This is written from Ritsu's pov after he left for England.

Love

I don't understand it.

i don't understand how someone could be so willing to expose so much of yourself to another person – to share yourself, while betting on having your feelings return or – the risk of getting hurt and never recover from it.

I thought i understood love.

My parents love me, and I love them. Simple enough, I understand that. But to risk getting my heart shredded to tiny bits and go through all the insufferable pain for the sake of that short moment of delusional happiness?

No.

I wouldn't do that. Not again.

Back then, in middle school, I was so sure he loved me.

The way he wrapped his long arms around me, cocooning me in his warm embrace. When he held me tightly in his arms and kissed me with such intensity but gentleness,I thought I knew for sure he loved me. Softly, the white curtains of the school library blow, the edges brushing against our uniform as we stood under the afternoon sunlight. I felt the warmth of his skin seeping into mine, and the rhythm of our hearts pounding together in unison.

At that moment, I thought I knew for sure, that he loved me.

I thought I knew what love was.

But weeks later, i learnt that i know nothing at all. All the time what i thought was love was actually just a cruel joke by a bored upperclassman who had too much time on his hands. In the end, the joke was on me. In the end, i was the one with a broken heart.

How does it even work?

You give yourself to someone, handing them your purest intentions and sincerest feelings over, and gamble that they will love you back?

No.

That didn't work out before.

How could anyone possible want to experience something like that a second time?

Unrequited love was hard enough, but having your feelings taken for ungranted was so much worse.

They say time heals all wounds, but it doesn't heal the scars.

I don't think... I don't think... I ever want to fall in love again.

I can't risk getting my heart-broken once more.

Perhaps, things would be better off if I'm alone.

- Onodera Ritsu

Author's Notes:

Hey guys, this is my first time writing a story related to SeKaiichi Hatsukoi so i hope i didn't do too badly considering the high standards of the fanfic this anime/manga has. (Seriously, you guys are such amazing writers !)

This is sort of like a diary entry/view of things Ritsu has after his heart got broken and his fear of love afterwards. I thought it was more of a gradually progress and many other things before he turned into the jaded adult he is today :/ Hence, the title '' Jaded conceptualization of love. ''

I hope you enjoy it and feel free to leave any comments !