A Beginners Guide To Suicide
You may be at serious risk of committing suicide if you meet at least two of out of the ten reasons listed.
Reason 1. Lost a family member close to you.
Ok. Got that. The smell of searing flesh and my mother's voiceless face is etched forever into my memory.
Reason 2. Be in an adult role of being responsible for a sibling younger than yourself.
Yep. Got that too. But it's ok.. Sammys' coming out alright. I'm raising him just fine all by myself.
Reason 3. Have one or more absent parent(s) in your life.
What. A. Fucking. Joke.
Reason 4. Not attending school on a regular basis or have difficulty with basic subjects.
I hate math. History puts me to sleep but English is my best subject. It had to be. Somebody had to teach my little bro to read didn't they?
Reason 5. Have tried cigarettes, alcohol or other illegal substances before the age of 13.
Dad gave me first beer at 11. And then.. well.. let's just say.. yes.
Reason 6. Unstable home life. Moves around a lot.
Sammy and I once spent an entire month sleeping in the back of the Impala while Dad hunted the children of the friggin corn... I was 10 I think. I really, really hate Nebraska.
Reason 7. Call one or men not blood related to you "uncle".
Uncle Bobby, Uncle (pastor) Jim, and maybe that guy who ran the register on the late shift at that little Stop n Go. He gave me free slushies and chips for almost two full weeks. Kept me n Sammy pretty full. That guy was pretty cool. I remember when he gave me first Penthouse mag an he let me sit on the counter near the slush puppy machine. Come to think of it, he always made me sit near that machine and told me once: 'a slushie for a puppy.' I never really got that joke and.. and..Oh wait. Ew.
Ew!
Damn.. That dirty son of a bitch. Now I'm really glad Dad didn't stay in that town any longer or I really might of had to end up calling him uncle.
Reason 8. Are surrounded by and ready to be devoured at any moment by:
monsters, demons, dead things, witches, miscellaneous bitches and drunk, insane, low-life, scary as hell hunters with death wishes whom have instant access to a HUGE deadly urban arsenal.
Check!
Reason 9. Reason 9. I can't think of any more reasons. Well that's pretty good right? I'm just fine.
DW 1994