Footprints in the Snow

by blowflylaura

A sort of Christmas one-shot.

Footprints in the Snow:

So I wanted to write something for Christmas and I tried to write a happy, cheery one but that story just didn't come so I went back to my roots and a story came. It's set at Christmas so I'm counting that as a Christmas story :) It's pretty rushed so it may not be my best and there may be mistakes but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Also, I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

This street used to be my home.

It used to be the place I would spend every day and I was happy here. God I was happy here. Everybody knew me and I knew everybody, I would share pleasantries with people if I passed them in the street and in the pub I would enjoy idle gossip, sharing my titbits of information and for the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged somewhere.

I had somewhere to call home.

Living in a small community usually results in the gossip referring to somebody who lived on the street and I had my fair share of time in the limelight. I practically hogged it for several weeks and my relationship with Sophie certainly set tongues wagging. The youngest Webster was a lesbian and the news rippled through the street as everybody became privy to the gossip.

I wasn't used to being the subject of gossip so having everybody's eyes upon me made me feel self-conscious and nervous. I didn't know these people when my relationship with Sophie became public knowledge, I barely even knew her parents. I was this new girl who had appeared in Sophie's life and I was terrified that her parents and her neighbours would blame me for corrupting her; I feared being shunned and becoming an outcast.

But that wasn't the case.

Aside from being hot gossip and receiving a few looks when I kissed her in the street, everybody was fine with it. Her parents accepted me as a daughter which was more than I can say for my family. They pretty much disowned me when I came out.

For once I had people to call my family.

But good things always come to an end and I learnt that the hard way.

Leaving here was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, leaving her was the hardest but it was something that needed to be done. When I arrived in London to start afresh, I made a promise that I wouldn't return to Weatherfield. It was part of my past, not part of my future, I wouldn't go back there but some promises are made to be broken.

Which is why I'm currently standing outside the Doctor's surgery, overlooking the street.

Snow disguised the street, the houses were decorated for the festive season, wreathes on the front doors and Christmas lights around the windows and dangling from the edge of the roofs. The street was vacant but the music a mixed with cheers coming from the Rover's provided an explanation for the desolate street. The moonlight cascaded the road, the evening sky brighter than normal due to the heavy snow which was falling all around.

It was a picture perfect scene, a scene of tranquillity.

I tugged my scarf a little tighter as the blistering cold wind slapped me harshly in the face before walking towards her house, disturbing the untouched sheet of snow. One of my favourite sounds has always been the sound of snow crushing under your feet. It's such a simple noise but it always makes me smile, snow brings out my inner child. When it's untouched, it's beautiful. I glance over my shoulder at the path I had broken in the snow with my footprints.

My mark on the street.

A few hours later, maybe even less, and so many people will have walked through the snow that my footprint will disappear into insignificance, it will be masked by others. There will be no memory that I was the first person to disrupt the snow.

I can't help but wonder if that's what life is like some times.

Everybody is able to make their mark but nobody knows whether or not it'll be remembered. Did I make a mark on Sophie's life or was my impact on her life as simple as my footprint in the snow? Whilst it's there, it's memorable and beautiful but soon it disappears and was actually nothing more than a brief encounter.

Light crept through what used to be her bedroom window and temporarily a silhouette appeared before disappearing and only seconds later the room plunged into darkness. I had no idea whether she'd even be here. I mean, she might have other people to spend Christmas with now, maybe her family go to her house or maybe they visit Rosie.

I can count the number of times I've been terrified on one hand. Normally I try to not let the fear in because it has this dominant ability to control a person and I don't like losing control. But right now, standing outside her front door, I've never been so afraid.

Sometimes I miss the simplicity of being a child, when your biggest worry was what sweets you wanted to buy. You didn't have any worries or problems, you were carefree and that was that. If you hurt yourself, you'd brush it off and be back to normal in a matter of seconds. When you're older, that carefree feeling is replaced with responsibility and you can't just brush away the pain because more often than not, the pain is due to heart break and you can't just forget that as easy as a scraped knee.

I knocked on the door quickly before I lost my nerve, taking a small step backwards afterwards. I felt nauseous and my breathing had become ragged. I fiddled with my fingers as I waited for somebody, anybody, to open the door but it stayed closed. Nothing came from the house except a deafening silence. Discouraged I turned around and that was when the door opened, my mood brightening instantly.

"Sian?"

I closed my eyes at the voice. It didn't belong to her. Taking a deep breath I span around slowly, a nervous smile on my face. "Hi Sally."

"What are you doing here?" It wasn't said in anger but genuine confusion. I can't blame her for being confused, one minute she thinks everything is fine between Sophie and I and the next I'm moving away, my relationship with Sophie crushed beyond belief. I never told Sally why I left and I wonder if Sophie did.

"I was looking for Sophie."

"She's not here." Sally said quietly but continued speaking before I could open my mouth. "She's in the pub with Rosie."

I threw a fleeting look over my shoulder towards the Rover's Return and felt my stomach tighten at the thought of walking in and seeing everybody for the first time in years, especially her. I could feel the palms of my hands become slightly sweaty at the mere thought of seeing everybody

"I was about to head over there now; do you want to come with me?" My attention came to rest on Sally once more as I noticed that she was now wearing a coat and a scarf.

"I'm nervous." The words came out in a quiet breath and they didn't express the true extent of my feelings.

"It's perfectly natural to be scared." Sally said, acknowledging my true feelings, as she stepped outside, closing the front door and locking it behind her. "It's up to you, you can walk in there with me or you can stay here."

You know sometimes after you do vigorous exercise, you get that headache where you can feel your heartbeat beating in your head, that's what I have now, only the feeling is intensified. I came here to see Sophie; I can't coward away from something I had been meaning to do for months. I gave Sally a slight nod, unable to form any words but she understood and started walking over to the pub, me by her side.

"How have you been?" It's such a simple pleasantry but I knew the question was loaded with hidden meaning and I couldn't fathom any answer. Sally clearly noticed that she wasn't getting an answer and joined in the silence.

The walk from the Webster's to the Rover's was miniscule but when made in pretty much silence, it took a lot longer. I could feel Sally's eyes on me as we walked and I could tell that she was taking in my different appearance. I was no longer the bright eyed seventeen girl that she once knew. The light in my eyes had been extinguished some time ago and noticeable bags were beginning to form under my eyes.

The sound of laughter and music filled my ears as we neared the pub. My footsteps slowed ever
so slightly and my breath hitched as we approached the door.

"You okay?" Sally placed her hand on my arm, a soothing gesture.

"Yeah, let's do this."

Have you ever had that feeling that everybody is staring at you? It makes you paranoid and the feeling is horrible. Well, the reality of that happening is a lot worse. Everybody didn't look at me as soon as the door opened but gradually more and more eyes settled upon me. I could hear people muttering my name but for one moment I ignored all the stares, all the murmurs and scoured the pub for the only reason I was in Weatherfield.

I walked further into the pub, passing people I knew and some strangers, my eyes scanning every table and booth but she wasn't here. Conversations were beginning to start up once again, the initial shock of seeing me wearing off and relief washed over my body. I was about to give up and leave when I saw her.

Emerging from the toilets, as beautiful as ever was Sophie Webster. The only person who has ever had my heart. Her eyes fell on me immediately and she stopped abruptly. Her face contorting from utter surprise to contempt to happiness. Her mouth opened but quickly shut again, no words being formed. I smiled softly at her from across the pub. I was fully aware that the conversations had been brought to a halt once more as the occupants of the pub watched our exchange with interest but right now, all I could focus on was her.

My heart had begun beating faster than normal at seeing her for the first time in five years. She still looked the same, only older and if anything she had simply become more beautiful as she aged.

It's amazing how something can go from good to bad in a matter of seconds. It can take days, weeks, months maybe even years to fall in love with somebody, but only a second for your heart to break.

I fell in love with Sophie when I was seventeen; she was everything I wasn't. She was so innocent and naive yet she had this air of confidence about her and it attracted me to her like a moth to a flame. I can still remember the first time I kissed her. She had been crying because her parents were fighting and a divorce looked likely, I told her that she would always have me and then I kissed her. The rest as they say is history.

About a year later her parents divorced and she began to go off the rails. She started drinking and she would take any opportunity to have a drink. Our relationship began to feel the strain and it wasn't long until her behaviour broke us completely. I wanted to help her, I tried my hardest but she wouldn't let me in. She shut me out and instead sought comfort in a bottle and eventually in somebody else.

When I found out she had cheated on me, my heart broke. I refused to believe that she would do that, the girl who had been so innocent initially could cheat on me. But when she didn't deny it, my whole world shattered.

I walked away from her and didn't look back.

Until now.

I could feel the tension dripping in the atmosphere and it hit me that neither of us had spoken yet and the silence in the pub meant that everybody was waiting for some form of interaction. I opened my mouth to say hello when I felt a hand against my cheek leaving a stinging pain in its wake.

I heard the collective gasp as my hand came to rest against my reddening cheek before looking at the assailant. I stared open mouthed as Rosie stood in front of me, hands on her hips, a stern look gracing her features. "How dare you just show up like this after running out on Sophie all those years ago! Who do you think you are?"

Her words were slightly slurred and it became clear she was tipsy verging on drunk. I looked at Sophie who had her head down and her hands in her pockets. Clearly she hadn't told anybody the truth about had happened.

Jason grabbed Rosie's waist and pulled her back to their booth, muttering a quiet apology. I could feel a blush rising in my cheeks as everybody's eyes were once again on me, only this time, their stares were suffocating me.

I ran out of the pub with haste, running straight past Sophie and kept running until I found myself outside the Webster's once more; sitting on their wall I buried my head in my hands. I knew going in there would be hard but experiencing it was worse than I could have imagined.

I could hear somebody crushing the snow as they walked towards me but the darkness of the evening acted as a blanket of concealment and I was unable to see their face.

"Sian?" My eyes involuntarily close as she says my name for the first time in five years. The way my name falls off her tongue still gives me shivers. I raised my head and stared in her direction. "You're really here."

It was only then in the darkness of the night that I noticed Sophie was smiling.

"I'm really here."

She exhaled loudly before reaching into her pocket and withdrawing keys. "Do you want to come inside?" She fiddled with her keys before walking up the path and unlocking the door. "It's a lot warmer in here."

I nodded as I felt a shot of cold air hit me once more. Her house still looked the same as I remembered, with the exception of the decorations. It seemed to be filled with decorations, more than usual. The tree which stood proudly in the corner of the living room filled the room with light. Christmas cards decorated the fireplace whilst tinsel wrapped around the banister. I couldn't help but smile at the Christmas feeling this room evoked.

Christmas had always been Sophie's favourite holiday; she got caught up in everything to do with it. The decorations, the carols and the Christmas movies. I can still remember our first Christmas together, our only Christmas together. She made me watch Home Alone and plagued my ears with various Christmas songs.

But I was happy to be subjected to her festivity because I loved her.

I still do.

"Do you want a drink?" Sophie asked quietly as she played with her hands nervously.

"I'm fine thank you."

"You look different."

"You don't."

Sophie nodded briefly before taking her bottom lip between her teeth. "Why are you here?"

And there it was. The question I knew she would ask eventually, it was just a question of how long until she plucked up the nerve to ask me.

"I wanted to see you."

Her eyes narrowed at my response. "You haven't seen me in five years and now all of a sudden you want to see me? Why now?"

"It's Christmas Eve; I guess I just wanted to see how you were."

"You break up with me, walk out of my life and now suddenly you're back." She stated. "It doesn't make sense."

"You and I both know why I broke up with you Sophie. Don't act like it came out of the blue." I said, feeling slightly angry that she was being so suspicious of my visit. "Funny how you haven't told anybody, Rosie thinks I'm the bad person in our relationship."

"I didn't..." Sophie paused momentarily. "I didn't tell her anything; I just said you'd gone. If she interpreted that in the wrong way then that's her fault."

"Her fault?" I shouted the words before regaining my composure. "Sophie she's your sister, you should have told her the truth."

"I couldn't."

"Why not?"

She rubbed the back of her neck nervously. "Because I was so ashamed of what I did to you." She explained. "I didn't want everybody to know that you left because I pushed you away, because I cheated on you."

I flinched as she said those words. It may have been five years but the memory of what she did is still raw and hearing her admit to it once more reopened some old wounds. When I found out what she had done, I contemplated forgetting about it and giving our relationship another go but I found that every time I looked at her, I was reminded of her infidelity.

It may have only been one night but that one night tainted my memory of her forever.

In the heat of the moment, I ran. I didn't stay and try and work it out with her, I didn't want to try and be her friend, I just wanted to get as far away from her as possible. But the thing about snap judgements is that more often than not their wrong. When I was in London, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I missed everything about her, but more than anything else, I missed the comfort she provided.

The comfort of her arm around my waist whilst we slept, pulling me closer, even in her sleep, protecting me.

The comfort of her hugs when I just wanted to shut out the rest of the world.

The comfort of having a family for the first time in years.

I found myself wanting all that back but I was stubborn and refused to go back straight after leaving. So I tried to move on with my life, tried to forget about her but she was always on my mind. Every Christmas, birthday or our anniversary I considered coming back to Weatherfield but I never did.

Until now.

"Why did you?"

Sophie furrowed her eyebrows at the question. "Why did I what?"

"Why did you cheat on me?"

Her face dropped at the question and I knew when I broached the subject that it would be a sore topic for both of us but I needed to know the answer. "Honest answer...I don't know." She said. "Everything was going wrong, my parents had just got a divorce, Rosie had decided to go AWOL, my family was falling apart around me and I couldn't hold it together. You were the only constant in my life and that terrified me because I expected you to run."

"I wasn't going anywhere."

"I know." Her voice was filled with sadness. "I didn't want to lose you but I thought I was going to so I went even crazier and cheated on you. I guess I thought that if I was going to lose you, I'd lose you on my terms."

I scrunched my nose up. "That makes no sense."

"It was one drunken mistake and I've regretted it ever since." Sophie sat down on the couch and gestured for me to sit down next to her. "I've missed you."

I took my hat and coat off but stayed standing. "I've missed you too." And it was the truth. I had missed her. More than I could possibly explain.

"Do you think...do you think you'd ever be able to forgive me?"

"I think I forgave you as soon as I left." I replied honestly.

"Why didn't you come back?" She asked, standing back up as she realised I wasn't going to sit with her. "We could have tried again."

"Why didn't you come for me?" I bit back.

"I thought you hated me."

My stomach sank as those words came out of her mouth. She looked completely downtrodden and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and tell her everything would be okay.

"I could never hate you."

Sophie's eyes brightened that little bit. "Really?"

I nodded in response. "Believe me, I wanted to but I can't. I love you Sophie."

"Present tense?"

"Yeah, present tense."

She smiled slightly before the words fully sunk in and her smile grew even wider. I had missed that smile. Her smile had always been so infectious, whenever I felt sad or angry, all she had to do was smile at me and I'd be a goner. I could never resist smiling back.

"What does that mean?"

I bit my bottom lip and removed my scarf before draping it over the back of the sofa. "I think it means I'll take that drink now."

Sophie's smile grew even wider before she nodded fervently and made her way towards the kitchen. "Sian?" I turned around at the call of my name. "Merry Christmas."

I laughed softly before smiling. "Merry Christmas Soph."

This street used to be my home, or so I thought.

It's only now that I realise home isn't where you are, it's who you're with. Sophie's my home and I think I've always known that, I was just too stubborn and scared to admit it. I didn't want to return in case I was wrong and I don't think I could lose her twice.

I opened the living room curtains slightly and peeked outside at my surrounding atmosphere, watching as the snow fell heavily outside. It has only been less than an hour but a fresh coat of snow has already fallen and covered the ground. My footprint has vanished but unlike earlier, I know that my mark on Sophie's life hasn't gone anywhere. Our relationship wasn't just a brief encounter.

It was permanent.