Nick sat down on the couch watching Jess smile at her phone and giggle every now and again. He had been trying to hold it together for her sake but he couldn't ignore the aching feeling in his heart. This was killing him. How could shd be back with him.

He had watched her date Ryan, and it had broken his heart to see her actually fall inlove with another guy. But Ryan had let Jess slip through his fingers. Nick couldnt imagine a bigger idiot, but then he remembered that he had her, and she had loved him so much she had dreamed of a future with him, and he let her walk away, and now all he had was their broken friendship and watching her replace him with new guys. He knew eventually she would move on from Ryan too, but he could never have prepared himself for Sam, again.

He thought back to when Sam walked into their living room and Jess had begged him to apologise to him so that she could get the job. He begrudgingly did, not meaning a single word. He would still, after all this time, do anything for her. But he was not going to lie and say he was sorry he kissed her.

I knew she was with you when I kissed her and you know what man, I'm not sorry at all. Nick clenched his fists at his sides, struggling with what he was about to say knowing it would make things awkward .

I kissed Jess because I had always been inlove with her and that kiss was amazing. That one kiss allowed me to date her. For a pretty long time. She didn't even think about you. We were just crazy in love.

He felt his voice break on the last word but still he held his ground.

You were the one stupid enough to let her get away, Sam. She is perfect and you let her get away!

Nick screamed this at Sam but he was mostly screaming at himself, because he was that stupid too.

He turned to look af Jess , " I will never regret kissing you Jess. It's all I ever want to do. sorry, wanted. " Her eyes widened at his slip up and she could feel her mind being flooded with a ton of memories. It was just a slip up Jess. You and Nick are over. He is your Bestfriend. She thought to herself.

Nick was suddenly snapped out of his trance when Jess hopped off the couch and yelled that she would be back soon. He put his head in his hands and sighed. She was probably on her way to see Sam.

Nick's mood instantly shifted from sad to seething. How could she! She left Sam for himAnd now, by getting back together with him again it's as if she's saying yhat she and I were a mistake! He thought angrily to himself as he punched the wall. He opened his door and slid down the back once it was closed.

Did she think our relationship was a mistake? Was she trying to have a redo to forget that she ever loved me? Does his kisses leave her breathless like mine did? Do his hands know her body as well as mine? Does he watch her sleep the way I did. Does he love her more than I do?what? I mean did. Ofcourse i will always love Jess, as a Bestfriend. But he doesn't deserve her. Do you deserve her, Nick? He heard a small voice from deep inside hin ask him that. He got up and rummaged for the bottle of whiskey in his closet and took a big slug and then whispered softly, with tear glistening eyes, No. I don't deserve her.Nick decided he woukd stay drunk that day. Actually he had decided to stay drunk for the next few weeks. Hearing Jess and Sam laughing and having sex was ripping his souk out, so he often slept in the bar on night when sam would stay over. He hadn't being seeing much of Jess and he missed her, but it was better this way, because he knew if her soft eyes gazed at him and asked him what was wrong, he might just tell her.

He sat down on one of the booth chairs in the bar. Desperately trying to drink Jess out of his mind and trying harder even to drink away the thoughts of Sam touching what belongs to him.

belonged, Nick.

It was the night of the eve of Schmidt and CeCe's wedding. Nick had been texting Regean trying to fill the Jess void with Booze and another body.

They were all sitting at the dining room table when Jess and Cece suggested true American rather hastily. His mind was reeling. Nick had been walking passed Jess' door and heard the whole Sam proposal conversation. Could he really sit back and watch Jess marry another guy. As the realization and the extent of his love for her dawned on him Nick felt paper thin and utterly broken.

Now he would have to live his whole life watching her love another, while he still would always be love her. He knew he could never find a person he could love half as much as he loved Jess but that was what he would have to settle for now. A mediocre love, for a mediocre guy. He laughed bitterly. Jess waa extraordinary and so was Sam. So why would she even give him a second glance, Nick thought, As Jess looked at him, and gave him a second glance.

Nick heard "Kiss!!" and watched as Sam pulled Jess in for a small peck on the lips and watched her get flustered and looked almost a little bit uncomfortable. Probably because she knows hes going to propose soon.

Nick dropped all the cans of beer in his hand and locked himself in the bathroom. "What the hell, Nick!" yelled Schmidt. He didn't care. He couldn't watch this. It was a sledgehammer to a barely beating heart.

He sat down on the toilet seat and tugged at his hair in frustration. He had been inlove with the same girl for hald a decade now. He had always believed that he would end up with Jess. She was the finishing line for him. He always thought that nomatter how much they screwed up, eventually they would come back to each other.

Nick heard Jess on the other side of the door laughing and asking him to let her in because Sam had the plague and he was about to catch her.

How ironic. She's only running here, to me, because she's literally running away from another man. The man she now loves. The man she's going to marry. He's no good for her. But she obviously feels alot for him to consider marrying him. She felt alot for you Nick, and you blew it. She was considering a life with you. Ugh he wished that annoying Jess voice in his head woukd just go away. Then he realised. If Jess married Sam, it would. Everything about her would be gone.

Nick had tried loving others, like Kai and even Regean for a bit while Jess was away but nothing had ever worked out. And that's why it was so incredibly difficult to watch her fall inlove with another man. He thought if he felt like he couldnt find love again after what they had, that she would feel the same. But she didnt. So he closed the door on a love affair that changed his life and him more than anybody and anything else ever would . Seeing the only person he had ever loved more than anything in the world, love someone else was breaking him.

You closed the door, Nick. He heard Jess' sweet but annoying little voice in his head. But it was right. He did. He suggested it. He drew it out. "SHUT UP, JESS!!" He yelled, talking to his inner Jess forgetting about the one on the opposite side of the door.

"What? Nick are you okay? Let me in" "No" his voice came out as a choky whisper.

Nick felt lost. He distinctly remembered the exact moment when he realised that their love would live forever in the past.He was at a loss for words. It was when Jess ran out of her room, frim Schmidt and into his arms and held him tightly. He pressed his head into her neck trying to memorize her scent and hold on to that feeling as long as he could. This is not what he wanted. He didn't mean for her to take him seriously about the break up, but he couldn't say anything. His voice had been stolen away from him along with his heart which he had left behind, with her that day.