DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee and its characters except my creative mind. And that's what you missed on Glee! *wink*

SUMMARY:

BRITTANA: Divorce has made them officially ex-wives. Now that everything's settled and they have their own separate lives again, something seemed to make them still connected that they couldn't just figure out what it is until one fateful day.

CHAPTER 1: Breakeven

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even"

"..Now, Brittany S. Pierce, do you take Santana Lopez as your lawfully wedded wife?" the justice of the peace asked. I looked at her lovingly with a big smile on my face waiting for her to say the words that will finally bind us as one. She kept staring at me with a poker face for at least 30 seconds. I don't know what's taking her so long to answer. Two words. Just two damn words and this will all be done and everything will be fine.

"Britt..?" I asked, still with the smile on my face.

She closed her eyes. At last she moved a muscle. I was relieved, or so I thought. Then a stream of tears fell from her eyes as soon as she opened them while her face formed a sad smile.

"Britt baby, what's wrong?" I couldn't take it. I can't just stand here and watch her like that for whatever reason. All I wanted to do was to hold her tight and comfort her. I was about to grab her hands when I suddenly felt that my body was uncontrollably shaking. It suddenly felt cold, freezing cold as if the wedding was being held outdoor on a winter night. No, it can never be this cold since it is freaking summer for the love of—wait.

I noticed that everything stopped, literally. I looked at the surroundings and found out that people were gone. Then I snapped my head back to where Britt was supposed to be standing in front of me…gone. Everyone's gone and my body kept shaking from the cold and at the same time from the panicking I was feeling inside of me. Until I heard a familiar voice.

"Santana…Santana…" I was trying to find where that voice was coming from but I can barely move since my whole body was freezing.

"SANTANA LOPEZ!" I know that voice. And that yell. I'm in trouble.

"Ughh..hrrmmmm." it's all I managed to say as I slowly pulled myself from the dreamland. A dream. Another one. I tried my best to open my eyes to see where I am. It's freaking cold. I realized that I was slumped on a wooden bench with a big old oak tree behind it.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?! It's freezing out here and what if there are some hoodlums that would try to kidnap you or worse, kill you!" I didn't need to look up to know who has been trying to wake me for who knows how long. I've been used to this kind of routine since that day.

"What time is it?" I groggily asked as I sit up while rubbing my temple and my aching back. I must've fallen asleep here for a while.

"Well, hello to you too!" she replied sarcastically. "You've been drinking again. Look at you, you're such a mess! You know, if you really wanna make your life miserable, can you at least tell me where you're planning to spend your night drinking to death. That way I won't be having any trouble in finding where the hell you've been and so I can at least prepare your funeral." I smirked at that last comment knowing that even she's angry she still managed to crack a joke.

I tried to return a sarcasm to lighten up the mood "Oh Quinn, you love me so much you're willing to get your ass in trouble, you're not even my wife!" I was expecting the both of us to laugh but silence seemed to occupy all of the universe. It sounded so familiar yet so foreign to me, let alone that the word instinctively escaped my own lips. I hear nothing but the loud thumping in my chest that lasted for a minute or two until I snapped back to reality by Quinn's voice.

"Alright, c'mon get up! I'll drive you back to your apartment, you take a hot shower, and get some decent sleep." Quinn clapped her hands cheerfully before gesturing for me to stand up as if she was some football coach who's trying to motivate her players before deploying them to the field. I still don't know if she thinks it's awkward whenever those kind of things become a topic or maybe it's just her way to dismiss the conversation and let me move on because she already know how miserable I am. Whatever the reason is, I really appreciate her concern for me.

20 minutes later;

"Thanks for the ride Q, though you didn't have to, I really appreciate it." I said while unlocking the door to my apartment.

"Oh no don't thank me, you owe me pizza, any flavor, just no pineapples." She said with a poker face. I let a small laugh knowing that really mean it.

"Okay. How many boxes?" I asked while I twisted the knob and opened the door.

"Hmmm..I'll tell you when I get hungry." She sighed "Really, Santana. You should get a life."

"Last time I checked I know I already have one. I'm alive can't you see?" I said pointing my fingers at myself. But she just glared at me.

"Santana I'm serious." She crossed her arms and glared at me. "It's been 2 years and as your best friend I've stood by your side and supported your decisions. I've been here for you even in times when you get yourself in trouble. But I won't tolerate that anymore. It's time that you really move on. Look at her, she-"

"I know!" I cut her off and rushed inside my apartment. She followed me still with her arms crossed. "You know how hard I've been trying t-to get over all these, to move on, and to forget! But you know it's not that easy right?" I didn't intend to raise my voice but I couldn't help it. I let a frustrated sigh as I bowed my head in defeat. "I'm sorry Q, I didn't mean to-"

"Santana, I may not have personally experienced what you've been going through for the past 2 years but I think maturity may have something to do with the way I perceive things." I raised my head to look at her and tried to listen to what she's saying. "I'm not saying you're still immature 'coz you're not, at least not in some ways. But seriously, as individuals we have different ways of how we handle situations and how we make decisions. It may or may not be good for everyone that may be affected by those decisions but always remember that we can't please everybody."

"But all I had to do was to please her and I failed. I always thought I was doing the right thing that will make everything go well until…until she left me." I said weakly as I looked away, tears threatening to fall.

"She didn't leave you Santana, both of you made a decision."

"She made a decision and I was forced to agree. I-I couldn't let her live a miserable life with me. I don't deserve her. I promised myself that I will protect her from any harm and I won't let anything or anyone hurt her…even if it's me. "

"But did you ever think that maybe she didn't want that kind of protection? That she'd rather be with you even if it's the end of the world and that all you have to do is stay and be with her?" I blinked a few times realizing that maybe she's right. But then I gave up that hope.

"Then why the hell did she ask for a divorce?" I gave Quinn a stern look and saw that she was caught off guard.

"Only she can answer that. But you should ask yourself too." Here we go again. Is Quinn a philosopher or something? She always do that Socratic method against me. She never answers my questions directly, all she does is make me answer my own questions. But somehow it's kind of effective, it made me realize things without the help of anyone but me. But in this kind of situation, I just don't think I could handle things alone.

"I already did. And I still do."

"Then maybe she did the same. She might have been asking herself about what was happening to your relationship until she found an answer."

"And divorce was her answer? Her solution to our problem was to walk away from all these and voila she's free and has finally moved on."

"Santana, she was broken too."

"But it doesn't break even!" There, tears finally fell from my eyes. "I know I hurt her and that I deserve this. But I just don't know how long I could endure the pain. I just want this to be over."

"Time will heal everything. But it's still up to you. Either you're willing to wait for that indefinite time doing nothing but bum yourself out, or do something more productive." She walked closer to me and laid her hands on my shoulder. "Do it for yourself and help yourself grow."

I couldn't think of anything more to say so I remained silent. She gave me a tight hug and I heard her let a deep sigh before she spoke. "I should get going. I have an early meeting tomorrow with my clients." She let go of me and gave me a playful glare. "I want their attention to be caught by our new product line and not my eye bags." I smirked as she started to walk by the door.

I followed her when I suddenly felt tired. She's still saying something that has something to do with shower and coffee and something else that my brain wasn't able to process. I just nodded slowly with half-lidded eyes. I was about to close the door when she said something louder that caught my attention.

"…my lunch break. Okay?" she said as she spun around to face me.

"Huh?" I asked groggily. I'm freaking tired and all I wanted to do is go to sleep.

"I said, I'd be glad if you could have 2 boxes of Barbecue Chicken from YC delivered to my office at 1 P.M. Then we're even." She chirped and gave me a toothy smile. "You can drop by and join me, I can share half the box."

"Get the hell outta here." I laughed while I shooed her. "Text me when you get home."

I locked the door and headed straight to my bedroom. I saw the digital clock on the night stand that displayed 2:44 A.M as I put my phone down. Geez, I wonder how long I have slept on that bench. I sloppily kicked my boots and threw myself on the bed. Ten minutes later I heard my phone beeped. I read the text from Quinn saying "Don't forget the pizza or u know what's gonna happen next." I smirked at her sassiness and felt relieved that she got home safe but I didn't bother to text her back. I put my phone down and nuzzled my face on my pillow when I heard the phone ring. I was too sleepy to answer the call and maybe it's just Quinn pestering me since I didn't reply to her message. Though it's not in her nature to disturb someone just to remind them about a freaking pizza deal, I assumed that it was her who's calling me.

I let myself drift off to sleep and before I realize it I hear my alarm tearing my ear off. I scrunched my nose, irritated by the blasting sound. I tried to reach the digital clock still with my eyes closed and after several attempts I finally managed to shut the alarm off. Then as a routine, I reached for my phone to check if there are messages or notifications from Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. I pressed the home button and the screen light up. My eyes widened and my body automatically jolted up on a sitting position as I read a single notification on the screen that says:

"1 missed call: Brittany"

A/N: Hey there Brittana babies, I hope you enjoyed reading but as much as millions of ideas have been flooding my mind to put on the next chapter, I still need a little bit more inspiration. Something called feedback might help =)

A/N 2: You must've noticed some lines in the introduction from the song "Breakeven" by The Script that I have also adapted for the title of this chapter. Well, this chapter is actually inspired by that particular song. You'll be encountering more song-inspired chapters later and I hope you'll be familiar with the ones I'd use.