Disclaimer: In the great museum of Stephanie I am the lowly janitor!! ALL S.M's
Ever since I came back I felt like I have too much. Something was wrong. She should never have forgiven me. I was a monster and here she was resting peacefully on her father's couch in such a proximity that normally made humans flinch. Her heart is so big, I left her completely shattered and yet she still had enough of it to give back to me.
Her breathing was even as she read her tattered copy of Merchant of Venice for her history class. I was lost in thought, her head resting on my lap, absent mindedly playing with a loose strand of hair. The cords of various song's drifted in to where we were spending her time under parent supervision. We had till nine thirty.
Life had evened out, it was only a month after our return, but it felt like no time had passed, but many thing's were different. The stares at school, those that glared at me, the thought's- resentful and malicious. The one's directed at me I could handle. It was the one's that made Bella shrink into my side between classes that made me seeing red. The school was not large enough, nor the day long enough to escape those that tormented her, and for once, the gossip bothered me, and there was nothing I could do.
"Oh, it's the Zombie, what the hell is she doing back with HIM. Isn't he the reason she was all comatose last fall?-"
"Look at them, tell me what he's giving her to put up with that. I mean girl's gotta have a life outside of him.."
"Bella's happier guys, she's-"
"She's what Angela? Better off? Do you REMEMBER what she was like in the fall?"
The memories were painful to see, thin, pale, hollowed cheeks, the bubble between her and the world, but it was one specific picture that I couldn't stand. It was her eyes. They'd given me the stuff of nightmares, if I could sleep. Bella's beautiful eyes, soulless, empty, broken. It made me fight harder. Try to make her laugh more, that beautiful musical sound. Her laugh.
"Edward?" I looked down at those mocha-chocolate eyes and brushed a strand of hair out of the way.
"Yes love?"
"What time is it?" I twisted my head and glanced at the barely noticeable wall clock in the kitchen.
"Ten past nine." She looked at me and nodded, and went back to reading. Most of our evening's were spent like this. Because of her confinement to these four walls, I was only permitting for visiting seven to nine thirty. Like the rest of the town, Charlie too hated me.
And for good reason.
But through it all, Bella stood by me, swore she didn't care, and continued to love me. I had considered once what life would have been like if I'd never met Bella, or fallen in love with her. But the ache of the time spent in the jungle reared its head and tore at the whole in my chest where Bella and all that she is to me resided.
Awhile later I heard Charlie's thought's. before I heard his footsteps on the pavement. Boy's here, it's almost nine thirty. She knows better. She could be real smart and ditch him all together. I don't know what she'd do if he left again. I wish she would just wait until college when she can- His feet stomped nosily outside the door and I reached over grabbing my own books, playing the image, Bella looked at me and mouthed 'Charlie?' I nodded once and she smiled. We shifted till she was settled, her leg's curled under her, leaning against my side, book still in hand. Charlie trudged in, glaring at the back of my head.
"It's nine thirty Bell's."
"'Kay dad." She looked at me and sighed. I winked and gathered my things, throwing them in the bag, I waited for the few seconds it took Charlie to hang up his coat, to kiss her forehead quickly and whisper "I'll see you later, love" I was upright and walking to the door by the time Charlie returned to glaring at me.
In the Volvo I drove home, merely a pretence. I didn't need anything from the house, but I did need to drop the car off, I took off running back, knowing Bella would be getting ready for bed by now. I ran straight path to her room, barely checking the unconscious thoughts of Charlie before I leapt right into her room. The room was empty, but the stack of sweats was gone, and the faint sound of the shower turning off confirmed that she was almost done. I removed my coat and other unnecessary clothes till I was in the jeans and t-shirt and stretched out on the bed.
She walked in, not noticing my presence, going straight to her bag, packing the book and throwing the towel in the basket she turned around and jumped slightly, "Oh, it's just you." I moved to her side, cradling her face in my hands, sweeping a stray damp lock back I leaned down and pressed my lips to her jaw, hugging her closely to my chest.
It was nights like these that I'd missed, that I loved. No words necessary, just us. She smile and sighed softly.
"Bed." she whispered, trying to make her thought's known to me. I pulled her gently down on the bed and she nestled into my side. Her eyes drifted close as I buried my head into her hair, inhaling the strawberry shampoo and her stronger earthy-floral human scent beneath. The burn in my throat was welcome, the confirmation that she was alive and safe.
Another night, another day closer to graduation. Carlisle felt guilty with his promise to Bella, and I did nothing to make him feel any better. It ripped me apart to hurt my father like this, but what had they been thinking. Bella, my soft, fragile, innocent Bella, as a monster. The vision that haunted me swam in front of my eyes. Her soft warm skin, hard and cold. Her face changed to that of our kind.
And her eyes. I tremble thinking her beautiful mocha eyes, the ones that pierce me so deep they can see my soul, her gaze that stuns me to her beck and call. I shook with the thought of thought beautiful chocolate death's turning crimson and wild with anger and thirst.
"Edward." her head flipped and she writhed her nightmares of me leaving. The pain of watching her was just as excruciating as the first night I had witnessed it. Looking back, I don't understand why I had thought we would be better without each other.
But I'm sure it was convincing. At the time.
"No, I promise, I love you, I need you, don't leave me!"
"Bella, wake up," I shook her shoulder, pulling her up to my chest, sitting up. "Bella, I'm here. I love you. Your safe."
"Edward?" Her voice was rough, sleepily she opened her eyes and smiled.
"Bella are you ok?"
"Yes Edward. I am. Now that you're here." I would always be thankful for this fragile human. Forever be thankful, and always be in love.
Forever and Always. "I love you."
"As I love you. Bella."