Disclaimer: I don't own 'Private' Kate Brian does
J'sPOV
"I'll see you later" I said, giving Reed a peck on the cheek and handing her her books. She seemed reluctant at first by the kiss, but then a little smile swept across her face. Actually, ever since I got back from the vending machine she seemed hesitant, like she was afraid of something. Afraid of me.
"Bye" she said in a weak voice, and then walked up to the steps of Billings and shut the door.
I stayed in front of Billings watching the door, hoping that she would open the door again, run into my arms and tell me what was bothering her. But none of that seemed to happen, so after about five minutes, I just walked away.
I didn't want to have to go back to Ketlar to my junk of a room, so I decided to go back to the Art Cemetery to get a little painting done.
I walked up to the Art Cemetery and reached into my messenger bag to find the keys. My hands were fumbling around a bit until I rested my fingers on a stack of keys. I pulled it out and picked out the key to the Art Cemetery and put it through the slot.
Just as I had opened the door, a group of Drake House guys were walking by, and one stepped up behind me.
"Josh" he said.
"Yeah?" I said turning to face him. It was just Lucas, he used to help me in math a while back.
Lucas signaled for his friends to leave him, and they did as told.
"What's up?" I asked. Lucas and I knew each other, but we never really spoke in public.
"I saw your girlfriend go through your bag" he said blatantly.
My heart felt like it wanted to jump out of my mouth. Reed went through my bag.
"Why?" I asked, causing a crease to form on my forehead.
"She said she was looking for a pen, but she found your pillbox and I saw her open it," he said.
She knew. She knew everything.
I turned towards the wall behind me and shoved my head against it, my fist colliding with the brick in frustration.
"Sorry dude," Lucas said. It sounded like his footsteps were getting further and further away, and when I knew he was out of sight, I turned around and opened the door to the art cemetery.
"Dammit!" I yelled, dropping onto the couch, covering my face with my hands.
"She's going to break up with me" I said into my hands, my eyes beginning to sting. "I know it."
All of a sudden, visions of Reed breaking up with me began to flood my mind. I began to wonder if it would be a public break up, as she had done with Thomas. Or if it would be a secretive breakup.
Either way, I knew what the outcome would be and that there was no way I would be able to live with the fact that she would leave me like this.
I tried to shake the visions out of my head, but each time I did, another floated into my mind. Each one was clearer and louder than the one before it.
After a while, I decided to get up and go to Ketlar to wait, at least until Reed called.

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I laid down on the bed with my phone ready in my hand for when she called. If she called.
Finally, after waiting for what felt like hours, my phone rang. I held it up, my eyes feeling blurry, and looked at the caller ID.
It was Reed. I took a deep breath and pressed talk. "Hey, Reed" my voice coming out hoarse.
"I need to talk to you" she said firmly on the other line.
My caring instincts kicked in without me noticing. "Are you okay?" the words slipped out of my mouth without realizing it.
Of course she wasn't okay, she's about to break up with you! I swear I could have kicked myself for asking her that, but then I paced myself for what she was about to say next.
"I'm fine" she said, "I just need to talk to you in person."
She wanted to do this in person. It would be easier for both of us if she just did it now, over the phone.
"It's past hours" I said, knowing that curfew never stopped us before except I was really just hoping that she would get it over with now. Please just say it! I screamed to myself, Just say it now! But she never did.
"We'll meet somewhere." Instantly, something in her voice was telling me that there was something more important that she wanted to talk about, other than my pills and breaking up with me. I needed to know.
"What's this about Reed?" I asked.
"I'll tell you when I see you. Wherever" she said, "We just have to do this. Now."
I just gave up. There was no way in avoiding this, she had made up her mind already.
"Fine. Art Cemetery. I'll be there in 15 minutes." I didn't even care to hear what she had to say after that, I just hung up the phone.
I got up off the bed and looked over at the wall. The wall that Reed and I had painted —or at least tried to paint, until about five minutes in, it ended up being an all out paint war on each other.
Looking at that wall, it made me realize that in about 15 minutes, that would all just be memories. It wouldn't have any other place in this room but a mere memory. A reminder of Reed and I, playing, having fun, and laughing.
The memory of her laughter filled my ears, and it forced a sad smile across my face. She had the most amazing laugh I had ever heard; so full of life, so sure of itself. Then the image of her face snuck up in my mind. Her perfect blue eyes looking into mine, they could make anyone's heart melt just looking into them. Her perfect chestnut hair pulled back into a perfect ponytail, showing off her face and all its beauty. Her amazing skin glowing from the sun's reflection, and her smile.
Her smile could reassure anyone that everything would be okay, even the most troubled of people. I should know.
I checked the time on my phone and knew that it was time to go and meet Reed, she would be waiting. I got up and pulled on my blue hoodie that had the word 'Easton' plastered across it. I grabbed my key to the Art Cemetery and smashed it into my pant pocket, along with my cell phone.
Opening my room door only greeted me with darkness. It was way after hours. I knew my way around Ketlar pretty well, so I didn't really need to feel around, I just had to start walking down the hallway. I felt an open space while I was walking down the hallway, so I knew I made it to the common room.
I walked towards it and then towards the elevator. The buttons lit up, so it wasn't really hard knowing which was up and which was down. I pressed the button, and there was a 'ding'. The doors to the elevator opened.
When it did, the light escaped from inside the elevator and spread throughout the room. I quickly stepped inside and pressed the button.
My heart began to pick up speed, and it felt like any minute I was going to get caught.
The second the elevator door opened, I made a dash for the exit. Once outside, I was able to breathe much easier, but then I caught a glimpse of Mitchell Hall. Taking a deep breath, I slowly walked towards the building. When I opened the door, I saw Reed wasn't there yet.
Maybe she changed her mind, I thought to myself. And for the first time in the past few hours, my heart was sparked with hope.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see if she had left me any messages in the past few minutes, but she hadn't.
My heart felt like it dropped 2,000 stories. I didn't want her to see me like this, at my low point.
So I decided to go to Art Cemetery and wait awhile. Right when I reached the doorway to the Art Cemetery, I heard the door to Mitchell Hall squeak open.
"Reed." I said, not bothering to show myself to her, I just stayed in the doorway. I heard my voice echo, and I also heard her jump a little. 'Good job Hollis' I said scolding myself, 'She's scared of you.'
"Josh?" I heard a drop of fear in her voice, but not enough to make me move from my spot.
Silence.
This obviously got her even more scared.
"Josh, where are you?" she asked, her voice filled with fear. Fear that I was causing. I couldn't scare her like this, so I stepped out of the doorway to face her.
"Hi" she said, with a forced smile not quite reaching her eyes.
I didn't smile back, I just wanted to get to the point.
"What are we doing here, Reed?" I asked, even though we both knew.
"I…I needed to talk to you" she stuttered.
I looked at her face, half covered by the darkness, and the distance separating us. Why was she so scared of me? I could tell that she made no intention of coming closer while she stood at the very end of the hallway, and I at the other.
"Then come over here and talk to me" I said, testing her.
I knew that she was hesitating, and that my face being half covered by the shadows wasn't help much either. After she proved my assumptions right, I pushed further. "Why don't you come over here?"
Silence. I couldn't take this anymore. Something inside me snapped.
"Is it because of what you found in my bag this afternoon?"
I saw her face go ashen.
"How did you-"
"Lucas told me" I said slowly stepping towards her attentively, "guys do talk, you know."
Something inside me was furious, pissed off. I was mad. Mad that she knew, that she went through my bag. That she didn't trust me. I walked closer to her, my hands involuntarily clenching and unclenching with each step I took.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked. I could feel her intense stare on my hands.
"Tell you what?" I asked with a scoff, "That I'm on 5 different mood regulators? That if I wasn't, I wouldn't even be the person you, well, that you know and like? Why would I tell you that? So I look like some kind of freak?"
I stared at her, taking another step closer. Her eyes seemed to widen with every step.
"You do like me, don't you, Reed?" I asked, with my heart full of hope.
"You know I do" her voice came out as a whisper as though she didn't seem so sure of her words.
"So then what?" I asked reaching for her hand but then she flinched, and it felt like someone had just kicked me off a horse that was going 12 mph.
"What's going on?" I asked.
She looked like she was contemplating something, and then she finally spoke.
"Why are you at Easton, Josh?" she said quietly.
What? What did she mean by that. And then it dawned on me.
How did she know? I stared at her for a long time. She must have did some research, she had to have looked it up on the internet or something. And at that moment, I instantly felt betrayed. I didn't even want to look at her, so I turned around and faced the shadows.
"How did you find out?" my voice hollow.
I heard her take a deep breath.
"It doesn't matter. I just need to know. What happened last year?"
I pressed the heels of my hand into my eyes and let out a groan. I had to tell her, I knew that I had to. We had come too far for me not to tell her, that was the reason why we were here. She wanted to know.
"My roommate died, okay?" I said turning my face slightly out of the shadows and towards her, "He killed himself and I found him and it sucked and I lost it."
"You lost it" she said, her voice low.
"Yes!" I yelled.
I whirled around and walked towards her, "Of course I lost it. Wouldn't you? You live with a guy for a year and a half and you think you know him. You think that if he was really depressed or something he would tell you. But no! No. He's walking around like he's king of the world and his shit's all in a row and you're going to Vail over Christmas with your families and everything's freaking fine, and then one day you come back from biology and he's there and he's dead and there's all this drool and blood from where he cracked his head when he fell and his eyes are all wide and you're the one who gets to find him!" I let out, my breath ragged.
With one more step, I was right in Reed's face. I could feel myself going crazy, I knew that I must have looked like a mad man to her, I knew that she was freaked out.
"But you don't believe that, do you?" I could feel my face red hot, but I didn't care. I was infuriated. I took a step forward and she edged away.
"You think I don't know what you're thinking? You think I don't know why we're here?"
My voice was getting louder and tense by the second, but I kept walking towards her. She eyed the door a few times, and I knew that she was going to try to escape. So with each step it took, I made my way closer to the door, until finally I positioned my self between her and her escape. I didn't know what was suddenly possessing me to feel so angry, but I did.
Everyone I thought I could trust, I always had to question. But Reed, she wasn't supposed to be one of those people.
"Josh…calm down" she said.
"Why should I calm down" I blurted, and placed one hand on the back of my head and pulled it away again. Why is she not understanding how hard this is for me!? "I'm not an idiot, Reed."
"So what am I thinking?" she asked. I had no idea where she was going with this. But I had to talk to her, to get her to believe me.
"You're thinking, Oh! Here's the guy on all these psycho drugs with two dead roommates in two years, both of whom may or may not have been murdered. You're thinking I'm a killer!"
I yelled the last word, and noticed that it really scared her. Actually, she had that expression on her face for quite sometime now. Then it hit me, she really was scared of me.
"You're afraid of me. Of me. God, how did this happen?" I covered my eyes with my hands, I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to see her frightened look; I knew she must have looked like a puppy who had just seen their owner leave. I knew I was scaring her.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled at you" instead of sounding apologetic, my voice came out pleading. "It's just so much and I thought… I thought you trusted me. I wanted to tell you about last year. I was going to, that day in Boston. I knew Lynn would bring it up, and I figured it would be the perfect time to tell you everything, but then your weren't there and… and when you called me I was so scared you didn't trust me anymore and I… was right."
She wouldn't trust me after holding such a big part of my life away from her. Truly, I didn't blame her.
For a while it was just silent, but then she broke it.
"Can I ask you something?" she said.
I removed my arms from my face. She didn't seem scared anymore, she looked a little better.
"What?"
"Did you take your pills? Did you take them today?"
Of course. Of course after all I had just said, she would ask me about the pills. After telling her everything that was wrong with me, she would make sure that I was still in the right state of mind, just so that I wouldn't hurt her. A part of me was really angry with her, but another part-the superior part-knew that she just wanted to make sure she was safe.
"No. I haven't taken them in a while"
"Why?" her voice sounded strained.
"I was tired of being numb," I said and turned my palms toward her. "My best friend died and I barely even felt it. What kind of person am I if I can't even get upset over the fact that my best friend was murdered?"
I looked into her eyes. She understood, finally. She understood all the pain I was going through, maybe she did trust me. I needed her to completely trust me, and understand me.
"I had to feel something," I said quietly.
Silence.
It was like she was deliberating on what to say next. All I wanted her to say was 'I trust you Josh.'
But she didn't.
"Maybe we should go back" she said finally.
"No. Were not going back" I said calmly. Calm, that was one emotion I could have used awhile ago. "I'm not leaving you here until you believe me."
"Josh-"
"Thomas was my best friend at this stupid school" I said staring square into her eyes. My vision was intense on her, and I walked closer to her with each word I spoke. "We've been friends since we were kids. He was the whole reason Easton even took me in after what happened at St. James. I owed him everything. He had his faults, but I would never, ever hurt him."
I could feel the anger climbing up my body, and I tried clenching my mouth to make me sound calm. And with each word, I got angrier, and I had to clench tighter.
"But you don't believe me do you?" I asked. I searched her eyes, and all I saw was confusion. She backed up to the wall that was behind her. "Why don't you believe me, Reed? Tell me! Why don't you believe me?"
"Josh please" she said. I walked even closer to her, and she pressed her back up against the wall.
"Tell me why!" I urged on.
"It's… it's just, Noelle told me-"
Noelle. Of course. Reed would listen to anything her precious Noelle told her. It disgusted me.
"Noelle!" I laughed in a maniacal way, "Noelle told you! Of course! We're all Noelle's little puppets, aren't we?" I held up my hands and moved my fingers around to give her a illustration. "First she tells me to turn Rick in and what do I do? Turn Rick in! Then when that doesn't work out, she decides to tell everyone that I'm a serial killer! And you just go ahead and believe her! We're all such good little puppets!"
I couldn't even think straight, I couldn't even think. I was fed up. Tired of Noelle telling lies, tired of Reed believing Noelle's lies, and just tired of Noelle.
"Well, not anymore!" I shouted. My hand collided with the wall so fast I didn't even have time to realize what I was doing; and the next thing I knew, Reed was on the floor. I hovered over her, "Not me! I'm not gonna let her manipulate me anymore!"
"Josh please. Your scaring me" Reed cried. "Please, stop."
I looked down at her, she was defenseless. Then I realized, she was just a person; a scared person. I felt terrified. How could I do this to her? I thought to myself, "She was my only real friend during all this craziness, and this is how I repay her?"
"Oh my God, Reed. I'm so sorry. I'm-"
I didn't have time to finish my apology, there was a bright light that came through the windows of Mitchell Hall. Reed threw her hands up, and I was about to reach down to protect her; when there was a loud noise outside.
"Josh Hollis! This is the police!" the voice shouted. "Step away from the girl."
My heart sank. Why did I have to step away from Reed? Did they think I was hurting her, or going to hurt her?
The glass door squeaked open. And the light shone brighter than ever. I threw my hands up, to protect my eyes from the bright light.
"What?" I said, sounding utterly confused.
"Step away from the girl!" the voice said again.
I looked at Reed, confusion written all over my face, and stepped away from her. Right then, a group of cops rushed over to me, and hovered.
I could hear the cops asking Reed if she was okay; and if I hadn't been blocked, I would have done the same.
"Joshua Hollis, you are under arrest."
"What!?" someone blurted, I couldn't see who it was, but I knew it was Reed.
I stood still, and let the man handcuff me. When he was done, I turned to face him.
"For what?" I asked.
He grabbed my arms and pushed me towards the door, "For the murder of Thomas Pearson."
Murder…that word of anything kept ringing through my mind as they took me to the police car. They thought that I killed him. I couldn't believe this.
I spent the entire time trying to explain to Reed that I didn't kill him, but all the officers did was reassure her that I did.
I couldn't look at her when they forced me into the car, I didn't want to see all the pain on her face. But as they drove away, I took a quick glimpse behind me, and tried to search Reed out in the crowd.
By the time I found her, we were already turning out of the gates of Easton. All I saw was her body turned towards the dean, I didn't get to see her face. I turned back around to face the front of the police car. The man in the passengers seat strained his neck to look at me. He looked into my eyes.
"Don't worry kid," he said "you'll see her again."
He turned back around and started up a conversation with the man beside him.
All I could do was think of Reed. Think of the scared look she had on her face when I yelled at her, think of the confused look, when she tried to process what I said, and what Noelle said. But most of all, I kept thinking of that split second, when I thought she actually trusted me.
"Reed" I whispered, as we drove off into the night.

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I hope you all liked the story. But I do have to give a special thanks to technofever. Even though I wrote the story, she edited it (which was a big part because I had a lot of mistakes). My editing is not the best, and since she did so many stories in Josh's Point of View, I asked her to help me with this one, and she did amazing!!!! LOL, so you also have to thank her when you read the story. LOL. It took me like two weeks just to do this. BLAH!!!! But I hope you liked the story. LOL. Thanks technofever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL:)