Disclaimer ; I do not own Naruto.
Summery ; Between dodging his secretly evil wife and his eldest son becoming gay to spite her, Fugaku finds himself teaming up with his youngest against the Hyuga head and Heiress, finger-painting at dawn style.
Chapter 1 ; The Summer Festival Blues
Fugaku Uchiha was a proud man, so if one where to ask him why he was at the Konoha summer festival instead of doing some of the police work he was known for relishing in, he would tell you that he's discreetly building character profiles on various villagers.
What he wouldn't tell you is that his sweet, adorable, seemingly innocent wife had brutally bitch slapped him and threatened him with castration earlier that night when he told her of his plans to catch up on some paper work and maybe go out for a few drinks with the guys afterwards.
"It's such a beautiful night, what do you boys want to do ?" asked Mikoto Uchiha as she walked along side her grumpy Husband and two sons.
"I want to go see the petting zoo !" spit out the young Sasuke excitedly.
"Alright, you want to come with us Itachi, or do you want your Father to bring you somewhere else ?" if one listened carefully now they would hear Fugaku muttering,
"Earn my love, earn daddy's love." Over and over again under his breath.
"There's a ninjutsu display I want to see, it's in the opposite direction." Stated Itachi calmly.
"Well, I can't disappoint little Itachi, now can I ? I mean, you try saying no to that face." This might have been more convincing if Itachi wasn't glaring darkly at Fugaku for being called little.
A quick goodbye and Fugaku and Itachi were quickly of in the other direction.
"Give me twenty and we'll meet back here in an hour with big smiles on our faces, old man." Said Itachi as they exited Mikoto's line of vision, Fugaku happily handed over the money.
With his family problems sorted for the next hour or so Fugaku set out to find one of his friends, all the while being obsessively careful to avoid his wife.
"Fugaku, I see you managed to escape your wife too ?" asked Nara Shikaku, a close friend of Fugaku's.
"You fool, don't say that so loudly !" yell/whispered Fugaku quickly pulling the Nara into an alley.
"You know, people are going to start wondering about us." Said the Nara, used to his friend dragging him into alleys to hide.
"Yea, Well things would be an awful lot easier if I did swing that way, Sadly Dragon(1) doesn't quite agree." Muttered Fugaku, glaring down at his 'Dragon'.
"So your still insisting on naming your dick." Asked Shikaku with a raised eyebrow.
"Ah, some men name there swords, others name there d-" Fugaku began but was cut off by an enraged shout.
"Nara Shikaku !" roared said mans wife.
"Got to go Shika !" and off Fugaku went, in a silently dignified/terrified dash away from his friends evil wife, the last time he had stuck around to give moral support to his friend the Nara's wife had accused him of cheating on her, with Fugaku !
"Godspeed, my friend." Called Shikaku whimsically over his shoulder to his friend, but not loud enough for his wife to hear, he didn't need to get into that again.
Stopping to catch his breath against a display stand Fugaku panted heavily for a couple of minutes before he felt a tugging on his pant leg.
"Father ?" it was little Sasuke, how on earth had he escaped his Mothers clutches, perhaps he had underestimated the boy. Noticing the boy was picking his nose Fugaku quickly took this back.
"I can't win at the game !" announced Sasuke pointing at a stand a couple of meters away.
"Nonsense son, Uchiha's can do anything, show me this 'game'." Demanded the Uchiha head.
"Uchiha, can't say I'm surprised to see you here, do you play children's games often." Exclaimed Hyuga Hiashi, accompanied by his daughter, at the games stand, the game was a simple throwing shuriken at bull's-eyes game.
"It's the price one pays to be a good father, do you play these games Hyuga ?" asked Fugaku somewhat annoyed.
"Not at all, I wouldn't know the first thing about these games." Declared the outraged Hiashi.
"I suppose a children's game maybe a little difficult for you." Jibed Fugaku, not noticing Hiashi discreetly pick up a hand full of shuriken, to busy grabbing a handful of his own.
"Oh, we'll see Uchiha." As soon as it was said both ninja entered a tense silence, it was finally broken when Hinata gave a small cough, both men spun and released their Shuriken.
"We missed ?" asked the dumfounded Uchiha head.
"I think the games rigged, Uchiha." Stated Hiashi as both men turned to glare with Sharingan and Byakugan empowered eyes at the stand owner.
"Let's get him !"
"Ah Home sweet Home." Sighed Fugaku as he sat in his favourite seat looking at a colouring Sasuke had done of him using a Katon Jutsu on the stand owner, the Uchiha head had been unable to find his eldest or wife and had decided to count his blessings and bring Sasuke home.
At that moment, when Fugaku had just started into some sake and felt like everything was just perfect, Murphy's Law decided to intervene.
"Fugaku Uchiha ! You won't believe what I found your son doing." Roared Mikoto as she entered the Uchiha home, Fugaku always found it funny that when Itachi gets high grades he's our son, and whenever he does something wrong or stupid he became your son.
"Actually, it was more like who he was doing !" Fugaku knew this wasn't going to end well.
"Who, darling ?" asked Fugaku, 'That's it be all sweet to her and save your balls.' Thought Fugaku as Itachi entered the room.
"Hana Inuzuka ! Honestly Itachi you could do better than that cheap whore." Complained Mikoto angrily.
"Well if you have such a problem with it then I won't see her again." Amended Itachi, Fugaku couldn't believe it, it was too good to be true.
"Because I've decided that I'm gay !" shouted Itachi, causing Fugaku to begin hitting head off the coffee table, none too lightly either.
Haha what do you think, I figure if I'm making the Uchiha brothers so crazy that they have to get it from somewhere.
Yes, Fugaku is one of those guys.
Make sure you review, it gets you more chapters, wow I sound like an arrogant bastard don't I.
R&R