"A Day on the SSD Executor"
Anyone who's anyone who knows about Star Wars knows that the baddest, toughest starship in the Imperial armada is the Super-class Star Destroyer "Executor!" Not "Executioner!" People always call it that, but that's not its name! It's "Executor," like, someone who takes care of business, you got me? That's 'cause it's Darth Vader's command ship, and that bad boy always takes care of business! So, this is basically a story about what goes on during a typical day on that ship, OK? Please bear with me!
So, it's like, after "The Empire Strikes Back," but before "Return of the Jedi," dig? Darth Vader is super-pissed because his son, Luke Skywalker, ran away from home and is hanging out with the Rebel Alliance, who are like a bunch of punks that are always bothering Darth Vader! Right now, Darth Vader is in his quarters, watching a test match between the Tattooween "Dune Doublers" and the Mon Calamari "Wave Runners." Darth Vader is just getting into cricket, and he kind of likes it (even though he still doesn't really understand the rules).
Darth Vader - Admiral! Get the fuck in here!
Admiral Piett walks in.
Admiral Piett - Yes, m'lord?
Darth Vader - Everyone started cheering because the ball hit that little picket fence! What the fuck is that?
Admiral Piett - That's four runs.
Darth Vader - Oh. For which guy?
Admiral Piett - For both of them.
Darth Vader - So, it's eight runs?
Admiral Piett - No, they both run four times, but it's only four runs.
Darth Vader - Oh, shit! Did you just see that! Ha ha! He broke that dude's sticks!
Admiral Piett - That's the wicket.
Darth Vader - Is he in trouble now?
Admiral Piett - No, that's the object.
Darth Vader - To knock over the wicket with the ball?
Admiral Piett - Yes, the bowler tosses the ball at the wicket to try and knock it over. The batter tries to protect the wicket by knocking the ball away.
Darth Vader - I don't follow! Talk slower!
Admiral Piett - OK, look: Say you're a Rebel, and you're attempting to ram the bridge of this vessel with your fighter in last-ditch attempt to--
Darth Vader - No! I don't want to be the Rebel! Rebels are fags!
Admiral Piett - OK, Say I'm the Rebel.
Darth Vader - HAW! You're a fag!
Admiral Piett - ...Ah, yes, m'lord... Now, I'm piloting my A-Wing at about, oh, say, Mach 3. You're operating the right tower ion cannon and you're trying to blast me out of the sky before I crash into the bridge and kill the High Command. Do you understand the brevity of that situation?
Darth Vader - I gotta clock your balls before you break my wicket!
Admiral Piett - Right, you have to--
Darth Vader - 'Cause if you break my wicket with your BALLS, I can't use my wicket anymore!
Admiral Piett - Uh, yeah, it's, ah---
Darth Vader - My WICKET! Haw!
Admiral Piett - I'm guessing you're implying that "wicket" is some sort of crude slang for "penis," m'lord?
Darth Vader - Haw! Y'all said "penis!"
Admiral Piett - Yes, m'lord. Very good. I'll be on the bridge...
Darth Vader - Cricket SUX!
THE END.