*~*When Harry Scorned Ginny*~*
By: Cosmic*Twins a.k.a. J. Rolande & ScarletDeva
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Voldemort, Dumbledore, the Weasley family or Sean Biggerstaff. Drat! We do own the Bunnies. And all related stuff.
Authors' Notes: It was a joke! It was! And then it became a fic! It wasn't our fault! Honest!
Dedication: All Pisceans everywhere. cuz we're just that cool!
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It is said that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Indeed, hell would have been a picnic for Harry Potter after dealing with Ginny Weasley that weekend, and it was such a fine early autumn weekend too. "I'm sorry, Ginny, but I just don't feel the same way about you anymore," he told her. "I can't keep lying to you or myself."
She stared at him with bewildered eyes that shone with tears. "Is it something I did?"
He shook his head and delivered the classic breakup line: "It's not you, Ginny, it's me."
"Is. is there someone else?" she asked slowly. Though she knew it would hurt to hear, she had to know. She braced herself, hoping for the best but expecting the worst.
He looked down to avoid her eyes. "Er-sort of. I'm really sorry, Ginny-"
"Who is it?" There was a very long silence. Finally she asked, "Harry, who? I deserve to know. it's only fair."
"You're right, Ginny," he said, defeated. "Um, er-Ron."
She shrugged. "What about my brother? Did he introduce you to her?"
"Not quite. Ron is, well, er-" he broke off, and guiltily met her eyes.
Ginny felt herself go pale and cold as the unreality of everything hit her. "You mean you. and Ron are. you and my brother are. no, that's impossible. It can't be true."
"Er. it is. After rooming together for four years we finally realized the inevitable. He feels badly about this too."
"And that should make me feel better?" she shrieked. "You two feeling bad for me is supposed to make it better that the love of my life is dumping me for my older brother?" She spun on her heel and left him.
"Ginny, wait!" he called.
"No! I hate you, Harry Potter!" she screamed. "Thanks to you I'll never love again!"
Harry sighed, then jumped slightly as he felt a hand slide into one of the pockets of his jeans. He leaned back into Ron. "That didn't go so well," he muttered.
Ron slid his other hand into the other pocket and rested his chin on Harry's shoulder. "Well, knowing what an angry Weasley is like, I'd say it went surprisingly well." He kissed Harry's ear. "Don't worry on it, Harry; she'll get over it. They usually do."
Had Ginny stuck around long enough to hear Ron's comment, she would have vehemently disagreed. In fact, she planned to not only never ever get over it but also pine and brood about it for a minimum of thirty years, and that's not counting interest. In her quite distracted state she stomped down the hallway towards the front door and slammed it as she walked out. Her rampage took her past a tree where she noticed a couple snogging. This was quite unacceptable. If she couldn't, why should anyone else? She snuck up closer and discovered that the couple consisted of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy. At this point she idly wondered if this was a dream or maybe an alternate dimension. She pinched herself and yelped loudly. They ignored her completely. She blinked and took a step forward to shake Hermione's shoulder, who still did not acknowledge her presence. Ginny blinked again and walked off in a daze.
"There is something very wrong with this world," she muttered to herself and was so lost in her ponderings that she did not notice that she was suddenly transported to the top of the highest mountain known to wizard folk, Mount Conigliettono Diabolico. She continued stomping forward, which of course could only continue until she hit the rock face. And of course she did. "Oww." Ginny clambered up and touched her nose gently; it was squashed flat onto her face and she could swear it resembled a bunny nose. She looked around. There was a small hut and a medium temple. It did not take long for her to realize where she was and she squealed with excitement. She had found the Great Lost Altar of the Great Mythical Bunnies. This had to be a sign.
~~Irina: *blinks and pokes Jenny* "She thinks she's a Seer now. this will get worse."
~~Jenny: *looks scared*
Ginny spent the day in a bustle of activity, cleaning the hut, anointing the temple with oils and carrot juice, making herself the requisite sweeping black cloak. She was a busy woman with a mission.
"Oh Great Mythical Bunnies," she exclaimed, kneeling in front of the Great Lost Altar, "please hear my plea. I am here in a quest to serve and worship you." She thought it best not to mention the part where she wanted to plan evil revenge plots against Harry and Ron. And the part where she wanted to kidnap Hermione and Malfoy to see what spell they are under.
~~Irina: *squeals* "Hey leave them alone!"
~~Jenny: *sighs* "You do realize you're writing this part?"
~~Irina: "Oh. Right."
Ginny was beginning to feel an intense cramp in her legs and the requisite sweeping black cloak was starting to itch. Finally, some strange clicking sounds were heard and a group of 3 foot tall, pink Great Mythical Bunnies appeared.
"Hello. You may serve us."
She genuflected and summoned a huge jug full of carrot juice. Thus began Ginny's service to the Great Mythical Bunnies.
Evil Pink Mythical Bunnies are difficult taskmasters, especially when one's ulterior motive in worshipping them is to bend them to one's vengeance- driven will. Often, the image of a pink fluffy bunny conjures ideas of softness and cuteness and an overwhelming sense that all is right with the world. But when you are a spurned Ginny Weasley, bent on revenge against her true love and her older brother, fluffy pink bunnies mean things aren't right with the world so much as they mean world domination - starting with Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley.
* * *
It was the Christmas holidays, so the Gryffindor common room was uncharacteristically empty. This allowed Harry and Ron some much desired alone time. They were sprawled on the floor in front of the fire, soaking in the warmth of the flames and each other.
~~Jenny: *giggle*
~~Irina: *rolls eyes* "What now?"
~~Jenny: "This is my first slash fic. I can't write slash without blushing and/or giggling. You want to write this part?"
~~Irina: "No thanks, dear, I'll stick to Draco and Hermione."
~~Jenny: "Fine. Back to Ron and Harry then.." *snert*
"Has your family heard from Ginny at all?" Harry asked, shuddering with pleasure as Ron kissed his neck.
"No, they're still looking, but who knows." Ron broke off and giggled as Harry rolled over and kissed his nose. "Why do you still worry on it? This is what we wanted, nothing between us." He took Harry's hand and wove his fingers in with Harry's. "She'll turn up eventually."
"Right, nothing between us," Harry said, kissing Ron, his hands crawling under the maroon sweater and-
~~Jenny: "Ok, so your turn. I'm dying here. My face is the same color as that sweater."
~~Irina: "But that was barely a half a page." *sighs as she notes Jenny's maroon face* "Oh alright but don't blame me if I have Ron do a striptease or have Harry dance naked in the Astronomy Tower."
-caressing the sensitive skin stretched over the taut, trembling, freckled abs.
Ron busied himself by exploring a delightful little pulse he discovered at Harry's throat a few days ago and smiled to himself as Harry let out the softest of moans.
At the same time, somewhere far, far away, someone very, very mysterious. well okay let's not kid here. We all know that you know who it is.
~~Jenny: *clears throat*
~~Irina: "Okay okay." *makes a face* Slave driver.
So where were we? Ah yes. Somewhere far, far away. well you've probably already guessed that the far, far away place is Mount Conigliettono Diabolico.
~~Jenny: "Will you tell the story already!"
~~Irina: "Sorry! Sheesh!"
So on Mount Conigliettono Diabolico, Ginny was pacing around, with her dark cloak swishing in a properly menacing manner, as it befits all nun priestesses of the Great Mythical Bunnies.
~~Jenny: "Nun???"
~~Irina: *innocent face* "Didn't you know?"
Anyway, before I get interrupted again. Ginny, the nun priestess of the Great Mythical Bunnies was swishing her cloak around and pondering dark, lusty, vengeful thoughts. which weren't so much lusty as she was now a nun and not allowed those kinds of thoughts. As she thought those dark, vengeful thoughts she idly wondered if the nice Great Mythical Bunnies - who really weren't all that nice - were now brainwashed enough by her servitude that they would help her in her quest; her great mythical quest to destroy Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter, find out what strange potions Malfoy and Hermione had been taking-
~~Irina: "I am beginning to really dislike her!"
~~Jenny: "Not again." *groans* "You do realize that you're writing her that way, right?"
~~Irina: *whines* "But that's her personality!"
~~Jenny: "Write!"
~~Irina: "Meep! Yes'm."
- take over the world meanwhile and, of course, get some more carrot juice for the Great Mythical Bunnies.
~~Jenny: "Ok, this is the plot that's not going anywhere. Let's try and give it a trajectory, mmmkay?"
~~Irina: *blinks* "You sound like the hippie teacher on Beavis and Butthead. Please tell me this story doesn't have a seagull, dear."
~~Jenny: "No seagulls. Just owls. And bunnies."
Brainwashed Bunnies are frightening things, really. There is no mercy in those soulless black eyes, no comfort to be found in that pink fur. Those warm padded feet are lethal weapons, and those wiggling pink noses and cheeks conceal fangs that yearn for the taste of blood.
Ron and Harry didn't know the Bunnies were coming for them.
If they had, they would have taken precautions.
If they had, they would have been frightened and less apt to do something so stupid as decide to consummate their illicit union in the Forbidden Forest late one spring evening. Oh, we can blame lots of factors-Draco and Hermione being in heat, the mild spring air, the very idea of having mad sex on the forest floor, the Forbidden Forest floor no less. It would be poetic justice to taste Forbidden Fruit in the Forbidden Forest.
Oryctulagus Cuniculus, or the common bunny, makes its home in the forests, residing in holes and hollows and rotting logs, hopping playfully in the mindless quest to not be eaten by the hippogriffs, centaurs, and wolves that also make the forest their home. But Mythical Pink Bunnies, driven by a vengeance-bound nun-priestess do not get eaten; they eat first and ask questions later. if they ask questions at all. And for a Pink Bunny and its obsessed taskmaster by the name of Ginny Weasley, High Priestess, Forbidden Fruit yields sweet rewards.
Ginny just hoped the Bunnies would mistake Ron's orange hair for shredded carrot and make the death swift; bitter as she was, Ron was still her big brother. Harry, however, could suffer a slow and painful death.
~~Jenny: "I cannot believe I used the words Harry, Ron, and Forbidden Fruit in the same sentence. I have to go wash my hands now. Or iron them."
~~Irina: *rolls eyes then ponders* "Is this where we do that pointless Mary Sue-ish self-insertion thing?" *takes Jenny's silence for agreement and grins* "That's the last time she goes off to iron her hands in the middle of a plot! La-di-da!"
Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger could have been found by anyone, snogging against yet another tree in the middle of the school grounds. And indeed found they were. Two young women in their early twenties were rushing over the grass and the brunette froze at the sight of the couple. Now one may think that she was going to gasp in disgust and rush to separate them. One may think that. But then one would be wrong. The brunette's blue eyes filled with tears and she sniffled, wiping at the moisture and then wiping her hand on her black leather pants.
"They're soooo cute!" she wailed and the blonde waited patiently for the end of the fluff-fest. "Jenny!"
Ah! Did she just say Jenny? Why yes she did. From that one may assume that the brunette was Irina. One may assume. But one. oh okay one is right. Damn that one.
"Irina! We have to finish our random romp through Hogwarts," Jenny tugged on the sniveling brunette's arm and pulled her away from the sight. Truthfully she was secretly pleased with the couple's romance, but then again how could she possibly resist the wonderful lure of D/Hr shippiness.
At the same time as Jenny and Irina, also known as the Cosmic*Twins. or those two loons who keep writing fanfiction. err where'd that come from? Anyway, at the same time as they were romping around Hogwarts, Harry carefully spread his cloak on the forest floor and lay down, biting his lower lip sensually and giving Ron the bedroom eyes look.
~~Irina: *makes sure Jenny's not looking or else Harry may find himself in a nekkid sort of situation. and not with Ron either.*
Ron exhaled and kneeled next to Harry, one hand reaching out to gently caress his lover's soft cheek, then found himself tumbled down onto the cloak and his sweater pushed up to expose his toned yet stylishly freckled chest with its soft, slim trail of dark red hairs. Harry bent his head down and dropped kisses all down the trail, finally coming up to the top of Ron's jeans and slowly tugging on the zipper, his free hand-
~~Irina: *gleefully* "Your turn!"
~~Jenny: *turns maroon* "But they're."
~~Irina: "Exactly! Your turn." *cheeky grin* "Besides Ron does naaaah-thing for me."
- scratching an itch on his eyebrow. "Ron. Your zipper, it's stuck."
Ron sighed. "You're sucking all the romance out of this Harry," he groaned, desperate for pleasure.
Harry gritted his teeth in frustration. "Trust me Ron, if I were sucking you would know." He stopped suddenly. "Did you hear that?"
Ron rolled over slightly, very interrupted if you catch my drift, and very annoyed. Not everyone would be able to tell his grandchildren he'd been with Harry Potter. He listened carefully. "No, that's just Hermione and Malfoy snogging three trees over. And that-," he said, upon hearing a twig snap, "is two random girls frolicking through the woods at night. If I wasn't so into you I'd almost be turned on." He decided that if he was to get any action he'd have to be forceful. He grabbed Harry by the shoulders and-
Stopped dead.
He heard it too, the unmistakable crunch of underbrush under soft padded feet. He looked up, heart pounding. This was no wolf or hippogriff or centaur, though a centaur could have been kind of hot. He caught a flash of pink through the trees and his breath caught in his throat. Another sound made him shrivel with fear. Footsteps. Not frolicking footsteps and not the needy agonized shuffles of the lip-locked Draco and Hermione. Slow, determined, purposeful, angry footsteps that mingled with the swish of heavy black robes.
There was an exclamation that sounded distinctly like meep somewhere to the side and then a shadow fell over the two slightly concerned boys.
"Ginny!" Rin exclaimed, greatly relieved to see his sister rather than some sort of murderous psychopath, though her dark, swishy cloak and slightly mad eyes did nothing to recommend her sanity. Harry sighed in relief and then she smiled.
Ginny Weasley had a lot of smiles. There was the oh-look-it's-Harry smile, the oooh-chocolate smile, the oh-my-the boys-are-silly smile, the Harry- just-kissed-me-smile and a whole lot of others. Five minutes ago, Ron and Harry would have said that they have seen every smile Ginny had. Now, they were faced with a new one. If they were more than middling bright, or if Hermione was around just then, they would have known that this one was the blood-is-good-revenge-is-sweet smile and then they would have ran screaming. However, they weren't and Hermione wasn't, and so they didn't so much move as stared at Ginny with dull curiosity.
~~Irina: "See? I keep telling you they're not overly bright! I can't believe the world depends on these two to save it. If Hermione wasn't around, we'd all be doomed! Doomed!"
~~Jenny: *sighs* "But Harry is the angst ridden protagonist. He's cute."
~~Irina: *makes a face and pulls Sean Biggerstaff from where he's chained in her closet* "This is cute. That's Harry. And now, back to the idiot boys and the crazy nun-priestess."
At this point, Ginny was beginning to consider her mission was one of public service, the honorable job of freeing the wizarding gene pool from idiots. Malfoy should give her a medal. She briefly pondered freeing the pool from Crabbe and Goyle but figured she had enough on her to do list. She swung her cloak to the side and revealed her companions to the hapless boys.
Another meep sounds-
~~Jenny: "Would you stop that?"
~~Irina: "Sorry! My in-story self doesn't like bunnies!"
- and the boys' jaws drop open. A squadron of 3 foot tall, pink bunnies is assembled right behind Ginny. A thought worms itself through Ron's brain, neatly avoiding all obstacles, including the large cobweb traps.
"By Merlin's beard! Those are the Great Mythical Bunnies!" Ron exclaimed, pointing a shaking finger at the horde.
~~Jenny: "So we're writing stage directions now?"
~~Irina: "Meep!" *pulls Sean closer and hides behind him*
Harry stared blankly in that adorably ignorant way at the Mythical Bunnies. Being raised by the Dursleys he was uneducated about a lot of things in the wizard world, and though he'd learned a lot in his years at Hogwarts this was one area where he was still clueless in an innocent and adorable way.
"I don't understand, Ron," he said. "Is this bad?"
"Harry," Ron croaked in that annoyingly panicked manner, "This is very bad."
"Harry," Ginny interjected. "When you left me for Ron I thought my life was over. I thought I would never love or be loved again. I thought life had lost meaning. When I ran I had no direction." She paused a lengthy dramatic pause, during which the sounds of Draco and Hermione snogging could be heard, along with the far-away laughter of the randomly frolicking girls. Ron disturbingly felt himself grow semi-aroused again. Ginny broke the pause with a melodramatic sigh. "But my misdirection directed me to the Great Mythical Bunnies, who have given me direction. I saw the error of my ways. and they were a result of the errors of you!" she shrieked this out and pointed her orange-nailed finger at Harry. "And you. My own brother. I feel so betrayed!"
"Come off it, Ginny," Ron said, trying to sound calm, but obviously scared. He didn't do the subtle thing too well.
"No, Ron, you stole my love and my life. I have issues because of you, and for that you must die!" She lowered her hand but instead of pronouncing Avada Kedavra, she gave a silent command that loosed the mental restraint on the bunnies.
Then there was silence, broken only by the gnawing of sharp bunny teeth and the random sucking sounds of Draco and Hermione snogging. The air was heavy with the stench of vengeance and spilled blood and the overwhelming scent of carrot juice.
~~Irina: "Well I'm happy. And that was satisfying bloody. if only in my imagination." *snuggles Sean happily*
Epilogue
That was the end of it really.
Ginny went back to the lovely Mount Conigliettono Diabolico where the Great Mythical Bunnies sainted her and kept her well supplied with carrot juice, ponytail holders and episodes from those odd Muggle soap operas that she got curiously addicted to.
~~Jenny: "Ponytail holders?"
~~Irina: *shrugs* "Her hair was getting overly long since there are no hair salons on really high mountains with Mythical Lost Altars." *cuddles Sean*
It's hard to say whether anyone really noticed that Ron and Harry were gone. The Weasleys had plenty of other redheaded children to keep them occupied and Draco and Hermione were. well occupied.
Voldemort did get defeated eventually. Dumbledore caught the resident snogging champions on a rare two minute break and they graciously agreed to take care of the Dark Lord just so long as it didn't keep them from their midday snog. or their evening one. or their midnight one. or their pre- breakfast one. or mid-breakfast. or post-breakfast.
~~Jenny: "Ahem. I think they get it. There was a lot of snogging. Now move on."
~~Irina: *exhales* "Thanks. I was getting tired of listing their snogs anyway."
Anyway, our heroes agreed to take care of Voldemort. And they did. And then they went back to snogging. Eventually they got married. And had children. And traumatized them by being the most lovey dovey parents in England. and the wizarding world. well in the whole of Earth really.
As for the randomly traipsing girls, a.k.a. the authors of this mad little tale, well. they went back to their computers and pondered new tales. So be afraid, dear reader, be very afraid.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Voldemort, Dumbledore, the Weasley family or Sean Biggerstaff. Drat! We do own the Bunnies. And all related stuff.
Authors' Notes: It was a joke! It was! And then it became a fic! It wasn't our fault! Honest!
Dedication: All Pisceans everywhere. cuz we're just that cool!
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It is said that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Indeed, hell would have been a picnic for Harry Potter after dealing with Ginny Weasley that weekend, and it was such a fine early autumn weekend too. "I'm sorry, Ginny, but I just don't feel the same way about you anymore," he told her. "I can't keep lying to you or myself."
She stared at him with bewildered eyes that shone with tears. "Is it something I did?"
He shook his head and delivered the classic breakup line: "It's not you, Ginny, it's me."
"Is. is there someone else?" she asked slowly. Though she knew it would hurt to hear, she had to know. She braced herself, hoping for the best but expecting the worst.
He looked down to avoid her eyes. "Er-sort of. I'm really sorry, Ginny-"
"Who is it?" There was a very long silence. Finally she asked, "Harry, who? I deserve to know. it's only fair."
"You're right, Ginny," he said, defeated. "Um, er-Ron."
She shrugged. "What about my brother? Did he introduce you to her?"
"Not quite. Ron is, well, er-" he broke off, and guiltily met her eyes.
Ginny felt herself go pale and cold as the unreality of everything hit her. "You mean you. and Ron are. you and my brother are. no, that's impossible. It can't be true."
"Er. it is. After rooming together for four years we finally realized the inevitable. He feels badly about this too."
"And that should make me feel better?" she shrieked. "You two feeling bad for me is supposed to make it better that the love of my life is dumping me for my older brother?" She spun on her heel and left him.
"Ginny, wait!" he called.
"No! I hate you, Harry Potter!" she screamed. "Thanks to you I'll never love again!"
Harry sighed, then jumped slightly as he felt a hand slide into one of the pockets of his jeans. He leaned back into Ron. "That didn't go so well," he muttered.
Ron slid his other hand into the other pocket and rested his chin on Harry's shoulder. "Well, knowing what an angry Weasley is like, I'd say it went surprisingly well." He kissed Harry's ear. "Don't worry on it, Harry; she'll get over it. They usually do."
Had Ginny stuck around long enough to hear Ron's comment, she would have vehemently disagreed. In fact, she planned to not only never ever get over it but also pine and brood about it for a minimum of thirty years, and that's not counting interest. In her quite distracted state she stomped down the hallway towards the front door and slammed it as she walked out. Her rampage took her past a tree where she noticed a couple snogging. This was quite unacceptable. If she couldn't, why should anyone else? She snuck up closer and discovered that the couple consisted of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy. At this point she idly wondered if this was a dream or maybe an alternate dimension. She pinched herself and yelped loudly. They ignored her completely. She blinked and took a step forward to shake Hermione's shoulder, who still did not acknowledge her presence. Ginny blinked again and walked off in a daze.
"There is something very wrong with this world," she muttered to herself and was so lost in her ponderings that she did not notice that she was suddenly transported to the top of the highest mountain known to wizard folk, Mount Conigliettono Diabolico. She continued stomping forward, which of course could only continue until she hit the rock face. And of course she did. "Oww." Ginny clambered up and touched her nose gently; it was squashed flat onto her face and she could swear it resembled a bunny nose. She looked around. There was a small hut and a medium temple. It did not take long for her to realize where she was and she squealed with excitement. She had found the Great Lost Altar of the Great Mythical Bunnies. This had to be a sign.
~~Irina: *blinks and pokes Jenny* "She thinks she's a Seer now. this will get worse."
~~Jenny: *looks scared*
Ginny spent the day in a bustle of activity, cleaning the hut, anointing the temple with oils and carrot juice, making herself the requisite sweeping black cloak. She was a busy woman with a mission.
"Oh Great Mythical Bunnies," she exclaimed, kneeling in front of the Great Lost Altar, "please hear my plea. I am here in a quest to serve and worship you." She thought it best not to mention the part where she wanted to plan evil revenge plots against Harry and Ron. And the part where she wanted to kidnap Hermione and Malfoy to see what spell they are under.
~~Irina: *squeals* "Hey leave them alone!"
~~Jenny: *sighs* "You do realize you're writing this part?"
~~Irina: "Oh. Right."
Ginny was beginning to feel an intense cramp in her legs and the requisite sweeping black cloak was starting to itch. Finally, some strange clicking sounds were heard and a group of 3 foot tall, pink Great Mythical Bunnies appeared.
"Hello. You may serve us."
She genuflected and summoned a huge jug full of carrot juice. Thus began Ginny's service to the Great Mythical Bunnies.
Evil Pink Mythical Bunnies are difficult taskmasters, especially when one's ulterior motive in worshipping them is to bend them to one's vengeance- driven will. Often, the image of a pink fluffy bunny conjures ideas of softness and cuteness and an overwhelming sense that all is right with the world. But when you are a spurned Ginny Weasley, bent on revenge against her true love and her older brother, fluffy pink bunnies mean things aren't right with the world so much as they mean world domination - starting with Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley.
* * *
It was the Christmas holidays, so the Gryffindor common room was uncharacteristically empty. This allowed Harry and Ron some much desired alone time. They were sprawled on the floor in front of the fire, soaking in the warmth of the flames and each other.
~~Jenny: *giggle*
~~Irina: *rolls eyes* "What now?"
~~Jenny: "This is my first slash fic. I can't write slash without blushing and/or giggling. You want to write this part?"
~~Irina: "No thanks, dear, I'll stick to Draco and Hermione."
~~Jenny: "Fine. Back to Ron and Harry then.." *snert*
"Has your family heard from Ginny at all?" Harry asked, shuddering with pleasure as Ron kissed his neck.
"No, they're still looking, but who knows." Ron broke off and giggled as Harry rolled over and kissed his nose. "Why do you still worry on it? This is what we wanted, nothing between us." He took Harry's hand and wove his fingers in with Harry's. "She'll turn up eventually."
"Right, nothing between us," Harry said, kissing Ron, his hands crawling under the maroon sweater and-
~~Jenny: "Ok, so your turn. I'm dying here. My face is the same color as that sweater."
~~Irina: "But that was barely a half a page." *sighs as she notes Jenny's maroon face* "Oh alright but don't blame me if I have Ron do a striptease or have Harry dance naked in the Astronomy Tower."
-caressing the sensitive skin stretched over the taut, trembling, freckled abs.
Ron busied himself by exploring a delightful little pulse he discovered at Harry's throat a few days ago and smiled to himself as Harry let out the softest of moans.
At the same time, somewhere far, far away, someone very, very mysterious. well okay let's not kid here. We all know that you know who it is.
~~Jenny: *clears throat*
~~Irina: "Okay okay." *makes a face* Slave driver.
So where were we? Ah yes. Somewhere far, far away. well you've probably already guessed that the far, far away place is Mount Conigliettono Diabolico.
~~Jenny: "Will you tell the story already!"
~~Irina: "Sorry! Sheesh!"
So on Mount Conigliettono Diabolico, Ginny was pacing around, with her dark cloak swishing in a properly menacing manner, as it befits all nun priestesses of the Great Mythical Bunnies.
~~Jenny: "Nun???"
~~Irina: *innocent face* "Didn't you know?"
Anyway, before I get interrupted again. Ginny, the nun priestess of the Great Mythical Bunnies was swishing her cloak around and pondering dark, lusty, vengeful thoughts. which weren't so much lusty as she was now a nun and not allowed those kinds of thoughts. As she thought those dark, vengeful thoughts she idly wondered if the nice Great Mythical Bunnies - who really weren't all that nice - were now brainwashed enough by her servitude that they would help her in her quest; her great mythical quest to destroy Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter, find out what strange potions Malfoy and Hermione had been taking-
~~Irina: "I am beginning to really dislike her!"
~~Jenny: "Not again." *groans* "You do realize that you're writing her that way, right?"
~~Irina: *whines* "But that's her personality!"
~~Jenny: "Write!"
~~Irina: "Meep! Yes'm."
- take over the world meanwhile and, of course, get some more carrot juice for the Great Mythical Bunnies.
~~Jenny: "Ok, this is the plot that's not going anywhere. Let's try and give it a trajectory, mmmkay?"
~~Irina: *blinks* "You sound like the hippie teacher on Beavis and Butthead. Please tell me this story doesn't have a seagull, dear."
~~Jenny: "No seagulls. Just owls. And bunnies."
Brainwashed Bunnies are frightening things, really. There is no mercy in those soulless black eyes, no comfort to be found in that pink fur. Those warm padded feet are lethal weapons, and those wiggling pink noses and cheeks conceal fangs that yearn for the taste of blood.
Ron and Harry didn't know the Bunnies were coming for them.
If they had, they would have taken precautions.
If they had, they would have been frightened and less apt to do something so stupid as decide to consummate their illicit union in the Forbidden Forest late one spring evening. Oh, we can blame lots of factors-Draco and Hermione being in heat, the mild spring air, the very idea of having mad sex on the forest floor, the Forbidden Forest floor no less. It would be poetic justice to taste Forbidden Fruit in the Forbidden Forest.
Oryctulagus Cuniculus, or the common bunny, makes its home in the forests, residing in holes and hollows and rotting logs, hopping playfully in the mindless quest to not be eaten by the hippogriffs, centaurs, and wolves that also make the forest their home. But Mythical Pink Bunnies, driven by a vengeance-bound nun-priestess do not get eaten; they eat first and ask questions later. if they ask questions at all. And for a Pink Bunny and its obsessed taskmaster by the name of Ginny Weasley, High Priestess, Forbidden Fruit yields sweet rewards.
Ginny just hoped the Bunnies would mistake Ron's orange hair for shredded carrot and make the death swift; bitter as she was, Ron was still her big brother. Harry, however, could suffer a slow and painful death.
~~Jenny: "I cannot believe I used the words Harry, Ron, and Forbidden Fruit in the same sentence. I have to go wash my hands now. Or iron them."
~~Irina: *rolls eyes then ponders* "Is this where we do that pointless Mary Sue-ish self-insertion thing?" *takes Jenny's silence for agreement and grins* "That's the last time she goes off to iron her hands in the middle of a plot! La-di-da!"
Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger could have been found by anyone, snogging against yet another tree in the middle of the school grounds. And indeed found they were. Two young women in their early twenties were rushing over the grass and the brunette froze at the sight of the couple. Now one may think that she was going to gasp in disgust and rush to separate them. One may think that. But then one would be wrong. The brunette's blue eyes filled with tears and she sniffled, wiping at the moisture and then wiping her hand on her black leather pants.
"They're soooo cute!" she wailed and the blonde waited patiently for the end of the fluff-fest. "Jenny!"
Ah! Did she just say Jenny? Why yes she did. From that one may assume that the brunette was Irina. One may assume. But one. oh okay one is right. Damn that one.
"Irina! We have to finish our random romp through Hogwarts," Jenny tugged on the sniveling brunette's arm and pulled her away from the sight. Truthfully she was secretly pleased with the couple's romance, but then again how could she possibly resist the wonderful lure of D/Hr shippiness.
At the same time as Jenny and Irina, also known as the Cosmic*Twins. or those two loons who keep writing fanfiction. err where'd that come from? Anyway, at the same time as they were romping around Hogwarts, Harry carefully spread his cloak on the forest floor and lay down, biting his lower lip sensually and giving Ron the bedroom eyes look.
~~Irina: *makes sure Jenny's not looking or else Harry may find himself in a nekkid sort of situation. and not with Ron either.*
Ron exhaled and kneeled next to Harry, one hand reaching out to gently caress his lover's soft cheek, then found himself tumbled down onto the cloak and his sweater pushed up to expose his toned yet stylishly freckled chest with its soft, slim trail of dark red hairs. Harry bent his head down and dropped kisses all down the trail, finally coming up to the top of Ron's jeans and slowly tugging on the zipper, his free hand-
~~Irina: *gleefully* "Your turn!"
~~Jenny: *turns maroon* "But they're."
~~Irina: "Exactly! Your turn." *cheeky grin* "Besides Ron does naaaah-thing for me."
- scratching an itch on his eyebrow. "Ron. Your zipper, it's stuck."
Ron sighed. "You're sucking all the romance out of this Harry," he groaned, desperate for pleasure.
Harry gritted his teeth in frustration. "Trust me Ron, if I were sucking you would know." He stopped suddenly. "Did you hear that?"
Ron rolled over slightly, very interrupted if you catch my drift, and very annoyed. Not everyone would be able to tell his grandchildren he'd been with Harry Potter. He listened carefully. "No, that's just Hermione and Malfoy snogging three trees over. And that-," he said, upon hearing a twig snap, "is two random girls frolicking through the woods at night. If I wasn't so into you I'd almost be turned on." He decided that if he was to get any action he'd have to be forceful. He grabbed Harry by the shoulders and-
Stopped dead.
He heard it too, the unmistakable crunch of underbrush under soft padded feet. He looked up, heart pounding. This was no wolf or hippogriff or centaur, though a centaur could have been kind of hot. He caught a flash of pink through the trees and his breath caught in his throat. Another sound made him shrivel with fear. Footsteps. Not frolicking footsteps and not the needy agonized shuffles of the lip-locked Draco and Hermione. Slow, determined, purposeful, angry footsteps that mingled with the swish of heavy black robes.
There was an exclamation that sounded distinctly like meep somewhere to the side and then a shadow fell over the two slightly concerned boys.
"Ginny!" Rin exclaimed, greatly relieved to see his sister rather than some sort of murderous psychopath, though her dark, swishy cloak and slightly mad eyes did nothing to recommend her sanity. Harry sighed in relief and then she smiled.
Ginny Weasley had a lot of smiles. There was the oh-look-it's-Harry smile, the oooh-chocolate smile, the oh-my-the boys-are-silly smile, the Harry- just-kissed-me-smile and a whole lot of others. Five minutes ago, Ron and Harry would have said that they have seen every smile Ginny had. Now, they were faced with a new one. If they were more than middling bright, or if Hermione was around just then, they would have known that this one was the blood-is-good-revenge-is-sweet smile and then they would have ran screaming. However, they weren't and Hermione wasn't, and so they didn't so much move as stared at Ginny with dull curiosity.
~~Irina: "See? I keep telling you they're not overly bright! I can't believe the world depends on these two to save it. If Hermione wasn't around, we'd all be doomed! Doomed!"
~~Jenny: *sighs* "But Harry is the angst ridden protagonist. He's cute."
~~Irina: *makes a face and pulls Sean Biggerstaff from where he's chained in her closet* "This is cute. That's Harry. And now, back to the idiot boys and the crazy nun-priestess."
At this point, Ginny was beginning to consider her mission was one of public service, the honorable job of freeing the wizarding gene pool from idiots. Malfoy should give her a medal. She briefly pondered freeing the pool from Crabbe and Goyle but figured she had enough on her to do list. She swung her cloak to the side and revealed her companions to the hapless boys.
Another meep sounds-
~~Jenny: "Would you stop that?"
~~Irina: "Sorry! My in-story self doesn't like bunnies!"
- and the boys' jaws drop open. A squadron of 3 foot tall, pink bunnies is assembled right behind Ginny. A thought worms itself through Ron's brain, neatly avoiding all obstacles, including the large cobweb traps.
"By Merlin's beard! Those are the Great Mythical Bunnies!" Ron exclaimed, pointing a shaking finger at the horde.
~~Jenny: "So we're writing stage directions now?"
~~Irina: "Meep!" *pulls Sean closer and hides behind him*
Harry stared blankly in that adorably ignorant way at the Mythical Bunnies. Being raised by the Dursleys he was uneducated about a lot of things in the wizard world, and though he'd learned a lot in his years at Hogwarts this was one area where he was still clueless in an innocent and adorable way.
"I don't understand, Ron," he said. "Is this bad?"
"Harry," Ron croaked in that annoyingly panicked manner, "This is very bad."
"Harry," Ginny interjected. "When you left me for Ron I thought my life was over. I thought I would never love or be loved again. I thought life had lost meaning. When I ran I had no direction." She paused a lengthy dramatic pause, during which the sounds of Draco and Hermione snogging could be heard, along with the far-away laughter of the randomly frolicking girls. Ron disturbingly felt himself grow semi-aroused again. Ginny broke the pause with a melodramatic sigh. "But my misdirection directed me to the Great Mythical Bunnies, who have given me direction. I saw the error of my ways. and they were a result of the errors of you!" she shrieked this out and pointed her orange-nailed finger at Harry. "And you. My own brother. I feel so betrayed!"
"Come off it, Ginny," Ron said, trying to sound calm, but obviously scared. He didn't do the subtle thing too well.
"No, Ron, you stole my love and my life. I have issues because of you, and for that you must die!" She lowered her hand but instead of pronouncing Avada Kedavra, she gave a silent command that loosed the mental restraint on the bunnies.
Then there was silence, broken only by the gnawing of sharp bunny teeth and the random sucking sounds of Draco and Hermione snogging. The air was heavy with the stench of vengeance and spilled blood and the overwhelming scent of carrot juice.
~~Irina: "Well I'm happy. And that was satisfying bloody. if only in my imagination." *snuggles Sean happily*
Epilogue
That was the end of it really.
Ginny went back to the lovely Mount Conigliettono Diabolico where the Great Mythical Bunnies sainted her and kept her well supplied with carrot juice, ponytail holders and episodes from those odd Muggle soap operas that she got curiously addicted to.
~~Jenny: "Ponytail holders?"
~~Irina: *shrugs* "Her hair was getting overly long since there are no hair salons on really high mountains with Mythical Lost Altars." *cuddles Sean*
It's hard to say whether anyone really noticed that Ron and Harry were gone. The Weasleys had plenty of other redheaded children to keep them occupied and Draco and Hermione were. well occupied.
Voldemort did get defeated eventually. Dumbledore caught the resident snogging champions on a rare two minute break and they graciously agreed to take care of the Dark Lord just so long as it didn't keep them from their midday snog. or their evening one. or their midnight one. or their pre- breakfast one. or mid-breakfast. or post-breakfast.
~~Jenny: "Ahem. I think they get it. There was a lot of snogging. Now move on."
~~Irina: *exhales* "Thanks. I was getting tired of listing their snogs anyway."
Anyway, our heroes agreed to take care of Voldemort. And they did. And then they went back to snogging. Eventually they got married. And had children. And traumatized them by being the most lovey dovey parents in England. and the wizarding world. well in the whole of Earth really.
As for the randomly traipsing girls, a.k.a. the authors of this mad little tale, well. they went back to their computers and pondered new tales. So be afraid, dear reader, be very afraid.