Sonny didn't know when it started. He just one day woke up knowing that he loved Jason with all his heart. He was scare and confuse. He wasn't gay he loved women so he kept telling himself. And he so badly wanted to strangle that bitch Elizabeth. He hated all the time Jason spend with her. She didn't deserve him. Jason should be with him. He would give Jason the world if he wanted it.
Jason had always saved him from his enemies and himself. He needed Jason to save him now. He was dying inside knowing Jason would never love him back. He was a coward he would never tell Jason that he own him heart, body, and soul. If Jason told him to drop to his knees and pleasure him. He would do it and anything else Jason wanted.
He couldn't stand for Kate to touch him anymore. He only wanted Jason's touch. He could tell that Kate knows that he doesn't love her. But she won't leave him. She loves him the way he loves Jason. And he stays with her.
There have been so many women he hides behind. So Jason will never know how much he loves him. The one he regrets the most is Emily. But he did it because by being with her he felt closer to Jason.
He hates himself but that's nothing new. He's frightened of Jason's power over him. Jason could destroy him so easily. I wish I could stop loving him but I can't and I never will. I know I don't deserve him and I never will. My heart is breaking every time I see Jason with Elizabeth. I never felt such pain in all my life. I'm thinking of just ending it all. All it would take is one jump. Then I can finally have some peace.