Secret Santa
a Primeval holiday fic written for Fluff-N-Utter-1
[Author's Note: Special thanks to Danica, Cathleen, Christy, and emilyjay, who all helped me brainstorm and gave me wonderfully funny ideas for this story! Also please note that I did loads of research for the Emily section and decided she would have heard of ballet, although probably not seen one, as they were more common in others parts of Europe in the mid-1800s!]
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To: All ARC Staff
From: jlester .uk
Subject: Bah! Humbug!
Attention Staff,
Thanks to the infinite wisdom of our Minister, I have been informed that no holidays will be approved for any of the ARC staff during the month of December. The welfare of our nation's holiday shoppers (and thus the nation's economy, which is in sad need of a boost from additional revenue) apparently comes before the happiness of those who tirelessly slave day in and day out to keep the nation safe from prehistoric creatures. Therefore, I am sorry to report that all your previous requests for days off for such superfluous things as visiting friends and family, attending religious services, and watching a daylong marathon of the Doctor Who Christmas Specials (Connor, I would have rejected that request anyway) are hereby denied.
Happy Holidays. Or, as Dickens so eloquently put it, Bah! Humbug!
J. Lester
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To : All ARC Staff
From: jparker .uk
Subject: Better News
Hey all,
In order to keep everyone's spirits in a CHEERFUL MOOD, despite being denied our days off, we will be holding a SECRET SANTA GIFT EXCHANGE here at the ARC! Everyone will draw a name and then will be responsible for surprising that colleague with gifts and cheerful mementos for ALL of December. There is NO NEED to spend a lot of money-just be CREATIVE and do your part to cheer up your fellow workers.
I should have the names all ready for drawing later today, so stop by the hub and let's start spreading some HOLIDAY CHEER! :)
Jess
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To: All ARC Staff
From: jparker .uk
Subject: Clarification re: the Secret Santa gift exchange
For anyone who was NOT within a two-mile radius of Lester's office and thus did NOT hear his...shall we say, clarification, I just wanted to make it EXTREMELY clear that the Secret Santa gift exchange is ENTIRELY VOLUNTARY! You DO NOT need to participate if you are not interested. However, the more people who volunteer, the more people who will be getting cheery surprises during the next month. Just saying. :)
If you are INTERESTED in VOLUNTEERING, please let me know. Then stop by the hub after 3 PM so you can draw a name.
Jess
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amaitland: Why is Lester is such a grumpy mood? He practically bit Connor's head off this morning, and I could hear him all the way in the menagerie just now!
jparker: His kids announced last night that the only thing they want for Christmas is the Tech-Rex.
amaitland: The metre-tall robot dinosaur? Connor totally wanted one, but they've been sold out since November!
jparker: And thus Lester's Scrooge-like mood. But at least he's letting us do the Secret Santa thing.
amaitland: Yeah, about that-any way I could get you to rig the drawing? There's someone I'd particularly like to get.
jparker: I'd say no, but since I'm rigging it for myself...
amaitland: Brilliant! I'll swing by the hub later!
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emerchant: I do not understand.
emerchant: What is a Secret Santa?
jparker: It's SO MUCH FUN, you'll love it! Everyone draws a name, and then you're responsible for secretly giving small gifts or other items to that person during the month. Half the fun is that no one knows WHEN or WHERE they'll be receiving something, so it's like Santa and his elves are working behind the scenes to make your holidays more cheerful, which we ALL need right now!
emerchant: Thank you.
emerchant: Who is Santa?
jparker: Santa is Father Christmas, silly!
emerchant: It sounds quite enjoyable.
emerchant: I would like to participate.
emerchant: Please add me to your list of volunteers.
jparker: :)
emerchant: ?
jparker: Turn your head to the left. It's a smiley face.
emerchant: Oh yes.
emerchant: :) to you as well.
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jparker: Come see me when you have a chance. I went ahead and put your name into the hat.
hbecker: Jessica! Lester said it was VOLUNTARY! Need I give you a formal definition of what that means?
jparker: It means that I'm running it and there will be no eggnog at the staff holiday party if you don't participate.
jparker: I'm assuming by your silence that you're in?
jparker: Swing by the hub later to draw your name. :)
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To: SS participants list
From: jparker
Subject: Additional Secret Santa info
To everyone participating in the Secret Santa exchange,
THANK YOU for volunteering to help make someone else's December more memorable. Please don't wait until December 25th and only give one gift. Instead, be creative. Give small gifts at different times. Surprise someone with a frothy coffee (or whatever they happen to like) on a rainy day. Leave a cheerful note on their locker. Have other people deliver your gifts. This is all about HAVING FUN!
And, to aid in your gift-giving, I've set up a list in the cafeteria where you can note what sort of items you like (in case your Secret Santa doesn't know your favourite chocolate, etc.) Please take the time to fill it out in order to help the entire process run smoother.
THANKS!
Jess
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emerchant: I need your advice.
emerchant: About my Secret Santa.
emerchant: I know not what to get her.
jparker: I forget-who's name did you draw?
emerchant: Wendy Potts.
emerchant: I believe she is one of the clerical workers.
jparker: Yeah, she works in the business office. She's responsible for us getting paid every fortnight.
emerchant: Then I must do right by her.
emerchant: But I have no idea what to get her.
jparker: Did you check the list.
emerchant: Yes.
emerchant: For gifts she would like to receive, she merely wrote down "Amazon".
emerchant: I am not certain how I can give her a river in South America.
jparker: No, she meant Amazon as in the website, amazon. com. uk
emerchant: She would like a website for her gift?
jparker: No, Amazon is a website where you can purchase items-books, films, toys, clothing. Practically everything.
emerchant: Then how am I to know what she would like?
jparker: She probably has a Wish List.
emerchant: Wish List?
jparker: It's a listing of what items a person would like to receive.
emerchant: That seems very impersonal.
jparker: Well, it is, in a way. But if you don't know a person well, or if they're hard to shop for, it makes your life much easier because you can simply buy something they picked out themselves.
emerchant: I would not like that.
emerchant: Where is the joy when you only receive something you could have purchased yourself?
emerchant: Gifts should be handmade.
emerchant: Or at least hand-chosen.
jparker: I agree that personalized gifts are more fun, but they're also more difficult.
emerchant: That is true.
emerchant: But I shall endeavour to give them.
jparker: Good luck.
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To: SS participants list
From: jparker
Subject: The list
To whoever went through the Secret Santa list in the cafeteria (twice, apparently) and marked everyone as either "Naughty" or "Nice", I just wanted you to know that I've tossed it and posted a new list.
Jess
PS I am NOT naughty!
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tfenner: so which do u think?
jparker: The Xmas sweaters are adorable, but I think you MUST make the Santa hat.
tfenner: oh yeah, I'm def doing the hat & a sweater. I just wanted ur opinion on which sweater
jparker: Then I'd definitely go with the one with the dinos. She'll love it!
tfenner: hope so
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To: All ARC Staff
From: jlester .uk
Subject: Secret Santa
To whoever placed the fake snow on my Jaguar this morning,
No, I do NOT "wanna build a snowman!"
J. Lester
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emerchant: Do you know of the book Little Women?
jparker: Of course! It's one of my FAVOURITE Christmas films.
emerchant: Not the film.
emerchant: The book.
emerchant: Do you know of it?
jparker: The film is BASED on the book. Don't YOU know it?
emerchant: No.
emerchant: I only just received the book today.
emerchant: From my Secret Santa.
emerchant: The tag reads: 'To Emily, 1868.'
jparker: I just googled it, and yeah, the book came out in 1868. Wow! I can't believe you don't know it! And that's so lovely that your Secret Santa figured out that it's after your time.
emerchant: You think I will enjoy reading it?
jparker: Absolutely! 'Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents.'
emerchant: But I just received it as a present.
jparker: Yes, but that's the first line of the book. Read it!
emerchant: I shall.
emerchant: Thank you for the information.
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jparker: Matt, thank you SO MUCH! Now I have something to look forward to EVERY DAY!
manderson: What are you going on about?
jparker: The chocolate advent calendar. I LOVE it!
manderson: I thought that was a gift from your Secret Santa.
jparker: Yes, it was. So THANK you!
manderson: I'll be sure to pass the message along.
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emerchant: What rhymes with orange?
jparker: What for?
emerchant: I am trying to write a poem for my Secret Santa.
emerchant: I need a word that rhymes with orange.
jparker: I don't believe there ARE any words that rhyme with orange.
emerchant: Then perhaps I shall start over.
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manderson: I heard you got a plug-in air freshener from your Secret Santa. Think they might be trying to tell you something?
hbecker: It's pine-scented. The only thing they're trying to tell me is it's Christmas.
manderson: If you say so.
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To: All ARC Staff
From: jlester .uk
Subject: Secret Santa
To whoever placed the giant felt reindeer antlers on my Jaguar this morning,
Keep your hands OFF my Jag! I mean it!
J. Lester
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jparker: I sneaked into the menagerie when you were all practicing at the range this afternoon and got what you needed.
jparker: head = 8.5"
jparker: chest = 10"
jparker: neck to waist = 7.5"
jparker: wingspan = 23"
jparker: Just let me know if you need any further measurements.
tfenner: ur amazing, Jess!
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manderson: I heard you got a liquid soap dispenser from your Secret Santa. First an air freshener, then soap-they're really not subtle, are they?
hbecker: It's in the shape of a pistol-a SIG Sauer 1911, to be exact.
manderson: Just what your toilet needs.
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emerchant: Was it a common Christmas tradition in the 1890s to pay to see others crack nuts?
jparker: Not that I know of.
emerchant: Is it a common tradition today?
jparker: Of course not! Where did you get that idea?
emerchant: From my Secret Santa.
emerchant: Today I received two tickets.
emerchant: The tag reads: 'To Emily, 1892."
emerchant: The tickets appear to be to see a performance of a nutcracker.
jparker: Oh! That's THE Nutcracker, not A nutcracker.
emerchant: Then who is this nutcracker?
jparker: The Nutcracker is a Christmas ballet by Tchaikovsky. The music is AMAZING-they play it all the time at Christmas-and the dancing is beautiful. You and Matt will love it!
emerchant: A ballet.
emerchant: That makes much more sense.
emerchant: Thank you for your information.
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jparker: Matt, thanks SO much for the frothy coffee this morning. It was JUST what I needed on such a cold, dreary morning.
manderson: Jess, I know you know I'm your Secret Santa, but can you at least pretend that it's a secret?
jparker: I AM pretending.
manderson: Yeah, well, you're definition of "secret" and mine are not exactly the same.
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manderson: So, you got a towel set from your Secret Santa, huh?
hbecker: Yes.
manderson: You can't tell me it's seasonal or your style because Emily told me they were bright lime green. Although I haven't smelled anything yet, if you're feeling self-conscious, we do have showers here at the ARC.
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jparker: Apropos of nothing, do you happen to know if Rex has any fibre allergies?
amaitland: fibre allergies?
jparker: Does wool make him itch? Or linen?
amaitland: Not that I know of.
jparker: So Rex would be okay with any fibres.
amaitland: Yeah, I guess.
jparker: THANK YOU!
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jparker: I checked. Rex doesn't have any. You're good to go.
tfenner: Thanks, Jess. ur the best!
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emerchant: I am happy to report that I have given my first gift as a Secret Santa.
jparker: Congratulations. How did the poem turn out?
emerchant: I could not finish the poem.
emerchant: Instead I made a Christmas pudding for Wendy last night.
jparker: That sounds tasty. But you didn't use almonds, did you?
emerchant: Of course I did.
emerchant: Why?
jparker: Wendy is allergic to nuts. I thought you knew. She probably should've mentioned that on the Secret Santa list.
emerchant: Yes, she should have.
emerchant: I must go retrieve the pudding before Wendy becomes ill.
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ctemple: jess you sure you put my name in the drawing for secret santa
jparker: Yes, Connor, your name was in the hat.
ctemple: and someone actually drew it
jparker: Yes, someone drew it. Why?
ctemple: because everyones been getting gifts except me so I wanted to check
jparker: Yes, someone drew your name. Don't worry.
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jparker: I heard Matt got another coffee today from his Secret Santa. Can't you be a BIT more creative?
hbecker: Why? He likes coffee. It makes him happy. Isn't that what this Secret Santa thing is all about?
jparker: Yes, but you could TRY mixing it up a little.
hbecker: I am. I actually delivered it to him myself today so he wouldn't catch on.
jparker: Ooh, that IS clever.
hbecker: You seem surprised.
jparker: Not at all. I just hadn't thought of it. Of course, it wouldn't really work with MY gifts.
hbecker: Has Lester figured it out yet?
jparker: No, but he's stopped parking in the underground car park. It's going to make things a bit more difficult in future.
hbecker: I'd offer to help, but I'd like to be employed come January.
jparker: COWARD! Where's your sense of adventure? Where's you holiday spirit? I've been doing favours for EVERYONE to help them with their Secret Santa gifts.
hbecker: Yeah, I know. What the hell did you do to Fenner? He's been coming in to the armoury covered in yarn every day.
jparker: Hey, that was entirely Terrence's idea-I just helped with the measurements.
hbecker: I don't know anyone who actually wants a Xmas sweater, let alone a lizard.
jparker: Are you kidding? Rex is cold-blooded-he'll LOVE it! And Abby will, too. Plus Terrence has a big surprise planned for her as well.
hbecker: I know. He asked if he could borrow several of my men.
jparker: And did you tell him yes?
hbecker: Of course. I'm no Scrooge.
jparker: So what do YOU have planned for Matt's big surprise?
hbecker: I've a few ideas.
jparker: Like what?
hbecker: Nosy much, Parker?
jparker: Just trying to be helpful. I'm here if you need anything.
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emerchant: Do you know of someone named Peter Pan?
jparker: Why? Did you get tickets to the panto?
emerchant: Panto?
jparker: Pantomime. A Christmas play?
emerchant: Oh yes.
emerchant: We had pantomimes.
emerchant: Only they were based upon familiar fairy stories.
jparker: Peter Pan IS a familiar fairy story. Don't you know it?
emerchant: No.
emerchant: I believe it is from 1904.
emerchant: That is the date upon the tag that accompanied the tickets.
jparker: Oh, you'll LOVE Peter Pan! It's got pirates and red Indians and mermaids...and a boy who won't grow up. It's loads of fun.
emerchant: Then I shall look forward to it.
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jparker: Thanks SO MUCH for the amaryllis! It's beautiful!
manderson: I'll be sure to let your Secret Santa know you enjoyed it.
jparker: Your comment about it making up for all the evergreen deaths during this season was quite amusing, but what on EARTH possessed you to sign the tag with a heart?
manderson: You mean why did Santa sign it with a heart?
jparker: Becker spotted it, and not knowing it was from you, he now thinks my Secret Santa fancies me. He demanded to know who it was, as if I'd ever divulge such a secret.
manderson: As if.
jparker: He really seemed quite jealous and upset.
manderson: How interesting.
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ctemple: jess you sure someone drew my name
jparker: Yes, Connor.
ctemple: and your sure they know the rules
jparker: Yes, they know the rules.
ctemple: YOU SURE
jparker: Yes, Connor. Stop worrying. You'll be getting something, I promise!
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emerchant: Do you know what Wendy's favourite colour is?
jparker: Based upon her wardrobe, I'm going to go with black.
emerchant: Good.
emerchant: I believe I already have black yarn at home.
jparker: Are you going to make her something?
emerchant: I thought I would knit her a scarf.
jparker: That's so sweet. But you know, I believe I overheard her telling someone she's allergic to wool. I'd probably check before you get too far-you'd hate to give her something she couldn't use.
emerchant: Like a Christmas pudding?
jparker: If it's any consolation, the REST of us thought it was tasty!
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To: All ARC Staff
From: jlester .uk
Subject: Secret Santa
To whoever hunted down where I parked my Jaguar three blocks away and placed a wreath on the bumper,
I thought I made it clear, by the fact that I was willing to risk door dings and was willing to walk three blocks in the pouring rain this morning, that I did not want anyone decorating my Jag any more.
I shall be reviewing the CCTV security footage to determine who sneaked out and did it.
Lester
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jlester: Jess, how do I get access to the CCTV security footage?
jparker: You don't.
jlester: What do you mean, "I don't"?
jparker: CCTV security footage is just that-a SECURITY function.
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jlester: Becker, how do I get access to the CCTV security footage?
hbecker: How the hell would I know? Jess does all the CCTV stuff.
jlester: But she said it was part of the security function of the ARC.
hbecker: Technically it is, but I don't know how to access it. I just have Jess look up stuff for me if I need it.
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jlester: Jess, give me access to the CCTV security footage. That's an order.
jparker: An order from whom?
jlester: What do you mean, "an order from whom"? From me, of course! Your boss.
jparker: Sorry. Not good enough.
jlester: What do you mean, "not good enough"!
jparker: With such a security issue, I would need to have both Becker's AND Matt's express approval, plus you would need to sign an affidavit stating that it was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for ARC business.
jlester: Since when?
jparker: Since forever. You may look up the rules yourself. They're under the Security Procedures, subsection 3.5.
jlester: Fine! I'll just start watching the doors myself!
jlester: And I thought you promised I'd enjoy this Secret Santa thing!
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jparker: Did I hear you humming at the staff meeting?
emerchant: Perhaps.
emerchant: I have had a tune in my head all day.
jparker: Yeah, I've had Christmas carols in my head for weeks. Every time I'm out and about, I hear carols in the stores and then can't stop singing them.
emerchant: My Secret Santa is to blame.
emerchant: This morning I received a link to a music video.
jparker: A music video? So now he's just skipping half a century?
emerchant: Yes and no.
emerchant: The song itself was from 1983.
emerchant: But the music video was set in 1914.
jparker: Huh?
emerchant: The song is called "Pipes of Peace."
emerchant: By Paul McCartney.
emerchant: The film of the video is about the Christmas truce of 1914.
emerchant: Did you know England was at war with Germany then?
jparker: I did, actually. But I didn't know about any Christmas truce.
emerchant: I researched the history.
emerchant: On Christmas Day, our soldiers and the Germans stopped fighting and celebrated the holiday together.
jparker: That's lovely! I will have to look that up myself.
emerchant: Just do not view the music video.
emerchant: Unless you want to be humming "Pipes of Peace" all day.
jparker: Thanks for the warning! :)
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jparker: Connor, I need you to get Abby out of the menagerie Wednesday afternoon.
ctemple: why
jparker: It's Xmastime, Connor-you know I can't tell you.
ctemple: PLEASE I WONT TELL ABBY
jparker: Sorry, Connor. It's not my secret to tell.
ctemple: fine
jparker: So does that mean you'll do it?
ctemple: i suppose
jparker: You can come up with a code name for the secret operation if you'd like.
ctemple: SUPER COOL ILL LET YOU KNOW
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manderson: So I saw you eyeing Jess' legs this morning.
hbecker: I don't know what you're talking about.
manderson: Her new Christmas tights, with the reindeer and snowflakes on them. Quite festive, don't you think?
hbecker: Can't say I noticed.
manderson: You know, I think I heard her say they were a gift from her Secret Santa.
hbecker: What?! Those are rather a personal gift. How'd her Santa even know her size?
manderson: Perhaps he stares at her legs a lot?
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emerchant: Do you happen to know what kind of books Wendy likes to read?
jparker: I think she likes romances. Why? Did you give up on the scarf idea?
emerchant: Yes.
emerchant: I spoke with Ruth and she said that Wendy is indeed allergic to wool.
emerchant: Wendy also has gotten hives with cotton.
emerchant: And she does not like manmade fibres.
emerchant: Therefore, I have decided to buy her some books instead.
jparker: Books are always nice. Only Wendy has a Kindle.
emerchant: A kindle?
jparker: An e-book reader. She doesn't read bound paper books.
emerchant: Of course she does not.
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hbecker: What do you think?
jparker: I think it's LOVELY! And perfect for Matt!
hbecker: You don't think he'll be upset that he isn't getting something tangible for his big gift?
jparker: You kidding? He's literally had GALLONS of tangible this month. ;) And this is exactly the kind of gift he'll really appreciate.
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amaitland: Sorry to bug you, but did Connor's name get chosen in the Secret Santa exchange? He's convinced it got lost and no one's been assigned to get him anything.
jparker: Yes, someone drew his name. I've already told him that!
amaitland: I guessed as much, but I just wanted to check. Thanks!
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emerchant: Who is Hercule Poirot?
emerchant: And why should I care about his Christmas?
jparker: I'm guessing you got another gift from your Secret Santa.
emerchant: Yes.
emerchant: It is a book.
emerchant: From 1939.
jparker: The book's an Agatha Christie mystery, and Hercule Poirot is the detective. They used to publish Christie's mysteries every December, using the marketing scheme, "A Christie for Christmas." I think you'll like her books-they're clever and interesting, with loads of murders and pools of blood and everything.
emerchant: It does not sound very Christmas-like.
emerchant: But it does sound interesting.
emerchant: I shall look forward to reading it.
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hbecker: I heard your music as I passed through Ops. What the hell are you listening to?
jparker: My Secret Santa gave me a mix CD of holiday songs. Isn't it fun?
hbecker: I guess I like my Christmas a little less poppy. George Michael and Mariah Carey?
jparker: Oh, but there's a whole variety of styles-Louis Armstrong's "Baby, It's Cold Outside", Randy Travis' "Meet Me Under the Mistletoe", and even Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt singing "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?"
hbecker: WHAT?! And you're playing it?! Don't you see you're only encouraging him?!
jparker: Encouraging who?
hbecker: Your Secret Santa. He clearly fancies you. "All I Want For Christmas Is You"? "Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart"? Isn't it obvious?
jparker: It's just a mix CD. I don't see what the big deal is.
hbecker: Whatever. If you want to encourage some creep who won't just come out and tell you he fancies you, who am I to stop you?
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ctemple: jess i dont mean to whine but i still aint got nothing and ive been giving loads of gifts
jparker: I know, Connor, but I promise that your Secret Santa is getting you something you'll love.
ctemple: you know what im getting
jparker: Yes, and it's exactly what you want, so stop worrying. And I love the gifts you've been giving Emily, by the way. How sweet to try to catch her up with all she missed.
ctemple: i know what it was like just missing a year i cant imagine missing out on almost a century and a half
jparker: So what do you have planned for your big finale?
ctemple: a step back in time
jparker: Ooh, tell me.
ctemple: you'll see
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ctemple: THE CANARY HAS FLOWN I REPEAT THE CANARY HAS FLOWN
jparker: Thanks!
...
jparker: The menagerie is clear. You're good to go.
tfenner: Bril! Thanks!
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emerchant: Might you have time after work to assist me?
jparker: Of course. What do you need help with?
emerchant: Ordering a gift from Wendy's Wish List.
jparker: What happened to "gifts should be handmade"?
emerchant: Gifts should make the person happy.
emerchant: Clearly the items on her Wish List would make her happy.
emerchant: And clearly nothing I have thought of shall.
emerchant: So will you assist me?
jparker: I'd be happy to.
...
To: All ARC Staff
From: amaitland .uk
Subject: THANK YOU
To my Secret Santa (and all his/her helpers),
Thank you so much for cleaning up the menagerie. Especially the mammoth's den. That was truly an inspired Xmas gift. Words cannot express my gratitude, so I've made some gingerbread instead-everyone feel free to help yourself to some.
Thanks again,
Abby
PS Rex loves his Santa hat and Christmas sweater!
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jparker: I saw a larger wrapped gift waiting for you this morning. More from your Secret Santa?
emerchant: Yes.
emerchant: I received numerous gifts today.
jparker: Ooh, do tell!
emerchant: The tag read "To Emily, since Matt don't have a telly"
emerchant: Then there were several dates: 1947, 1962, 1977, 2001, 2003
jparker: Wow! That's covering a half a century in one gift. So what did you get?
emerchant: DVDs.
emerchant: Though many of them do not seem particularly Christmas-y.
jparker: Which ones?
emerchant: Miracle on 34th Street and Love, Actually seem to have a Christmas theme.
emerchant: But Dr. No, Star Wars, and Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone do not.
jparker: Those are all films that they show on telly at Christmastime. That's probably what your Secret Santa meant by mentioning that Matt doesn't have one.
emerchant: That makes sense now.
emerchant: The tag also had a Post-Script.
emerchant: "There's a telly in Connor's lab; I'm sure he won't mind you watching them there."
jparker: No, I'm sure he WON'T mind! You should definitely go watch them when you have time.
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To: manderson .uk
From: World Land Trust
Subject: Donation
Mr. Anderson,
This is to inform you that ten trees have been planted in your name in the Jorupe Reserve in Ecuador. Thank you for helping to save the planet.
For more information, or to make your own donation, please visit our website.
Sincerely,
World Land Trust
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jparker: There's a giant box that was just delivered to the loading bay with your name on it.
jlester: That'll be Connor's fridge-freezer.
jparker: I didn't know Connor ordered a new fridge-freezer for his lab.
jlester: He didn't. It's my secret Santa gift to him
jparker: Your Secret Santa gift? But I thought you were going to let him watch his Doctor Who marathon on the telly in his lab.
jlester: I am. But giving someone permission to do something they were probably going to do behind your back anyway isn't much of a gift.
jparker: So you decided to get him a fridge-freezer? That's an interesting choice.
jlester: It's bloody expensive, if you want to know the truth. Do you know how much they charge you just to paint that damn thing blue?
jparker: Blue?
jlester: Yes, the Tardis is blue, like a police call box.
jparker: Wait, you got Connor a Tardis fridge-freezer?! Lester, that's BRILLIANT!
jlester: For the amount I paid, it better be!
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emerchant: Connor, I cannot thank you enough for all my thoughtful gifts.
emerchant: I especially adore the lace handkerchief I received today.
ctemple: i monogrammed it myself sorry its not very good
emerchant: No, it is lovely.
emerchant: And I am touched that you embroidered the date as well.
emerchant: I am moved by you giving such personalised gifts.
ctemple: i wanted you to have something to remember your first xmas here by
emerchant: I shall treasure it always. Thank you for being my Secret Santa.
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jparker: REALLY, Matt?! A mistletoe headband?! Are you TRYING to make Becker apoplectic?
manderson: What are you going on about?
jparker: That mix tape was bad enough. "How Do I Wrap My Heart for Christmas?" "Merry Christmas Darling"? "All I Want For Christmas Is the Girl of My Dreams"? "Santa Baby"!?" I didn't notice the theme till Becker freaked. Where did you even FIND these songs?!
manderson: I'm sure your Secret Santa simply thought you'd enjoy the music.
jparker: I'm sure my Secret Santa is taking the piss at Becker, and I don't appreciate being stuck in the middle.
manderson: I have it on good authority that your Secret Santa is trying to get you what you really want for Christmas.
jparker: Well, I DON'T want Becker to pop a vessel, and that's what's liable to happen if I wear this headband.
manderson: Put it on. Your Secret Santa needs you to wear it today in order for his plan to work. It's Christmas Eve-you've got to give Santa a chance.
jparker: I suppose. But I blame you if things go badly.
...
manderson: I caught a whiff of you down the hall. Nice cologne. Let me guess-another Secret Santa gift?
hbecker: Yes.
manderson: They certainly have a one-track mind, don't they? Speaking of, have you seen Jess' headband today?
hbecker: No. Does it play Christmas carols or light up or something? That girl has more holiday cheer than an elf.
manderson: This one has mistletoe. I understand it was a gift from her Secret Santa.
hbecker: MISTLETOE?! What the hell?!
manderson: Well, can you blame him? I mean, a pretty, clever, cheerful girl, who's clearly available-what guy wouldn't be interested?
hbecker: AVAILABLE?! Why would he think that?
manderson: Why wouldn't he? No one else has staked any claim.
manderson: You know, if I were interested, I'd probably make it very clear to the entire ARC staff that Jess was off limits.
manderson: And she did have mistletoe hanging over her head last time I checked.
...
To: All ARC Staff
From: jlester .uk
Subject: Mistletoe
Attention Staff,
I understand that mistletoe can be an integral part to some people's celebration of the holidays. However, such public displays of affection in the middle of Ops as I just witnessed will not be tolerated.
Therefore, mistletoe is hereby banned during work hours for the rest of December.
J. Lester
...
amaitland: Jess' mistletoe? Nicely played.
manderson: How did you know?
amaitland: The mix CD. Brilliant, by the way.
manderson: I just wanted to get her something she could really use.
amaitland: The CD? Or Becker?
manderson: Yes.
manderson: So you must have had Becker?
amaitland: Of course. I had Jess rig the drawing so I could be his Secret Santa.
manderson: Why?
amaitland: Because I wanted the same thing you wanted, to see Jess and Becker together.
manderson: And how did lime green towels help with that?
amaitland: Did YOU own any coordinated towel sets before Emily moved in? When they finally start dating-which shouldn't be long now-Jess will feel more comfortable staying over if she feels truly welcome in his flat. It's simple biology.
manderson: And the cologne? Bulgari Man in Black? That's expensive!
amaitland: Oh, that was simple chemistry. I knew Jess' favourite, and I figured you were going to do something to force the situation, so I simply helped it along.
manderson: Good work.
amaitland: You, too! Happy Christmas!
...
jlester: Sneaking into my Jag to deliver Secret Santa gifts is not appropriate!
jparker: Why ever are you telling ME?
jlester: Because you're the only one who knows where I stash my extra keys. And I looked it up-there is no subsection 3.5 to the Security Procedures. I can't believe it's been you who's been violating my Jag all December-that Rudolph nose was an abomination.
jparker: It was cute! And did you bother to OPEN the gifts I put in there this morning?
jlester: No, I came in straightaway to reprimand you, forgetting you weren't going to be in Ops today. How's the server update going, by the way?
jparker: It's going fine. Now open the gifts
jlester: After all you've given me thus far, I'm dreading what's inside!
jparker: Just open them.
jlester: Jess! I can't believe it! How ever did you find these?!
jparker: I'm Santa-I can find anything.
jlester: I think you may be. I was told there were no more Tech-Rexes available for any price, and you found two?. How can I ever thank you?
jparker: You can give me and Becker New Year's Eve off? Becker's Secret Santa gave him two tickets to the NYE London Eye Thames Cruise and he's asked me to join him!
jlester: Done!
jparker: Thanks! New Year's Eve may be even BETTER than mistletoe! :) And I hope your kids love their robot dinos.
jlester: I'm sure they will. Thank you, Jess!
...
To: All ARC Staff
From: jlester .uk
Subject: Happy Holidays
Attention Staff,
Thank you for your sacrifice over the past month. I appreciate all your hard work and dedication. Therefore, you shall find refreshments of all sorts in the cafeteria-please feel free to enjoy them for the rest of the day.
Just a reminder, though-the mistletoe ban is still in effect.
J. Lester
...
To: SS participants list
From: jparker .uk
Subject: THANK YOU!
To everyone who participated in the Secret Santa exchange,
Thank you SO MUCH for making the season brighter for all of us. I think everyone enjoyed their gifts-I certainly got what I wanted!
Happy Holidays to everyone!
Jess
...
THE END
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!