HOW DID YOU KNOW?
Setting: TARDIS, just after Amy's choice
In the night Amy awoke and crept out of bed, treading quitely and moving softly so as not to wake Rory beside her.
She glided down the corridor. The TARDIS hummed around her. The blackness was silky silent.
She knocked twice on the Doctor's bedroom door. "Come in," he called. He was reading at a Victorian desk, monacle in his eye, an ambient light cast across his gentle face. He looked up, removed the monacle, stored it in a pocket in the inside of his jacket and looked up. Amy was smiling faintly. The desk light glinted off her red hair. "I wanted to ask you something," she said, softly.
The Doctor took her hand and they sat on the red quilted mattress edge of the four poster bed. "Fire away," he said.
"When we drove the van into our house in the dream world…when Rory got…killed," she shuddered at the memory, "…you got into the truck with me. I had no idea whether we would live or die. Why did you come with me? You didn't need to. Why didn't you tell me it was all a dream? How did youknow we wouldn't die?" The Doctor looked down at his knees. There was a long pause. "What did you say to Rory?" he asked finally.
"What do you mean?"
"When Rory asked you how you knew you wouldn't just die. What did you say to him?"
For a moment Amy couldn't fathom his words, then it clicked, and then she felt weak. "Doctor…?" she whispered. He nodded, looking at her face now. She let her breath out slowly, digesting this information. There was an awkward pause.
"But…but all those people…all those life forms – the whole universe..." she realised she was babbling, closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. "If it had been the real world, it wouldn't just be you who would have died; you probably would have dragged everything else down with you."
He continued to gaze at her, and his face seemed to change. "Amy Pond…it's you. It's all about you. It wasn't about you and Rory it was about you and me." He stroked her face tenderly. "I would end the universe for you."
He paused, and then, to her utter surprise, he moved toward her and kissed her softly on the mouth.
He drew away as she started to undo his shirt. "No, Amy. Real romance doesn't work like that."
Her face hardened into disappointment.
"Oh."
"Real romance is what powers the universe."
"What do you mean?"
He smiled, hand on the back of her neck. "Come on think about it. We're both idealistic. We roam through the universe saving worlds, doing good. Through me people are saved by you. But you saved my life, so through you people are saved by me. Much more than you might think. Right now we're unstoppable because we're not only working together, we're working together under the influence of requited love. That kind of romance is what the universe depends on. Amy, I can never know what will happen to me. But I do know that if we're split apart now I'll die. Not regenerate, I mean literally die.
"Real romance doesn't have any boundaries because it's a state of mind, a bit like friendship but usually different; more intense, more intimate." His forehead touched hers. "It's not wrong to have romance for every life form in the universe simultaneously. It's a state of being. But that desire for gratification – that's lust, not romance. And lust can be a wonderful, beautiful thing too, but it's incredibly difficult to separate lust and romance however they are hugely different things. That burning passionate desire – that's for you to express with Rory, not me – along with your own unique romantic feelings for him. I kissed you on the mouth to express my own feelings for you – not to pave the way to fulfilling personal gratification. Please Amy, don't spoil this by making us do anything that would hurt Rory."
"How very you." She turned away, biting back the urge to sulk. He took her hand and held it. Then, after a few minutes of silence, she spoke quietly, "Ok then." She paused, then, embarrassed, "I'm sorry. Thank you for…for everything."
"Amy," he said earnestly, "I know how independent you like to be, but you must remember that you can come to me at any time and you can tell me anything. You aremy life – this life, and as I said, be it right or wrong…I would end the universe for you."
She slipped back into bed. Rory had slept through the whole thing. She curled her body around his, spooning him. She had that weird feeling like the one people get when they've had a big cry – like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, so refreshed and yet at the same time so, so old and tired. Perhaps that was what the Doctor felt every day. Rory rolled over and half woke up. She told him she loved him, and he told her he loved her. He told her he forgave her for kissing the Doctor. She told him she knew he forgave her, and that there was no need to talk about what was past.
Amy could barely remember her conversation with the Doctor the next morning, but when she looked in his eyes they shared an unspoken understanding. And from that day on, the tension melted, like the frost in the dream TARDIS, and the Doctor and Rory became friends.
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