The most random story of all time

by voices-in-your-head

Will Harry wake up? Will Ron stop choking? Will Dean finally get the number for 000? Find out next time on ‘The most random story of all time!’

The most random story of all time.

DISCLAIMER: We don't own it. Never have. Probably never will (We have plans for capturing Johnny Depp). We have debts to all the movies we have ever seen in this, I think!

Warnings: Severe randomness. (Language, suggestions of adult themes)

Summary: Do not have one. This is definitely PWP. Definitely.

Sorry if we offend (which we probably will).

Chapter 1

It was a cold and lonely day and the sun was shining brightly (Huh?).

Harry was very miserable.

'I am very miserable' Harry said out loud. (See, told you)

'So what'

'Shut up Hermione, you don't know what I mean'

'Oh, so hows Cho?' Ron suspiciously

'Forget Cho, just forget about her!' Harry angrily

'So you guys broke up?' Ron

'Well duh'

5 mins past

'So does that mean I can go out with her?' Ron said cheekily

'NO. I'm going to sleep moron' Harry stormed up the stairs

'What's got into him?" Hermione asked

'Worms?'

'Not helpful.'

'Sorry.'

'No you're not. Don't say sorry unless you mean it.'

Okay. Not sorry.'

'Bastard.' Hermione walked off.

'Was it something I said?'

10 mins past

'Hermione! I had another nightmare!!!' Shouted Harry, thundering into the Great Hall.

'Is Voldemort back?!' Screeched Hermione.

'No I dreamt that Legolas and Aragorn from LotR were making out!!!'

Audible gasp from girls in Great Hall, including certain faculty members

'And Arwen and Rose were also making out!!!'

Audible gasp from boys in the Great Hall, including certain faculty members

'And then they started making out with each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Audible gasp from Dumbledore

'What I'm not allowed to be bi?'

Later in the staff room

'We have got to stop Harry's nightmares' Dumbledore said to all the staff

'Yes, I agree they are getting quite, quite strange and depressing; I love Aragon' Professor McGonagall said

'I say we chuck him out, chuck him out' Professor Snape said

'No need to repeat yourself, Serverus!' squeaked Professor Flitwick.

'It's not my choice, choice. Neville spilled his repeatius potion on me, repeatius potion on me.'

'Ooooooooh...'

'Yeah, yeah'

'So, back to the subject at hand.' Said McGonagall, heading of the starts of a dangerous fight. (wow, wouldn't that be funny? A 3 foot tall, squeaky voiced teacher taking on a sinister, evil-minded potions master under the influence of a mal-functioning potion... Fight, fight, fight..!)

'Stop it, STOP IT I said!!!'

They both stoped and backed away, they never knew what McGonagall would do to them when she got into one of her moods everyone can still remember the last time she was in her moods, Filch disappeared and was never to be found again that term, it was rumoured that he had taken a few too many spins on the time glass and was sent back to the past. (For some reason that didn't make sense.)

It is a very cheerful morning until...

'Come back here you pesky looking toad... or frog I should say' Hermione screeched as she looked for Nevil's frog he had given to her to look after.

'Hermione that's not how a young lady should speak, especially you, little miss smarty-pants-no-it-all' said Ron

'Speak for your self dickhead!'

'Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm really scared little miss smarty-pants-no-it-all is angry'

'No I am not'

'OH. Shut up you two!' Harry yelled

'Wow you look bright and fresh this wondrous day' Ron being sarcastic

'I was trying to have sleep without a night-mare or one of you two yells, which can by the way it be heard in my bed.'

'Oh tell us what your night-mare was about'

'No'

'Why? Pretty please with a kiss on the top please, pretty please for me' Hermione begged

'Isn't it pretty please with a cherry on top?' Ron asked

'Yes but he's to distressed to noticed' Hermione replied 'Please'

'Alright but some parts are to distressing to mention, OK'

'Ok'

This is where Fred thinks of a wonderful dream about god knows what and we live happily ever after (For the readers information, Fred is the co-author, the one that set off this random series of events. Ok, here goes...)

'It was... Johnny Depp... he-he-... HE DIED!!!' sobbed Harry. (highly distressed author sobs)

'OMG WTF JOHNNY DEPP DYING!!!' Hermione screeched.

'Dude, or should I say, dudette, chill... here, have some or my magic powder... I call it- 'Gloo Powder..!' says a heavily stoned Dean Thomas.

'Man why is there always a token black guy, and why is he ALWAYS stoned?!' Ron said.

'And there's the randy Irish guy who wants to shag everyone!' said Dean, having come out of his 'gloo powder' state of mind at the current conversation.

'Hey! I don't wan'a shag e'ryone! Not Dum'ledore, at leas'... But, Mcgonag'l got'a pretty nice piece o' arse on 'er...'

The room went silent as everyone processed this disturbing piece of information.

(And over to you, Georgia! (one of the other co-authors))

Later that day the trio was watching the news

(On the TV, obviously)

'Now to the headlines, over to you Sandra'

'Thank you but it's over to you'

'No over to you'

'No its over to you'

'OH shut up, Shut up, those guys are hell annoying' Harry said as he threw his shoe at the T.V.

'Go Harry, but please don't take all that anger of yours out at the T.V. it's our last one since your last series of abnormal events... which was only last week!' said Hermione, carefully removing the shoe from the whole in the television, which was surprisingly still working (hey, it's fanfic land, people!).

'Sorry... I just hate these dreams! First Aragorn and Legolas, then Johnny dying! And now we find out that our headmaster is GAY!' he sighed dramatically.

'Bi!' came the muffled reply from the cupboard.

They all looked at each other.

'Where's... Seamus?' asked Hermione quietly.

A muffled scream came from the cupboard.

'Seamus and... Dumbledore?'

It was quiet again as the group processed this other piece of disturbing information. (Disturbing info overload)

A/N: I would just like to tell all readers that Georgia is a name stealing name-stealer. (confuzzeling, I know)Anyway...

The group had gotten over the disturbing information and had moved away from the cupboard... thankfully...

'Anyway, what I was trying to say, was that this is all too much!' said Harry, and with that, he fainted.

'I really think we should get him some help.' Said Ron.

'He's getting it. It's not helping.' Said Hermione.

'Oh.'

There was an awkward silence.

That went on.

And on.

And on.

(Audience gets ready for a massive twist in the story...)

Until...

Ron coughed.

'Well, that was boring.' Said Hermione matter-of-factly.

Ron continued coughing. Then hacking. Then choking.

'Well, better call an ambulance. Dean? Have your mobile on you?' asked Hermione, rather bored with the recent change in events.

But Dean was already one step ahead of her.

'Operator, what's the number for 000?'

And now he was one step behind.

Will Harry wake up? Will Ron stop choking? Will Dean finally get the number for 000? Find out next time, on 'The most random story of all time!'

A/N: Just so you all know, There are 3 co-authors who are writing this depressing excuse for a story; Fred, Bianca and Georgia (Fred is also a girl, though). But only Georgia and Fred are writing this chapter, since Bianca's a bit pre-occupied with her singing (she's gonna kill me for writing this!). Anyway, I have no singing or drama or sporting stuff at the moment, and Georgia doesn't either, so that's why we are writing this.

But that's all from Fred and George tonight, so Goodbye my fellow sick-minded Homo sapiens!