"Drowning Slowly"

By MissLovelyEagle9

Inspired by Ben Folds Five's Brick

"Good morning, Albuquerque! Today's December 26, 2007. It's 35 degrees outside and it's partly cloudy—" The overly-happy radio DJ's voice was too much to handle. Today of all days, I did not need cheerful. I quickly slammed the radio alarm clock off.

I slowly relaxed my tense muscles. Today was going to be a long day, I knew. I had been nervously anticipating this day for nearly a week. Wait, anticipating may not be the best word. Maybe dreading would be more appropriate. At any rate, it was a day that had to be endured, rather than lived.

After showering, I quickly dressed in a cotton tee and my new pair of jeans that I had received yesterday. Christmas was far from festive this year. I was constantly reminded of what was going to happen today. The fact that Gabriella came over for Christmas dinner made it even harder. I remember watching her dart up from the dinner table, making a mad dash to the bathroom. I had excused myself, and then rushed to see if she was okay.

I had found her crumpled over the toilet. Her cold eyes shot a piercing glare at me, declaring that she was not "okay." This further cemented into my mind that this…thing in which we are doing today was the best plan of action.

I promised to be at her house by 6:15. I grabbed an apple from the refrigerator as my parents looked on curiously. They had no idea where I was going or what I was doing.

"I'll be back by 10," I shouted as I ran out the door to my car.

The Albuquerque suburb in which my family lived in was sleepy. Many people must have slept in after overindulging in the Christmas holiday.

The streets weren't much different. The roads were empty as I raced down the roads. The only people who seemed to be up were old people who were going to their normal early bird specials at the local Denny's.

I could feel nothing as I reflected on what was to come. I only focused on one thing at a time, and at the moment that was getting to Gabriella.

I crept up the stairs to get to her family's new apartment. After Gabriella's father lost his job, they were forced to move into a smaller apartment. I couldn't help but wonder how the chain of events led us to where we are now. Maybe that was the beginning of the end for us; Gabriella had been so unhappy. Her parents were having marital problems, so there was constant fighting ensuing. I felt horrible for her, but she refused to talk about it. Maybe what we're doing is the best thing for everyone; her parents will never find out that we had sex. They'll never find out about Gabriella…

My thoughts quickly shut off as I carefully opened her front door as she instructed me to do the other day.

I saw her huddled under many blankets in her PJ's on the living room couch. She looked so frightened. I rushed to her and sat down beside her. I tried to comfort her as best as I could, but she wouldn't speak. I could feel her trembling.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

Gabriella silently shook her head. "I tried to tell them, Troy, but I just couldn't disappoint them. I know they'd make me go through with it and give it away. I just couldn't do that."

I knew that the "they" she was referring to was her parents. Her parents had left a few days earlier for Charlotte, North Carolina. Mr. and Mrs. Montez claimed that they were there to visit relatives, but Gabriella had told me last week that they were there to work through their problems, and "checking out the city." Tearfully, she had admitted that "checking out the city" means another possible move.

I kissed her cheek and urged her to get up. She washed her face and put her clothes on quickly.

Refusing breakfast, Gabriella and I climbed down the stairs to my truck.

We drove in silence to the clinic. I had no idea what she was thinking of. In fact, I didn't know what to think either. I was so numb. However, I felt my thoughts drift back to a month earlier.

When I first learned that she was pregnant, I was thrilled. I could tell that she wasn't. She pleaded with me and told me that we were too young. I could only smile. I was so naïve. I never though it would come to this. It's not that I'm an overly religious person—if anything, it's Gabriella that's more religious—I just couldn't imagine ever taking my girlfriend to get an abortion. Although, I know she's right. We're too young. I can't be a father right now. I just can't.

I am Troy Bolton, basketball star with a chance at receiving a full ride to the University of New Mexico. Gabriella had dreams too. She has a scholarship to UCLA. I can't be a father anymore than Gabriella could be a mother.

She told me that if we did have the baby, we would have to forget college. We'd just end up working a dead-end job to pay the bills. Her parents wouldn't help us. My parents wouldn't help us. We'd be alone in the world.

We finally arrived at the clinic. I helped her out of the car and we walked into the clinic sheepishly. We checked in and waited.

They called her name at 7:30. I watched as the tough looking nurse took her back into a room. She had told me that I shouldn't be in the room with her. I complied. Instead, I decided to go to the parking lot. I sat in the bed of my truck, watching as a few protestors gathered on the sidewalk of the clinic. I was happy that they weren't there when Gabriella had arrived. Seeing the protestors would just make her cry. Intently, I watched as an older woman pulled out her rosary. I fought the urge to walk over and join her in prayer. I hadn't prayed in so long. Maybe if I started now, God wouldn't allow this to happen.

After about 15 minutes, I couldn't stand waiting. I didn't know what to do.

I finally decided to buy Gabriella flowers, hoping that it would make her smile. I couldn't think of anything else to do. It seemed to be the right thing to do. Give her flowers. The cashier asked me if the flowers were for someone special. I nodded, flashing her a quick smile in gratitude, and left for the pawn shop next.

I couldn't afford to keep the Christmas gifts I got. Gabriella didn't have much money in her savings to afford to pool in for the cost of the procedure. Most of her savings were for college, as were mine. I was conflicted inside when I sold the Rolex watch my parents had given me yesterday. Although I gained enough money for my share of the cost of the abortion, I couldn't help but feel terrible about selling something my parents worked hard to afford for me.

I silently walked back to the parking lot of the clinic and continued to wait for Gabriella. I began to dwell on the baby we were losing.

I wish the baby could understand why she's doing this. She's got so much to live for. She can't have a baby tying her down. She wants to go to college and then medical school. She wouldn't be able to do that if she had a baby.

After nearly an hour and a half of waiting, Gabriella finally came out of the clinic. She seemed oblivious to the protestors, as she rushed over to my truck. She was as white as a sheet as she walked towards the car, and without a word, she climbed in. She crossed her arms over her stomach as I drove off towards her apartment.

The ride was completely silent.

I dropped her off at her apartment and asked her if she wanted me to stay. She shook her head as she quickly ran up her stairs and slammed her door shut. She looked so distant and scared.

I drove off and tried to erase the image of her coming out of the clinic with that grief-stricken look on her face. I refused to dwell on what happened. I just tried to forget and banish all my emotions. I didn't want to deal with them.

Winter break ended during the second week of January. I hadn't seen Gabriella since it had happened. She refused to take my calls; her mother told me that she had the flu. Mrs. Montez seemed quite worried, and talked about seeing the doctor. I assumed that Gabriella hadn't told her mother about it.

Once arriving back at school, our friends noticed that Gabriella and I were acting differently. I hadn't realized I had been acting strangely, but it was obvious in Gabriella's case. She was moody, often snapping at others. However, it was our senior year. Many just assumed it was stress due to college. I knew nobody would suspect the real cause of our altered behaviors.

Later that month, Gabriella was called into her counselor's office to straighten out college details. I guess her emotions had finally boiled over, and she began to cry. The counselor was obviously extremely concerned. She finally coaxed it out of Gabriella, and she blurted out the truth: she had an abortion. Of course, the counselor questioned her, learning that I was the father and I had driven her to the clinic. The counselor had Gabriella sit in the office, while she contacted the principal, and personally came to my classroom. My history teacher tried to cover his concern as he allowed me to leave.

Our counselors told us that we needed to tell our parents about what happened. At first she refused. Once again, they coaxed her into it. We faced our parents later that day. They were surprised and angry.

We both cried until we couldn't cry any longer. I had bottled up my emotions and lied for weeks. We were both wrecks. Our parents decided to send us to therapists. I didn't really mind. I was just hoping that I could get through with what happen and forget about it. I hoped the same thing for Gabriella.

I drove her from my house back to her apartment later that day after we told our parents what happened.

I could see how much this was hurting her. I thought that by doing this, it would help her. I thought it would help me.

But now I know, I only made things worse.

A/N: I have altered much of the material that had been in the original story. It's no longer a SongFic, but the song Brick by Ben Folds Five inspired it.

I have no personal experience whatsoever with abortion. Personally, I am pro-life. However, I'm certainly not trying to shove my beliefs down anyone's throats. One thing I do ask of women reading my story: receive counseling before choosing abortion. Many women end up like Gabriella: full of regrets.