ididn't Mean To
I sit here in my cell as I reflect
Back to all the days of yesterdays
And I wonder did you know
Time was Gonna be so short?
Was there a warning that I didn't hear?
Cuz if so I need to know
Why did you let me go?
We use to fight so hard I was always so much tougher
I use to call you a nub
You retaliated but we both know you were never any match for my fast wit
I Never expected you to go so soon
Damn it's just not fair
I swear I never hated you
Cuz when I said those words
I thought you knew it was just our code
For " I Love You"
But now I sit here with endless days
And I wonder Did you really know?
Tears are rolling down
My face should I be ashamed?
Too tough to cry
Puckett's Never show weakness
Bur dammit I never expected to lose my other half of seddie
You always said you would be here forever
But Forever's still here and you already came and went
Where did you go?
Where do angel's fly to?
Please come back
I swear I'll never call you a nub why does it always seem
That only the good die young and the bad we are left here to carry on
Forever sayin Good-bye's to our homies?
I would give anything to trade places
Please know I never meant to hurt you
Time moves on but my memory is never erased by that one mistake
If I could go back and rearrange
I never meant to change to get swallowed up by
The money hungry for power I left my common sense in the dust
I didn't think it was just another ordinary day
But it didn't end that way and now I'm left here with only
Your name without your smiling face
It wasn't suppose to be that way we were so young
We were in our glory days we had our finest hours
We were so bad and yet we were so good
We were young and carefree we lived for the moments
We had it all planned out we were suppose to grow up
Graduate from Ridgeway you with honors me jus scrappin by rapping
My way to the roads of victory with money and fame
Yea we had our dreams
Go to collage study hard work towards our futures
But destiny had other plans and now I'm left here
Wondering Why why did it go down the way it did
Did I miss a sign could we have prevented this day?
You always believed in me I was your lil star now you shed so many tears
Two homies gone by one 's mistake
Did I ever stop to think about your pain when I was beating you down?
Was I really a bully like they said?
I never thought of what I did
It was just normal for me but they said it was torture and they called me a animal
But you have to know
I never meant to hurt you and when I said I hated you
It was just a code for
I love you...
I wish I could go back to that day and hold you in my arms
I wouldn't hit you I swear I would like to have that chance to tell you
I loved You...
But we can't go back no matter how many tears we shed or how often we plead
Life doesn't work like that we are just left to carry on and remember
Our one mistake will it be the one that seals our fate comes
Judgment day?
" So Puckett what you write today?
Nothing Jefferson mind yours
I growled damn this was one of the many reasons I effing hated prison no privacy no respect …
Aw did lil Sammie write a love letter?
Let mamma see
Another reason everyone thought they were someone's Momma . Before I could react she lunged my fighter instincts took over shoving it down my bra. I jumped back and brought my knee up to meet her chest she groaned as she hit the ground but wasted no time in getting up and clawing at me. She grabbed my hair and tried to beat me down but I wasn't gonna let no one beat me, I scratched and punched her fist got me in my stomach and head. I bit her and slapped her soon a crowd had gathered around and were chanting Fight! Fight! Fight ! I knew they would be taking bets on who would win. They better be betting on me cause she was going down no one disrespects me and lives to tell about it. Blood was all over the place her nose was broke I knew it as soon as my fist collided with it she groaned as I kicked her beating her.
Puckett here use this!
I didn't even look I just grabbed as my girl Jennie threw it to me I felt it slide into my hand and wasted no time in bashing the sock with a lock in it over her head repeatedly she was fighting back biting and scratching hitting and kicking and she got a few good ones in stupid chick was getting on my last nerve. I needed to finish her off , I had to be quick cause the guards around here they don't mess.
Within minutes they were on me screaming at me to stop but I couldn't it was rage pure animal rage that swept through me. Blood was now sprouting from open head wounds as tear gas was shot into the yard but it didn't stop me I just kept pounding ...warning shouts rung out
The other prisoners scurried into potions in seconds hands behind their heads single file line up as I was pulled off my victim. Guards surrounded us too many to even count. I was thrown on the ground my arms roughly yanked back as I was cuffed and screamed at but I was in another world as I tried to fight them off I must of kicked one because the next thing I knew .I was tasered my body jumped in shock until it relaxed and I was numbed unable to move or scream they yanked me up like a old rag doll and 6 guards carried me to my new cell in the Administrative Segregation Unit Aka A. S .U , my body was still numb as I was thrown on the bed I couldn't even tell what was being said to me..
My head was hurting as I looked around where was I ? Why Was I here? .. the bright lights were hurting my eyes ..I was confused why was I so lifeless? Then I remember and I wonder is this how it felt to die? Sighing I sat up slowly the room was spinning and I was hungry so very hungry. My eyes adjusted as I looked around taking in my surroundings 10 by 10 cell No windows
a toilet was in the corner...nothing else my left leg was shackled to the bed unable to move two guards stood outside watching me ...laying back I closed my eyes sighing...
Was it my fault
I was the victim of a parent less system
Yea maybe lookin back I played the game
Pass the blame I said it was your fault with each passing blow
With each one of your groans I felt a sickened twisted pleasure
So am I psychotic? Am I beyond redemption?
Was I responsible for my choices?
Was it a little helper that lead me astray from my own mind?
Who's to blame for my actions?
Who should pay the consequences of my crimes?
Was it really me? Was it the LSD leading me to places in my mind
I would of never ventured otherwise?
Stupid choices I wish I could change our past
If god granted me the serenity to make a change
I would in a flash
Change the past ..God grant me one wish..but life it ain't working like that...
Hey Nub...
I heard you groan which gave me such intense pleasure. I could almost feel your fear the satisfaction was so sweet. I grinned and rubbed my fists together.
Sam...
Carly warned me she stood in her kitchen chopping fruit as I lay on the couch eating potato chips and fat cakes with root beer.
You came in wearing a polka dotted dress shirt which was bright red with yellow dots, gray khaki's and a pair of black suspenders. Crazy was behind him yelling ..
Freddie Darlin Don't forget your Rash Cream
Remember the Doctor said to apply it after you shower
And after you wi...
MOM! I got it I'm fine!
That was all it took for me to roll on the floor in hysteria pointing at him your face was red and you looked pissed.
Sam...
Carly tried to be stern but she was having a hard time keeping a straight face as You were standing there crossing your arms..
Make sure you wash yourself with antibacterial soap
And always Wipe after you...
MOM! Stop!
You chased Crazy out the door as I grabbed my stomach from laughing so hard. Tears were rolling down my face...
Look Carls the circus is in town
Destin the clown escaped
Oh No Calls The physic ward!
You grumbled
Knock it off Puckett!
Trying to loosen the top button you looked itchy I stood up glaring.
Or what Benson?
Are you going to do something?
Oh wait let me guess or are you going to get your unicycle
And clown me to death
Oh no I'm scared look Momma's shaking!
I made my knees wobble Carly laughed but shouted at me
Sam stop!
I loved seeing her laugh but I had to argue back..
Aw come on Carls the nub just asks for it
Your mouth hung open as you exclaimed
How do I ask to be beating everyday and mocked?
Rolling my eyes I answered
Cause your just so nubby
I mean come on just look
I waved my hand over your outfit you answered through gritted teeth..
My mom made it for me in her
Aggressive Parenting classes
She thought it would keep me as her little boy
Longer
Okay so just stop
You really expected me to stop?
I can't Nub I mean unless you plan to start a clown training class
At school then go straight ahead
You looked at me dead in my eyes as you grumbled
At least if I start a class I know kids at school will
Come since I'm smart enough to run it!
The only thing you can run is a cell block
In The Seattle Juvenile Correctional Facility
I mean if you sleep with the whole judicial system you can..
BENSON I AM GONING TO KILL YOU!
I Hate You
Sam No We have School!
I barelyheard Carly as I attacked you and you screamed like a little girl you tried to fight me off..I knocked you down ,hitting you , kicking you ,snapping your suspenders while pinching your nipples with tweezers.
I kicked you in your groin as you held it groaning screaming for me to stop. Carly pulled me off as I was in the middle of a blinding rage she held me back . Damn when did she get so strong? She was screaming at me to stop begging me her hands wrapped around my arms I couldn't get free her face was pressed to mine.
Lookie Lookie What I made !
Spencer came running in jumping up and down holding what looked like a pile of mud sculpted into well I wasn't sure what it was suppose to be...You sat up glaring at me …
Uh what is suppose to be Spence?
He looked at Carly and in that moment she loosened her grip I took off and kicked you in your face you fell back making a goofy face as you smacked your head on the table...
I'm not Sure Carly that's the beautiful thing
Carly looked at him as she said
Yea uh great bro we need to go to …
SAM! Stop Your hurting him!
What have I told you about hurting Freddie
With Random Acts of Violence?
I grumbled as once again she grabbed me
It's wrong and illegal
Blah blah blah
She patted my head
Good Girl
You stare at her in disbelief and amazement with a hint of longing
She hits me and she gets good girl?
Carly grins as she replies
Aw Freddie you know she does it out of love
No she does it cause she's pure evil
I hate you Sam!
Carly rolled her eyes as she asked
Will you two stop fighting? We have to get to school
Freddie get up you want ice?
You hesitate should you say something? But face it you can't argue with her cause you are still in love with her
Yes please it hurts a lot!
I muttered
Wimp
Sick twisted demon
You fired back
Thanks Freddweeb
You say it like it's a insult
Hey Fredwart
I heard that grunt you made
What you evil spawn?
I took my gun out and whacked you in the back of your head with the end...You fell yelping Carly screamed.
SAM!
That's it line up
Aw Carls..
I pouted she shock her head and ordered me
I said line up spread your legs...
I sighed as she searched me once she was satisfied she handed me my backpack
Apologize to him
No he's a nub
She looked at me sternly hands on her hips you grinned ..
Yea princess Puckett
Get on your hands and knee's
You looked at me as if you would enjoy seeing me ask for your forgiveness
Freddie stop !
You looked up at her with your eyes transfixed on her like you wanted to reach up and pull her into a deep kiss..
Yea Freddumb
I mocked you...
Aw btw Freddork grow up she'll never love you!
She may one day! I'll never stop hoping!
Loser..
Sam that's not nice
She's Evil Carly I'm trying to tell ya!
Let's go you two Sam on my left Freddie on my right
No fighting you two
It was 2 hours later you were holding your head glaring at me..as we stood in the gym waiting for Mr. Keller to come in.
God why do we have to go here every day?
This place is so boring!
Well Samantha we go here to learn cause you see
Those of us with Brains actually want to
Expand those brains by filling them with knowledge
Which we will then use to better ourselves with in the future
I mean I know you can't understand that Puckett
I mean your only ambitions in life are to eat through the entire state of Washington
And to have a cell in every Juvie hall in Seattle
Shut it Benson you don't know me I have plenty of Dreams and Ambitions
You stand there so smug and wanna criticize me
But Damn you cause you don't understand a thing about me
I dream of flying of blazin away
How can it be lil me who barley passes by with D's throw down
Like the best of em mc's
You wanna say what you wanna say but you don't wanna open your eyes and see
What's right in front of your face
I can be the best you eva seen
The look on your face when someday
I blow by ya my name's in lights
Shining over your shocked face
Cause I will be selling out arenas world city tours
They say fear is when you really shine
Well I ain't got fears cause I know Me myself and thine
I know my talents shine bright
So eff you and your criticism
I came here cause I wanna fight and when I fight
I fight to win I fight for survival cause
I ain't got no one to watch my back
It's me myself and I
Me Me Me yea and only me
I will fly higher
So take your nay's cause I will make it all the way
The whole class stood there watching as I tore You down with my rap . Carly snickered she knows my secrets and she knows my skills ..when I stopped everyone applauded our teacher came in and was not however impressed I earned a weeks detention.
He sent us and Carly to the rope station she completed in in no time. You went next and you were struggling to get up arms shaking . I looked around to watch to see if anyone would notice if I slipped out and got above the rope to cut it . Then I noticed Carly's arm was looped around mine I scowled she would never believe any story to get out..
You can't do it nub give up!
Shut it Puckett!
Sam that wasn't nice
Yea it was Carls he needs motivation
If he's pissed at me he'll wanna get up and
Down faster so he can try to kill me
Sam your logic lacks...
FREDDIE!
Our classmates screamed now what did you do nub? I felt a breeze blow by me and a flash of our school colors , What the? Then I saw you ..you were laying by our feet motionless everyone was screaming and the numbers 911 were shouted to be called . Mr. Keller was giving you CPR...you were pale too pale...what was wrong with you?
We were at the hospital Crazy was screaming
What's wrong with my precious baby boy!
I felt sick Carly was in my lap crying. I was stroking her hair trying to calm her down it wasn't working she was scared we both were Spencer was talking to Crazy trying to calm her down..the doctor came out..
I'm sorry Marisa but it seems
Freddie suffered from acute Subdural Hematoma
Which caused a Brain Aneurysm to rapture
Somewhere in the last day or two he suffered a Serve head trauma
Which resulted in the Aneurysm bursting
He died before he hit the gym floor
Did you know he had his head earlier?
No my baby was fine when he left to go to..
YOU! What did you do to my son!
She attacked Carly , Spencer jumped in front of his sister she was shaking as Crazy was screaming at her..
It should have been you trouble!
You should have been hit by that Taco truck
Then my Freddie wouldn't be laying here dead!
I want her arrested she knows!
She knows who did this!
It's not her fault I did it I hit Freddie!
Carly turned to me eyes wide as Crazy set her sight on me...
She called the cops that night Freddie they asked Carly question after questions they made me out to be a monster but I'm not am I? They took her statement they gathered evidence they used your x-rays ...they called it Aggravated Battery, they charged me with possession of a deadly weapon possession of a unlicensed firearm they got me on illegal substance abuse and possession of illegal narcotics .
Spencer hired an amazing lawyer but I pleaded guilty I was wasn't I? Carly was pissed I didn't even fight but what was the point? I went a little crazy after you died. I was a killer a murder I didn't deserve to live free after what I did , did I ? They sentenced me 15-21 years . I have to serve a year and half in Seattle Juvenile Hall then I am being transferred after I turn 18 in 5 weeks time to a Maximum Adult Prison...I made a mistake in my youth and you paid the price for...
I never meant to...
How was I suppose to know
That this day would be so different then all of our yesterdays
Can I tell ya a secret?
When I said I hated ya it was just a code
For I Love you"
I didn't know till her Jasper eyes cried crystal tears
She confined in me but it's too late now
Damn how was I suppose to know
I stole your heart to
I was only 16 too young to know
What love looked like
She tells me that when you said you hated me
It Was just a code for
I love you to...
I never knew
I hope you know
I never meant to...
A/N so I got the idea for this one shot yesterday when I was reading about one life to live's Matthew and what was happening to him they were talking about the death of actress Natasha Richardson and how it raised awareness to the subject of brain injuries I thought about howkids rough house everyday how easy it would be to accidentally fall and hit your head how would the kid feel knowing he killed his friend? I thought if Sam and Freddie right away and it screamed one shot...so here it is hope everyone enjoys please review their like Crystals and diamonds to me..if you didn't know I own icarly and everything else Dan Wrap just thinks he owns I let him live in his fantasy world while I write fanfiction haha yea right nice dream huh? I own nothing icarly related expect this rap/ song which I hope isn't too awful since I am not a rapper just a rap fan.
Peace follow me on twitter mileycfan4eva
if you play farmville on facebook add me cherie friedman..
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