dr. Gero."
"Who's he?"
"None of your business."
"Are you anti-social? Is that why you don't like to talk?"
"What the HELL do you think you stupid brat!!" he yelled into the reciever and Juuhachi threw him an odd look over her shoulder as she padded through the house in a new dress. "I've KILLED humans for saying or doing a hell of a lot less than what you're up to now!!"
"Well thank goodness I'm not anywhere near you," the human replied sardonically. "Now who's this Gero that you say programmed you?"
"He's dead. I killed him."
"No surprise there."
"..."
"Jinzouningen? You still there? I swear I'll hit redial on him..."
"You know I'm a man," Juunana said as if it were a question, attempting to humor the twit and thus make it go away faster.
"Yeah, it's the voice. Can you tell which one I am?"
"Hmm. Let's see. /I don't care/."
"It narrows down who I am by fifty percent..."
"A girl."
"Right!" she said as if he'd just won the lotto.
"Oh joy," he said sarcastically. "You /sound/ like a boy but no self- respecting boy would talk like you do. Not even a human."
"Shut up," she snapped through the line.
"I'd like to see you make me," he snapped back.
She laughed a bit nervously. "Actually, it's not likely I'd try..."
"Damn straight. Goodbye."
He hung up.
Juunana rolled over to go back to sleep when the phone started ringing again. He tried to ignore it but it rang...and rang...and rang. Damn it.
He yanked the phone up and screamed "WHAT!!"
"I told you I'd just call back until you picked up the phone again."
"I'm just going to put this thing down and go back to sleep. I'm not going to listen!"
He put the phone down, leaving the human hanging on an open line. He was just about to get to sleep when the most ear splitting music he'd ever had the displeasure to hear came blaring from the phone.
"OKAY YOU WIN YOU WRETCHED LITTLE NINGEN!!" he screamed into the reciever and he seethed at the laughter that came from her when he admitted defeat. It reminded him a little of himself when he was killing humans, which pissed him off. "Feel lucky I don't have a phone signal tracking system, or whatever those damn things are called that track phone calls," he huffed.
"Let me make you a deal," she said. "If I get to bug you for a little while longer I'll never call this number again unless you kill someone I love. Of course if I die in one of your evil attacks I won't be able to act on this but if I'm still alive and one person of my family is dead...expect a nice call from me."
"Is that a threat?" he asked dryly.
"Mmm, what do you think?" she asked.
"I don't know and I don't care. I can just blast my phone to make you leave me the hell alone."
"Why would you want to do that?"
"So nobody can call me or my sister any more, especially not anonymous ningen with nothing better to do than to harass the android who is going to make a point to kill more young ningen onnas from now on."
"You have a sister?" she asked. "Oh yeah, there's two of you little creeps, aren't there?"
"You won't be so brave when I have your neck in my hands..."
"Be damned if you'll figure out who I am and where I live," she replied. "Is she as much of a jerk as you are?"
"Actually she would have hung up the very moment you spoke the first time and blasted the phone."
"Why don't you do that?"
"..."
"Do you /like/ talking to me?" she asked, you could hear the grin in her voice.
"I'd /like/ to rip out your throat with my bare hands," Juunana said curtly and formed a ki blast in his hand, "Of course first I'd just torture you, but still, your death will be very painful."
"If you manage to find me," she said, and Juunana heard a slurping noise from the other side. "S'cuse me. I got hungry. That was a milkshake."
"Nice," Juunana said, and rolled his eyes. He made a mental note to blast any human fast food joint the next time he destroyed a city, which would be later today if he had anything to say about it. The sooner he got started the sooner he could find the origin of this damn ridiculous phone chat.
"Hey, Juunana?"
"Huh? What?" he asked, and decided that he resented any human using his name like it was familiar. "And /don't/ call me Juunana. Call me Juunanagou if you've got to call me anything other than jinzouningen."
"Fine, Juu-kun," she said sarcastically and he nearly crushed the phone in his hands. "/Alright/, calm down jinzouningen. What do you look like?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Curiosity?"
"If you tell me what you look like," he retorted, thinking it would help him track this kid down and blast her into a gazillion peices of dust.
"I asked first."
"Black hair down to my chin, light blue eyes and an orange scarf. I don't want to say any more."
"That's not very specific but then the orange scarf certainly isn't normal," she said. "Okay. I've got short light /red/ hair and brown eyes. That's about all."
"That's not very specific either."
"Well I don't really want to give you a headstart on finding me, do I? And black hair plus blue eyes isn't exactly all that common though I'll be terrified of them till the day I die now."
"And I'll be sure to kill every light red haired, brown eyed brat till the day I die," he said, sarcasm dripping off his voice at the point where he mentioned his own death.
"Eh? But mom this is a really important phone call--/mo-om/!! Ack! Give it back!"
"Hello?" a bristly sounding ningen woman said into the phone. "I'm sorry but Telfie has to get off the phone now. Now honey, say good bye to your friend. Now. And go clean the cat box."
"Your name is Telfie?"
"No you dork, that's my /nickname/," she said when she got back on, but it wasn't exactly convincing the way she said it. "Anyway, ciao, if I don't go my mom'll kill me."
"/Realllly/."
"No, but I hope somebody blasts you here soon," 'Telfie' said. "Bye!" And she hung up.
Juunana set down the phone and lay back on the couch, and shut his eyes.
"Who was that?" Juuhachi asked.
"Nobody I care about, just a damn ningen with nothing better to do but to piss me off," Juunana replied.
"What an idiot. All those humans are fools and cowards," Juuhachi said dismissively.
/Meanwhile somewhere in some obscure little country town.../
"Who was that you were talking to honey?" Telfie's mom asked.
"One of the androids?" Telfie said seriously, and dug the pooper scooper into the cat boxes kitty litter, mostly focused on her work more than describing the conversation. "The guy one."
"One of the /androids/? Jokes like that aren't funny, Tel," Telfie's little brother said and looked down at his sister.
Telfie watched her mother leave. "It's /not/ a joke," she said and frowned.
"It's just /not/ funny."
"I don't mean it to be you fudgemuffin. Now clear out of here before I sic my cat on you!"
~Fin
(A/N - I guess I always just wondered if anybody ever accidentally dialed the androids in the mirai timeline at the Kame House and what would happen then. It's just been begging me to write it for a while. Ooo...I'm starting to repeat meself. Oh, and sorry about the somewhat random stuff. Anywho, if ya wanna review, be my guest. Don't flame. I bite.)
Plus something I forgot before in the 1st version. The Stupid Disclaimer. - Well, lookee here. I'm blonde, I think I don't live anywhere near Japan, and my name sure as heck don't rhyme with 'Akira Toriyama.' Plus I'm not even as old as Dragonball itself. So how could I own it?
Also : /word(s)/ = italics
Prank Call
(A/N - This story has been floating around my head for a long time, and I can't make excuses for it's possible OOCness and lack of humor.)
It was Saturday, the day the jinzouningen usually slunk around the house, lazing and resting up for a nice fresh round of killing humans. This wasn't to say the jinzouningen didn't kill people on Saturday, heck yeah they killed humans every day of the week, but it was the day of the week with the least percentage killed. And right now, Juunana was napping.
The phone started ringing, and the jinzouningen didn't wake up until the fifth angry ring. His sister was outside, soaking up UV rays, and didn't hear the rings. He reached over and grabbed the reciever and put it next to his ear.
"Kristen?" a voice called out from the other end.
"No this isn't /Kristen/," he snapped sourly. "And who the hell is this? How the fuck did you get this number? If I find you I'm going to tear your head from your shoulders and stuff it down your throat!"
There was a silence on the other end and Juunana had just figured that the human took his advice to hang up when it asked, "Um...how?"
He stared at the reciever and then put it back to his ear. "Very simple. I'll grab your head and rip it off, and then smash it down into your ribcage."
"Ouch. That has to hurt," it said, sounding like it was imagining what it would be like.
"Actually you'd die very quickly," Juunana said. "Maybe I /won't/ kill you that quickly, just because you woke me up on my day off."
"...Uh, who is this?" it asked, and didn't sound very scared about his threats. "And how can you kill me when you don't know who I am or where I live?"
"I'll blow up every city on this planet until I get lucky," Juunana snapped.
"...Who the heck /is/ this?"
"Jinzouningen Juunanagou," he snarled at the over-curious brat.
There was a long silence. "Android number Seventeen?" the human asked.
"Very good, human, now hang up before I decide to go find you!"
"You're one of the androids? I dialed a wrong number and got the /androids/?!"
"That's about the size of it now /hang up/--I want to go back to sleep."
The phone wasn't hung up. "You're one of the /androids/?"
"Are you deaf I just said I was you moron! God /damn/ it human you are such an idiot!"
"It's not like you're all that much better, jinzouningen," it replied a bit tritely.
"My name is not 'jinzouningen,'" Juunana said irritably.
"And mine ain't 'human,' and I prefer to keep my name to myself so you can't come and find me," it said.
"Humans are a lot braver when they've got hundreds of miles of /wires/ between them and me."
"What? Of course I do have my theory, like you're the ugliest damned son- of-a-bitch on the planet, no wonder people run," the human said lightly. "I know I'd run if I were facing ya."
"I'll ignore that if you hang up the damn phone right now and let me get back to sleep!" Juunana said.
"I don't want to hang up the phone because I'd have to go clean the cat box," the human said. "Don't hang up yourself 'cause I'll just hit redial."
Juunana glared at the reciever and his hands itched to wring the neck of this talkative little twit who admitted that if it wasn't protected by miles of telephone lines it would be running away as fast as they could. "Hang up or I will kill one human for every second you keep talking!"
"It's not like it'll make any difference in how many people you kill," it spat coldly. "I might as well bug the crap out of you while I've got the chance. Huh? Hang on a sec."
There was a muffled sound and a sharp yelling noise, and the kid was back on the line.
"Stupid brothers. I'M ON THE PHONE AND NO YOU CAN'T TALK TO THAT SLUT OF A GIRLFRIEND!!"
There was a scuffling sound and a minute or so later a very winded sounding human spoke into the reciever. "I don't know who you are but get off this line!!"
"GIVE IT BACK! I'M TALKING TO SOMEONE!!!" the human who originally called him screetched, and there was a crashing noise. "/He/ did it mom!!! Son of a /bitch/!"
Juunanagou stared incrediously at the phone and his hand headed to put it down.
"I'll hit redial!" the voice came out, loud enough for him to hear even when the phone was almost down on the drum.
With an exasperated sigh, he sat up on the couch and glared at the ceiling as the brat launched into a boring talking speil, and made sure he was there by frequently asking questions, which he would answer or he'd be talked to death.
"If I ever find you I'm going to give you an especially /painful/ end," he growled at it.
"I don't doubt it, but then you'll never find me, or at least know that you've found me," the human replied. "Um...jinzouningen?"
"What."
"Why do you kill us humans?"
"Because I hate humans. Even seeing one of you pisses me off."
"Why?"
"I was programmed that way," he sneered.
"What?" the human asked, and sounded completely confused.
"I'm an android you idiot. Androids are made of machines. I have programming inside of me."
"Oh, that's cool, I guess."
"The fuck?" he said blankly.
"I said that's cool. I guess."
"Why in the name of /Hell/ do you think that's /'cool'/?"
"I needed something to say," it replied nonchalantly. "Cool for you. Horrible for us humans. Who programmed you? Who /would/ program you like you are?!"
"Dr. Gero."
"Who's he?"
"None of your business."
"Are you anti-social? Is that why you don't like to talk?"
"What the HELL do you think you stupid brat!!" he yelled into the reciever and Juuhachi threw him an odd look over her shoulder as she padded through the house in a new dress. "I've KILLED humans for saying or doing a hell of a lot less than what you're up to now!!"
"Well thank goodness I'm not anywhere near you," the human replied sardonically. "Now who's this Gero that you say programmed you?"
"He's dead. I killed him."
"No surprise there."
"..."
"Jinzouningen? You still there? I swear I'll hit redial on him..."
"You know I'm a man," Juunana said as if it were a question, attempting to humor the twit and thus make it go away faster.
"Yeah, it's the voice. Can you tell which one I am?"
"Hmm. Let's see. /I don't care/."
"It narrows down who I am by fifty percent..."
"A girl."
"Right!" she said as if he'd just won the lotto.
"Oh joy," he said sarcastically. "You /sound/ like a boy but no self- respecting boy would talk like you do. Not even a human."
"Shut up," she snapped through the line.
"I'd like to see you make me," he snapped back.
She laughed a bit nervously. "Actually, it's not likely I'd try..."
"Damn straight. Goodbye."
He hung up.
Juunana rolled over to go back to sleep when the phone started ringing again. He tried to ignore it but it rang...and rang...and rang. Damn it.
He yanked the phone up and screamed "WHAT!!"
"I told you I'd just call back until you picked up the phone again."
"I'm just going to put this thing down and go back to sleep. I'm not going to listen!"
He put the phone down, leaving the human hanging on an open line. He was just about to get to sleep when the most ear splitting music he'd ever had the displeasure to hear came blaring from the phone.
"OKAY YOU WIN YOU WRETCHED LITTLE NINGEN!!" he screamed into the reciever and he seethed at the laughter that came from her when he admitted defeat. It reminded him a little of himself when he was killing humans, which pissed him off. "Feel lucky I don't have a phone signal tracking system, or whatever those damn things are called that track phone calls," he huffed.
"Let me make you a deal," she said. "If I get to bug you for a little while longer I'll never call this number again unless you kill someone I love. Of course if I die in one of your evil attacks I won't be able to act on this but if I'm still alive and one person of my family is dead...expect a nice call from me."
"Is that a threat?" he asked dryly.
"Mmm, what do you think?" she asked.
"I don't know and I don't care. I can just blast my phone to make you leave me the hell alone."
"Why would you want to do that?"
"So nobody can call me or my sister any more, especially not anonymous ningen with nothing better to do than to harass the android who is going to make a point to kill more young ningen onnas from now on."
"You have a sister?" she asked. "Oh yeah, there's two of you little creeps, aren't there?"
"You won't be so brave when I have your neck in my hands..."
"Be damned if you'll figure out who I am and where I live," she replied. "Is she as much of a jerk as you are?"
"Actually she would have hung up the very moment you spoke the first time and blasted the phone."
"Why don't you do that?"
"..."
"Do you /like/ talking to me?" she asked, you could hear the grin in her voice.
"I'd /like/ to rip out your throat with my bare hands," Juunana said curtly and formed a ki blast in his hand, "Of course first I'd just torture you, but still, your death will be very painful."
"If you manage to find me," she said, and Juunana heard a slurping noise from the other side. "S'cuse me. I got hungry. That was a milkshake."
"Nice," Juunana said, and rolled his eyes. He made a mental note to blast any human fast food joint the next time he destroyed a city, which would be later today if he had anything to say about it. The sooner he got started the sooner he could find the origin of this damn ridiculous phone chat.
"Hey, Juunana?"
"Huh? What?" he asked, and decided that he resented any human using his name like it was familiar. "And /don't/ call me Juunana. Call me Juunanagou if you've got to call me anything other than jinzouningen."
"Fine, Juu-kun," she said sarcastically and he nearly crushed the phone in his hands. "/Alright/, calm down jinzouningen. What do you look like?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Curiosity?"
"If you tell me what you look like," he retorted, thinking it would help him track this kid down and blast her into a gazillion peices of dust.
"I asked first."
"Black hair down to my chin, light blue eyes and an orange scarf. I don't want to say any more."
"That's not very specific but then the orange scarf certainly isn't normal," she said. "Okay. I've got short light /red/ hair and brown eyes. That's about all."
"That's not very specific either."
"Well I don't really want to give you a headstart on finding me, do I? And black hair plus blue eyes isn't exactly all that common though I'll be terrified of them till the day I die now."
"And I'll be sure to kill every light red haired, brown eyed brat till the day I die," he said, sarcasm dripping off his voice at the point where he mentioned his own death.
"Eh? But mom this is a really important phone call--/mo-om/!! Ack! Give it back!"
"Hello?" a bristly sounding ningen woman said into the phone. "I'm sorry but Telfie has to get off the phone now. Now honey, say good bye to your friend. Now. And go clean the cat box."
"Your name is Telfie?"
"No you dork, that's my /nickname/," she said when she got back on, but it wasn't exactly convincing the way she said it. "Anyway, ciao, if I don't go my mom'll kill me."
"/Realllly/."
"No, but I hope somebody blasts you here soon," 'Telfie' said. "Bye!" And she hung up.
Juunana set down the phone and lay back on the couch, and shut his eyes.
"Who was that?" Juuhachi asked.
"Nobody I care about, just a damn ningen with nothing better to do but to piss me off," Juunana replied.
"What an idiot. All those humans are fools and cowards," Juuhachi said dismissively.
/Meanwhile somewhere in some obscure little country town.../
"Who was that you were talking to honey?" Telfie's mom asked.
"One of the androids?" Telfie said seriously, and dug the pooper scooper into the cat boxes kitty litter, mostly focused on her work more than describing the conversation. "The guy one."
"One of the /androids/? Jokes like that aren't funny, Tel," Telfie's little brother said and looked down at his sister.
Telfie watched her mother leave. "It's /not/ a joke," she said and frowned.
"It's just /not/ funny."
"I don't mean it to be you fudgemuffin. Now clear out of here before I sic my cat on you!"
~Fin
(A/N - I guess I always just wondered if anybody ever accidentally dialed the androids in the mirai timeline at the Kame House and what would happen then. It's just been begging me to write it for a while. Ooo...I'm starting to repeat meself. Oh, and sorry about the somewhat random stuff. Anywho, if ya wanna review, be my guest. Don't flame. I bite.)
Plus something I forgot before in the 1st version. The Stupid Disclaimer. - Well, lookee here. I'm blonde, I think I don't live anywhere near Japan, and my name sure as heck don't rhyme with 'Akira Toriyama.' Plus I'm not even as old as Dragonball itself. So how could I own it?