THIRD TIME'S A CHARM
"Always a bridesmaid, never a bride!" Daddy laughed.
Sad but true. Only last year Hyacinth had watched Daisy throw her life away to that oaf of an Onslow (the girl had a bun in the oven already or she'd never have married him). And Rose, not yet divorced-engaged again! And now today Violet had married Bruce (after living with him so unashamedly for the better part of a year). Still, Bruce was a Rotarian. Hyacinth positioned herself for catching Violet's bridal bouqet. 'Third time's a charm,' Mummy always said. It had better be. For ensurance, Hyacinth said a little prayer. 'I will not remain the spinster sister!' she vowed, stifling a sniffle.
"Will this help?" asked a mild voice. Hyacinth was suddenly aware of an immaculate handkerchief proffered by a wedding-ringless hand emerging from a well-pressed National Serivce Uniform the highly polished brass buttons of which shone brilliantly! Hyacinth, whose Daddy had seen action during the War, was partial to men in uniform. She felt a psychic pain between her shoulder blades.
Of course she hadn't been properly introduced to the man-she'd only met him last night and in a Public house (!) But boys will be boys. She herself had been on a mission of mercy and the man had helped her remove Daddy from Bruce's awful stag party. In all the excitement, he'd offered himself as an escort to the wedding and Hyacinth had accepted. And now here he was! And she didn't even know his name. God certainly worked in mysterious ways.
Overcome by the immediacy of answered prayer, Hyacinth delicately took the pristine white handkerchief and whispered, "Thank you," cast her eyes demurely down at the floor, and blew her nose. My word didn't his shoes bear a high gloss! Hyacinth looked coyly up at the possessor of the uniform, her lashes fluttering ever so slightly, and was rewarded with a gentle smile. Oooh, wasn't he handsome! What a well-trimmed moustache he had! She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. But there'd be time enough for all that later. At the moment, Hyacinth was on a mission. Recovering her decorum, she said politely, "You're very kind, erm...?"
"Bucket-Richard. No! Erm...I mean - please-just keep the handkerchief," he said, as Hyacinth attempted to hand the sodden square back to him.
How gallant he was! But something must be done about that surname - Bucket! No, it didn't fit the man at all! She smiled sweetly. "Hyacinth here-are you a friend of Bruce?" she asked.
"Erm... yes."
Her eyes suddenly narrowed.
"And no," decided Richard. Because of course the fact was, he'd never clapped eyes on Bruce till last night when he happened upon the pub where Bruce's stag party was in progress. Newly discharged from National Service, and rather at loose ends, Richard had thought this lass magnificent the way she ordered her Daddy about. She had lovely red hair too (very like his mother may she rest in peace) and quite a generous figure which Richard had taken particular note of again today as Hyacinth made that rather fetching walk up the aisle.
"What do you do Richard?" Hyacinth asked abruptly. He should have an upmarket occupation. Being the last sister in her family to marry, people must know her husband was worth the wait!
"Well...I've only returned from National Service but I thought I might try my hand at-"
"Oh! Excuse-excuse me!" Hyacinth pushed forward. " My sister Violet's going to throw-"
"-running a pub," Richard interrupted (!)
"A Public House?" Had she misheard? Hyacinth swooned at the thought.
"Steady on!" Richard put his arm around her. My, what a solid creature she was….
"How...very...kind you are... .Richard," Hyacinth righted herself, adjusting her hat. The man was obviously a rock of reliability. But a Public House? Never! Well no need to concern herself at the moment; he'd soon forget all that once she'd got him an executive position.
"Oh, Richard! LOOK OUT-here it comes-OOOMPH!" Hyacinth made a great leap in front of all the other single ladies to make the coveted catch!
"Applause! Applause!" Everyone cheered as, Hyacinth, her arm entangled with Richard's, held the flowers aloft!
"At last!" Daddy pointed at his triumphant daughter firmly entwined with a hapless Richard "Hyacinth's caught a Bou-quet!"