Mother

Mom…Why are you sad? Don't lie to me mommy, I know you are, I feel it. What is it mommy? You had a fight with Dad? Don't worry mommy everything will be fine again.

You are looking at me now, and I know that you're scared. Why are you scared mommy? And why do you keep looking at me with that frightening look in your face? Who is it mommy? Is it…me?

You are shouting at me now, your arms covering your face, saying that I'm a freak, a miscarriage, a monster. That I'm not human, that I'm the devil's son who can look inside people's hearts and steal their souls. Saying that I'm not your son anymore.

Why are you saying this mommy? What do you mean I'm not your son anymore? And why don't you look at me? Am I scaring you mommy? I don't understand mommy, I don't understand this. Please look at me mommy, why don't you look at me? Look at me mommy, it's me, please look at me why can't you look at me?

I got closer to you and I touch your arm gently. You jump back quickly and then you look deeply into my eyes and you start shouting again at me, running away from me and crying for help.

What's wrong? What have I done mommy? Did I hurt you? How? How is it possible? Am I…am I really a monster? I can't be I can't! Sorry mommy sorry I didn't mean to, sorry!

I ran to you and tried to hug you. You scream for help louder, saying that I'm possessed by the devil and I want to kill you. What are you saying mommy? What do you mean I want to kill you? I'd never do that to you mommy, I love you!

Where are they taking me mommy? They are taking me away from you? No mommy no! Don't let them mommy! It's because I hurt you? Sorry mommy I didn't mean to, I didn't wanted to! Don't let them take me mommy! I don't want to be far from you! Mommy! Mommy!

All I wanted was you to hold me gently…

----End of flashback----

…Am I still here? It's so cold…it's so cold here. Where are you mom? I miss you…I miss you so much…

You say I'm a freak, a monster. I suppose I am, if I hurt you so much…A demon child whose eyes can see beyond the face of every person. But I didn't wanted to cause you pain…

I heard footsteps and I look over the door of my cell. And I see you. I shouted for you and tried to reach you, but you stepped back and avoided my gaze, dropping some food near the cell and hurried away.

Why…why don't you look at me mom? Am I dirty, evil, despicable? I must be if you think that… A dirty, evil child who spreads darkness and despair, who taints the pure.

Or maybe I still hurt you. Gomen nasai mommy, I don't want to, I really don't.

What am I, my God? Me, who hurts the people who loved me, who scares them, who causes them pain just by looking at them? What kind of monster am I?

Sorry mom, sorry for all that I've done to you. Sorry for the pain I've made you feel. If only we could return to the time when I was a little baby and you called me your little Hiso-chan. If only I'd never caused you pain….

I must really deserve this punishment. The punishment pf being ostracized by human kind, here locked in this cell away from people… The punishment of feeling everybody's emotions overflowing on me, driving me insane…The punishment of being called "filthy demon", "miscarriage" and "monster". The punishment of never being free again…the punishment of never seeing sunlight again.

And the pain I feel in my heart whenever I catch your feelings about me mommy, and the inconsolable tears I cry then

End

My first English fic. It really made my soul bleed while I was writing it. To all Hisokas who might exist

Gomen nasai – Sorry in Japanese