Disclaimer: I don't own Dead Poets Society. Or the John Lennon song I stole the title from. Right now, I don't even have a witty saying about pretending to own something so can we all just agree that Charlie belongs to me and get on with it?
A/N: I think it kind of goes without saying that this was written for and dedicated to DeadPoet0712. Who happens to owe me a one-shot for payback. ;)
Neil Anthony Overstreet.
It's more than a little overwhelming for Knox to actually see those three little words- the three words that are scrawled across a tiny name card that is taped to a tiny bassinette that holds the tiniest human being Knox has ever seen.
The tiny human being who now belongs to him. His son.
It's still difficult for him to even attempt to wrap his head around the concept of that because it all still seems so surreal. One moment, he saw the world one way and now he's looking at it through an entirely new set of eyes. Everything that had once seemed so important just utterly pales in comparison to what this little boy- his little boy- means.
He had entertained the notion of being a father a few times over the past couple of years- sometimes seriously and sometimes just curiously.
His relationship with Chris had been the first thing to plant the idea in his head. Sometimes, late at night when he laid by her side and watched her sleep, he could imagine their future life and their future children- fair haired and bright eyed with his love of life and her unwavering kindness- and how he might feel about that.
He had never really been able to make up his mind.
His relationship with Elizabeth a few years ago had only left him with further uncertainties. They had just started to date when they'd had their "scare" and Knox had never been more panicked over anything in his entire life. He was still in college- nothing but a kid himself. How was he supposed to take care of one? Could he take care of one? Would he be a good father? Would he be loving enough? Would he actually be able to hold his child without his clumsiness resulting in him injuring it somehow?
He had never really been able to figure out how he felt about the scare being just a scare.
His relationship with April forever sealed his fate. It wasn't something he had been looking for or even something he wanted at the time. It just happened and it was perfect and it was effortless. Love, marriage, babies- every step they took together was as easy as breathing, like it was somehow just meant to be. There was nothing that needed to be planned or debated or worried over because everything just took care of itself.
This is the way his life had always been meant to turn out.
Knox can still clearly remember the very first time he realized he was in love with April- it was the first time he dreamed about their future life.
The wife he was imagining was no longer just simple and poised. Instead, she was playful and smart and interested in the things he had to say. She laughed at his jokes and smacked him- lightly and playfully, of course- when he stepped out of line and smiled brightly when he enveloped her into his arms, nuzzling her face against his chest.
The hair of the children running around their feet was no longer blonde but a striking shade of brunette, and the brightness in their eyes was instead reflected in irises of a familiar green, framed by a fan of dark lashes.
He had had the dream numerous times after that and it would always end the same way- and much too quickly for his liking. The kids would take off running towards the backyard as fast as their little feet could carry them and April would always pull away from his embrace, hurrying after their youngest who would inevitably stumble but be scooped up in his mother's arms before he could fall. And then she'd laugh and kiss the top of his head and say, "Be careful, Neil."
And now, as Knox stands in a hospital room and observes his sleeping son, he can't help but appreciate the irony.
Dreaming of their son led to him falling in love and falling in love led to his dream becoming a reality and Knox has never been happier.
Tearing his gaze away from baby Neil, he slides a glance over at his wife and he can't help but laugh when he notices that the two of them are sleeping in identical positions- flat on their back with a hand tucked up by their face, their head cocked slightly to the left and their lips parted just slightly.
He's never been one to use the words cute or adorable but if that's not the single most adorable thing he's ever laid eyes on, he doesn't know what is.
Knox cautiously reaches in to the bassinette and gathers Neil into his arms, takes a deep breath and hesitates for a moment, and then slowly lifts him out. He awkwardly cradles him to his chest, configuring his arms into the right position to give the baby the support he needs.
Neil makes a quiet little snuffling sound that causes Knox to jump slightly in alarm but that quickly fades away into amazement when Neil gives him a sort of head butt to the chest and wiggles a little in his arms as he slowly opens his eyes, blinking furiously for a moment in response to the harsh florescent lighting.
Knox can do nothing but just stare and when Neil's gaze slowly lifts to meet his own, his breath catches in his throat and he's certain there is no better feeling in the world but this.
Keeping his eyes locked with his son, Knox begins to slowly rock him as he makes his way over to the bed and slips in next to April, gently placing Neil down in the empty space between them. He reaches out and adjusts his hospital issue beanie and presses a light kiss to his forehead, gently running stroking Neil's cheek with the pad of his thumb as he begins to fall back to sleep.
Just as the baby's eyes flutter shut, April's flutter open and she and Knox share a small before her head falls onto his shoulder and he nuzzles his face into her hair and kisses the top of her head.
"He looks like you," she mumbles with a soft sigh.
Knox hums in agreement as he begins to play with a stray strand of her hair. "But he has your eyes," he adds with a smile. "I'm glad." That had always been the one thing he had been hoping for.
April makes a sound of contentment as she begins to drift off again and Knox smiles to himself as he eases her back against her pillow. He follows suit after a moment and picks up Neil again, letting him curl up to sleep on his chest.
Knox had never really been sure where his life would eventually take him but he as he lays there and watches his family, he couldn't be more certain that through fate or destiny or whatever else it could be called, he's wound up exactly where he was supposed to be.