A/N: Miles Edgeworth and Phoenix Wright do not belong to me; they belong to CAPCOM. However, the plot and the poem are both mine. :^)
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One dark, lonely night two years after Miles' 'death,' Phoenix is unable to sleep and decides to sit at the window and watch the moonlight. He writes a poem that expresses his feelings...
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A poem-and story-of love, heartache and loss-with a small glimmer of hope at the end-set during the time that Phoenix thinks Miles is dead [according to my time line in All Things Being Equal].
It's pretty depressing stuff, actually, and gets down to the real nitty gritty as to what, in my mind, Phoenix is thinking and feeling during this point in time. He really misses Miles, his love, his touch and his presence and is having a hard time dealing with the almost overwhelming pain he's feeling.
Life has lost its attraction for him and feels like it isn't worth living anymore; existing is all he can reasonably hope for. It's a pretty grim situation as his heart, his mind and his soul are in tatters and wonders if he will ever be whole again. There is, at the end, a small glimmer of hope that things will be right again someday so that little spark offsets, at least a little, of the perpetual gloominess and darkness of the piece in general.
Phoenix's dialogue is in italicized text and Miles' is in boldface.
[The poem is published on dA as a separate entity and not incorporated into a story as it is on here. :^) ]
Thanks to my readers and all those who have favourited, reviewed, story alerted, favourite author or author alerted me. I appreciate it more than I can say! :)
Special thanks to my beloved husband, DezoPenguin, for all his help, support, advice, nagging (when necessary) and encouragement! I appreciate it more than I can say! Love you!
Comments and suggestions are welcomed and appreciated!
Rated Teen, Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort, Phoenix & Edgeworth, Alternate Universe
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December 15, 2018
Phoenix Wright 's Residence, Master Bedroom
9:50 P.M.
I was lying in bed, tossing and turning fitfully, praying for sleep that was slow in coming and far too slow for my liking. Which gave me, not that I wanted it, the opportunity to reflect on all that had gone awry today.
It had been one of those days; the day that everything, and I do mean everything, seems to go wrong all at once. From lost documents that I needed to find for a client that someone had inexplicably misplaced at the Court House, to a steaming mug of dropped coffee that spilled its contents practically all over my lap-thank you so much, Maya!-to the realization that, once again, I was going to have to miss breakfast because my assistant had forgotten to send a wake-up call early enough.
Everything seemed to be conspiring against me today and, truth be told, I couldn't wait until the end of of the work day so that I could commiserate in peace in the privacy of my own home; however, this day, even that small comfort was destined to be taken away from me.
From the moment I walked in through the door that evening after having dragged myself through a very brutal work day, everything fell apart. I tripped over the rug on the way in and fell flat on my face, receiving a nasty rug burn in the process. Next, I dropped my favorite mug which shattered into a million pieces when it hit the black-and-white checkered tile floor, scaring Pess in the process who was napping on the rug in the corner of the kitchen and who subsequently retreated to the living room to hide under the couch. And, if all of that wasn't bad enough, my dinner was a total write off when I became distracted and let it burn to a crisp on the top of the stove.
To add insult to injury, as far as I was concerned and being rather unhappy with the way the evening was going thus far, I nearly burned my hand when I grabbed the handle a little closer to the nub than I realized in order to take it off of the stove and toss it into the sink. A few muttered oaths and three singed fingers under running cold water tap later, I seemed to have come through the experience none the worse for wear although I hadn't a clue what I was going to do for dinner...
At this point in time, it seemed that discretion was the better part of valor; with a sigh, I walked over to the phone, picked up the receiver, punched in a number quickly and waited patiently for someone to pick up on the other end, ordering a pepperoni pie from a local pizzeria a few blocks away.
While I waited somewhat impatiently for the pizza to arrive while trying to ignore my complaining stomach, I noticed a flicker of white out of the corner of my eye from the window in the living room. Startled, I whirled around and saw... nothing. Just the same old room I'd been standing in for the past few minutes as I waited for my dinner to arrive... the same old room it had always been. Which made the whole thing even scarier, from my point of view.
I swallowed as I turned away from the window, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling I felt creeping up my spine, looking into the darkness of the room beyond the faint kitchen light. Everything seemed the same but there was something... different... an undercurrent of something that hadn't been there before.
My brow furrowed as I stood there by the window, my arms crossed over my chest as I looked out into the nearly pitch black darkness, waiting to see the headlights of the pizza delivery truck as it sped its way through the night toward my home.
A soft whisper from somewhere behind me made me jerk my head around, my heart beginning to beat faster, my breath coming out in ragged pants. I looked around, my feelings of uneasiness and creeping terror becoming more pronounced as the seconds passed.
Something was definitely off... and, whatever it was that was causing this, it was in the room. With me.
"Who's there?" I demanded as I looked around the dark room, my eyes darting left and right as they scoured every nook and cranny for any sign of an intruder, my heart now pounding wildly in my chest. "Where are you? I know you're out there; come out!"
Deafening silence was the only reply to my outburst and, as I stood there with the minutes ticking by, my chest heaving with rasping breaths, I was only dimly aware of the pizza delivery truck pulling up into the driveway and I nearly hit the ceiling when the pale, dim headlights flashed through the window as the vehicle stopped at the end of the driveway...
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
11:30 P.M.
I sighed as I buried my face deeper into the pillow, squeezing my eyes shut, my teeth clenched. Nothing had gone right today and I was feeling low and terribly depressed this evening, wishing that I could simply close my eyes and forget that this day ever happened.
Despite the depth of my misery, I could feel a small ball of warmth curled up at my feet which gave me some measure of comfort though precious little; today was the year and a half anniversary of Miles' death and, even though it had nearly been two years since he was gone, it seemed like a vast eternity for me.
I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes and my throat felt tight, that all too familiar lump feeling so large that it threatened to choke me and I had difficulty swallowing around it. Every day seemed the same and my life felt so empty since Miles' death and all the joy and pleasure that I had once had in life had all but vanished.
Nothing feels the same, I thought sadly, feeling my chest beginning to ache with the effort of trying to keep all of the volatile emotions bottled up, everything is different and it isn't at all good. I clutched the pillow more tightly in my hands, my fingers clenching the fabric of the pillowcase so hard that I was afraid that the delicate lacework it would be torn apart at the seams. Why, Miles? Why did you leave me; how could you? I don't understand why!
I could feel a slight stirring at my feet; it didn't register fully in my consciousness until I looked up to see the end of his black nose coming into my peripheral view, his sorrowful, liquid brown eyes looking into mine, whining softly.
Poor Pess, I thought as I unclenched my hands from the pillow and leaned over to wrap my arm around him and pull him close to my chest, it's as hard for him as it is for me today, poor fellow. I lay my head gently on top of his as he snuggled closer to me. He has no one to grieve with except me and I'm in too much pain to be of any use to anyone.
I took a deep, shaky breath, choking back a sob that threatened to burst from my lips. God, this is hard to do. All I want is some measure of peace but I can't find it in daily living anymore; it's too hard, too depressing and nearly impossible to find anything good to keep living for. What's the point?
As if he had guessed the direction of my thoughts, Pess lifted his head and gave me a large, sloppy canine kiss on the bottom of my chin; despite myself, a small smile flickered on my face as I cuddled him closer, feeling the frenetic beating of his heart and I found some comfort, however small, in his presence.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
11:50 P.M.
I sat at the mahogany desk that stood close to the window in the master bedroom, my hand cupped underneath my chin, lost in thought. Pess had curled up at my feet and was fast asleep, whimpering and snuffling softly as he dreamed.
I lay in bed for some time, staring aimlessly at the ceiling for what seemed to me to be an indeterminable eternity, praying for sleep and not being able to lose myself in it. Once I found that sleep was not going to come now or at any time resembling soon, I sighed, wearily climbing out of bed, careful not to disturb the sleeping dog as I did so.
I stumbled into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea and came back, setting the mug full of the steaming, hot brew on the left hand corner of the desk on the cork [ ].
Miles would skin me alive if I put it down on the wood itself and I remember the last fight we had on the subject when I was sure I would be skinned. My mouth twisted into a crooked grin, one that was, however, tempered by bittersweet sadness.
Memories came flooding back of the times we had spent together and, though I tried to push them out, memories of the last few months of Miles' life also came through. These I would have preferred to forget.
Whispers
Can you hear me, Miles?
I'm dreaming of you again tonight.
Grey hair and eyes stick in my memory,
Your voice whispers words of love in my ear...
My body aches for your touch and your love.
*Whispers gently: I am always with you, my beloved...*
Can you hear me, Miles?
I miss you so badly...
I didn't have a very good day today
With everything going wrong,
And nothing going right.
I wished that you were here to soothe my hurting heart,
Your hands would gently banish my fears, to help me face another day.
*Whispers tenderly: I am here by your side; reach out and touch me, my beloved...*
Can you hear me, Miles?
I'm angry with you today for leaving me,
For abandoning me to face this life alone...
Why did you leave me, Miles?
I don't understand...
I'm really hurting
And I need you...!
*Whispers softly: I never left you, my beloved. Extend your hand; I am there close by...*
Can you hear me, Miles? I'm so lost without you...
My heart hurts and my body aches with longing for you...
I don't want to go on anymore; it's too hard...
*Whispers firmly: I am here, beloved; I am always by your side. Believe, only believe and reach for my comforting touch...*
Can you hear me, Miles?
I feel so cold today, the joy of life and living has drained out of me
Each day is another, fruitless struggle
For existence...
I have no joy, no pleasure in life
And precious little
happiness...
*Whispers sadly: Life is indeed hard but even the pain can be transformed into joy; the darkness always returns to the dawn, beloved... Do not give up.*
Can you hear me, Miles?
The night is long and cold without you.
Sleep is the barest possibility.
My heart is in agony,
My mind whirls constantly with thoughts and recriminations...
*Whispers painfully: Do not doubt me, beloved. I am always by your side and my heart aches to see you in such pain!*
Can you hear me, Miles?
I thought that I heard your voice today,
Whispering in the gentle breeze as I visited
your father's grave.
Can it be you, Miles?
Can it be you?
*Whispers lovingly: Yes, beloved... it is me.*