Sam holds the amulet his hand and wondered if he should just throw it back into the bin. After all he and Dean would never be the same again and they weren't okay. Maybe they never would be. He knew that Dean was slowly giving up on him but he didn't know what to do. He couldn't change everything. He couldn't change what he'd seen in heaven. It was like they weren't in control of anything anymore. Everything was going against them. He and Dean both blamed themselves both felt worthless. They were doing more harm to each other than good but at least Dean wasn't pretending anymore. Sam wasn't stupid; he knew that Dean hadn't forgiven him and that he probably never would. He knew that Dean put on the brave face and tried to muddle through because that's what Dean always did. He'd been doing it through Sam's entire life. In some ways Sam was glad that the mask was slowly slipping away. He told himself that even though Dean was slowly pushing him away that he wouldn't give in. He would stay. But it was getting harder and harder. Dean was right; none of his good memories involved his family. It was because it was all so fake. They all put on a brave face and pretended that everything was okay it was the Winchester way. Sometimes he'd felt as though he couldn't breathe, if he asked about his Mom Dean would bite his head off and his Dad was never there. He watched as Dean spent all his time taking on Dad's mess and looking after him. If anything he felt as though he was a burden on Dean. How could he be happy with that? Sure, there were some moments where they had a good time but…he always wished for more, wished for normality. He just wanted to be a kid with no weight on his shoulders. He'll admit that he resent his brother for having a hint of that normal life he craved so badly. So Mom and Dad had their ups and downs, who didn't? He knew that if he hadn' had left when he did he probably wouldn't still be with Dean know. Sometimes goodbye was a second chance, a chance to see what was right and what was wrong. A chance to discover where you belonged. It had taken him long enough but Sam knew that there was no such thing as "normal" This was the life he'd been born into. This was where he belonged. He and Dean would get through this. They always did.
He hoped that one day he'd be able to give the amulet back to Dean because the only thing he believed in anymore was his brother. He just wished that Dean knew.