Disclaimer: Because I am a teenage girl, I am not JP. Because I am not JP, I own nothing. Therefore, because I am a teenage girl, I own nothing. Transitive property! Kind of… Well, not really.

Gazzy POV

The day I realized I was in love with Nudge was the weirdest day of my life. Then again, when you have wings, like to blow stuff up, and live with a sexist pig named Iggy, life is never exactly "normal."

I must have been 19, and it was the love of my life's 21st birthday. She practically flew out of her room (no pun intended) with a huge grin lighting up her face, her hair sticking out at odd angles. Nudge was wearing a surprisingly casual outfit (for her) and for some strange reason, my palms got sweaty and I had a sudden urge to fix my hair. A demonic giggle was heard from across the room. What was Angel up to now?

You looooooove her! That annoying voice in the back of my head, also known as my younger sister, said in a singsong tone that drove me nuts.

Uh, no. She's practically my sister, and that's incest, I thought back. Even if I thought Nudge did look pretty, I would never admit it.

Max and Fang are dating and they were practically siblings, The demon child rebutted.

Well, that's different, I demanded. Max and Fang were perfect for each other, while Nudge and I… Well let's just say if I did love her it would be one-sided love. I'd never had an actual girlfriend, but don't tell Iggy that, and she had a new boyfriend every week. At this time it was a jerk named Fredrick who was cheating on her with five of her so-called friends.

If you say so, Angel thought back whilst physically rolling her eyes at me. Hormonal pre-teen bird kids can be so irritating at times.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY NUDGE!" The whole flock plus Dr. M and Ella screamed. Nudge was beaming and for once was speechless. On the kitchen table was a three tier Funfetti cake with hot pink icing (complements of Iggy) that looked like it had been attacked with sprinkles (complements of yours truly.)

"SPRINKLES! ZOMG THIS IS THE BEST CAKE EVER! EEEEEEP!" Nudge yelled, practically inhaling the top tier of the cake. "Thanks, Iggy! It's amazing!"

"Why do you automatically assume Iggy baked it?" Max asked, getting defensive. "He's not the only bird-kid that can cook."

"Yes he is. Remember that incident at the E-shaped house with Jeb…" Fang said, almost showing emotion as he and Iggy shuddered.

"That was a long time ago," Max frowned. "My skills have improved."

"You got green cake batter on the ceiling a few months ago and the cookies you made last week ended up tasting like fish," Iggy pointed out.

Max frowned and yelled "DOES IT REALLY MATTER?"

"You brought it up…" I muttered in Fang's voice, barely loud enough for anyone to hear.

"Fang, what did you just say?" Max growled through clenched teeth. I gulped and prepared for Fang to be beaten to a pulp, but Nudge intervened.

"Max, calm down. Can you guys like, not fight on my birthday? It's a total downer. ZOMG you guys totally need to try the cake! It's the best cake I've ever had in my entire life! I don't care who baked it, I just want to eat it!"

After we ate the giant cake, Iggy cooked our actual breakfast, which consisted of bacon, eggs, more bacon, toast, more bacon, and, you guessed it, bacon.

"Present time!" Angel exclaimed as though she had just remembered that it was Nudge's birthday. "Nudge, open mine first!"

Of course, Angel had gotten Nudge exactly what she wanted; a pair of sparkly red shoes called "Tim's" or something of that sort. Next it was Fang's turn, he had gotten her a couple of shirts, obviously picked out by either Max or Angel. I'm not going to describe them because it would be pointless. Max, Dr. M, Ella, and even Total all bought her clothes as well, so Nudge was pretty ecstatic. Iggy's gift though was the most creative. As Nudge pulled out the sparkly purple journal with "Nudge" written on it in silver glittery letters, Iggy explained its purpose.

"You see, Nudge," Iggy began. "It is a well known fact that you tend to be a bit… loquacious. With my present, you can keep your garrulous demeanor while not actually talking. You can write down all your thoughts and ideas while still being quiet! Isn't it the best present ever?" Nudge did not look entertained, however Fang looked grateful for Iggy's, thoughtful, gift.

After Iggy finished instructing Nudge "how to hold a pen" and "why saving your voice will help you in the future," it was my turn to give Nudge her gift. As she opened the small package her dark brown eyes lit up and she gave me a hug.

"It's beautiful, Gaz," She timidly said as she slipped the silver necklace out of its case. The pendant was shaped like a heart with wings embellished with blue rhinestones, and on the inside, the words "Happy Birthday Nudge! Love, the Gasman" were engraved. "Can you help me put it on?"

I nodded in response and took the necklace from her. She smiled at me and moved her massive amount of hair out of the way so I could put it on for her.

"Zomg, thank you guys so much! I hate to leave you guys, but Frederick wanted to take me for a walk in the park and then out to lunch at 1:30. Isn't he just the best boyfriend ever? Ok, love you guys, see you later!" As Nudge scurried out of the house Max sighed, probably her maternal instincts acting up again, with her babies growing up and all. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only flock member that finds it creepy that Max thinks of us as her children.

It's not just you; don't worry, Angel reassured me.

"Hey, Gaz," Iggy said, a mischievous look on his face. "We should hang out today; you know, go into town, get some lunch."

"Did you just ask Gazzy out?" Ella asked her boyfriend jokingly. "Because if you are, you might as well take him to dinner and a movie."

"Yes, Ella," Iggy sarcastically replied. "I'm leaving you for my nineteen year-old secret lover who is a pyromaniac just like me. Try not to cry too much."

"Don't get full of yourself, Ig. You aren't that special,"

"Mmhmm," Iggy replied. "No, but seriously Gazzy, we need to go pick up some… stuff, if you know what I mean." I knew exactly what he meant.

"Sure, Iggy," I said with a hopefully not-too-demonic grin. "Let's go get some… lunch."

Thirty minutes later, Iggy and I were standing in front of a tanning salon in downtown Mesa.

"Iggy, what the hell are we doing here?" I asked tentatively. "Aren't we just going to get the Francium we needed for our next bomb?"

"No, young grasshopper," Iggy shook his head spastically and laughed like an evil genius. "I have noticed that you are smitten with a certain talkative flock member." I hung my head in shame, not even bothering to argue with Iggy as he continued speaking. "In order for you to even consider dating you, grasshopper, you need to make the girl jealous. But don't worry, I already picked up the Francium."

"And where do you come into this?" I asked my slightly delusional pyromaniac best friend.

"Due to the fact that you do not have a girlfriend and cannot get anyone to go out with you, I will offer my services as a cross-dresser in order to save your love life." Iggy said heroically.

"Okay… Now, why are we at a tanning salon?"

"I need a disguise, and the best possible way for me to not look like Iggy is a spray tan, full on Snooki orange." Iggy grinned.

"But don't spray tans last a long time, like up to a few months? Besides, how would you know what Snooki looks like?" I asked, still not loving this idea.

"They can't last that long, Gazzy. Plus, I looked up a remedy that gets rid of them in about fifteen minutes, and Nudge is good at describing things. Besides, I can feel colors remember? So, what do you think of my plan, love monkey?"

"I think you're delusional," Was my honest reply. "Wait, you felt Snooki?"

"A picture," Iggy clarified. "I'm getting my spray tan done in five minutes and we have reservations at Le Fabulousat 1:30. Now come on, it's almost my turn. Oh, and on the date, my name's Tiffany." I checked my watch; we had approximately three hours to turn Iggy into the beautiful Tiffany.

"Jeffery Martinez?" The lady at the counter called. "It's your turn, sir."

"See you in a few, Zephyr," Iggy winked as he used my codename for around town. The entire flock, minus Max, used them so no one could figure out who we really were.

The time Iggy spent doing who knows what to get tan went by painfully slow. It didn't help that there was some creepy old lady staring at me the entire time like a pedophile and she kept offering me candy bars. Just the thought of her want-filled eyes made me more afraid than the whitecoats ever could.

Finally, after who knows how long, an orange version of Iggy walked, no, pranced down the hallway. At first I wasn't even sure if it really was Iggy, due to the fact that he looked like a platinum blond, six-foot tall, less oompa-loompa-like Snooki. I almost screamed at the sight of my poor Iggy.

"I look good, don't I?" He said, grinning from ear to ear. It's a shame he couldn't see my traumatized look and tangerine colored flesh. Well, maybe it's better for him not to know how terrible he looked.

"Uh, yeah. You look great, Ig," I lied, shuddering. "Can't even tell that it's you. Now, how exactly are we supposed to turn you into Tiffany?"

"I know a guy," Iggy said mysteriously. This was going to be interesting.

I'm going to spare you the details of Iggy's makeover, mainly due to the fact that half the time I had no freaking idea what was going on. All I know is that after 45 minutes of Iggy's screams, (the waxing was particularly hilarious) we had lost an Iggy and gained a Tiffany. Honestly, I had no idea how to react.

"I look hot, don't I?" Iggy/Tiffany asked me. "My friend Julio here is the best at special effect make up, so I gave him our Francium in exchange for a makeover."

"YOU GAVE HIM OUR FRANCIUM?" I screamed. "No girl is worth giving up our Francium! What were you thinking?"

"Calm down, calm down," He said. "I was just kidding. There is no way I would ever exchange our Francium. I gave him the pure Potassium. We can get more of that from Stan anytime." I sighed from relief, knowing that our water-reactive bomb was still a possibility.

"Wow," I marveled at how girly Iggy looked. He was wearing more makeup than Max would wear in her entire lifetime, a miniskirt, a turquoise tank top and a black and white striped cardigan-thing. His dark brown wig was pulled up in a high ponytail, and s/he wore a pair of silver sparkly Converse. He wore a pair of giant fly-like sunglasses, and if he wasn't orange or Iggy, he might've actually made a cute girl. "You don't look THAT terrible."

"Thank you, lovahh," Iggy said with a wink, making me cringe. "I'm just your dream girl, aren't I?"

"No, you just look skanky," I clarified. "Nudge isn't a skank. She's fashionable, but makes sure that she makes a good impression based off of her outfits. Damn it! I'm turning all mushy. WHAT HAS THAT GIRL DONE TO ME?"

"Ah, the young bird kid is in love," Iggy said wistfully. "Love is a dreary existence, only make bearable by hearing her voice. At least you can see Nudge's face; I can only imagine Ella's smile."

This may have been the most non-perverted conversation I've had with Iggy that wasn't about Pokémon or bombs. "But at least you know Ella feels the same way as you do. Nudge still sees me as that little boy that used to blow up her underwear and fart way too much for anyone's well being."

"Which is why you must now make up for that by charming the female specimen. Show her how much of a douche her date is, be super nice to her, offer to buy dinner, et cetera. Be sexy, like George Clooney!" Ah, how I appreciate Iggy and his… interesting advice.

I nodded and looked at my watch, noticing that it was close to 1:30. "We should probably head over to the restaurant, Ig," I said.

"Who's Ig?" Iggy said in a high-pitched tone. "Are you cheating on me, Zephyr? I thought you loved me!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Tiffany," I sarcastically mumbled. "I love you more than anything and I didn't mean to call you Ig. I would never try to insult you by calling you such an offensive word."

"Heyyyyy," S/he said, making it sound like there were a billion y's at the end of the word. "I bet your friend Ig is like, super sexy and macho and amazing… Like Spiderman and Zac Efron combined!"

"Please, never do that again. If you say anything like that again I swear I will cut off my wings and jump off a building. Just… don't," I begged.

"Fine," Iggy pouted, which just looked wrong. "Now we need to get to the restaurant, pronto."

We hopped in my car and I drove through town until I found the bright purple building with pink neon lights that spelled "Le Fabulous." I swear my testosterone levels dropped just by looking at this building. Everything was so… girly. But if it would make Nudge happy I would run around on all fours after being tarred-and-feathered screaming "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN BACON!" Man, I'm desperate.

When we walked in the building, I directed Iggy to the front desk and told the lady our names. A waitress named Jessica showed us to our table, obviously trying to show off her cleavage. After she bumped into Iggy/Tiffany, it became obvious to him/her what the woman was doing.

"Are you trying to seduce my man?" Iggy asked the waitress in an annoyed tone.

"Of course not, miss," she replied, obviously embarrassed.

"I'm not blind," He retorted, his lips threatening to curl into a sarcastic smile. "Lay off my man, sweetheart." After showing us our table, Jessica walked off with her head held low, obviously embarrassed.

Luckily, our table was right next to Nudge and Fredrick's. Nudge looked extremely confused as we sat down, but Fredrick was completely unfazed and kept rambling on about how much he hated towels and hot they would take over the world. Nudge barely had a chance to speak, which has never happened before.

"Uh, hi, Zephyr," She said, cutting off Fredrick. "What are you doing here and who's your friend?"

"I'm Tiffany!" Iggy exclaimed in that really annoying high-pitched voice. "I'm Zephyr's new girlfriend. Isn't he so dreamy! He's macho too, like George Clooney!"

I mentally slapped Iggy but managed a smile on the outside. "Uh, Tiffany, this is Monique, my friend."

Nudge seemed to examine Tiffany for a few seconds, hoping to figure out more about her, then finally gave her an awkward smile and extended her hand. "Hi, Tiffany, it's so great to meet you! I'm Monique, as Ga-Zephyr said before. I'm so glad he found a girl as pretty as you! I'm sure we're going to be great friends. This is my boyfriend, Fredrick, by the way."

"Hey," Fredrick said. "Wow, you look ter-, I mean, really nice. Now, Monique, darling, do you want to know the main reason I hate towels?"

"Not really," Nudge grumbled. This guy was driving her insane, why would she even agree to date him?

"They're itchy and they are going to try to suffocate us in our sleep if we give them the chance." If I don't first, I thought. "Who cares about the zombie apocalypse, we should be more concerned with the towel apocalypse!"

"Um, that's great, honey," Nudge said, completely confused. "So, Zephyr, Tiffany, how long have you two been dating."

"This is our-" I began, but was cut off by my cross-dressing friend.

"This is our first date!" He said, overly excited. "Zephyr is the most amazing guy, like, ever, don't you think? He has such a knack with explosives, and he cares about my feelings!"

I mentally cursed at Iggy. He was going to give us away, with all this mushy talk. Iggy/Tiffany just winked at me and blew a kiss, which made me even more frustrated with him/her.

"Wow," Nudge said, sounding surprised. "I had no idea you could be so sweet, Zephyr."

"So, Tiffany," Fredrick said, interrupting. "How do you feel about towels?"

"Uh, they're okay, I guess," Iggy replied with a shrug.

"THEY"RE OKAY?" Fredrick practically screamed. "Towels are going to lead the apocalypse. They're itchy and are just waiting for the perfect moment to strangle you in your sleep. Don't you agree with me?"

"Um, sure?" Iggy made the words sound more like a question than a statement.

As Iggy and Fredrick conversed about the impending towel apocalypse, Nudge and I began to talk.

"So, my little Gazzy finally found a girl," She said, a tad bit wistfully. "She seems very… nice. Almost Iggy-like even. That's kind of weird though. I would never want you to date a girl too much like Iggy. That'd just be disgusting and wrong. Like incest almost, and that's just gross. How Max and Fang got past the whole we're-practically-siblings-yet-we're-dating thing I'll never understand."

I smiled. This was the overly talkative Nudge I knew and was falling in love with. Earlier that day I would have never admitted that I was in love with her, but Iggy getting a spray tan just to make a girl jealous for you really opens a bird kid's mind about things.

"Do I have something in my teeth?" Nudge asked nervously. "You're looking at me all creeper-like and I don't really understand why. I must look really stupid. Gosh, what is wrong with me? I always do really stupid stuff and look really stupid, and in public too! And now everyone in the room is probably looking at me and thinking, 'Wow, she's stupid.'"

"Don't worry, there's nothing in your teeth," I said, trying not to grin at how adorable she looked when she worried. Damn it, snap out of it man. It was just Nudge. Practically-incest is never a good move.

"Good," She replied, looking relieved. "So, Tiffany, how did you meet Zephyr? I want to know the whole story."

Iggy apparently had this whole thing planned out to be as embarrassing for me as possible, and I began to realize this was a really stupid idea as soon as he started talking. "Well, I was ice skating with my younger brother a few days ago, and I noticed him from across the room. Obviously he noticed me too, because I soon noticed him skating my way. Unfortunately, he fell flat on his face and almost got ran over by some ten-year-old little girl! I managed to help him get off of the ice and over to a bench and we just clicked instantly. I mean, he's just so perfect! Wouldn't you just like to suck this face, Monique?"

"Um, did you just ask me if I wanted to make out with your date?" Nudge asked awkwardly.

"Yes, yes I did. Now, I want an answer. Would you tap that?" He asked again, motioning towards me. Fredrick's face was getting redder by the second.

"Uh, he's like a little brother to me, and I have a boyfriend," She replied. "Do you want to make out with your brother even though you have a boyfriend?"

Iggy shrugged. "Incest isn't always that bad." My face paled. Iggy was making me look like I was into freaky girls who practiced incest! What was he thinking? Nudge wasn't into guys into girls into incest! And to make matters worse, this was the exact moment the waiter came to bring us the check, however, no one other than me saw him.

"Uh, you're into incest?" Fredrick asked Iggy with wide eyes. "That's interesting… and illegal. Isn't it awkward?"

"Only after you break up," Iggy said with a sad expression. "So many of my family members aren't close anymore due to the break ups. My cousin and I haven't talked in years."

"OK, Tiffany," I interrupted. "I think it's time for us to go. We wouldn't want to intrude on Monique and Fredrick's date, would we? Let's go… anywhere but here really. Goodbye Fredrick, Monique. It's been nice seeing you again."

"Do we have to leave?" Iggy asked in a whiny tone. He must have felt my grip on his arm tighten because he quickly managed to say goodbye. "Nice meeting you, two. We should totally hang out sometime!"

"Bye," Nudge said, eager to watch us go.

As soon as we left the building, Iggy spoke. "I think that went well. You know, I really like that Fredrick guy. He's pretty awesome. I can totally see why Nudge- Oh wait, wrong thing to say."

Getting Nudge to fall in love with me would be a living hell.