Name: James' Trick.
Summary: James Potter plays a nasty little trick on the substitute teacher... And gets what he was asking for.
Disclaimer: Just so everyone knows this exact thing never happened in any of the books and JK Rowling owns everything to do with Harry Potter etc. I'm beginning to get bored of repeating that.
James sat down at a table for his Defence against the Dark Arts lesson. He was already finding the lesson rather tedious. Just like modern Spanish lessons. He stared around the room impatiently. The teacher had not yet arrived.
He was sat next to his best friend, Sirius.
"Damn, I hate these lessons." James sighed.
"I hate ALL lessons. If you ask me they're all a waste of time." Sirius said. "As the saying goes: 'You go to school to get practice. Practice makes perfect. But nobody is perfect so why practice?'."
"True, true," James muttered miserably, leaning his head on his left hand.
Suddenly, the door behind them burst open and a substitute teacher wearing big spectacles wandered into the room. When he reached the front desk he spun around to face the class. he was old and withered, and looked very docile, but at the same time, quite mean.
"I am your substitute teacher today, as you can tell, your normal Dark Arts teacher is away."
"More like prostitute teacher." James said a little too loudly.
"What was that young man?" The old man grumbled, turning his head to look at James.
"Er, I said... I said why is our normal teacher away?"
"He suffers from a rather contageous disease and must refrain from coming to school." The man said, turning around to face the blackboard behind him.
"Will he ever come back?" Sirius raised his hand.
"Well, yes, I should hope he will eventually." the substitute teacher breathed.
"Good, because I'm getting bored of you already." Sirius scowled.
"And I'm getting bored of you asking me questions. Now if it's okay I'd like-"
"Sir, is he going to die?" James asked stupidly.
"No." The man spun around, beginning to get angered.
"Will you die?"
"One day I suppose-"
"Good, because you reek." Sirius called out.
"That is uncalled for-"
"Are you married?" James interuppted.
"That is none of your business."
"Are you married, simple yes or no answer." James demanded.
"No, I'm not. Now if you'd both just-"
"I'm not surprised with a disgusting face like yours."
"THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH!" The teacher slammed his fist onto the table he stood at rather ruthlessly. The living ink bottle that was sleeping on it had tipped over.
Sirius and James were taken aback.
"Now, on with the lesson."
"If you're not married, does that mean you're gay?" Sirius asked bravely.
The teacher slowly twisted his head round. "Don't start." He went back to leaving instructions on the blackboard.
"Hey, Sirius." James whispered hoarsely. "Sirius!"
He nudged him.
Sirius looked at him. "What?"
"Want me to shoot something at him?"
"Yeah alright. Heh... What shall we shoot?"
"Erm..." James gazed eagerly around the room. "How about that?" he pointed at a thick book.
"Maybe something bigger." Sirius suggested.
"Erm... The Dinosaur Skull?"
"Something more leathal."
"How about Lizzie?"
Sirius looked at a fat little girl. No, I mean fat. As in globally threatening fat. Fatter than Dudley.
"Not THAT lethal. We don't want to kill him... Today."
James groaned.
"Okay, I guess it'll have to be the book-"
"No! Not the book, something heavier-" Sirius suddenly stopped moving all together.
"What?" Said James.
Sirius didn't move but his eyes lit up.
"You have an idea?" James said, beginning to worry.
"Oh yeah," Said Sirius molevolently.
"What?"
"How about THAT?" Sirius pointed a shaking finger at a box of grimy, fragile, egg-like objects.
"Damn, I love your ideas, Sirius. Gimme five."
They clapped hands, and James muttered ' Wingardium Leviosa'. The rotten eggs were lifted up into the air. James guided them carefully towards the teacher, dipping them low and high for suspense.
"JUST DO IT!" Sirius snapped hoarsely.
Without any further ado, James released the eggs onto the top of the sub's balding head.
He froze.
He didn't look happy.
"I think I can guess who that was..." He said through tightly gritted teeth. He spun around.
"YOU!" he pointed at James. "DETENTION!"
I know that was long and probably not worth reading, but I have a good idea for a sequel coming right up... Now how about reviewing this story for me?