Where Did You Go?
Disclaimer: Earth: Final Conflict is owned by Tribune Entertainment. No infringement is intended.

Where Did You Go?

Written by: Devon Aster
Type: EFC
Rating: PG-13 - for language and content

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Where did you go, my love?

You were torn from me so violently. In a terrible flash of fire. I couldn't believe it even though I saw it. My mind just couldn't accept that one moment you were there and the next...you weren't.

You were the one who said "Give them a chance." I was ready to settle down, to give you all the things you had put on hold for me. I was going to be a regular cop, one who could come home every night, tucked his kids in bed and kissed his wife goodnight.

I know you were willing to live with the uncertainty that came with my job; that some night I might not come home. I hated the thought, but I accepted it too. I never thought you would be the one not to come home.

Oh God, how I miss you. I promised you I would find the bastard who did this...and I did. And I couldn't kill him. By then...it was too late.

He said it was for my own good, that someday I would thank him. He doesn't know, he doesn't know I'm not like him. I guess he can't see the pain he caused. It's both a curse and a blessing. I can't rid myself of this pain without exposing what I am...or rather, what I'm not. But because I can hide it so well, humans have a chance.

I'm torn up inside, confused. I don't know who to trust. It seems everyone wants me for their own reasons. They want me to agree with their side of things and help them. I miss your strength, your support. You were the only one I could rely on completely.

And because I lost you, I'm humanity's best defense.

You said "Give them a chance". So I will. Because you are the one I trust.

* * *

Where did you go my heart?

I lost you twice, though the first time I didn't realize it. In my quest for control, I pushed you away. Then, when I lost control, I was the one who made sure you would stay away.

I felt the pain it caused but I was convinced it was the right thing to do. You were so unhappy, so in a twisted way I thought I'd take that unhappiness from you. But I took everything else as well.

Then, when I realized what had happened..... I can't forgive myself for that. I tried to help but the very thing that had released from my bondage was also killing me. In the end, I couldn't protect you. In the end, I lost control...again.

I am so ashamed of what I've done. I promised you so much. I was the one who was going to give you the world.

Such arrogance.

But that's what I'm known for, isn't it? If only they could see underneath that blank mask.

I'm nothing inside. Rage, grief, regret, hate...I used to feel these things. I felt them the seconds before I become a soulless robot again. I knew hell in that short time, knew that I was ultimately responsible for your death.

But then it was gone.....

I'm not under their control anymore...maybe in some way you are responsible for that. It wasn't the same the second time around. You were there in my mind, a tiny barrier against the darkness.

But the sweet cleansing rage I thought would come, hasn't.

I am as dead inside as I was before.

The only difference is now I can take them to hell with me.

It's the only thing I can do now. I've lost you forever...there is no way to change that. But for you...in your name...I will make them pay.

* * *

Where did you go, my friend?

You were stolen from me, treachery took you away. I find it difficult to accept what has happened. It is not only that you were taken with such...deception, but also because of who the deceiver was.

You had such promise. You were different from the rest, unique. You attempted to hide it...and nearly succeeded. Eventually I saw through your pretense. And in spite of the risk, I held that secret close to my heart. I do not know if you realized I did.

My friend, we were so close to touching in a way few beings can. In you, I saw the hope of cooperation. And it gives me pleasure to know you saw the same in me.

"You are willing to understand us." You will never know how...precious...those words are to me.

I have never truly known grief before. Or regret. But now, I know both intimately.

Perhaps, in some way, your death will bring us yet closer to understanding. You were my guide in life. You continue to be in death. And I hope I can guide my own species with equal grace.

Farewell. May you find peace in your journey. Forgive us for what we have done.

I will strive to be worthy of your words.