I think this is a Christmas miracle. I haven't posted twice in a week in….I don't even know how long! YAY! Unfortunately, this is not what I would consider to be a…happy update. But it just won't get out of my head so here it is.

Why did this happen, you (probably don't) ask? Whereas everyone's happy end in Hakuouki involves them finding some way to stave off the Fury end, the creators just decided not to do that for Hijikata, the main character, for some stupid reason, so his happy end just comes off as ridiculously fatalistic to me. So this is what happened. So that means character death, warnings.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hakuouki or any of the hot men, unfortunately.

"talking" thinking (and some quotes from Hijikata's ending) ((mee/scene change))

Never Have To Cry Alone

Whenever I see the colors of spring, I remember that wonderful time.

...The time he spent by my side.

"Hijikata, hurry up!" Chizuru called behind her as she exited the house. After a moment, said ex-Vice Commander followed with a scowl on his face.

"After all the effort it took to get Isami to finally lay down for his nap, you would risk everything by yelling like that so near the house?" he groused, wrapping his arm around her waist as they set off into the yard.

"He's almost four," Chizuru said dryly, "I know his sleeping patterns well enough by now to know that once he's asleep, he sleeps like a rock." Her face broke into a wide smile. "Now come on!"

"Where are we going anyways?" Hijikata asked, even though he already knew the answer. Every year since Isami was born it had been the same. On this warm day in late April, the pair would sneak out of the house and steal away to the blooming cherry blossom tree—

"Happy fifth anniversary," Chizuru said once the two had reached the tree, turning to wrap her arms around his strong shoulders as Hijikata's arms encircled her waist, pulling her close.

"I love you," he murmured into her ear, kissing the sensitive patch of skin behind her ear before continuing to press kisses down her neck.

Chizuru giggled. "Stop you!" she protested half-heartedly, and Hijikata let out a long-suffering sigh as he met her eyes again. "I've got something for you," she said, and she reached into the pocket of her kimono, pulling out a thin corded necklace and handing it to him. On the cord was a small wooden pendant. Burned onto it was his name as well as a small cherry blossom petal.

Hijikata admired the craftsmanship of the pendant. Chizuru looked at him nervously. "Do you like it?" Hijikata smiled, gripping the pendant in hand as he encircled her waist fully again.

"It's perfect," he assured, kissing her tenderly. "I love it. And you."

Chizuru smiled, reaching into the top of her kimono, pulling from the folds a hidden necklace tied securely to her neck. On it was her name and a similar cherry blossom. "We match," she said happily before Hijikata leaned forward, kissing her again.

"I love it even more," he replied huskily, kissing her lips more insistently. Chizuru pulled back again, giggling.

"What's your hurry?" she teased.

Hijikata, never one to be deterred, switched his attentions back to her neck. "Isami will only be asleep for a few hours," he said between kisses, "I would very much like to make the most of them."

Chizuru tucked her hand into Hijikata's soft black hair. "I could be convinced to agree with that logic," she said with a soft laugh as her other hand gripped his shoulder. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, giving Hijikata better access to her neck. He paused for just an instant, and she could practically feel his devilish grin against her skin. His kisses resumed once again on her collarbone, but soon after he stopped again. When he didn't resume his attentions, Chizuru tilted her head back down, confused.

"Hijikata?" she questioned, opening her eyes. Her heart stopped as Hijikata stood before her, frozen in place with his lips hovering near her neck, his hair turned a blinding white. He raised his head, meeting her confused brown eyes with his shocked red ones.

A fury? Chizuru thought, panic level rising quickly, No that can't be right; he hasn't had an attack in months, years even. Unless—she gasped as Hijikata dropped to his knees before her, a soft groan of pain escaping his lips. She quickly knelt before him, pulling a small dagger from her kimono pocket as she bared the soft skin of her arm. Sure, he hadn't needed her blood in years, but she couldn't help but feel that she needed to be prepared, just in case, and she was right—

Hijikata suddenly gripped her arm, stopping her from cutting herself. "Don't," he rasped, keeping her arm in a vise-like grip.

Chizuru misunderstood his meaning. "I know you usually like to do it, but you're in far too much pain—"

"No," Hijikata said, pulling the dagger from her hands to drop it to the petal-covered ground, "It won't help this time."

"What are you talking about; of course it will help," Chizuru said, reaching for the dagger again. Hijikata stopped her, taking her other hand in his.

"No, Chizuru," he said again, staring into her eyes. "It won't help." Chizuru's eyes widened as she finally understood, but he said it anyway. "It's time."

Automatically, Chizuru's grip tightened on his hand, and the other balled into a fist. "What? No, it can't be—"

"I know my own body," Hijikata said by way of explanation, pulling her forward roughly, wrapping his arms around her back and clutching her to him. "This is the real thing," he whispered.

"No it's not," Chizuru protested feebly, voice cracking as tears ran unchecked down her cheeks. She wrapped her fingers in the front of his kimono, holding him tightly as if she could keep him here by physical strength alone. "You can't—"

"Chizuru," Hijikata said suddenly, pulling back enough to stare into her eyes with his determined gaze. "Stay strong for me," he said fiercely, "that's an order." With conscious effort, Chizuru swallowed the sob in her throat. Hijikata's gaze grew tender as he stroked her cheek with a gentle hand. "Don't cry for me," he pleaded softly, "You always did cry too easily."

Chizuru let out a broken laugh, eyes sparkling with unshed tears as she clutched his hand to her cheek. "I guess I'll just have to be stronger," she offered in a defeated tone.

Hijikata's gaze intensified; he opened his mouth to speak but was overcome by a sudden wash of pain, and he doubled over, falling forward. Chizuru caught him against her boy, wrapping him tightly in her protective embrace. He smiled weakly. "You're already strong," he insisted, reaching up to run a finger lightly over her lips. "My strong, compassionate, beautiful Chizuru. I love you so much."

"I love you too," she replied wholeheartedly; it was all she could think to say at this moment where there was so much that needed to be said. Chizuru's mind was racing a mile a minute as Hijikata's eyes closed, a soft smile playing on his lips. She watched helplessly as he dissolved into sand, slipping through her fingertips. Soon he was swept away completely in a swirl of cherry blossoms.

For a long moment, Chizuru sat frozen in place, staring at the empty space in front of her. "No," she whispered softly, slowly wrapping her arms around herself. "No!" she yelled suddenly, curling herself into a ball and pressing herself into the ground where he lay only moments before. The tears came all at once, overwhelming her with desperation and melancholy. She wasn't sure how long she lay there under the cherry blossom tree, feeling as if her soul had been forcibly ripped away from her, but she was finally able to gain a semblance of calm when she heard a cry from inside the house.

"Isami," she murmured, slowly coming back to reality as her gaze refocused on her surroundings. She sat up on her knees, wiping her eyes and her nose. As she moved to stand, her eyes caught on a small object on the ground amongst the petals.

Hijikata's necklace.

She took it in hand, clutching it to herself as she stood, slowly walking towards the house. When she reached her son's room, he was already sitting up in his futon, violet eyes wide as he greeted her with a warm smile.

Chizuru forced herself to smile back. "Hello baby!" she said cheerily, scooping him up into her arms. "Did you sleep well?"

He nodded happily, pressing a wet kiss to her cheek as she walked into the living room. He looked around, confused when he noticed that just the two of them were in the room. "Where'd Daddy go?" he asked, and Chizuru didn't answer immediately, settling them down together near the fireplace.

"Daddy….had to leave," Chizuru said finally, trying valiantly to keep a straight face.

"Oh," Isami said, looking down in thought for a moment. "When's he coming back?"

Chizuru felt as if a thousand knives were piercing her heart as she forced herself to speak. "He's not."

"He's not?" Isami responded as if the very idea was ridiculous. "Why not?"

"He…can't," she said, hoping he would understand, "He had to go to a place very far away, and he isn't allowed to come back."

"Let's go see him then," Isami decided, proud he solved the problem.

"We can't."

At this, Isami started to get upset. "But I want to see Daddy!" he protested, fierce gaze locking with his mother's. "What's wrong, Mommy?" Isami said suddenly, reaching up to touch Chizuru's cheek. Chizuru reached up as well, feeling tears that she didn't realize were falling. She suddenly clutched her son to her, tightly holding him in her arms.

"Mommy wants to see him too."

-((Three Nights Later))-

"You cry so easy. I'd feel pretty bad if I left you behind."

Chizuru gasped, waking with a start. She sat up, taking in her quiet surroundings. It was still nighttime, and she buried herself further into the blankets, not daring to face his side of the futon.

The days, she decided, passed by quickly enough. But the nights were painful in their slowness, engulfing her in the painful silence and despair of reality. To make matters worse, she only slept for a few hours a night, haunted by lingering dreams of days long past. Her pillow seemed saturated with tears.

"You were right, Hijikata," she said to the air, "I cry too easily." She turned into her pillow, releasing a broken, muffled sob. She clutched his necklace in her hand, holding it to herself as she poured her sorrow into the pillow.

-((A Week Later))-

The neighbors are kind, Chizuru thought dimly as she rocked Isami in her arms one evening, lulling him to sleep. They had just eaten dinner that was provided by her neighbor up the road. They didn't understand what had happened exactly, only that Hijikata had died in a sudden accident, and that her world had been turned upside down. Since then, they'd been doing their best to help with chores, provide meals, and generally keep Chizuru sane.

If only they could work miracles too, she thought dryly as Isami's eyes finally closed. She knelt at his bedside, tucking him into his futon.

"Mommy?" he murmured sleepily, reaching out for her as she turned away.

She faced him with a warm smile. "Yes?"

"I miss Daddy."

And just like that, it felt as if she had been run through all over again. She tried her best to keep her expression from crumbling into one of despair. "Mommy does too, baby."

"Stay?" he asked in a small voice. Chizuru lay next to his little futon, running her fingers through his midnight black hair. "As long as you want."

-((-.-))-

"And that's why it's also my duty to wipe your tears. You'll never have to cry alone."

Chizuru's eyes flew open, and she sat up immediately, taking in her surroundings in a rush. She had fallen asleep at some point next to Isami, who was thankfully still fast asleep. Chizuru stared at him, smiling softly. He really did look so much like him. He'll probably grow up to be as strong a man as his father was—

Tears welled in Chizuru's eyes in a sudden rush, and she fled the room, barely holding back a sob. She made it out the door, collapsing to the side of it, pulling Hijikata's necklace out of her pocket as tears rolled silently down her cheeks. She clutched it in her hands, trying to will herself to be as strong as Hijikata thought she was.

"Don't cry, Mommy."

Chizuru's eyes flew open to see Isami standing in front of her, blanket clutched in his hand. She smiled, hurriedly wiping her tears away. "I'm sorry baby. Did Mommy wake you?"

Instead of replying, Isami reached forward, wiping her tears away with his little hand. "Don't cry, Mommy," he repeated, a comforting look in his violet gaze that was wiser than his almost four years. "I'm here."

Suddenly, a pale figure appeared over Isami's shoulder, his black hair pulled back in a high ponytail. His violet eyes were filled with tenderness as he reached over his son, wiping the tears off of her other cheek. She locked eyes with him in that instant, and his smile was full of warmth and comfort.

"You'll never have to cry alone," she heard. She blinked in sudden surprise, and the vision disappeared. Isami crawled into her lap, wrapping his little arms around her. Chizuru gripped Hijkata's necklace in her fist before enfolding her son in a warm embrace.

"I love you," she said, and she felt as if she was speaking not only to her son, whose eyes were closing heavily.

"I love you too," she heard, and whether it was said by Isami or not, she couldn't say.

-((Ten Years Later))-

"Mo~m!" A voice outside called to Chizuru, "Hurry up; I'm hungry!"

"In a minute!" Chizuru called from her bedroom, pulling her hair into a high ponytail. When you promise a teenager a picnic under the cherry blossoms with all of his favorite foods, you have to deliver.

"Mom!"

She giggled. Quickly. "Go set out the blanket!" she shouted, "I'll be right there!" It would be her 15th anniversary today, after all, and she wanted to look nice. Even to this day, when she sat by the cherry blossom tree she could still feel his presence. Why, just last night she'd sat at its base for hours, gazing at the stars as she imagined him next to her, sharing every moment. Absently, her hand reached up to her necklace where two pendants rested—

Or would be resting, if it were around her neck. She grasped frantically at her neck as she looked around her bedroom. She burst into sudden activity, tearing apart her futon and scouring her drawers, searching for her special necklace. I had it yesterday, she thought in a panic, it has to be here; I never take it off—

"Mom?" Isami said, opening her bedroom door, "I found this by the tree—" he broke off, seeing the destruction that was now her bedroom. Chizuru turned towards him, relief flooding her features as she noticed her necklace clasped in his hand.

"Thank you, Isami," she said gratefully as she took it from him, "I don't know what I'd have done if—"

"Are you okay Mom? You're crying," he said, voice laced with concern. Chizuru touched a hand to her face, surprised to find tears there. She blinked and gripped the necklace tightly.

"I'm fine," she said, and she meant it. She let out a small chuckle. "Your father always said I cried too easily. Come on, let's go eat before the food gets cold!" she said, tweaking Isami's nose as she left the room.

"Hey!" he complained before racing past her to finish setting up the blanket.

Chizuru smiled as she followed behind him, retying the necklace firmly around her neck. The pieces clinked together softly in the wind as she tilted her face up into the warm sunlight.

"I can practically hear your 'I told you so,' Hijikata," she said with a grin to the blue sky, "I feel stronger than I ever thought I could be."

-((The End!))-

Aww, sad pandas. But they just made it sound so inevitable in the game that….yeah.

And I'm sure you know this, but Isami is Kondou's first name :D

If this put you in a pile of depression, I have another story called Happy Ending that has a HAPPY story with Hijikata :D Just to make you feel better, lol.

Please let me know what you thought! Reviews are cherished!

Thanks for reading!

~freaky-hanyou